As a background board, I want to pursue Dazai

Having said that, why am I so self-righteous, thinking that my behavior is a secret love?Then feel lost alone.Taking a step back, what are human beings talking about when they talk about "love"?For example, I can also say "I love you" to others easily and without burden, but does this short "I love you" mean "I love your soul" or "I love you?" Like your body"?

At this time, if someone asks: "Where do you love me?"

Mostly say "I love everything about you".

No, in fact, this is a lie based on self-protection.It is a means when people try to maintain a certain relationship, and language is just a tool for this purpose.

For example, I can honestly admit that the affection I have for someone I have only met a few times is definitely not up to the level of "love". I regard him as a beautiful phantom, a kind of Object of fantasy.

That said, I shouldn't feel bad.

……

……

"You're back." Today I got off work and bought discounted yogurt for the first time—it's not convenient to store, so I can only use it up as soon as possible. When I walked to my place, He Cun next door offered me greet.

His head poked out of a black door curtain—it looked a bit like an old unwanted curtain from a ramen shop.

I am not familiar with Kamura at all. During the few days when he disappeared, I never suffered from lack of food and sleep because of the missing neighbors. On the contrary, because of the absence of a noise maker, the quality of sleep improved sharply.

In the past few days since He Cun came back, he has become even more noisy, like a fish trapped in shallow water, with its tail fin hitting the encirclement, making uneasy vibrating sounds, so that the strong young man with a bad temper on the other side of him was caught. He had a splitting headache and beat him so hard that blood came out of his nose.

"Hey, do you have any tissues?" He Cun wiped away the nosebleed with his hands, and then tapped on the partition between us. He didn't move much, maybe because he was afraid of disturbing others and being beaten up again.Not wanting to get in trouble, I flicked the tissue through the gap in the top of the partition and said nothing.

Soon he was sniffling, cursing under his breath, and making a distressed sound.

Today, it seems that He Cun has come out of the unhappiness of that day.

But I have a sense of vigilance for no reason, the more He Cun greets me like this, the more I feel that I have to be wary of him.

"Is there a problem?"

He was not very satisfied with my plain attitude, his brows were furrowed, and then opened very quickly, I felt that he had some kind of plan.

"It's okay." He immediately said insincerely, and then he seemed to regret it, and asked me, "Will you have time later?"

"I don't have time, I'll leave first if I have nothing to do."

After closing the compartment door, I feel more and more that my privacy and safety are not guaranteed at all.Behind this paper-like thin wall, there is a monster that is lurking day and night, planning to do something big. His breath is like sticky kitchen fumes, climbing up the partition , leaked from the gap in the roof, and entered my nose bit by bit.

The nausea that creeps up my collar and into my back intensifies as I leave the internet cafe and head to the convenience store to buy something.

Feeling uneasy, I quickened my pace, but when I passed the trash can on the street, someone grabbed my arm and gave me a sharp twitch——

My heart was pounding, like being stabbed with a strong medicine.When he came back to his senses, he saw He Cun's face under the moonlight. The muscles on the right side of his face twisted unnaturally, as if he had been beaten, and the corner of his mouth was sunken.

"Help—cough, cough..."

Instinctively, I tried to ask for help outside, but He Cun punched me on the abdomen. His strength was so strong that my eyes turned white in an instant. Put your hands on my shoulders to prevent me from slipping down.

Originally, I went out early and returned late every day, eating discounted food that was not rich in nutrients. My daily energy intake was very little except for maintaining my working expenses, not to mention the power difference between us in terms of gender.

"I was going to have a good talk with you."

It can be seen that He Cun did not feel guilty for beating a single woman who had no grievances.There was even a bit of arrogance and unwarranted accusations against me in the tone of his speech.

"You..." Just as I was about to speak, my throat felt sweet, and I coughed out a thick and fishy liquid: "Cough, cough..."

No way, even if I'm not healthy, I won't be able to cough up blood if I get beaten.

At the same time, the stomach felt like being grabbed by someone's hand and then swung back and forth.It was so damp and fishy that I almost wanted to throw up.

"I want you to do things for me." He seemed to know that I would cough up blood, and he took a step back when I spoke, the blood didn't get on him at all, "My ability can kill you at any time."

ability?What ability?Is it the supernatural power of this world?

It hurts.

I'm actually not the type that is very afraid of pain, but I have a kind of reverence for pain.Pain is accompanied by a sense of danger, just like now, the pain tells me that if I don't promise him, I will really die.

I coughed twice again, this time there was no blood, but my throat was itchy and astringent, as if someone had stuffed it into a barbed wood and rubbed it back and forth.

He rummaged in my pockets and pulled out all the paper money I had on me.

"It's so rare, you are also very poor."

"Hey, how about introducing some good business to you, and you can make a lot of money." He rubbed my hair, "However, only women can do it--it's a blessing to be born a woman, you."

To be honest, his rhetoric only makes me have bad associations.

But now I don't have time to think so much.

After He Cun let go, I knelt on the ground with a plop and coughed for a long time.

I thought that coughing up blood would only be seen in TV dramas. I just coughed desperately for a long time, and I felt my eyes were blurry and my legs were weak. In this way, whether I can go back is still a problem, let alone Not to mention that He Cun didn't even leave me any cash.

I slowed down for a few more minutes, until the symptoms gradually subsided, and then I used the strength I had recovered to prop myself up, and walked back while holding onto the wall.

He Cun picked me, probably because I live in seclusion, have no relatives and friends, and poverty. Even if I disappear in this society, I will only become a meaningless missing person. There are so many people who die without a reason every year. Even if I disappear, no one will come to find my whereabouts.

...report Kamura?

I'm afraid it won't work, what he's doing now can at most be regarded as using violence against others.Not to mention that there are things that are difficult to determine such as supernatural powers.Even the police often have no way to deal with crimes with different abilities, and even have to rely on the strength of other agencies.

This is a headache...

It is definitely not because I am afraid of death itself that I want to find a way out in such a desperate situation.Rather, I hate the behavior of being persecuted. I want to resist this behavior itself. If I really fail and die in the end, it is much better than dying in silence.

Speaking of which, He Cunming had just returned from his disappearance, so why did he act so urgently? Could it be that the crisis behind him has not been resolved?

"This case is much more troublesome than expected."

——I remembered this sentence I heard in the coffee shop.

I may have entered into a misunderstanding. He Cun's return does not mean that the case is over.

I turned on my phone. Fortunately, I had already saved the phone number that the detective agency had left for me.

"Hi, hello, I'm Inai. A few days ago, people from your company told me that if you have any clues, you can contact this number... That's right, I have something to tell you."

The author has something to say:

Damn, this dog beats people.

Definitely HE, really, I never write BE.

----------------

感谢在2020-06-2622:41:06~2020-06-2811:52:47期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who threw the mine: 1 silver cat;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!