between men and women

five posts

The current situation is very strange, and I paused for three seconds before letting go like an electric shock.Peng Zhiran was probably having a sweet dream before, when he just opened his eyes, the focus was a little slack for a while, and he stared at me with a dreamlike expression, until he saw my movement, he became more conscious, and subconsciously glanced at himself. , was surprised: "Why... how...?"

I stammered hurriedly: "He... fell out... I just... want to help you push it back..." My heart was beating wildly, and I didn't know whether he believed it or not.Damn, but this is also true!Although only part of...

Hearing the words, Peng Zhiran didn't say a word, his expression was a little bit wrong, he randomly grabbed a handful of hair, got up with a "huh" and went to the bathroom.

The game hadn't started yet, so I fidgeted and tuned the TV channel.What to do, he won't notice anything, will he think I'm abnormal?But in fact, it’s okay. In the past, when we took a bath together, we would always discuss who’s older...and didn’t he touch mine when I was sick?And he touched not only the front, but also the back... No, no, now I played with him and made him react. Cheap!

After waiting anxiously for a long time, he heard the sound of flushing the toilet, and then he opened the door and came back and fell back on the mattress.I took a sneak peek, um... went down.

Peng Zhiran, who went to the toilet, seemed to have woken up a lot, his face was a little ugly, he took the TV remote control from me silently and switched back to the game channel.Players from both sides had already entered the field, and the program commentator was talking about the main players of both sides. He put his hands behind his head and watched the game carefully, as if the incident just now had never happened.

I was a little embarrassed, I secretly moved my buttocks to look at him sideways, licked my lower lip and said, "Just now..."

He interrupted me while watching TV: "I'm sorry, I'll pay attention later."

sorry? ? ! !He still said sorry to me? ? ! !What's happening.I molested him and he still said sorry to me? ? ! !

I didn't know how to pick it up for a while, so I had to hum and haha ​​perfunctory, pretending to be absorbed in watching the game.As a result, before the first half was over, I couldn't bear it and fell asleep.After sleeping for a while, I felt like there were mosquitoes, and my lips were itchy.This damned mosquito is really good at picking places, I waved my hand indiscriminately, turned around and fell asleep again.

Since that day, the two of us have a tacit understanding that we no longer wear those boxer shorts and put on beach shorts, and we didn't talk about it again.Originally, I thought that this matter would be exposed like this, but I didn't expect that I was too naive this time.

Ronaldo, whom Peng Zhiran liked, did not win the World Cup in Brazil. He seemed to be in a low mood and taciturn.

I didn't pay much attention to it at first, thinking that this kind of thing would be fine after a while, but after a while, I found that Peng Zhiran was a little weird, I don't know if it was my illusion, I felt like he was always avoiding me.

I don't know when it started, but he stopped calling me on his own initiative. Sometimes I called his CALL machine and he didn't answer. When I asked him, he said that he was too busy with work and forgot to call me back.There were also a few times when I didn’t go to the night school and didn’t even notify me, and I didn’t come back until late at night, saying that I went to work to socialize.I used to pull me to do this or that on weekends. Now I don’t often stay in the shared house but go home very often. It is said that his sister has also moved out of his parents’ house. Now the two siblings only meet at home on weekends. So go home often.

At first I listened and nodded and said yes, then I will go back to see my mother on weekends.Later, I found that he was avoiding his eyes even when he was talking to me, and I felt something was wrong.

That time I went to their company to do something.Brotherly units, there are often contacts at work.After I finished my work, I saw that it was almost time to leave work, so I told the leader that I would not go back to the company, and waited for my friends to go home from get off work together.Then wait for him at the door.

He didn't come out after work, and I waited for about ten minutes before I saw him come out laughing and laughing with a group of people of about the same age.He talked vigorously, didn't see me at all, just talked to the people next to me about the seven peasants, the puppy machine gunners and so on, and happily crossed the road to an Internet cafe not far away.

I was very disappointed when I saw his back.He has a new hobby, and he never even mentioned it to me.Peng Zhiran, no longer the Peng Zhiran who talks to me all the time, what happened that day still had an impact on him after all, even though he didn't fully notice anything, it was still a little different.

Feeling down for a few days, I don't think I can be so negative.

He is not mine now, so what qualifications do I have to ask him to report everything to me.

Now I only have two paths.Either continue to be depressed, let this layer of barrier between us get bigger and bigger, and finally the two become ordinary friends, or be more active, find a way to break this embarrassing situation, and let him return to the stress-free relationship with me before. stay together.

Peng Zhiran came home late that day, saying that he had a social occasion.I didn't want to stay at home alone, so I ran to the garden of the community and sat there for two hours.During those two hours, I sat on a garden bench, buried my head in my lap with my shoulders in my arms, and thought carefully about what I wanted.

I'm gay, but he's not.So even if I don't want to face it anymore, he will still get married and have children one day.I dare not extravagantly expect to be able to bend him, although I wish he could stay with me all my life and love me as much as I love him, but I know this is unrealistic.

