between men and women

Post 120

I have always thought that time should be the greatest director in the world, you will never guess what kind of script it has prepared for you, and what kind of changes you will have in this drama of life.

As I grow older, I find that my mood is slowly changing.

I used to hate my dad's third spring.Although it was not because of her that my parents divorced at the beginning, maybe I still regarded her as a vixen subconsciously. After all, she has been younger than my dad for so many years, and she doesn't look like a good wife and mother. of.I even thought about it, maybe when my dad becomes an old man, maybe she will dislike him.So in the past few years, even if my dad sometimes brought her with me for dinner, I always treated her like air, without even saying hello, and the atmosphere of every meal was extremely formal.However, more than ten years later, when I saw her serving my dad on time and on schedule, and my dad happily told him like an old child because he insisted on ordering a certain dish that he couldn't eat. When the third spring was bickering, I was suddenly relieved.In fact, this is life, ups and downs, hard work and self-knowledge.Although everyone hopes that their parents can grow old together, if two people torture each other like resentful spouses, it is better to find the half that suits them, and then finish this life.So later, I occasionally had two meals together a year, and I would call her auntie.She was surprised at first, then visibly pleased.

Gradually, the relationship between us became harmonious, and even after knowing the relationship between me and Peng Zhiran, he treated Peng Zhiran very well.So at the beginning of [-], when she mentioned that Chen Fang was going back to this city to study in an American school, she was worried that no one would take care of my dad when she came back with Chen Fang, and she was also afraid that if she didn’t come back with Chen Fang, the child would not be able to do it alone. When I was in trouble, I offered to let Chen Fang live in our house, as long as my dad and she didn't mind.

And so, Chen Fang came to our house in the summer of [-].

This is the way things are in the world, what you once hated, may one day, you suddenly discover that it is actually not so difficult to accept, as long as you treat it with tolerance.It's like the bitter melon that I didn't like to eat when I was a child.

It's just that there are still some things in this world that are embarrassing, such as divorces that are common nowadays.

Bo Rong and his senior brother divorced four years ago, I was a little surprised at the time, but now I hear Peng Zhiran come back and tell me that a friend of his who I knew got divorced, I am already very indifferent.

The pace of the world is too fast, and people are under great pressure, so changes in people's hearts are more elusive.

Pan Xiaoruo was also divorced. She divorced after more than three years of marriage.Now sometimes when she looks at Peng Zhiran and me, she will sigh, what a red pass, it's not as good as ours, which is not recognized by the law.

I hurriedly waved my hands and said, "Don't think too much of us. You don't know when we quarrel. You can drop everything. If it wasn't for the expensive TV, Peng Zhiran might also drop it when he gets angry.

Yes, Peng Zhiran's temper has really improved over the past few years.

It may have something to do with his illness.We have been very careful these years.In addition to paying more attention to diet, we are only in our 30s and already go to bed early and get up early like the old man, maintaining a regular life and rest.Peng Zhiran had a urine test every month. For a while, he was too tired from work, and his urination indicators were not very good due to the impact of formaldehyde on the newly renovated house. After taking traditional Chinese medicine for a while, it was not bad, but the traditional Chinese medicine put Stomach hurt again.Later, after the traditional Chinese medicine stopped, I kept eating Cordyceps.But from the perspective of traditional Chinese medicine, the kidney governs water, and the liver governs fire. People with poor kidneys tend to stagnate their anger, so their anger will always be greater than that of ordinary people, so I always let him.

But after all, I also have a temper, and I was really pissed off by him. Sometimes I would have some crazy thoughts, thinking that we should just let it go.

Once after a weekend quarrel with him, he used cold violence against me.Sagittarius is different from Gemini.When the little devil in the Gemini soul comes out, he can really be cold-hearted and ignore you for a week.Not Sagittarius.Sagittarius is a warm zodiac sign, with a warm and cheerful appearance but nervous and sensitive, I would rather he quarrel with me upside down, even if we scold and fight, it is better than him not saying a word to me with a cold face.So I can't stand cold violence. When two people didn't say a word for a whole weekend, no matter how I took the initiative to strike up a conversation with him and he ignored me, I couldn't stand it anymore.

