Online Games: Light and Dust

How does it feel to love someone so hard?

Is it like sitting in the waiting room and watching a movie, no matter how happy you laugh, you have to watch out for the time, knowing that these are just happiness built on duckweed, and you will get up and leave without hesitation the next moment?Is it like a person who is so poor that he occasionally picks up some precious things, happy and pitiful?

There have also been happy times, in the cold winter, the dripping water turned into ice, and the yard was covered with snow, snuggled up and sitting by the fire, talking about unimportant things.Hot pot at night, chicken soup as base, emerald green lettuce stacked on the plate, beef and mutton cut into thin rolls, wild prickly ash mixed with spicy sauce, scoop it up hot, eat it with a smile, and keep warming your heart.

He even planted vegetables and sprouted bean sprouts in the warmest room of Qin Lu's house. He went to see them every day, and the tender yellow sprouts came out, which made people feel at ease that everything was fine.

But who started the Cold War first?

And why?

Can not remember.

It was because he bought an expensive birthday present, but he didn't want to accept it.It was because of the smell of perfume on his body after playing the game after drinking that time, but he didn't say a word.Is it because no matter how much he tosses, he always looks neither salty nor bland, or is it because he went to the suburbs to look for him for New Year's greetings after the New Year's Eve dinner, and he was full of joy and brought a bunch of things there, but he had already fallen asleep , after opening the door, he also asked himself to go back early, after all, he had to go to the elder's house to pay New Year's greetings the next day.

One by one, a little bit of accumulation.

Nan Zhongyuan didn't know whether this person liked him or not.It is said that two people are in love, but it is actually more like a one-man show by myself. When he smiles, he is elated, and he has no expression on his face, and he can't help guessing his mood, but from the beginning to the end, he is the only one who is emotionally enthusiastic. He remained indifferent.

He often plans the future of the two of them, where to go on vacation in summer, and install a good computer in the store, so that Qin Lu can live in his store in the future, and go to the countryside to collect wild honey for Grandma Qin to drink during the Mid-Autumn Festival, so first buy a buggy...

But Qin Lu never responded.

He went from elated at the beginning to disheartened at the end.Sometimes he thinks, maybe Qin Lu is too lonely, so he doesn't want to lose his friend, maybe he has no feelings for him at all.

But always not reconciled.

Qin Lu never lied to others, and he certainly would not lie to himself. If he wanted to be with him, he must like him.He told himself this over and over again, but in the end he still couldn't lie to himself.

There was no big fight this time.After a cold war, he didn't look for Qin Lu again, and Qin Lu didn't look for him either.

For a whole week, he stayed in the store, neither going home nor going out. The clerk was afraid that he would starve to death, so he was worried every day.

He waited a whole month.

No phone calls, no text messages, no private chats in the game, he even secretly checked on Qin Lu's account, and found that he had just logged in last night and spent a night fighting monsters in the Sea of ​​Skeletons.There is no PK in the gang, no dragon slaying, he is not busy at all.

But he just doesn't contact himself.

Nan Zhongyuan could no longer find a reason.

After two months of depression, the family became anxious first. The eldest sister of the Nan family rarely came home from abroad to visit relatives. After counting the number of people, she found that a younger brother was missing. After knowing the reason, she went straight to the store.

The Nan family has four siblings. The eldest sister is called Nan Ziyao, who is also quite legendary. When she was young, she studied abroad and had a child out of wedlock. The other party is a conservative European family with a little noble blood. The man is in a dilemma.She was not married at all, and lived alone with her children.The current job is also quite out of the ordinary. He is studying finance, but he is doing fashion design. He has made some achievements. The relationship with Nan's father is not good, so it is rare to come back.

During that time, Nan Zhongyuan sank to the bottom of the valley, the last time he went out was when Yi Yunyou came back, now that the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming, he is hiding in the restaurant alone.

Seeing his appearance, Nan Ziyao scolded him, greeted Nan's mother, and directly took him abroad to relax.

Nan Ziyao settled in France, the weather is very bright, romantic country, flowers are everywhere, Nan Zhongyuan is in a bad state, she throws her at home and helps her to look after the child, the little girl has blond hair and blue eyes, she calls Uncle Nan Zhongyuan in Chinese, Ask him to tell bedtime stories, and the prince and princess lived happily ever after.

Nan Zhongyuan once wanted to study French cuisine, and his life plan also includes coming to France to drink red wine, but at this moment, his mood is completely wrong, even if he drives a convertible to a farm full of lavender to bask in the sun, he doesn’t see it at all. .

