red dust under the lamp

Xu Liwen's relatives live in an unattainable place in Haijing, on the top floor of an [-]-story building, where it rains all year round.In this way, three or four partitions were erected, and five families were crammed into the [-]-square-meter house.

My relatives struggle here with their wives and children, and they don’t usually appear here; a young man came here to study, but it is said that he has some insomnia symptoms, and he always drags his feet around at night like a nocturnal spirit; a couple fucks/with an accent The strong southern mandarin works here, and they do exercises continuously at night, with regular voice and steady breathing. See people, never wake up until the sky is falling.

Then there are Xu Liwen and Ning Jue.

Xu Liwen felt that he was a decent person. He was young and promising in Pingdu. Although the dance troupe was in a downturn, he was also a person with clean soles and a lot of cream on his body. Suddenly he was airdropped into such a cramped and crowded nest. He puffed up his chest and wanted to say something, but Ning Jue was already sitting on the bed with his hands in his pockets, saying what else is there for free, there is no better place than this.

She was lying on the stained bed sheet. The relatives did not charge money for the sake of the relatives, which was a pleasant surprise for Ning Jue. She was already sleepy and had no luggage to pack, so she did not have the burden of a long journey. Heartless and lungless, I fell asleep with my arms folded over my chest.

She is quite different from Xu Liwen.

After getting out of the car, Xu Liwen imagined a map of China, starting from the dividing line of Haijing, crossing it is a glass building, crossing it is an international city, crossing the past is a fashionable future.

Just like people imagine that if you cross the long line of Inner Mongolia, you can see the endless prairie.

Before Xu Liwen came, he had a long dream around Hai Jing, and the moment he got off the car, the dream was shattered.

The train station is full of people, and it's not very respectable.There are four train stations in Haijing. The train stations here are full of farmers from all over the country. They each carry their luggage bags and lean on them in twos and threes. They lower their heads to smoke or talk loudly. It was sloppy and sloppy, and the people soliciting customers all around looked like the lower-level people in Hepingdu. Xu Liwen searched the whole station, only the station attendants and the People's Liberation Army were decent, well-dressed, and stared at somewhere in the air indifferently with drooping eyes.

It was just riding the car along the way, seeing the glass city he imagined from the car window, seeing the neon lights, and seeing the busy traffic.But it's through the glass, and it's the same as watching it on TV.From the train station to the community, the building is sloppy, he is like going from Pingdu to an even worse Pingdu, Pingdu haunts his dreams, and the scenery of Haijing is only half the way.

He couldn't sleep, he spread his luggage and thought for a long time, Ning Jue's sleeping breathing was very steady, she was fragrant, and the surroundings were smelly, like flowers blooming in a smelly ditch, he stared at her for a long time , picked up the luggage bag and decided to go out and find another place to live, to show Ning Jue that there are places to eat in his new city.

After carrying it out for a long way, he asked people, inquired about it, and was speechless to himself.

"What? A rent of four hundred and five a month? This is fatal!" He came back in horror, clutching his head with a lack of interest. Ning Jue didn't seem to notice that he had gone out and returned, and he was still a bit decent.

This location is good, he thought to himself, it doesn't matter if it's a little dirty or crowded, the first thing he will do is to change another house when he gets paid for acting in a TV series.

But acting in a TV series doesn’t make a lot of money, and his role is not important, and the director has some financial difficulties in making this TV series. He doesn’t know all the actors very well. Only two people who play the elders seem to have seen it on TV. A respectable old man often plays the role of a traitor. Although he is kind in the crew, he will show evil eyebrows and mouse eyes when he gets angry.

People came and went, in a hurry, all dressed like people in Hepingdu, at most there were just a little more men with long hair.He has good eyesight, always helping here and there, and the crew is friendly. That day, the director invited them to eat a bowl of Henan stewed noodles, and painted a big pancake steaming hot. Shooting, they are required to be ready to answer the phone and report to the crew at any time.

Xu Liwen's memory is fuzzy, it is really difficult for him to recall these days, his impression is covered by disappointment, if it is not for the director's resume, he has had several good works, and he has a little hope of getting ahead Yes, he doesn't even remember much of that.

Ning Jue accompanied him to cook for him for a few days. When no one was cooking, he turned on a pot of porridge and brought it to him. After that, Ning Jue disappeared, leaving early and returning late. It is said that he found a cleaner. Work.

Occasionally when Ning Jue came back at night, he didn't fall asleep, and the two of them lay side by side on the same bed.

Ning Jue was close at hand, and the fresh smell of detergent wafted from his sleeves. Xu Liwen was relieved: "We are living like this, and I will treat you well."

Ning Jue didn't say if it was okay, but closed her eyes.

