red dust under the lamp

"How about me? Not so much..." Ning Jue evaded, Xie Yichen sat in the wheelchair, and let her clean up by pinching the ball and flattening it. She put the gloves up, and wanted to reach out to remove Xie Yichen's obstruction.

Xie Yichen got angry and slapped her hand off: "Say."

Ning Jue knew it was ridiculous.what aboutWhat is she thinking?She is not Xie Yichen, her psychological activities are excavated and displayed like a grand dance, her whole body is a low loess house, there are no windows, it is pitch black, and no light can penetrate.She imperceptibly self-digests human sins, greed, rage, and jealousy.She wanted to get angry, but she couldn't get angry in front of Xie Yichen. Was Xie Yichen wrong?No, it could only be that she, Ning Jue, was wrong.

She has always had a goal, and she will do it when she has a goal, but what is her goal now?There is no way to talk about it.

The goal is to be Xie Yichen's nanny. When Xie Yichen gets old, will he grow old too?nonsense.

The goal is to drive Jiang Wang away?As if he was a sinister villain?Nonsense, they met a total of two times, after much deliberation, could it be said that he is a bad person just because he opened a gold cup?The poor people all over the street are bad people, and he can still drive a car.

For the first time in her life, Ning Jue was unable to be logical and self-consistent. She was like a snake biting its tail, entering an endless loop, unable to find cause and effect, and could only get angry with herself and herself.She wants and doesn't want, and for the first time in her life, the obstruction comes from within instead of without.

"What did I say?" She felt a little helpless, and went to get the gloves again, but Xie Yichen took them away first.

What is Xie Yichen's eyes?

Many years ago, Xie Yichen puffed out his chest and retracted his abdomen, like a princess who came down to inspect. He looked at Ning Jue with clear eyes and hostility. Ning Jue used this to glimpse some kind of future and fled.

Again, again, she saw this pair of eyes again.

It's not hostility. Ning Jue has been watching words and expressions for a long time, and he is as careful as a hair. At this moment, he can't sum it up. He only feels that Xie Yichen is disappointed in him, puzzled, but sympathetic... But all these disappeared in a blink of an eye, as if it was Ning Jue. All of his speculations disappeared, Xie Yichen looked at her, neither sad nor happy... All these emotions were imagined by Ning Jue himself.

Xie Yichen finally lowered his face: "Do you like Jiang Wang?"

This!

Ning Jue finally came out of her self-assertion, the snow was so vast, and Ning Jue's heart was filled with confusion.

Is... like this?

But Xie Yichen speculated back and forth, and it seemed that only this unbelievable idea was the correct answer.Take away all the impossible and what remains is the truth.

The "truth" came to light, Xie Yichen lowered his face, glanced at the gloves on his knees, and comforted her carefully: "Then why are you making a fuss? You've seen the stories about men turning against each other on TV. Are we also so stupid? He's really good... I just think it's very rare that he can understand that small dance drama, and he will lose his composure for a while. Just say that you mind, I'm a cripple—a cripple, and I can still be with you Do you want to grab it?"

But Ning Jue didn't think so, she didn't like Jiang Wang, even Xu Liwen, who was almost moved by the cake and decided to sleep with him, she easily dropped him after reflection, not to mention Jiang Wang who met by chance.

To her, men are new clothes that can be changed as soon as they are put on. She does not set up a memorial archway for herself, and does not entrust her heart to anyone easily. Perhaps because of her young age, so far, this heart is still in her stomach. jumping.

However, Xie Yichen graciously gave up the man to her first. Ning Jue took a bigger breath, but at this time he couldn't say it anyway. Xie Yichen is so good, even if he likes it, he easily gave it to her with a smile... …

Even those words that Ning Jue couldn't say well with his gun and stick, Xie Yichen easily smoothed it out, and he was able to face her. He tore up the letter, said a few words of comfort to her in a gentle voice, put his gloves in front of her, and forced a smile. She is very precious.

At this moment, Ning Jue couldn't say a word no matter what, she believed that she was ungrateful, and believed that she had lost her mind again.

How should I explain that she doesn't like Jiang Wang?

How should I explain my sudden barbed words?

She didn't exclude people who understood Xie Yichen.

On the contrary, I am very happy.She could understand the poem when she saw it, so she handed it to Xie Yichen.

But because of Xie Yichen's eagerness, she suddenly lost her mind.

Explaining that the shelf life has passed, Ning Jue hung his gloves on the radiator to dry, stood against the wall, and looked out at the silver-gray snow field through the window. Make a sharp black thick line.

