between men and women

One hundred and fifth post

But I lost him in the end, or let him go.

From the beginning of the war, I thought about what the worst case would be.It's nothing more than beating and killing, I think, from verbal insults to personal attacks, I'm ready to be beaten, it's not terrible.

But the fact is that war without fists is terrible.

Peng Zhiran's mother puts mental pressure on me every day. She calls me every day and tells me about the difficult time when Peng Zhiran's father was not with her. She was alone and had to take care of her mother with headaches and two young children. When Peng Zhiran was a child, he was so sensible, so well-behaved, and so considerate of his parents.She always started crying in the middle of speaking, and repeatedly said that as long as parents see their children can go smoothly and safely, they have nothing to ask for, and begged me to let go.

I choked up and said Auntie, I can't let go, I love him, and he loves me too, is it good for him to force him to marry a woman he doesn't like?Will he be happy?Auntie, you have experienced it yourself, don't you have any experience?

She paused for a while when she heard this sentence, and said to me after a long time: "Chen Jia, you are still young, you don't understand. Young couples always keep company. When you are young, people always want to marry the person they love the most. Love is more important than anything else, especially those who have never loved before, and they will be extremely eager to have a chance to fall in love, just like Auntie. Auntie was always unwilling when she was young, and felt that life had treated her badly. His father is quarrelsome, wanting to find the so-called true love. But what about when he is old? Only when he is old will he understand that no matter how unforgettable love is, there will always be a day when it will return to plainness. When you get old and your health is bad, it’s just a companion who can take care of you and accompany you to support each other. Of course, it’s good if this person is someone you once loved deeply, but in case you don’t have the opportunity to meet such a person, Is it necessary to die alone alone? We must know that not everyone has the opportunity to love once, and it is not enough to stay in love with each other."

"You and Peng Zhiran are in love. If you were a girl, Auntie would be 12 happy for Peng Zhiran, but you are a boy! You two won't be recognized by society or the world. What will you do when you get old? Then At that time, Peng Zhiran's father and I both left. We were liberated after we died without seeing Weijing, but what should you do? You have no children to rely on, no parents around, everyone around you thinks you are a different kind, and your relatives and friends don't care. If you come and go with you, even if you are sick and hospitalized, you will have no relatives to sign for you, so what will you do at that time!"

"Chen Jia, people are social animals. You can't really ignore everyone's eyes and live your whole life willfully. Maybe you can resist when you are young, because you have youth, you have capital, and your life is still alive. You feel that you are the master of this era when you go uphill, but what about when you are old? When you are in your 30s and 40s, and your peers have families, businesses and children, but you are always depressed on the road of life because of this reason, At that time, your love has long since dissipated, and what is left is only mutual blaming, resentment and even hurt, is that what you both hoped for?"

"Chen Jia, Auntie is not alarmist. Don't talk about you. Even if a man and a woman fall in love because of different class or family reasons, how many couples have good results in the end. In the end, life is unsatisfactory. The dragging party would think, if I hadn't been so impulsive, would my current life be more comfortable and easier, and would have resentment towards the other party. Chen Jia, before the tribulations of fate, in the world and the great era Do you know how small people are in the face of big trends? Do you understand how fragile human nature is? Do you know how many people who love each other end up being tortured only by each other?"

"Chen Jia, listen to Auntie's persuasion. If this ending is predictable, why can't you bury this feeling from now on? Everyone has lived a normal life, so that maybe one day when you leave this world, you will still read If the other party is nice, you won't be tortured by life to become an enemy! Our parents just hope that your path will be smoother and not suffer all kinds of harm, you understand!"

I don't understand, I don't understand!I shook my head and choked up and said over and over again, Auntie, I don’t understand, I still can’t understand and I don’t want to understand, I just know that I love him very much now, I really love him, without him, I might not even be able to see the age of 30 or 40 Now, I can't think so long-term, I beg you not to tear us apart.

Her mother was silent for a long time, crying on the opposite side, and then hung up the phone.

