Grandma, I want to talk to you about life

Ding--

System prompt: Congratulations to player Wang Xiaoming for obtaining the achievement [Plants vs. Zombies got his brain eaten by zombies in the first level]!

Ding--

System prompt: Congratulations to player Wang Xiaoming for creating a new peak in the history of handicap!

……fall!This is called achievement, he doesn't want it!

After a suspicious silence, Wang Xiaoming silently returned to the interface where the game started, and said to Mai: "I believe that all the audience have also seen it just now, Mr. Wang, I successfully commanded the zombie to eat the opponent's NPC's brain in the first level! In the history of Plants vs. Zombies, it is definitely a miracle that has never been seen before or since! This is the victory of the sweet party!"

While talking nonsense in a serious manner, Wang Xiaoming restarted the game——

"Now, Lao Wang, I want to increase the difficulty of the game a little bit! After all, as a player who successfully ate the brains of the opponent's NPC in the first level, the current difficulty of the game is really so easy for me~ So, I want to increase the difficulty of the game a little bit, so that I can reflect my god-like operation, coquettish positioning and lustful consciousness!"

"So how can I increase the difficulty of this game? It's very simple! Have you seen this thing that has the same shape as the sun? This thing...it is the sun, and the sun will appear every once in a while. We will Collect this sunlight, why? The answer is simple, because our zombies are afraid of sunlight! If we collect this sunlight, it will weaken the zombie's ability to move! So doesn't this increase the difficulty of the game?"

"Collecting sunlight is very simple, just click with the mouse ~ where you don't know where to click~soeasy~"

While talking, Wang Xiaoming collected the sunlight on the screen.

"Okay, we have collected enough sunlight, now we are going to officially start to increase the difficulty of the game! Then how do we do it? It's very simple. Have you seen the thing like a vending machine at the top of the screen? That thing is... or a vending machine. After we collect enough sunlight, we can exchange it for things! Isn’t it amazing? What are we going to exchange for? It’s the food for our zombies!”

"If you control the zombies and let them eat the brains of the opponent's NPC, isn't this game a bit boring? So we have to increase the difficulty of the game appropriately, and we have to exchange sunlight for some food for our zombies Placed in the middle of the road, these foods will attack us because of the curse of the mysterious person, so we have to pay a little price to eat the food, but after we are full, we will be resurrected with full blood on the spot, and then continue to move towards the enemy until Eat each other's brains! Believe me, everyone already understands how this game is played after I introduced it here."

While talking nonsense in a serious manner, Wang Xiaoming exchanged sunlight for a sunflower, because there was not enough sunlight at the beginning of the game, and Wang Xiaoming couldn't afford too high-end plants.

"I bought a sunflower. Zombies' favorite food is sunflowers. They are crunchy and chicken-flavored. We planted sunflowers in the innermost part of the yard...Ah! Our zombie brigade is attacking!" the prompt at the bottom right of the screen Wang Xiaoming's zombies started to attack, and Wang Xiaoming continued to talk nonsense to Mai calmly.

"This sunflower can also produce little sunshine, and it can also be collected. After collecting it, we will go to buy some snacks. Have you seen this thing that looks like a pea? Yes, it is a pea, but its name is pea Shooter, we buy a pea shooter, plant it, and the pea shooter starts spitting peas at us! Isn't it amazing?"

"Oops! Our zombie vanguard was choked to death by a pea! Too bad, I silently shed tears of sympathy, we will always remember this zombie who was choked to death by a pea! I want to represent all zombies for it Light a candle!"

……

Because the difficulty of the game Plants vs. Zombies is not very high at the beginning, even Wang Xiaoming, who is a handicapped fighter, passed the first few levels with ease, so Wang Xiaoming said nonsense in a heavy tone while feeling nervous: " Because I adjusted the difficulty of the game to the highest hell mode, I have not even passed a level now! After so many levels, can I eat the opponent’s brain! But it’s not my fault! It’s all because of the difficulty of the game It's too big! Even a player like me who can easily eat the opponent's brain in the first level, it is still difficult to deal with the difficulty of this hell mode!"

The end of being too outrageous is to be severely slapped in the face. This is a truth that has been verified countless times by countless people.

So in the next level, Wang Xiaoming's brain was eaten successfully and he went to the street.

Looking at a line of big green characters on the screen [Zombies ate your brain! ], Wang Xiaoming was suspiciously silent for a few seconds, and immediately laughed hahahahaha and said to Mai: "Ahahahaha, old Wang, I finally managed to command the zombie army to eat the other party's brains! I really It's too powerful! Even the difficulty of this hell mode can be easily overcome! Hahahaha, this is the victory of the sweet party!"

"Crispy, chicken-flavored, this brain is sweet and chicken-flavored!"

Then, it was the same level again, and Wang Xiaoming knelt in the same posture again.

Looking at a line of big green characters on the screen [Zombies ate your brain! ], Wang Xiaoming was suspiciously silent again for a few seconds, then laughed again and said to Mai: "Ahahahaha, old Wang, I have successfully commanded the zombie army to eat the opponent's brains again! I’ve passed two levels! I’m simply too good! The difficulty of this hell mode is no more than this! Ahahahaha must be because I’m so handsome!”