Yes, he did say "Chen Jia, it would be great if you were a girl", but besides expressing that he might like me a little bit regardless of gender, isn't it also expressing the important information that he still likes girls? ?Chen Jia, you are so stupid!

So Chen Jia, you can't expect too much.The only thing you can pray for now is to stay by his side for one more day.As long as you can give me a little warmth and happiness like before, that's enough.Yes, that's enough.I don't dare to ask for too much, as long as I can go back to the past, that's enough.

Chen Jia, you can't be too greedy.I hugged my legs and said to myself silently, unintentionally wetting my knees with tears.

six stickers

So I forced myself to act as if nothing had happened, and tried my best to ignore Peng Zhiran's dodging eyes and occasional uncomfortable expression.

He used to play with me like grabbing my neck and rubbing my hair under his armpits, and he never shy away from having physical contact with me, pushing me down on the mattress and hugging my neck and so on often happened.But since that time, he doesn't seem to have done it again.I vaguely felt as if he was avoiding physical contact with me.

Although I always act like I don't care and I'm big, the hole in my heart is getting bigger and bigger uncontrollably.Occasionally when I wake up in the middle of the night, I look sideways at him, and when I find him curled up on the other side of the mattress some distance away from me, I will stare at the emptiness of the night and weep unconsciously.All of this is yelling at me: he knows, he knows, if not all of it, he sure knows you're out of order!

Gods and Buddhas all over the sky, I just pray for a little warmth and happiness, isn't it okay?Is it because this kind of love is taboo or dirty, so it is not worthy of your pity and charity?

But what's wrong with me?I just love one person, and I only love this one person!

Quietly, I cry at night without sound.

I don't even want to breathe.

But when the sunlight came in and refracted on his profile, I couldn't bear to stop breathing.

So I exhausted myself to play the heartless Chen Jia during the day, and my sensitive and easily hurt Chen Jia at night.

I often talk to him when I have nothing to say.Peng Zhiran, it's been cold recently, this suit is too thin for you.Peng Zhiran, who will be assigned to the next class of juniors in your company?Peng Zhiran, when shall we meet with Zou Feng and the others? We haven't met much after graduation. Let's play indoor football?

In Peng Zhiran, who I have never tire of, he seems to have gradually relaxed and returned to his previous state, but the complicated gaze he looks at me occasionally still makes me terrified.

I told myself, don't be afraid of Chen Jia, you have to integrate into his life circle, so that you can go back to the past.So one day I talked about games with him: "Hey, Peng Zhiran, our colleagues in the company like to go to Internet cafes to play games now, do any of your colleagues like to play games?"

His CALL machine just rang, so he went to see the CALL machine, and answered me with a smile: "Yes, of course! Now Blizzard has released 'StarCraft', which is pretty good. It's an online real-time strategy game, and it's very cool to play. And the strategy is rich and ever-changing!"

"Is that so? I don't know how to call, let's go to an Internet cafe next time!" I was very excited, and when I leaned over, he subconsciously hid the CALL machine.My heart skipped a beat, and I stopped.He probably came to his senses, put it in his trouser pocket casually, and said, "Okay."

I pulled the corners of my mouth a little far-fetched, trying to pretend nothing happened: "Then how about tomorrow night?"

"Well... Tomorrow, I have a dinner party with the company's leaders... In a few days, I will call you."

The next day I went to work restlessly.Peng Zhiran's action of hiding the CALL machine stabbed me deeply.In fact, I have no interest in prying into other people's privacy, and it's not because I want to read the content of his call machine.He has been friends with me for so long, it's not that he doesn't know me.The reason why I went up to him yesterday was that I hadn't been close to him for a long time, and I wanted to show my intimacy.But his action clearly represented guard and alienation.What could make me sad more than this?

My right eyelid has been twitching all day, so I wiped my face and asked Sister Niu in the same office: "Sister Niu, is the right eyelid twitching good or bad?" Sister Niu is in her 40s and is a very enthusiastic person.Smiling and looking at me: "You are young, what eyelid twitching is good or bad, what superstition?"

I laughed and said, didn't I just think about it and ask around.She thought for a while and said, "It seems that the left eye is twitching and the right eye is twitching disaster. But don't think about it, it must be the lack of sleep recently, and there is nothing wrong with eyelid twitching."

I nodded my head twice, but my heart became more and more uneasy, and I always felt that something would happen today.

No, I'm going to find Peng Zhiran.

There is still more than half an hour to get off work, so I immediately asked the leader for leave and left early.When I arrived across the road from Peng Zhiran's company, it was just 5 minutes after get off work time.I don't know if he's gone yet, but I thought about crossing the road to the door of his company and waiting, but I glanced at the door of his company and saw him come out.I raised my hand, wanting to call him, and then I saw a girl at the door walking towards him.Seeing the other party, Peng Zhiran smiled and walked forward, extending his arm for her to hold.

I was stunned for a long time before I realized that the girl was Chen Jianing.