At the same time, his mother kept asking Peng Zhiran to go back for dinner.She never introduced her girlfriend to him again, and she was always caring for him, but Peng Zhiran's face became more and more guilty.I didn't understand the reason at first, until a company dinner was held at a seafood restaurant near his mother's house, so I sent a text message asking if Peng Zhiran had dinner at his mother's house, and if so, I went to find him and go home with him after eating .He wrote back and said yes, so I sent him a message while walking in the direction of his mother's house after eating. When I was almost there, I saw a mother and child at the gate of the community. The silver hair was fluttering in the wind and he was explaining something to his son, then the two waved goodbye and went to the supermarket next door.

I hesitated and went up to call Peng Zhiran. I couldn't believe that the silver-haired old lady I saw just now was his mother. One month ago, his mother had black hair and was a very confident professional woman. Suddenly, she turned into a shriveled old lady!I froze on the spot, looking at Peng Zhiran's self-blaming and guilty eyes, suddenly felt that I was going to lose, if not now, it would be some day in the future...

I don’t know when I watched a variety show with Peng Zhiran. The host asked the boy in a couple, saying that if a rich man took a fancy to your girlfriend and offered you 50 yuan to break up with her, what would you do? Will you?The boy naturally said no, the host asked, what about the 500?refused. What about 5000 million?He hesitated, refused. What about [-] million?

I don't remember what the boy said, but afterwards I told Peng Zhiran that if this kind of thing really happened, even if the boy still refused, his love would have gone away from him.Peng Zhiran said why, do you really believe that money can buy love?I said it's not that money can buy love, but that money can buy love.After this incident, the rich man may not make the girl fall in love with him, but he has planted a seed of breakup between the couple. When the two of them have some conflicts and quarrels one day, the man She will think, look, she doesn't love me anymore, because someone richer once wanted to chase her, she must have regretted it, if she knew it was good, she broke up with 500 million; the woman would think, look, he He definitely doesn't love me anymore, maybe he is still regretting why he broke up without taking the money back then, I'm so stupid, I should have chosen that rich man back then.

At that time Peng Zhiran said that I think human nature is too ugly, I said no, I just know that when a person has two paths to choose from, once the reality is unsatisfactory, he will regret not choosing the other path, this is nature.

So when I saw Peng Zhiran's mother's white hair in just one month, I knew that a seed called unfilial piety had been planted between me and Peng Zhiran. Once it germinated, I would eventually lose to this seed , someday in the future...

After I got home, my chest was tight all the time, and I subconsciously wanted to find something to distract my attention. I randomly found a disc and stuffed it into a DVD and curled up on the sofa to watch the disc.Peng Zhiran sat beside me silently, putting his arms around me.In the end, what I played turned out to be "Farewell My Concubine".

This time Peng Zhiran didn't say no like the first time, but quietly hugged me.

After re-watching "Farewell My Concubine" many years later, I no longer cry for not being able to love.I am luckier than Cheng Dieyi, and the person I love loves me too, but the great era and the environment cannot allow us to love each other, and I, like Cheng Dieyi, can only helplessly watch fate open its bloody mouth to us.When I saw Duan Xiaolou hurt Cheng Dieyi and Juxian at the end, I always thought of the sentence that Peng Zhiran's mother said, "Do you know how small people are? Do you know how fragile human nature is?"

I was crying and almost breathless, trembling and muttering Peng Zhiran, would you hate me? If one day you were spurned by everyone and insulted by everyone, would you regret meeting me and hating me?

With red eyes, he pursed his mouth and said nothing, he squeezed my hand tightly and kept breathing ups and downs, when the TV program Dieyi killed himself, he turned his head and finally hugged me tightly and cried on my shoulder: "No, no "Chen Jia, let's not give up, even if fate challenges us, let's never give up, okay? I don't think we are also a tragedy."

I don't know if he knows that if one day he leaves me, I will break down.

However, a few days later, my mother came to Peng Zhiran and I's home.

One never knows which straw is the last straw that breaks the camel's back.

One mother already makes us feel deeply sinful, let alone facing two mothers.

But my mother's attitude was beyond my and Peng Zhiran's expectations.

I rarely mention my mother to Peng Zhiran, because it is difficult for me to describe her character.There is a part of her character that is very stubborn.

I don’t know if the example of her and my father is a vivid example of what Peng Zhiran’s mother said, no matter how unforgettable love will be in the end, but the reality is so good at ridicule.