Nan Ziyao said that he was worthless, but it was just a relationship, let go when it hurts, how easy it is, and it's not worth losing the joy of life because of it.It is said that he is blinded by a leaf and cannot see Mount Tai.

But she didn't know that a leaf could not block the sight.

Those who will be blocked are willing to do so.

For a whole summer, he seemed to be living in a glacier, his heart was so cold that no sunlight could come in.It's like holding a fire in your hand, already burned to pieces, but you refuse to let it go.

Because he knew that the person named Qin Lu would not come to him.If you let go, it's really over.

In the end, Nan Ziyao couldn't stand it anymore, so she found a friend's luxury cruise ship and threw him on board to travel around the world.Traveling around the world with a wide sea and sky, hoping that the overwhelming scenery can help him divert his attention, but it is not possible, the closed environment on the ship is full of young talents, such as flowers and beauties, maybe there will be an affair.

However not.

He has seen the magnificent buildings in Barcelona, ​​the blue and cloud-white roofs of Greece, and the beautiful scenery outside the infinity swimming pool in Bali, but he is still absent-minded.

When he arrived in Bangkok, he stopped the boat and disembarked. Buddhism is prevalent in Thailand. He saw children selling flower strings outside the temple. He didn’t believe in Buddhism, so he thought it looked good, so he also bought a string.The golden statue of Buddha in the temple, with downcast eyes, is full of pity.

He went to the domestic website on the boat and saw that the champion of the Tianzhi Contest was still on the headlines. Of the six people holding the trophy together, Qin Lu was still standing at the very edge, putting his hands on the trophy with a blank expression, as if he had been caught by the trophy. I dragged it over to fill up the number, I just want to finish it quickly and go home to sleep.

He ordered the final video, but couldn’t open it, so he called Cheng Xi, that guy was probably having a reception, and he spoke very fast, he said, Cheng Xi, you don’t have the final video of You Tian Zhi Ya, can you send me a copy .

Cheng Xi said, "I'll buy one and get one free, and I'll tell you a piece of news by the way."

"what news?"

"Grandma Qin Lu passed away last month."

He booked the earliest flight, and he traveled through the sea of ​​clouds for four hours without closing his eyes.

It was already late at night when we arrived at City S.

If he couldn’t get a taxi, he went to the restaurant to get a car first. It was already early winter in S city, and the trees were covered with frost. He ran all the way. The streets were so silent at midnight, only the sound of his footsteps echoed. There was no fear in him.

Hurry up, hurry up, go to him, tell him it's no big deal, you're not alone, I'm still here.I will always stay with you.

Qin Lu finished brushing the last dungeon and was about to go to bed.

He often suffers from insomnia recently. For a person like him who has no entertainment, insomnia is very troublesome.

The place where he lived was very remote, and the night was very quiet, but not long after he lay down, he heard dogs barking, someone running in a hurry at night, and then the courtyard door was knocked loudly.

He put on his clothes and went to open the door. In the past few months, when he went to open the door, he often had the illusion, or hope, that the person outside the door would be the person he rang.

But this time it's true.

The moonlight was like water, and the vegetation was covered with frost. The man was standing outside the door in a long-sleeved T-shirt. He was obviously shivering from the cold. When he saw him, he tried to force a smile.

"I surrender."

He opened the door and put on clothes for Nan Zhongyuan without saying a word.

"Go to the fire." He heard his own calm voice: "You are shaking."

Nan Zhongyuan was wearing Qin Lu's clothes, sitting on the bed bored.

He was cold and hungry, if Qin Lu hadn't asked him if he had eaten, he wouldn't have remembered that he hadn't eaten since getting on the plane.

He was actually a little apprehensive. After all, although he was famously good-natured, it was the first time he put down his body and surrendered voluntarily, and ran here wishfully.

it does not matter.He comforted himself, so what if it was a stone, as long as he was willing to work hard little by little, he could always keep warm.He didn't drive himself away...

The room was still the same, so tidy that it was almost unpopular.Nan Zhongyuan sat on the bed and kicked a cardboard box under the bed.

The cardboard box was opened, as if the owner was looking through it just now, because a guest came, so he had to push it under the bed in a hurry.

There are a lot of things in the box, the top one is the award certificate of Tianzhiya, then a model made according to Qin Lu's archer is the prize, and the bottom is a stack of photos.

The top one is a strange young couple, the second one is a photo of Grandma Qin and Qin Lu when they were young, and the third one is a selfie of him hooking Qin Lu's neck and smiling happily.It was he who took Qin Lu's mobile phone, I don't know when Qin Lu printed it.

