night lights up

Insomnia is insomnia, despite insomnia, there are still many things that can be done.

At those times, I was much more active than before, and indeed a little more relaxed.

Of course, this leisure is only reflected in the mental state.After all, I still attend classes during the day, go to the hospital in the afternoon, and go to the clubhouse in the evening, at fixed times, and the schedule has not changed.

But because of a person's sincere companionship, everything is different.

Frankly speaking, I am still a little bit afraid when I think of that year.I also don't know what I would be like if I hadn't met Chu Heng on the third day of working in the clubhouse.

Fortunately, he showed up.

He met me.

He also saved me.

In fact, he never gave me any expensive gifts. In the days when we were in love with him, the school cafeteria was the place we ate the most every day. A meal of 15 yuan for the two of us would be enough to fill us up.Occasionally when I go out on a date, I eat more expensive food. I go to the Bund to eat western food, and I also eat in private restaurants in bungalows. Once I ate tens of thousands of yuan for a meal, and it was only on my birthday.

He confessed to me that at the beginning, when he didn’t know the details of my mother, he guessed that my life with my mother was getting worse and worse because my father was gone and my mother was seriously ill.In short, he has always thought of me as innocent, pitiful, and cute, even though he really met me in such a place.

Of course he met me at school before I officially met him.

He said that I am very dazzling, and I am one of the people who can definitely be seen at the first sight in the crowd, and once I see it, I can't look away.

He is a child of a rich family, and he can naturally see the way I used to dress.

So there was an eerie similarity between us, even though he was wrong about everything.In the process of the two of us falling in love, we didn't pursue material things at all.He has always owned a lot, and he has already seen all the delicious and fun things, and he doesn't care.Although I have had a lot, I don't care.

During the time of love, the most expensive thing he gave me was the engraved pair of rings. Besides that, the box of handmade chocolates was more expensive.

He will not deliberately buy me new clothes, nor will he deliberately take me to eat something delicious, and he will not deliberately take me to some seemingly high-end places.

After he was with me, my life seemed to be the same as before.

Eat the food you used to eat, wear the clothes you used to wear, and listen to the songs you used to listen to.

There was even another person who took me to and from school like the uncle driver in the past, took care of me and cared about me like the auntie nanny, and protected me like the bodyguard I also had.

He is the biggest change in my life.

With him around, my family affairs, my mother's illness, everything I faced was no longer frightening.

Once upon a time, insomnia was painful.If I don't sleep well, it means that everything will be very painful the next day, and I will be less energetic to face them, and I will be more decadent and tormenting.

But with him, even if it is insomnia, I am not afraid.

There will be no more pain the next day, he will accompany me to every place, and I know he will be behind me.

My dependence on him came quickly and fiercely.

What do I do on sleepless nights?

Copying text messages of course, we were already able to chat very well at that time, and the inbox was full of text messages from the two of us.

Back then the iPhone 4 hadn’t even come out, smart phones weren’t popular yet, and I was using a white Sharp flip phone with limited memory, so I had to delete text messages.Every time I delete a text message, I feel very sad, and I am reluctant to delete each one. Even if the text message is only a "good" word, even if it has already been copied into the notebook, I have to stare at it for a long time before I can be ruthless and delete it.

After copying the text message, I still couldn't fall asleep.

My young body can also withstand staying up late, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep, I will get up again and turn on the light to write a blog.

Today's young people don't write this stuff, it was very popular back then, I wrote it on a website called "Not Old Songs", all encrypted, no one can see it, except myself.

My hands are typing on the keyboard, and I am puzzled to write——

cute?

What's the use of being cute!

Kiss me if you're cute!

You don't even kiss me.

How cute!

When I finished writing, I looked back and my face was red.

It's not that I'm thirsty, I haven't even figured out what the two of them are going to do|love, and I'm not very interested.I haven't figured it out yet.I just desperately want to touch the person I like. Is this the eagerness of a boy of that age who has no sexual experience at all?

I wanted to delete those words, but I thought only I could read them anyway, so I kept them.

I even thought, I want to record every day, I want to see when he will kiss me.

In this way, it took half a month to write.

Do you still remember the time I fainted at school, I was standing on the bus platform, I thought I was fine, but Chu Heng could think of how thin I was and how I was blown away by the wind.

In his eyes, I seem to be the only dandelion in the city. When the wind blows and the hand touches it, I will disperse and float away.

It is also like a piece of natural crystal, which will shatter when the hand is heavy.

He was afraid of scaring me, so he didn't dare to kiss me so quickly, maybe he wanted to let me get used to it.

For the past half month, writing a diary on the blog every day was very angry.

I only dare to be angry with myself. Do you have the nerve to tell others face to face about such a thing?Can I tell him, I don't want these processes?

Of course not!

