Do not love me

When she woke up in the morning, her hand was still firmly placed on the lower abdomen.

She was supposed to be sad, but the thing in her lower abdomen made the corners of her lips raise involuntarily, and the happiness that she had never had before also radiated from her heart.Faint, little happiness...in my heart.

what's wrong with her?

I can't help but wonder, is this me still me?so small.Just because of a beating, a peace of mind admits its existence.

Admit it!Qian Shang Wei Ai, you are not qualified to talk about love, even for that thing in your body.I am not qualified to talk about happiness and want to keep a child. I am really naive at the age of 17. I actually feel for a moment that having it is the most difficult happiness in the world.If you really do this, you will regret it many years later.

So, you can't have Qianshang only.This child is a sin, a devil.

Desperately warned, like a ghost, he had already picked up the phone.

This time, it was very easy to dial the unfamiliar number that was already firmly in my mind.

"Qian Shang?" A hoarse but pleasant voice came from the other end of the phone.

He didn't worry too much about why the boy guessed so easily that it was her calling.She took a quick breath, but when the answer hidden in her heart was about to come out, she was silent.

His hands covered his stomach again.

Closing her eyes, she said sorry words selfishly from the bottom of her heart. She gritted her teeth with difficulty and said, "I decided...to give up the child." After finally saying it, not only did she not feel a little relaxed, but it made her even more confused.

The expected answer.

Tezuka stopped wiping the wet hair with his hands, and quietly listened to her gasping for panic.And the sobs he could clearly hear.

Did she cry?

It must be hard to make this decision, right?

But what to do, he couldn't say comforting words.He also couldn't say in a flat tone, 'You're doing the right thing, not having children is the best choice for everyone'. He wasn't that cruel, although he really wanted to say that.

At this time, Tezuka was a little at a loss.

It's just that he doesn't know that his silence and his shallow breathing are the most important medicine for her to calm her mood.I don't know when it started, but she was used to him breathing lightly and silently by his side, and he was used to the way he quietly listened to her cry.

Is it too hypocritical?

I've often thought about it and ignored it.Whether it's hypocritical or fragile, she wants to face him and breathe.It's like being drowned in the sea for a long time and suddenly find a land where you can breathe.

"Do you want to think about it again... There is still time." Most of her sobbing was because she couldn't let go that she was going to be a cruel mother, right?So, he gave her another chance.

Some despise themselves.Obviously he didn't want to hear her say that she wanted to keep the child, but he actually said hypocritically whether he should reconsider.

"No, don't." Hearing his regret, she was frightened for a moment.Hastily interrupted this thought.If you repent at this time, you will be even more sad in the future, right?It was such a painful decision to make, I really don't want to go through it again.

Yeah?That's great, isn't it?But I couldn't bear to hear her voice like that.

"I'll find a better hospital this time." It's unimaginable how frightening it is for her to lie in such a dilapidated hospital and accept such dangerous instruments being manipulated at will.

I didn't expect him to say this suddenly, Qianshang Yuai was stunned for a moment, but quickly recovered: "It doesn't matter." As long as it is far away from Tokyo, it will not let anyone familiar with it find it. Can.

What do you mean it doesn't matter?Tezuka frowned at her indifference.I don't like how she doesn't take herself so seriously.

"Tezuka..." Her aggrieved voice disturbed his thoughts, leaving him too late to think about how to reprimand her for not caring.

Tezuka silently waited for what she was going to say next, not wanting to interrupt what she was finally trying to ask with his own voice.

"Do you think I'm a...cruel mother?" Is it Tezuka's strength to never ask why and what happened?Doesn't he have to worry about helping strangers so hard?

Feeling cruel so hesitating?Tezuka somewhat disagreed with her thinking like this, but it was also very contradictory, because he seemed to know everything and nothing.Who is the father of the child?What is her relationship with that person?And... is she loving enough to have a child for that?He doesn't know all of this.Like someone who inadvertently breaks into a drama that has been halfway through, he is an unknown and a connection that runs through everything.

Cosplay?The role he plays is a good-to-bad, good-natured guy.

No, he's not that great, and he's not obliged to help everyone.However, Qianshang Weiai can only say that it was God's arrangement, he had no intention of intervening, and now he has no way to get out, and he doesn't want to let it go.

