you're nothing but scum

When I saw the two photos in my hand, I suddenly understood the meaning of Yao Jiu's words "You and I are the most suitable".In fact, I have always understood it in my heart, but I have never taken it out and examined it seriously.

As I said before, I am actually very similar to Yao Jiu.

Both of us are very strong, but Yao Jiuqiang gets up, and I want to be strong but I always get beaten to the ground.Both he and I are defensive, but my defense is superficial.I will refuse the approach of strangers, but once the other party makes friends with me, I will let go of all my defenses and be honest. Yao Jiu's defense is something deeper. I thought I would let him give up his armor, but In fact, he built a wall in his heart, and I couldn't get over it.

It was because of our similarities that we were attracted to each other so easily in the first place.

Even when I was with Liang Liang, I never felt that "there is a person who can understand me so well".Yao Jiu was the first person to give me this feeling.

He knows what I want most, what I need most, and what I am most afraid of.

So he now exposes to me everything that can most attack me.

He told me that he would repent, that he loved me, and he also told me that Song Xiuming could not be trusted.

I have always said that I cannot accept Song Xiuming, one of the reasons is that this relationship is too abrupt.Song Xiuming gave me the feeling that he fell in love with me at first sight, but I always sneered at such things as love at first sight.And today I may see the reason why I resist him.

The photos were taken clearly, even though the place was dimly lit at the time.So no matter how much I wish it was my eyesight, I can't deny the fact in front of me.

In the first photo, Song Xiuming is sitting on the sofa, his lazy posture looks casual and sexy.He was holding a wine bottle in his hand, and his eyes didn't know where he was looking.He usually wears a pair of glasses, at least when I saw him, but in this photo he took off his glasses, and those beautiful eyes showed a completely different feeling.

The smell of books disappeared, and it became more aggressive and strange.

The second photo shows his back. He is draped over the shoulders of a man who is shorter than him. From his young back, he looks like a teenager, a student.But based on my experience of working in that kind of place for several years, I can tell it's an MB at a glance.In the photo, Song Xiuming turned his head slightly, and that posture should be kissing the person in his arms.

It can be seen that both photos were taken secretly.

I was silent, staring at them, and my first reaction was to search for an excuse in my mind—an excuse that could excuse Song Xiuming.For example, he is so busy with work, how could he still have time to go to nightclubs?For example, he

I'm so good, I can't really act like that, right?

I know all those people in the nightclub, who will go to that kind of place, except for some curious novices who have just entered this circle, the others are all veterans.And Song Xiuming's appearance in the photo is obviously not as stiff and embarrassing as a novice.

When I heard Yao Jiu's voice again, I realized that my hands had become icy cold.

There was a ball of anger in my stomach before, and I wanted to vent it to Yao Jiu, but now this ball of fire has vented out from nowhere.

I feel like I am a bit like a balloon. It was bulging when I first inflated it, but when Yao Jiu pricked it with a needle, the air quickly leaked out, and my whole body collapsed.

kinda ridiculous...

Yao Jiu said: "Xiao Le, I didn't want to show you this kind of thing. After all, I know that you hate this kind of trick the most... But I love you, and I haven't planned to give up yet, so I have to make you think clearly about your choice. who."

Holding these two photos, I slowly lowered my hand to my side.After a while, I sneered and said, "Yao Jiu, you don't need to be so vigilant with everyone, I don't like him."

I looked up at him and said sarcastically: "He came to chase me, don't you know that too? There were quite a few people looking for me when I was in the 'night', don't you hate me the most? When you took revenge on me, After all, isn’t it also for this kind of thing? You think I’m skittish and half-hearted—”

"Mo Le!" Yao Jiu interrupted me angrily, he grabbed my shoulder and said, "If it wasn't because I love you, who would care if anyone likes you! I admit that I was too stupid at the time , I don’t believe you are also my fault, but I have already apologized to you, and I will believe you unconditionally in the future——can you stop saying such things?”

"No!" I yelled, "You know what I hate the most, but you just want to put those things I hate the most in front of me!"