The couple's nightly routine sounded from next door, and Xu Liwen felt his bone marrow itch. He wanted to rub Ning Jue, but Ning Jue suddenly sat up, and said in a stern voice, "Don't even think about it."

Xu Liwen was very wronged: "I haven't said anything yet."

So Ning Jue lay down again, with his back facing him, the space on the bed was so small that he couldn't hold back.

Ning Jue felt a foreign object behind her and turned around: "Take care of your things."

Xu Liwen raised his hands to show his innocence, Ning Jue stared there for a while, got up and took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, pushed out one and handed it to him.

While puffing, Ning Jue pointed: "If you can't manage that thing well, don't sleep towards me, just carry it on your back, it's up to you."

Xu Liwen sighed: "Now that the TV series is not on the air, I haven't met any big shots, and I don't have any contacts. I will think of a way. When the time comes, I will change to a bigger house, so I don't have to carry it all over."

He is pitiful, Ning Jue sympathizes with him, and secretly guesses if this is the man who will love her wholeheartedly. After thinking about it, she is not a clean person, and now she doesn't hate him, so it is not necessary to sleep so passionately. No no.

So she ordered him to take off his trousers and have a look at the thing.He was startled, and obediently obeyed.

Ning Jue was caught off guard when she saw a hideous creature jumping out, and she was startled.

It's not like I haven't seen anyone else.

But at this moment, she suddenly thought of the teacher in her childhood, and saw the color of chocolate in his fingers, sticky and dirty, full of filth.The hand holding the cigarette trembled suddenly, and even mistook it for the teacher's for a moment, as if going back to Zao Hui's childhood, seeing her mother and men entangled too early, seeing too much, she originally I don’t care, and I can even indifferently filter out the different textures——

But at this moment, a chocolate-colored dirt rose from my heart, like the dark blood wet on the underwear when menarche came.

A sense of powerlessness surged from her stomach, and she waved her hand: "It's quite scary, take care of it, let's put it in."

Xu Liwen sighed, bowed his back to her, chatted a few things about the crew, and never mentioned it again.

Ning Jue turned her back to Xu Liwen, breathed evenly, and stared at her eyes to think about things. She didn't get up until Xu Liwen snored slightly, and saw the girl in the couple washing their bodies in the toilet.

The girl smiled at her, and the two passed shoulder to shoulder.

At 04:30 in the morning, she arrived at work, changed into a yellow vest and picked up a huge thick-stem broom to dust off fallen leaves.

She found a job sweeping the streets, and she worked until nine o'clock in the morning to change shifts.

She could understand Xu Liwen's desire, she looked at herself in the mirror, and forcing Xu Liwen to be a saint was murder.

But something almost happened.When she came to Haijing, she hadn't started anything yet, and somehow found a support for herself, as if she was afraid that no one would want her.She still wants to wait and see.

The boy resources in Xie Yichen's hands may be a joke, but at this moment, as far as the world the cleaner sees, this is probably the only way to break the situation.

She thought of this person and thought about Xie Yichen's use value.

Following the address left by Xie Yichen, she found a building, but the security guards at the door did not allow her to enter. It seemed that the control was very strict here, and one had to swipe the card to enter and exit. There were not many people coming and going, most of them were driving.

She squatted on the side of the road for a while until she reached Aunt Shu.

Aunt Shu also came to Haijing with Xie Yichen, and seeing that she thought it was a sudden menstrual abdominal pain, Ning Jue raised her head, she smiled, chattered a lot, pulled her enthusiastically, and led her into the community.

Ning Jue played the role of a good child in front of Aunt Shu, and she never revealed her hypocrisy in front of Aunt Shu.The image of the rural lady she played in front of Xu Liwen was crushed by herself. In front of Aunt Shu, she was taciturn but kind enough, and she was good to Xie Yichen. This image would take a long time.When she got on the elevator, she brushed off the ash on her body, trying to shake off the exhaust smell of the street, so as to give Xie Yichen a good impression.

As soon as he entered the door, the brass leopard was still lying on the ground with bright eyes, but this time it was covered with a soft red velvet blanket, as if it was going to pay tribute to the king.

Three doors can be seen in the house, each leading to a different room.

Xie Yichen was sitting on the sofa in the living room, her legs were arranged in advance, and they were bent and pressed under her body. She leaned against and grabbed a pawn and involuntarily ate the handsome opposite, stacking the pawns with a crisp sound.

A young man with clean shaved sideburns sat across from him and said with a smile, "You won again."

Aunt Shu let Ning Jue in, and turned around to close the door.

Xie Yichen raised his head casually, saw Ning Jue, and leaned back: "You are here, let me introduce you, this is a high-achieving student from Haijing University—"

Before the name of the young man opposite was introduced, Ning Jue smiled and waved his hands: "Everything has to be done, and I will come to see you first. I will talk about getting to know you later. I think you are fine, so I am very relieved. I am leaving."