If cruelty was to be said, it would not be her.And he is the cruelest one, he selfishly wants her to forget the child and kill the child.In name, he wants to redeem this lost girl, but in fact he wants to get rid of the fault caused by his negligence and hesitation, right?

When he heard the girl say "save her", he agreed.However, he deserved his gratitude to the girl, because while saving her, he was also saving himself.He was afraid that he would be overwhelmed by self-blame.

"No, you are not a cruel mother." It was only him and the boy who made her miserable.There is no way to blame the unfamiliar boy, he can only blame himself.He is also the culprit.Although, when she heard him blame himself like this, she would definitely say that it had nothing to do with him.

How can a mother who is not cruel hurt her own child?

He twitched his lips mockingly.She thought he would not say something to deceive her, she thought he would answer this question honestly.Or, does he really think so?

"But... it will definitely be afraid... its own mother will kill it..." Didn't it mean that every baby has a soul?It must also know clearly that its mother is going to kill it.Or it is complaining, why should it make decisions for it, and its power has been obliterated without even giving it a choice.

Suddenly, I really wanted to cry, because of that child who was not treated well and was regarded as a burdensome devil before he was born.Tears are also falling obediently, there are too many tears recently, too many.So much that she has almost no hidden ability, so she can only leak it.

"Qian Shang, listen to me...it won't be afraid, it doesn't have life yet..." Her low sobbing sound lingered in her ears, but he was powerless, and cursed angrily, he wanted to tell her , the most cruel thing.Because she couldn't have that child, the thing that would destroy her life.

"No, it is alive, its heart is beating. The doctor said it is alive and healthy... It must know, and even hates my mother... Tezuka... No, don't go to the hospital Yes, I want it... I want it... It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter whether it's a person, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, I want it... I don't want to do it A cruel mother, don't be a mother who doesn't even want her own children..." She cried and yelled like she lost control suddenly, she wanted to keep it.Although it can't fall in love with its father, it doesn't matter, as long as she loves it...

She doesn't want to be an irresponsible mother.No one is qualified to help children make decisions... Its right to survive is also its own.

The sudden intensity made Tezuka flustered and vulnerable, his slender fingers covered his already pale face in pain, he couldn't say anything to refute, and he was not qualified to refute...

With a stagger, he fell to the edge of the bed.The knuckles holding the phone tightened little by little as she cries louder and louder.

I have never hated myself so much.Almost being himself... ruined a girl's life...

That's all.What else can he do?Force her to go to the hospital and kill the child?I can only let it go.

... "Okay, I'll help you." ... After waiting for a long, long time ... she also cried for a long, long time ... and finally heard his voice mixed in the wind.

She should have smiled, smiled and said thanks, but she couldn't.Is Tezuka Kunimitsu a fool?That's enough for a strange girl, isn't it?When do you want to help?The more she does this... the more she depends on him... In the end, when she can no longer rely on him, her heart will hurt very much.Can you stop pampering her like this?Can we just treat her as passerby A or B?

"Tezuka Kunimitsu, you idiot...uh...you idiot...why do you help me so unscrupulously? You can ignore me, why do you care about me...you like this...I'm so scared, okay I'm afraid..." I'm afraid that I will fall in love with...

Again, no one who has ever loved is qualified to be a lover.However, what should I do if my heart sinks more and more?

He didn't expect her to say this, and he couldn't find an excuse for a while, so he fell silent.

He is always used to being silent, and is used to frowning when he can't find anything to say... And she also listened to his breathing quietly like a fool.Because it makes her feel at ease.But this time, she stopped listening and hung up the phone resolutely in his silence.She was so afraid that when she was used to it, one day he would suddenly disappear... What would she do at that time?Crying and complaining?I'm sorry, she can't do that way, she can only cry silently and get used to the days without him.

That's tiring, and I'm always used to it, but there's no other way.

In the morning light, her tears looked particularly crystal clear.He held up the invitation letter that had been soaked in tears after being cold all night.Tears streamed down my face, and even the fingertips holding the invitation on both sides were trembling.Even though he was so scared and so unbearable, he still tore the invitation letter to pieces.

The salty, bitter liquid got into his mouth, and he sneered.There is no longer any choice.

It is the last choice and hope left.Habitually, I stretched out my hand to cover my lower abdomen again.The one she loves the most, the only one who makes her feel alive, is him.Since she felt that she wanted to love it, she would definitely not despise it.

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