On Monday I go to work and go to the bank to do errands.The staff who had been handling the company's business that day was replaced by a young intern.After I handed him the receipt, I kept looking at his fingers nervously.His fingers are clean and slender, the knuckles are slightly thicker than the rest of the fingers, and the edges of the nails are cut cleanly, much like Peng Zhiran's hands.I looked up along those hands, and it was a clean and fresh boy with a single eyelid and a high nose bridge, with thin lips.I suddenly felt that he was very similar to Peng Zhiran when he was young.

On the way back, I kept thinking, Peng Zhiran, you don't care about me, don't you ignore me, don't you treat me badly!Then, out of nowhere, I called the bank.I have been doing company business in that bank branch, so I have the phone number at the counter, so I called the boy directly and asked for his cell phone number, and said to leave a cell phone number, in case there is something urgent next time and he happens to be away from the counter, I can call him cell phone.He was taken aback for a moment, maybe he was inexperienced when he first arrived at this position, so he gave me his cell phone number.

However, after asking for my phone number, I hesitated again, and suddenly remembered Leslie Cheung.

A few years before Leslie Cheung left, there was an assistant beside him who was rumored to be his rumored boyfriend. Everyone said that he was like Tang Tang when he was young. Make a choice and fall into depression.Although I don't believe in such unfounded rumors, I can't help but think, isn't it because I have a good impression of that boy today because he looks so much like Peng Zhiran back then?People choose the same type of lover over and over again, because what you love is your first lover.So I still love Peng Zhiran, but I subconsciously hope to get back the Peng Zhiran who coaxed me and made me feel sorry for me, but I was reluctant to scold me.Even if I am attracted by other figures, it is only because of his shadow in that figure.

After recognizing my heart, I never tried to give up on him because I was hurt by him. I began to try to find a way to make him settle down and not get angry so easily.

I began to instill in him the concept of being kind to others and doing good to oneself, and began to discuss with him some Confucian ideas of the mean and some Buddhist principles.I started to discuss with him whether when people speak badly to others, whether they will be backlashed by such bad emotions and cause harm to themselves.

Although he agrees with some of my views and feels that he should control his temper, sometimes he still can't help it, because there are always some practical problems that create pressure on us invisibly.

Two years ago, Peng Zhiran could have been promoted to the director of the engineering department, but there are always some people who like to focus on other people's lives.Peng Zhiran has a good appearance, a good income, a good family background, humorous and smart, and a bright future. Even if he is not a diamond king, he definitely does not even have a girlfriend, so some people who are bored start to gossip about him.There is no wall that is never impenetrable in the world, not to mention that our affairs are basically public in our circle, so gradually there are some rumors about him in his company, and the matter of his promotion is like this. No reply.

At first Peng Zhiran didn't care.He was not a person with a strong desire for power, but gradually, he became tired of those probing eyes.I understand that even if I don't care anymore, excessive attention will still cause him pressure, and the most painful thing is that this pressure has no outlet at all.

So he became more and more irritable, and sometimes a very small thing could make him furious.I understand him, so on the one hand, I communicate with him more, hoping to calm him down, and on the other hand, I often play the role of a punching bag.However, I am not a dead thing without feelings. When he repeatedly hurts me, I will also hurt.

Just like this quarrel.I quarreled three times in just one week, and I really feel tired. No matter what the reason is, if he loves me, he shouldn't hurt me so much.

I didn't talk to him for a week, and I buried my head in writing every day, trying to retrieve some things from my previous memories that could keep me going.Every morning I wake up numbly, and when I get home from get off work, I cook a meal and eat it quickly, then bury my head in writing again.Finally that morning, after Chen Fang went to school, he grabbed me and said he wanted to have a good talk with me.

I think I'm really old. I can only remember the feeling in my heart at that time, but I can't remember the details of things and conversations.I don’t remember what he said to me that day, I just remember that he basically meant that because I was the one he loved, he was very strict with me and couldn’t tolerate any mistakes. The quarrel has already made him feel very bad, so what was obviously a very simple thing that day was delayed for so long by my wrong suggestion, and he ran up and down three times without finding me When he was furious, he lost his temper with me regardless of the occasion.

Then he apologized to me, he said he was wrong, especially when the girl said that "scumbag", he really realized that he had passed.But I can see that when he apologized, he still held it a little bit, and he didn't apologize sincerely.This apology is the same as before.He used to quarrel with me, and he apologized when I was furious, but every time he apologized, he always said: "This time it was my fault, but you are also wrong." This is his In the way of apologizing, he always has to find a balance point, and he refuses to admit his mistakes completely.