Xie Yichen smiled: "I'm still worried that I won't be able to get a boy, so you won't come."

"It's not that you're old, and it's not that I hate being married to such a degree. I just see that someone in your family is too embarrassed to stay, so I'll stay if that's the case. Isn't Ms. Xie here?"

Ning Jue took a few steps to the sofa and sat down, bypassing the process of getting to know the boy across the way.

"No, she's always busy. My uncle is here occasionally, but it's only me, and he's embarrassed, so I'm the only one left." Xie Yichen chatted with Ning Jue, and Ning Jue nodded thoughtfully. Not here, it became her home again, and she generously extended her hand to meet the young man: "Hello, my name is Ning Jue, and I worked as a nanny for Xie Yichen when I was in Pingdu."

The young man said, "Ah..." He hadn't reacted yet, or, he had never seen such a nanny who didn't treat herself as an outsider.

Xie Yichen patted her, indicating that there is no need to say this: "She is Ning Jue, she is my friend, and she took care of me for a while."

Ning Jue smiled awkwardly when she heard the word "friend" and remembered her letter.

Being interrupted by such an interruption, the young man also forgot to introduce himself, and got up to leave after talking for a while.Maybe it was because Ning Jue came and wanted to say something sweet to Xie Yichen.

He has a better sense of distance, but in Ning Jue's eyes, he looks different: "He is too lazy to deal with you, and his family seems to be richer, which is not good. If I were Ms. Xie, I would not choose him."

Xie Yichen wanted to correct something, but in the end he didn't, he shook his head: "According to your standards, what kind of person do you want to find?"

"Find a wretch. Whoever has money in the family will have the final say." Ning Jue said.

"He is a relative from my uncle's side, and he came to visit me out of courtesy. Relatives just walk around and ask my uncle for errands. It has nothing to do with me."

That's why Xie Yichen said to Ning Jue, "I can't get a boy" without any worries, because she didn't care, and she didn't care.

Ning Jue nodded: "Actually, I'm also here to find someone to do something."

Xie Yichen didn't move: "Yes."

"I was sweeping the streets during this period, and it was closer to Haijing University. I said, if you go to study, you can hire me again, or something else. I want to do something, but there is no way here, and I don't want to Be a waitress - better to avoid people, I don't want to be harassed all the time."

Ning Jue fearlessly made some requests of her own, as if Xie Yichen could conjure up a way out for her by stretching out his hand.A friend is a door, a friend has one road, and if this road is blocked, take the next one. She made a request, planning to go back and ask the couple about their work if the road is blocked.

So he didn't make a decision to grab the straw, it just depends on whether Xie Yichen wants to help her.

Help or not, she has no burden.

Xie Yichen sighed heavily: "If I knew this earlier, you shouldn't have left—"

"Don't talk about the beginning." Ning Jue gathered the chess pieces and put them in a random place. He piled up the soldiers, generals, chariots and horses into the Chuhe-Han boundary, picked them up and poured them into a wooden box and put them away. Go, it may not be my current personality. At that time, you liked to dance, but I was allowed. You can’t dance, you will hate me. It’s fine now, you can still say a few words to me, Ms. Xie doesn’t know .”

"Dancing..." Xie Yichen was about to sigh again, but in the end she didn't. After a long time, she was able to hide the sorrow and hatred on her face in her heart, her surface was calm, and her heart was thundering.

"Dancing is not necessarily good. I came here with Xu Liwen, and he didn't go well even in TV dramas..." Ning Jue gave Xie Yichen a rough overview of what happened during these times, to the effect that "White Snake New Edition" was withdrawn After that, Li Juanjuan and Xu Liwen, the pair of white snakes Xu Xian, went to act in a sitcom with unknown prospects, and they didn’t earn much money. Li Juanjuan was fine, with the support of her family and the weight of the second female lead. Xu Liwen lived with her. Not so good...

This drama disappeared, Ning Jue didn't mean it at first, but those who listened knew that the white snake who insisted on going his own way to ascend to immortality was completely gone, only the white snake who got married, the white snake who repayed kindness, and the white snake who was greedy for the world, there was no more of her the white snake.

She let out a long breath, not as emotional as before, but she was silent for a long time.

"You live together?" She belatedly picked up the topic.

Ning Jue tidied up the messy tea table and smiled: "Do you like the white snake, or do you like this character? If it's not the white snake, it's Chang'e, it's Mulan, it's Wu Zetian, don't you like it too?" ? Or do you just like that white snake on your stage, the one who insists on communicating with Xu Xianxiaoqing?"

"I can't tell." Xie Yichen said.

Ning Jue was trying to summarize the abstraction, but she knew that it was not such a simple matter.