There was a cannon shot in the distance, a short bang—the snow was blowing like a shot into the sky, and the swan was stripped of all its feathers and dropped in a filthy velvet.

In the silence, Xie Yichen suddenly opened the door curtain and bravely rolled into the snow.

There are two ruts, originally pitch black, gradually covered and submerged by snow, Xie Yichen didn't wear a scarf or gloves, like a molting snake showing its new flesh to the outside world, she raised her head to look at the snow, suddenly, she seemed to be spotted by swan blood She melted, and with a strong push, her limbs were filled with hot blood, and she stood up suddenly.

With a frail torso, the muscles that have been thinned out after not dancing for a long time are recovering little by little, and every cell is playing music again.

She didn't move, she looked up at the sky, Ning Jue grabbed a scarf and threw herself in front of her, putting the scarf on her body.

"What are you doing..." Ning Jue was a little anxious, Xie Yichen blinked suddenly, covered the scarf, and buried his face in it.

"I'm not..." Ning Jue wanted to argue that she didn't like Jiang Wang, but Xie Yichen suddenly grabbed her.

His body sank—Xie Yichen lost his strength again and hung on her body.

But this time, she felt a certain kind of strength, from bottom to top, like the buds of early spring breaking through the soil, weakly but powerfully trying to support her body.

Xie Yichen's hands tightly wrapped around her, those hands looked hideous because of the force, the blood vessels seemed to break through the skin, his whole body was trembling, trembling violently - but his legs were trembling, no matter what.

Ning Jue watched closely, surprised that Xie Yichen was still trying to stand up.

Amazed at... This time, Xie Yichen's face was distorted due to the force, he gritted his teeth, and even tears fell down involuntarily, forming a stream... She watched Xie Yichen help her desperately, awakening the lower limbs that had been unconscious for a long time.

Those legs trembled, like a lamb that was born unable to stand up—it would stumble and stand up no matter what.

Before it knelt on the ground, it was lifted up by Ning Jue, and it tried again, shaking like chaff.

Now Xie Yichen is thin and light, but these legs can't support his feathery body, it failed again and fell into the snow - it wasn't that Ning Jue didn't help her, but she let go of her hand and fell from the ground. When she got up, the snow in her palms turned into water, sweat, and tears. She supported Ning Jue again, and veins burst out on her forehead, as if her toes were stepping on a knife or a burning fire.

She failed—

And then failed again -

In another room in the yard, someone finally noticed their movement.

The three ran out of the house, and Ms. Xie almost screamed, "Xie Yichen!"

Xie Yichen stood up.

She stood up straight.

Released Ning Jue's shoulders, Ning Jue leaned over to help her at any time, but she just smiled and lowered her voice: "I figured it out."

Then, her strength was exhausted, she fell down while supporting the wheelchair, and Ms. Xie had already rushed over.

"what's going on!"

Ning Jue couldn't explain it.

In the evening, Mr. Li urgently contacted his friends and made an appointment to send Xie Yichen to the United States for treatment. Ms. Xie was asking Xie Yichen, but Xie Yichen just said that he suddenly wanted to go out for some air. stand up……

But this is bullshit.

The truth is that when she was sleeping at night, Ning Jue didn't take off her clothes, and sat by the window with her knees hugged, as if she had made a mistake, staring at Xie Yichen who was lying there in the darkness.

"Did I piss you off?" Ning Jue said.

A few laughs.

Ning Jue buried her face in her arms.

Xie Yichen's smile was very light, as if his soul had been washed away, and everything he carried was washed away, and his texture became light.

"I'm not angry, and I'm not blaming you. It's just that when I was sitting there, I suddenly felt very unwilling. I'm like a vase placed in a cabinet. If someone appreciates me, I'm happy. But I'm not...I'm not for anyone Come to see me and dance, I just want to dance, I can't tell... I suddenly feel that the room is very stuffy, very small, as if I can't let go of my sudden hallucinations, I feel very urgent, as if I don't go out immediately, I will Can't breathe."

"So I went out. As soon as I went out, I really wanted to stand up and dance. My mind was empty and I didn't think about anything. I just stood up... Then I was scared, and I stood up again? It seems that every time When I stood up, there was always you by my side, so I really wanted to look back at you, and you came over."

"I suddenly thought, since you are here, can I stand for one second, can I stand for two seconds, three seconds... even for one minute? Thinking about this, I got angry with myself, thinking that it was hopeless, and thinking , or try again, just like that, there is only one thought left in my mind..."