I hate his way of apologizing, but as long as he opens his mouth, I will always forgive him, even if he doesn't apologize thoroughly, which is probably wrong.

This time too, I thought I was already calm.I haven't talked to him for a week, we have our own lives, we each take a bath and go to bed, he doesn't grab me to warm the bed like before, and I don't have to hold his head and bite two bites before going to bed like before, It seems that such a quiet life can be passed.However, when he spoke, I actually cried again sadly.

I really hate myself for having such a low tear point and being so worthless.While trying to hold back my tears, I grinned and complained: "Peng Zhiran, do you know how much you went too far that day, even the people around you couldn't stand it, have you ever thought about my feelings?"

He lowered his head and muttered: "You know I don't care when I'm angry, it's my fault, I shouldn't ignore the occasion."

I ignored him, continued to complain, and wiped my tears: "You know, I really hate myself for crying at every turn. I don't want to cry and talk to you like this. It's ugly for a man to cry, but I don't want to cry I know why but I just don’t live.”

He looked at me and nodded: "I don't dislike it, you don't look ugly when you cry, you are very pitiful..."

I stopped him: "Fart, don't use such words!" Taking a breath, I calmed down and continued: "Peng Zhiran, do you know that I have tried my best to let you in, but you are always like this, losing your temper every now and then Do you know that I am like a snail now, I was scared to hide in the shell when I was poked by you, and finally recovered from the injury, I stretched out my tentacles and climbed two steps, and I was poked by you again I shrank back in pain, going back and forth like this, one day I will be hurt all over my body, and then I will hide in the shell and never dare to come out again, do you understand!" I said while doing it with two fingers It looks like the snail retracted after crawling two steps and being attacked.

He looked at me moved when he heard the words, was silent for a moment, stretched out his hand to grab my hand, pursed his lips twice, and finally said sincerely this time: "I'm sorry, my wife, I was wrong." He lowered his head: "You I really feel sorry for you, I didn't mean to hurt you on purpose, really, I love you very much, but I don't know why..." He paused and looked up at me: "I don't want to use any excuses, it's wrong to hurt you , I promise you, I will control my temper in the future, okay, wife, don't be afraid of me, don't shrink into your own shell."

I sniffled and looked at him: "You keep your word? Don't forget everything again next time your little devil comes out."

He nodded heavily, and then stretched his head over the table: "I promise, let me kiss you."

We talked a lot later that morning.He also talked about his recent mood swings and the psychological impact of his current environment at the company.I also talked about some of my views, and at the end, we talked about Leslie Cheung.

I said: "Actually, after Leslie came out, because of his own efforts, the positive image and positive energy he gave to the society may have influenced many people's views on homosexuality. Some people who did not understand homosexuality before, It is because of him that he understands our group. Therefore, Peng Zhiran, even though we have to face some doubts and pressure now, if we can stick to our principles, let those people understand that homosexuals can also have true love, even a little bit more If the love between men and women is stronger, I believe that one day, they will understand and accept us. The most important thing is that we have to be ourselves. Only if we do ourselves well first, we can show our positive side to the society , to provide positive energy to this society, instead of making them think of promiscuity AIDS and other negative things when they think of homosexuality, I believe that one day, people will slowly accept us. You see, Pan Xiaoruo is a good example So, maybe one day our country will recognize same-sex marriage.”

Yes, this is probably the real purpose of my writing this story.

How much I want to tell the world that there are actually a group of people who yearn for true love, to be understood, and to be recognized, but what they get at the moment is incomprehension, harshness, and double-standard treatment.

I don't deny that there is promiscuity in our circle, but isn't the emergence of this phenomenon a vicious circle caused by the incomprehension of this society.

First of all, the society does not understand homosexuality, so homosexuals can only walk around day and night to find their own kind in the dark shadows. They have no chance to watch movies, walk on the street, fall in love and get married again like normal people, so they can only choose to simply start from The flesh begins, and they are charged with promiscuity.However, even if it is the same simple physical relationship, people can accept the one-night stand of friends with benefits between men and women, but they cannot accept homosexuality. What an unfair double standard.