But she used this to see Ning Jue's intelligence: "Whoever you like, isn't it all the same? For things that can't be realized, I can only watch that others may have a way to dance. All of this has nothing to do with me."

"You are very concerned about the dance company's affairs." Ning Jue said something endless, straightened her legs, and sat on the side by herself.

Aunt Shu came to ask Ning Jue if she would stay here for lunch.

Xie Yichen was the first to answer and said that he would like to eat, and then turned to look at Ning Jue.

Ning Jue nodded silently, and when he looked at Xie Yichen again, Xie Yichen had already moved himself onto the wheelchair and approached her slowly: "I'm asking an abstract question."

"Let me tell you in advance that although I have attended literacy classes and sound educated, I will talk nonsense when discussing profound issues." Ning Jue said.

Xie Yichen paused: "I've always wanted to know, you were only five or six years old when you left, did you leave at that time because you knew what kind of life you didn't want?"

"No, it's like when you went to a relative's house when you were young, even if the relative told you to eat more, you felt that eating more would be bad. Children are very sensitive to many things. Whoever treats you well, who treats you You are bad, who is sincere and who is fake - I got in the car and sat for a while, that's how I feel. I know that Ms. Xie is very good, and I know that dancing is not bad for me. I also know that if Ms. Xie raises Me, your hostility towards me is not a fart, but I don’t like it, I have a bad instinct, so I left. Besides, you asked me about my five-year-old experience, is it a little rushed to the doctor... I don’t have this idiom Is it wrong?"

Ning Jue blinked, suddenly smiled, and patted Xie Yichen's head: "If I really come to your house, you are still a sister, why are you so funny... You know what you want, but now you don't know, and you don't know what you want. What do you want... think I have the answer, how can I have it, I am just trying to survive, I can’t figure out why I want to die, so I live.”

She inexplicably regarded Xie Yichen, who was a few years older than herself, as a child, stroked his head as a gesture of goodwill, and then folded his arms and thought for a while: "You are a person made by Nuwa, so there are causes and effects. You have to ask why when you live, and you have to die when you die." If you want to ask why, it is also destiny."

"I'm not..." Xie Yichen tried to argue that she wasn't moaning in sorrow, but Ning Jue suddenly covered her mouth and nose and coughed twice: "Actually, I really hate that I can talk to you about this, the people around me I don’t think about these things, only I always think about why and what it is... This can’t be eaten as food, it’s a bit superficial, I want to explain these thoughts in my heart, so I went to night school, but the night school taught us computers, and didn’t let us We touched that thing..."

Xie Yichen raised his arm, Ning Jue was thoughtful.

"Put your head over here." Xie Yichen said.

Ning Jue bowed her head, accepting Xie Yichen's touch, as if she was being ordained by rubbing her head.

"I will try to find a way to ask you if there is a job for you... You should come here more often. It is more natural to talk about these weird things with others." Xie Yichen let go of his hands and put them on his knees naturally , grabbed a blanket and hung it on his body, looking up at Ning Jue.

Ning Jue was overjoyed and nodded, "I knew you were reliable."

"You also said that you are a sister, you have to do something, and it's just moving your mouth... I feel more and more that the way I think about things is out of touch with society, and I am reflecting on myself. At least...normal people don't think about it because of the wrong If I can't dance for half my life, I will die, and I have to reflect on myself."

"What is there to reflect on? When I lived in Pingdu, there was a rich man in our Fengshou Building. He started a company before and made millions of dollars a year. Suddenly one day he went bankrupt and even his family died. Dare not to go back, the creditor chopped down their house and moved their furniture, leaving his wife and daughter, he fled to Pingdu, hoping to make a comeback, but ended up gambling every day, picking up junk and gambling, living like a dead dog.”

Ning Jue harshly described the man in Fengshou Building, Xie Yichen's eyes drooped.

"But I'm far away from him, and I suddenly thought about it. No matter how rotten a person is, he is still a human being, right? Besides, you are not a dead dog who abandoned his wife and children. There are things that you can't help. I can understand a little bit."

"There is also the woman in our Fengshou Building, who was cheated by the boss in Hong Kong and still thinks about her well. She sold herself in Pingdu. She has long been rotten, and she still feels that she needs to ask for some explanation from the big boss... …Are you stupid, but sometimes you just have a little bit of slack, and you spit on it when you look ridiculous and listen to hate, but it’s just a little bit of slack. Your slack is also good, dancing, I can’t understand dancing, But I understand the living thing, I don't have it, I wish I had."

Xie Yichen reached out, touched Ning Jue's clothes, and tugged gently.

Ning Jue leaned down to listen to her.

Only a sigh was heard.

The author has something to say:

If you enter V tomorrow, you will get a red envelope.