Peng Zhiran's parents were not in love, and they lived through bumps and bumps almost all their lives, while my parents were in free love back then, but divorced early.To put it a bit ridiculously, compared to Peng Zhiran, I am a product of love, but this love is really short.

My mother was very beautiful when she was young, and my father was also quite handsome, so the relationship was a good-looking man at the beginning, but my grandfather didn't like my father, saying that he looked too lively, he once objected, of course he compromised in the end.But in the end, my grandfather was right. My father’s love hormone lasted too short, or he was too affectionate. He really loved my mother, but he also really fell in love with other women.

But in contrast, my mother has always loved my father.She endured him for many years and felt too hurt to break up with my dad, but when she saw him abandoned by others and came back to her, she felt sorry for him and accepted him to remarry.In this way, she has been wandering between love and hurt intermittently, unable to get out.

She is the kind of person who loves with all her heart. Her love for my dad is even more important than mine.When I was growing up, I didn't spend much effort on her, but more than once I saw her standing in front of the window, looking at the garden path downstairs, waiting for my dad to come back with his bicycle. midnight.When she was betrayed for the second time, she may have been injured too badly. She once sat on the sofa in a daze all day long. When she saw me coming home, she took out the photos of herself and my dad and showed me one by one, and then took He took out a new enlarged photo, black and white, and said to me: "Xiaojia, if you miss your mother in the future, take a look at this photo."

I subconsciously understood what she meant, and then cursed and cried viciously: "I won't miss you, you don't care about me anyway, you do everything for that man, I won't miss you!"

She has been obstinately loving my dad for many years. Even though she regained the courage to live, she didn't completely come out of the haze after leaving my dad. It's just that the deep love has gradually turned into hatred. hatred.Her state didn't get better until someone came to help her, and she gradually faded away, but I know that she and my stepfather are always just a mutual supportive relationship. Deep in her heart, she has only loved her in her life. A man is my father.

She once told me that in fact, I love someone so much that I will be the one who gets hurt in the end. Fortunately, I am a man, so I shouldn’t suffer as much as her.

But in the end, like her, I loved a man with my whole life.

That day my mother looked at me very calmly while sitting on the sofa and said, "Xiao Jia, Peng Zhiran's mother called to tell me about you." She took a breath, her eyes were a little red, and said, "Mom, I'm sorry for you. Without a father, your mother did not guide you correctly, which led to what you are now. It is all your mother’s fault, and your mother does not blame you. If you can change, my mother will be happy, but if you will never fall in love with the opposite sex in your life, neither will your mother. Force you, I have no objection, as long as you are happy." I was completely stunned, but before I could be ecstatic, she pointed at Peng Zhiran with a finger and said, "But mother will never let you be with him!" Become hell!

"Why?" I muttered and asked, she can accept that I like the same sex, why can't she accept being with Peng Zhiran?

She looked at me and cried: "Why does my child have to love so hard like me? Peng Zhiran's mother said that her son was normal at first, but it was because of you that he became like this. Silly child, do you know the one who fell in love first?" Doomed to be passive, his parents disagree now, if he regrets it in the future, what will you do? Haven’t you seen the lessons learned by your mother? You like the same sex, and your mother can’t change it, but at least you should be smarter and find someone with you The same person loves you more than you love him, so whether you stay together or break up in the future, you will feel much better, understand!"

Peng Zhiran turned pale after hearing this: "Mother Chen Jia, I love him, I really love him."

My mother looked at Peng Zhiran and shook her head, her body trembling slightly: "I originally wanted to forget it, as long as Xiaojia is happy, I don't want to object, but I will not agree with you to be together now, what your mother said is too hurtful, saying It was our Xiaojia who seduced you! I know my son, whoever he likes will wholeheartedly be as stupid as me. With your mother’s attitude, I will not let him be bullied by you. Even if his sexual orientation is abnormal, I was also born in October of my pregnancy. Your mother is not qualified to say that about him, saying that he would like men without a father, saying that he is a pervert, and saying that he will ruin your future! Break up. You have your future, he I have his future, and I have no objection to whoever he will be with in the future, but I must never be with you! I know what love is, and love will disappear after a few years. If you want to do everything in a few years Filial piety is about to get married, and I’m going back to be your good son, what about my son! I don’t want to see my son get bruised and abandoned after a few years!”