Secondly, the law puts same-sex marriage out of the door, that is, same-sex love has been sentenced to death from the very beginning, which makes a large number of homosexuals feel hopeless in pursuit of life, and instead only seek physical stimulation.If everything is empty in the end, then why bother to pursue true love, why not enjoy the present moment?But on the other hand, if same-sex marriage is legal, then I believe that a large number of people will choose to be clean and self-respecting, at least they will not rashly have sex with others just to meet their physical needs.People are all the same, and they all hope that they can meet the person they love most in their lives when they are pure.

Sometimes I think, I am really lucky that I met Peng Zhiran when I was young and still believed in love. If I met him at another time and at another age, I am afraid we would not be together.

Just imagine, if I met him when I was in my twenties, scarred by love and only pursuing physical pleasure, I don’t think I would provoke him; or even if I did, once he knew that I would I have slept with many people, I am afraid they will not fall in love with me.

I was lucky to meet the right person at the right time.But there are many people who don't meet the right person at the right time.

I don't know how many people in this circle realize that they are already scarred when they meet true love, and they are too indulgent to dare to love.

So many things complement each other, and sometimes having a circle is the best way to manage this group.I think, if one day, same-sex people can disclose their love affairs like other people, and then work hard towards a good result based on a good start like ordinary couples, then we won't hear so many lies Marriage, marriage, promiscuity 419 and the like, and there will be a healthy and positive homosexual group.

While this is a beautiful wish, I still hope that one day it will come true.

By the time this story was almost finished, Peng Zhiran and I had already begun to search for peace from our hearts.

After more than two months of consideration, we agreed that we need a belief, a belief that guides us to be good, can guide us when we are confused, and do some good deeds for this society.

So we started to participate in the monthly life-release activities of a certain Buddhist group, and together with these benevolent people, we donated clothes and other materials to children in Ganzi, Sichuan.

Peng Zhiran no longer hides his relationship with me in the company. When someone whispers behind his back, he will frankly tell the other party that his partner is indeed a man and that he has been together for more than ten years.This kind of frank attitude actually prevented those who talked about him behind his back from saying anything behind his back. Gradually, some people also stood up and said that sexual orientation is a personal privacy, and there is no need to involve it in work.Although none of these could change the fact that he was unable to be promoted to director, his working atmosphere had obviously improved. No one would look at him with strange eyes and speculate on him, and his mood gradually improved.

After the Chinese New Year in [-], the girl who rented our small house sublet it to a friend of hers because it was inconvenient to continue renting our house after changing jobs.

I was there when the new and old tenants were handed over.I usually take care of things like this at home, and Peng Zhiran usually doesn't come out.The original tenant, the girl, came first. After a while, two boys came in one after the other. They looked like they had just graduated in their early twenties.Maybe because I am, I can tell they are a couple at a glance, but they are well disguised, and ordinary people may not notice.Small 0 is a little higher than small 1, and there is a little bit of C, but it is not obvious.I was taken aback for a moment, and asked them, "Are you renting for two people?" One sound.But the little 0 immediately said no, this is my friend, just come with me.

Suddenly, I thought of me and Peng Zhiran back then.I smiled and said it was all right, then took his ID card, changed the name of the original tenant on the old contract to the new tenant, and then gave him the card number for paying the rent, and asked him to directly pay the one-month rent deposit to him. Old tenants, this procedure is over.

I looked back at them as I left.It's great that we are about the same age as we were back then.

Closing the door behind me, I sincerely hope that their generation will gain more understanding and tolerance, and have a better future.

I hope that one day, they can hold hands and walk in the sunshine openly.

<End of text>

……

The author has something to say: I have been in a place without internet for the whole week, and I finally connected to the internet today, so I will post the ending here.I'm really sorry it took so long.

There will be a chapter at the end, which will be very short, and will be posted next week after it is finished, and will not be updated if there is something to do on the weekend.

Then I promised everyone that I would talk about this article after I finished writing it.

Many relatives said that this article was realistic and asked if it was a real story.

Let me reiterate that this article is purely fictitious. If there is any similarity, you copied me.But I do not deny that art comes from life.

The purpose of writing this article is very simple, one is to commemorate my brother, and the other is to let everyone see that there is true love between the same sex through such a flesh and blood story, and they are actually as simple and sincere as the ordinary love between men and women.

Finally, I sincerely hope that our society can be tolerant and considerate of same-sex love, and hope that the Chinese government can amend the marriage law one day.

Thank you for your support all the way.