In later years, there was a time when I almost died of grief, and I did.It suddenly occurred to me that there are no old songs, and I have long since stopped blogging. Well-known blog sites such as Blog Bus have long since closed down.Who still blogs?The text has long been fragmented.I got up from the hospital bed in the middle of the night, found my laptop that hadn’t been turned on for a long time, and found the URL from the favorites folder of the browser.

The old songs are still there, never closed.

The account name and password are so easy to remember, they are all related to Chu Heng, and I will never forget them in my life.

I immediately log in, the text is still there.

In the years when everyone has forgotten it, those words have always been quietly sitting there, and it seems certain that one day, someone will come back to read them.

They won't go.

I'm back and I watched it too.

I remember every our first time, I saw the records of the half a month I was looking forward to "kissing", the tears couldn't be controlled immediately, and instantly covered my whole face.

In the silent ward, I was wearing thin pajamas, sitting on the cold floor, with my back against the wall, holding my computer and crying.

Hold my love and cry.

Text can wait for me, but I can't wait for him.

The text will not go, but I have already gone far.

Sometimes I think that life is a huge bug, it is limited, it allows you to have memories and emotional changes, but it does not give you the completeness of all these, let alone the right to control them all.So we don't know what it was like to cry for the first time, turn over for the first time, call "Mom" for the first time, walk for the first time, etc., all of which we don't remember.

Because I can’t remember, because I have regrets, because I’m missing.When I am old enough to remember, I will try my best to remember every memorable moment.

It was also the day when the pain was on the verge of death, and I felt that life was cruel.

Not only is it limited, where is the deadline, it never even gives you a hint.

And what I have tried so hard to remember, I have to work harder to forget it.

I found out at the end, when did I forget?

It has already been engraved into life.

I even hated myself, and this living being called "An Sifeng".

Actually, I don't deserve Chu Heng's love.

Every day seemed to be peaceful, but we were actually waiting for a kiss with Chu Heng, we quarreled once.

Or I lost my temper unilaterally again. After all, this kind of thing has happened before, but at that time he didn’t kiss me on the forehead, didn’t call me “cute”, and didn’t hug me. It's called falling in love.

Now that I'm in love, I have to change it to a more advanced word.

The quarrel lasted quite a long time, and the reason is actually very simple.

He said that my mobile phone is a bit bare, I like minimalism, I prefer cool colors, and I don’t like hanging things on my mobile phone.

I immersed myself in writing English questions, ignored him, and continued to do reading comprehension.

After a while, I heard some rustling sounds, I looked back, and he looked at me innocently.

He rarely made such an expression, I was so cute, I naturally wanted to kiss him very much!But he has never kissed me, I will not take the initiative to kiss him!

Thinking of this, I became a little angry again, turned around and continued to do the questions, ignoring the occasional rustling sound behind me.

The voice didn't sound for too long, and I quickly immersed myself in the English problem. After I finished it, I checked it for him.After the inspection, Ben was going home, and he said he was going to the bathroom.

Is it okay to go to the bathroom after drinking water?

I nodded, he went, I packed my schoolbag and stuffed all the books in it.After packing, I found that my mobile phone was missing. I looked for it, but I couldn't find it. Maybe it was dropped in the car?

With Chu Heng around, I don't really care if the phone is gone.

When I was looking for my phone, I saw his bag.

He also brought his schoolbag. He has a thesis to write, and in the schoolbag is his notebook.

His bag is a LOEWE backpack, gray blue and off-white, a very nice bag, and it is also very suitable for boys of his age to carry.I don't care too much about these, and I usually don't look at them specifically, but now I'm staring at them.

There was actually a keychain hanging on his schoolbag, and the keychain was a small plush toy.

I leaned over and turned it over, it turned out to be Qiqi!

It's not the chicken named Kiki in KFC, but the chipmunk Kiki in Disney. The English name is Chip, and he has a younger brother named Dale.

There is even a Qiqi hanging on his bag!

The reason I'm so excited is because I'm a big fan of Kiki and Titi, they're my two favorites out of all the Disney characters.I told him that he dragged the cartoon to the computer the day before yesterday and watched a part of it here with me.

People like him actually hang dolls on their bags!And that kind of bag, with Qiqi on it, is really nondescript, and also kind of weird and cute.

Kiki never appears alone, what about Titi?

I immediately thought of what he said about my mobile phone being bare, and then thought of the rustling sound, and immediately went to look in his schoolbag.Sure enough, I saw my mobile phone, and Titi was hanging on my mobile phone.

Kiki and Titi are just brothers, but he specially bought Kiki and Titi, which I like, and Titi hung it on my mobile phone, and then accompanied me to hang Kiki childishly on my bag.

In my eyes, this is just for couples!

He always doesn't kiss me, I'm already a little worried and start to think wildly.

He suddenly hung up this, and I suddenly became excited again.

I grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom to find him, I wanted to kiss him!

Shameless and kiss!

The author has something to say:

I wanted to write about my dear, but it’s almost 12 o’clock, so I’ll write it in the next chapter.