Ning Jue raised her face and waited for the next sentence.

"Just stand up..."

Xie Yichen smiled and covered his eyes with his arms.

Half of Ning Jue's anxious heart was put down, while the other half was suspended, and she had no way of discussing this phenomenon.

"Go to sleep." Xie Yichen said.

"not sleepy."

She is indeed not sleepy, she has no sleepiness at all, everything during the day is refreshing, unprecedented, subversive experience, Ning Jue is young, and has not yet cultivated the ability to calm down in front of all unreasonable things.

She didn't know why she felt sour in front of Xie Yichen, and she didn't know where the uneasiness in her heart came from at the moment, and she didn't have time to explain that she didn't like Jiang Wang, and she didn't know why the moment Xie Yichen suddenly stood up in the snow. , the unnamed emotion surging in her heart.

There were too many unknowns during this time, which interfered with Ning Jue's mind, but Xie Yichen would always take her mind into consideration and want to talk to her when he was always sitting.

Eventually she said she was going to go to the toilet and walked out into the yard.

The lights in Mr. Li and Ms. Xie's rooms were still on, and Ning Jue had no intention of listening, but the silence of the night amplified their open conversation.

One said that they will leave tomorrow, first go back to Pingdu to go through the formalities, and then go to Haijing to take the plane.

Another said that the young man named Jiang Wang was interested in Xie Yichen and sent flowers and gloves.

Mr. Li: So what?Yichen's leg is healed, why don't young people pick at random?

Ms. Xie: I think Yichen is a little bit interested in him. As soon as he comes, he will suddenly stand up today. I have to ask her.

Mr. Li: Because of feelings?This is so unmaterialistic.

Ms. Xie: Always ask her for her opinion, otherwise she will be in a bad mood and the treatment effect will not be good. I will ask her tomorrow morning.

Mr. Li: I have to talk to Ning Jue.

Ms. Xie: Yes, Ning Jue also helped a lot, so I must thank her very much.

They searched for all reasons, from weather to geography, from diet to feelings, and attributed everything to Xie Yichen's miracle. Even though they were not believers, they began to appreciate God from the bottom of their hearts.

Two lines of footprints in the snow were stepped on by Ning Jue, she hung her head and didn't listen to the rest.

How does she deserve to be thanked?She also didn't want to hear what Xie Yichen expressed to Jiang Wang.

Suddenly, some sour and uneasy feelings filled her chest. She tightened the clothes on her chest, took a few heavy breaths, entered the room, and leaned her back against the door.

Xie Yichen seemed to be asleep, but the night was really deep, and the sleepiness was deeper than the night.

Ning Jue's emotions returned to nature again, and she saw her young self holding a slingshot in the dark.

look at each other.

Wisdom has not grown too much, and the mind is as insightful as it is.

do you want to stay here

Confront yourself and ask repeatedly.

My palms feel cold.

"Are you going to the United States?" Ning Jue asked Xie Yichen facing the window, completely ignoring how his whispers in the cold wind could reach his sleeping dream through a window lattice.

She asked and got no answer.

Turning around and entering the room, sitting on a small bench, with nowhere to put my legs, I had to hold them in my arms, curled my legs and fell into empty thinking.

Snow stopped.

A thick layer of white accumulated on the window sill.

Ning Jue grabbed all the money she was carrying from the hidden pocket sewn inside the clothes.

One, two, three.

Roll up the three and put them back into your clothes.

The other stack was earned from Xie's family. It cost a lot, and there are still some leftovers.

placed on the table.

He stared at the money with his face on his back, as if there was a brightly colored wallet in front of him.

She still rolled up the money and put it on herself, lowered her head and rummaged through the trash can, and put together Xie Yichen’s torn love poems for a closer look. After staying in the dark for a long time, even her eyes became better, and she could see all the handwriting clearly like an owl. , Spell out paper like cracked glass.

"You probably don't need me when you go to the United States." She said to herself, and touched Xie Yichen's pen from the table. The pen was hard to come out, and she scratched on the back of her hand, and finally scratched on the back of a piece of debris.

Write on the back of the words "Giving Xie Yichen": I'm leaving - Ning Jue.

Jue's handwriting is not good-looking, and it becomes Wang Yu again.

She looked at it silently in the dark, pressing down a corner of the paper with ink worryingly.

Then she opened the door and left.

Her footprints were left on the snow, in a crooked string, leading to the door, and were quickly covered by the newly fallen snow.