As a background board, I want to pursue Dazai

I personally think that the young man I saw that day has the characteristics of a "sage".

The saint in my mouth does not refer to a person who responds to everything in the world with a gentle, friendly, and tolerant attitude.It is a person who has a certain fearlessness and will put his own life and death aside to achieve a certain purpose and devote himself to it.In my opinion, this kind of people are usually driven by a certain "purpose" because they have no desires and desires, and they will calmly invest their lives in the chip pool.

This kind of person who has no desires or desires can become a "saint" or a "evil person", it all depends on whether he is on the good side or the evil side.Since he is in a detective agency, he is fighting for social security, which proves that he is imprisoned by the shackles of "goodness".

……

……

I met that young man again two days later.

I don’t know why the gorgeous fireworks went up in Yokohama today, and I, who was struggling with food and clothing, naturally didn’t know the reason.The family restaurant where I work part-time is very lively even at night in the Mirai port.I tried my best to avoid the noisy crowd, and walked along the edge of the fence, focusing on my feet all the way. When I was pushed by the crowd behind me, I staggered two steps.

It's a pity that the scene where I collided with my destined lover in the love drama didn't happen, but when I looked up, I saw that young man looking up at the bright fireworks in the night sky.

I was about to take a detour, but he seemed to have eyes on the side, he was still looking at the sky one second, and then naturally turned sideways to greet me the next second——

"good evening."

... Now there is no way to bypass it as if nothing had happened.

I bit the bullet and said, "Good evening." But I never had the courage to look up at him.

To be honest, I'm not an introverted type. My shyness is just because the image of us being in the same room a few days ago is still lingering in my mind. Once I think of it, I can't look him in the eye Well, this shyness is accompanied by a sense of self-shaming, and the source of the sense of shame is that I have such a slight affection for the opposite sex for this young man.

Precisely because he is a combination of a beautiful youth and a "sage", as a person who is in extreme contrast to him, I will be outraged by my own "favor".

But I know that once I forget about him as a passer-by in my life, within a week this self-awareness of the opposite sex will evaporate.

In layman's terms, I like him a little bit, but I don't think I'm good enough, so I want to stay away from him, and when this impulse fades, I can face his face directly.

He didn't speak, and I couldn't think of what to say, but if I didn't say anything, I looked like a person who didn't know what was good or bad.

Fortunately, Mr. Sage Wenhao is much more understanding than I imagined—as expected of a sage, he took the initiative to talk to me again.

"Miss Wu Yishi also came to watch the fireworks?"

No, no, I'm just working around here.

But, to say it so bluntly seems embarrassing.

I simply followed his words and said, "Yes."

Too bad I don't know much about talking to the opposite sex.I don't know what to say in this atmosphere is easier to give myself points.The fireworks made a "whoosh" sound as they lifted into the air, as if someone was pulling a rope in my mind, and when they reached the top, the sparks exploded in the air, and my mind went blank.

"Are you alone?" he asked.

"Yes."

How can I only say these two words, like a fool.

"...Is Dazai-san alone?"

It's hard to say whether I expected him to say "yes" when I asked this question.But reality usually backfires, he shook his head gently, the flames of the lamps and street lights refracted on his hair, turning it into a caramel-like sweet color.

"With colleagues."

It turned out to be a colleague.

My heart, which was raised high, was lowered half again, but it was still floating in the air, crumbling.

"A colleague from the detective agency?"

Damn, why did I have nothing to say, I quickly tried to remedy it: "Aren't they by your side?"

"Hmm..." He didn't answer my question immediately, and cast his gaze to the top of the tall building in the distance, "I want to be alone for a while."

Ah, I understand, that is, when everyone is chatting and laughing together at the banquet, it is clear that they are all acquaintances with names and faces, but it makes people want to leave that incredible atmosphere.

But everyone said they wanted to be alone: ​​"...Is it better for me to leave?"

"Miss Wuyishi is free to stay wherever she wants." He said, "I don't mean that."

With the noise of the fireworks and the crowd, I whispered, "Thank you."

I expected him to hear it. If he didn’t hear it, it doesn’t matter, or if he hears it and doesn’t want to answer me, that’s okay. I can take it as the noise is too loud and he didn’t hear it.

I just waited for a second, then two, then a third.I heard his voice answering me.

"you are welcome."

He might just be polite.

After all, the concern he gave me at that time was just a simple sentence, maybe the person involved didn't even remember it.

Then I say that, it seems too deliberate.

What... It's like I really want to have something to do with him, and I deliberately have nothing to say.

What a shame.

I secretly looked at him again, and when he looked at the fireworks, he also looked like a saint—without desires and desires.I don't know what he's thinking, but I can't read it.That's right, I'm just an ordinary person, and I don't have the ability to pry into other people's hearts.When he is silent, the face of the "saint" is more clear.

Sure enough, I can't, a saint.I don't want to fall in love with a saint, because I'm a vulgar person, I can dedicate my love to my lover without restraint, but I can't accept that the person I like is someone who will give up his life at any time to accomplish something mission man.

But at the same time, there will be a devil called "romantic" howling in my heart——

"No! You don't hate the saint! You just want to be his only one!"

Well, he's right, and I don't deny it.Human beings just like to hope for impossible things, and use romantic reasons to anesthetize themselves in the process of self-abuse.

"Miss Wuyishi?" His voice interrupted my narcissism, "Is there something on your mind?"

When the night wind blew into my mind, before I woke up, I was taken away by his voice, and I honestly said what I was thinking just now——

"...I think Dazai-san is like a saint."

Wow...how did I say it, what should I do now?

"Am I like a saint?"

I organized my language quickly: "Like. I always feel that I will dedicate myself to achieve a certain purpose."

"Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing?"

……I do not know.

"Probably a good thing."

"So you're not sure?" He laughed twice, and said nothing.

After hesitating for a moment, I chose to look up at the night scene with him.

After all, fireworks are very short-lived, so it's not bad to be able to spend time by his side in such a short time.In my current life, I haven’t left anything worth recalling—in a word, it’s definitely not such an insignificant thing as serving a few plates today.

People rely on memory to survive, otherwise, how did the saying "When you feel that you can't go on, just think about those good things" come from?I think it is very reasonable.

I want to keep this as a good memory, so that I can go to sleep chewing on this sweet little piece of memory in the middle of the night and wring out the courage to face the new day.

It's so strange that people don't need a reason to want to die, but they have to find all kinds of excuses to live.

The author has something to say:

Very I flow.

bald.