In the photo, Qin Lu still had that expressionless expression on his face, showing no emotion, as if being dragged to take pictures was something to deal with, just like many times in the past when he made Nan Zhongyuan feel disheartened.

Probably because I often took it out to look at it, the corners of the photos were a bit worn out, Nan Zhongyuan turned down and found a stack of photos, all of which were exactly the same as this one.

He printed dozens of photos, just to keep the appearance of two people together.He put photos of Nan Zhongyuan and his family together, but never said a word of liking to him.

Obviously should be happy, but Nan Zhongyuan suddenly felt sad.

When Qin Lu came in, Nan Zhongyuan was sitting on the bed leisurely with the stack of photos waiting for him.

With his familiarity, he could tell what the stack of photos was at first glance.

Nan Zhongyuan made an expression of "you need to give me an explanation".

"Eat noodles." Qin Lu put the cooked noodles on the table as if he didn't see it, his expression was as calm as usual.

Nan Zhongyuan looked at him for a long time, Qin Lu didn't show any flaws on his face, and sat by the bed.

"Qin Lu, come here."

Qin Lu walked over, Nan Zhongyuan jumped up, grabbed his arm directly, and wrapped his hands and feet around him: "You have already been caught by me and you still pretend, admit that you are in love with me! Hurry up! Otherwise, I will post this photo To your door!"

"Aren't you hungry?" Qin Lu asked him calmly.

"Stop talking nonsense!" The shopkeeper of Nantah University, who had always been smiling, also went into a rage, grabbed his back and strangled his neck: "Admit it quickly! Or I will strangle you to death!"

Qin Lu looked at him helplessly, grabbed his arm, and threw him on the bed. Nan Zhongyuan wanted to stand up and fight again. He grabbed Nan Zhongyuan's wrist with one hand, pushed him down, and pressed his knee on his waist. Continue to look at him blankly.

"You are becoming angry from embarrassment!" Nan Zhongyuan had no strength to fight back, he could only attack verbally and struggle desperately.

Qin Lu stretched his arms across his chest, covering his mouth.

As arrogant as Mr. Zhang Zhan, he will never admit that his ears are feverish.

The temperature in the room was very high, Nan Zhongyuan was sweating all over, the hair on his forehead was wet with sweat, his eyes were looking straight at him, his skin was fair, he could not get tanned even after going abroad for a few months, his eyes always had smiling.

Qin Lu let go of his hand.Still pressing down on Nan Zhongyuan.

Nan Zhongyuan stopped arguing, and just looked at Qin Lu, as if he hadn't seen him for a long time, so he had to look back at the differences in the past few months.

"Qin Lu, do you know what I've been thinking these past few months?"

Qin Lu shook his head.

"I've been wanting to tell you these past few months, Qin Lu, I don't accept it. There is no deep hatred between us, no parents intervening, why can't we be together. I don't want to end in such an unclear way, I don't want you and me to part ways and start a family. , I don’t care what secrets you have, what worries you have! I will come back to you, as long as I am alive, I will pester you for a day. Until you can finally smile at me and admit that you like me.”

"But I don't think so now," Nan Zhongyuan looked into his eyes and said softly, "I surrender."

It doesn't matter if you are indifferent, you don't respond, or you don't say a word, or you stay like this for the rest of your life.

I will always be here, not to wait for you to say that you like me, not to come to a result of the stalemate, as long as this is the case, the two of us stay together, even if we bump into each other, we must always stay together.

I will understand you one day, and you will believe me one day.

I don't want to win or lose, I just want you.

Nan Zhongyuan couldn't say more, because Qin Lu leaned down and suppressed him.

Nan Zhongyuan will remember this night all his life.

Because of special meaning, because of pain.

It hurt more than I imagined, but I persisted in doing it.

Nan Ziyao always wanted him to think carefully, to think clearly, to figure it out, so as not to suffer.In fact, there is nothing clear about falling in love, but I like it in my heart, so I keep going forward.Don't think about the consequences, don't think about tomorrow, your body will be smashed to pieces, it's just because of love.

There was a faint light from the window, and there was a hazy brightness in the room. Nan Zhongyuan was lying on the bed, his back was covered with fine sweat, Qin Lu turned his head sideways, and kissed him awkwardly and carefully.

Nan Zhongyuan closed his eyes, wondering if it was because of the pain, the corners of his eyes were a little wet.

The days to come will not be easy, he indulged this person too much, as long as it is what he wants, it doesn't matter what.Just being kissed by him made my heart ache.

He gave a low sigh.

"I can't turn back..."

Qin Lu answered him.

"Well, there's no turning back."