"Because this is the only way to make you give up, isn't it?" Yao Jiu said almost coldly, "You have to know that I am the only one who treats you well in this world, even if I hurt you because of a misunderstanding, but apart from that time, I have never done anything to be sorry to you, nor have I hidden anything from you."

"Mo Le, it's not as easy as you think to find a suitable person. Maybe you think it's okay to live alone, but since you feel that it doesn't matter whether you have a lover or not, why can't you try to reunite with me? Together? You don’t need to love me, or you don’t love me like before, but you can let me take care of you.” After a pause, Yao Jiu said word by word, “From now on, only you will hurt me. It won't hurt you, and it won't hurt you."

When I heard Yao Jiu's last words, I admitted that I was shaken.

Sometimes I feel that the world is the cleanest and cleanest when it snows.Everything is covered by that ice

The icy white covered it, covering everything that was dirty and messy, and it was invisible to the eyes.

When I told Liang Liang about this kind of thinking, he was a little surprised that I would have such literary or negative thoughts.I also once wondered if I was world-weary—abandoned by my parents and mixed into a place full of sensuality, isn’t it normal for people who grow up in this environment to feel world-weary?

But no matter whether I am really world-weary or not, I do feel that as long as I live in the world, I will inevitably encounter many things that I hate.I once had the kind of thought that Yao Jiu said.How can we not let others hurt ourselves, but only ourselves hurt others?

After thinking for a long time, I haven't been able to come up with any reliable solution. The only feasible way is not to show affection to others.But after thinking about it, I feel that this kind of thinking is too cynical, and if I close myself, wouldn't life be boring?

I've only been with Song Xiuming for a short time, and under his care for me, I'm almost going to be honest with him, but now the facts are naked in front of me.

I hate this reversal of life, and I also hate being slashed back after being sincere to someone.

"Xiao Le," Yao Jiu approached and whispered softly in my ear, "I love you, come home with me."

I was silent for a long time.

Suddenly, Liang Liang's voice came from behind.

He shouted weakly behind me: "Xiao Le... go back and eat."

I was slightly startled.

"Go back to eat", not "Can you eat anymore" or "What are you talking about".This sentence made me wake up all of a sudden.

The pain of the phantom limb clearly spread to the whole body again.

I took a deep breath, and didn't give Yao Jiu any answer, but just said lightly: "Yao Jiu... don't always be so scheming in what you do in the future."

I broke free from him, turned around and walked towards Liangliang.

I only heard Yao Jiu whispering behind him: "If I can let you come back..."

After returning upstairs, Liang Liang remained silent.Looking at the table full of food, I have no appetite.

In fact, I haven't eaten well in the past few days, and I haven't had a good rest at all.

I feel very tired, my eyelids are heavy, but I can't sleep.

Liang Liang sat across from me, and after taking a few mouthfuls of food, he asked in a low voice, "...what are you holding in your hand?"

I froze for a moment, and subconsciously squeezed the photo in my hand.

A few seconds later, I stuffed those two things into my pocket and said calmly, "Nothing."

I'm living the days of being tortured by phantom limbs again, but now I can't sleep at night at all.

Song Xiuming called, but I didn't answer, and also sent me a text message asking if something happened.I didn't reply at all, and finally closed it

machine.

When Song Xiuming called Liang Liang, Liang Liang only said that I was not in good health these two days.Liang Liang looks innocent, but he's not heartless. It's impossible not to know that I don't want to talk to Song Xiuming these two days.

In fact, to be honest, for someone like me who used to be an MB, it is quite ridiculous to ask people who chase me not to go to nightclubs.You are already like this, how can you ask others to be cleaner than you?

But my heart couldn't accept it.

I think this is retribution.

At the beginning, I didn't know who I was trying to torture, and I was willing to degenerate to that kind of place.Anyway, my body has been dirty for a long time, and I don't even believe the reason "I was forced to come to this place by my parents".

I did make this choice of my own volition, so there can be no other excuses.

And Song Xiuming did go to nightclubs, and maybe had a one-night stand with MB.

That gentle man who is always polite and full of smiles, while playing an elegant and temperamental man in front of me, also went to the place where I was most conflicted with another attitude that I have never seen before.

This may be the counterattack of reality.