Then, it was the same level again, and Wang Xiaoming knelt in the same posture again.

[Zombies ate your brain! 】

"Ahahaha, it's so easy to eat the opponent's brain again! Passing the level is really not too easy~ It must be because I am so handsome! Sometimes being too handsome is also a kind of trouble! Walking on the street is really too much hatred! Even playing a game system is so handsome that I let me pass it easily!"

As a handsome man who is so narcissistic that he can take a selfie in the mirror for 5 minutes every morning and boast that I am much more handsome today than yesterday, Wang Xiaoming can't stop boasting about how handsome he is, which makes Wu Yanzu Kaneshiro Takeshi hear it blush!

After finally passing this level and entering the next level, Wang Xiaoming said to Mai in a deep tone: "It doesn't matter if a person stumbles or a horse stumbles! If this level doesn't eat the opponent's brain, there will be another level!" We will be able to take the opponent's brain in the next level! The sweet chicken-flavored brain is waiting for us! We will continue to work hard! The victory must belong to our sweet party!"

then……

The next pass, Wang Xiaoming, rushed to the street at lightning speed.

[Zombies ate your brain! 】

"Ahahaha sure enough! Let me just say it! The victory belongs to our sweet party! In less than 5 minutes from the start of this level, I successfully ate the opponent's brain! It's really amazing! Because at this moment I Not alone! No... I am not a zombie at this moment! This is a victory for all our sweet parties! All sweet parties stand up, and together we will build a new society of sweet partyism!"

Within a few minutes, Wang Xiaoming rushed to the street again with lightning speed.

[Zombies ate your brain! 】

"I won again! I managed to eat the opponent's brain again! I'm so good hahahahaha!"

A few minutes later, Wang Xiaoming once again rushed to the street with lightning speed.

[Zombies ate your brain! 】

"Oh my god, I won again! Sure enough, the difficulty of this hell mode is not a problem for me at all, haha! You see, I successfully ate the zombie's brain again! Crunchy and crispy chicken~"

...Wang Xiaoming's logic has begun to become a little confused under the stimulation of continuous rushing to the street.

[Zombies ate your brain! 】

[Zombies ate your brain! 】

[Zombies ate your brain! 】

"Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I won the win again... I ate the brains of zombies!

"Uoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... If I eat my brains again, I just want to pass the level..."

"Mom, I don't want to eat chicken-flavored brains anymore... I want to pass!"

Wang Xiaoming was almost overwhelmed by the continuous attack on the street. He paused the game and ran to Baidu Raiders.

After returning from Baidu, Wang Xiaoming is full of confidence and ready to fight again!

"Ahem, what, Lao Wang just did two sets of papers for the five-year college entrance examination and three-year simulation to calm down, so he didn't go to Baidu for some strategies~ I calmed down after finishing the papers, and found that it can't go on like this! It’s so boring to win! We still need to increase the difficulty of this game! Although the difficulty of this game is already terrible, it’s actually not the highest difficulty. There’s another difficulty that’s even worse than the hell mode! Now let’s try try!"

Wang Xiaoming confidently followed the way of arranging the plants in Baidu's strategy, and then again...with lightning speed, he rushed to the street.

[Zombies ate your brain! 】

"Ha, haha, hahaha, look, this level of difficulty, which is even worse than the hell mode, is nothing more than that. Hahaha, I won easily... It's too difficult to challenge..."

Everything about the strategy is a lie!

After rushing to the street N times in a row, Wang Xiaoming's brain was about to be eaten by [Zombies eat your brain! 】This barrage brainwashing cycle!

In the end, Wang Xiaoming had no choice but to say to Mai weakly: "After such a long demonstration by Lao Wang, I believe everyone has understood the correct way to play the game Plants vs. You can eat the opponent's brain, and pass the level easily!"

"...If someone tells you that Plants vs. Zombies is not played like this at all! Then please keep your eyes open, gentlemen! They must be heretics of the salty party! Their purpose is to disturb the morale of our sweet party! If there are people like this around you, you must slap this video of Lao Wang’s correct posture for playing Plants vs. Zombies and slap them in the face, and let Lao Wang teach them how to be human in minutes!”

"Okay, this is the end of today's video. I'm the old man next door who praised me for being handsome. If you think today's video is useful to you and benefits you a lot, please frantically brush the bullet screen in the bullet screen area and the message area Lao Wang, you are so handsome! Thank you for your cooperation! We will see you next time... I don’t know when!"

After recording the video, Wang Xiaoming was almost exhausted and paralyzed.

Recording video is really tiring!Never love again!

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After Wang Xiaoming rubbed his sore shoulders and wrists, he thought about it, went to Baidu to find out how to deal with the post-production of the video, and then added some simple and rough post-production effects to his video according to the teaching, and then uploaded the video to Station B.

While waiting for the video to be uploaded and reviewed, Wang Xiaoming went to take a bath to relieve his physical and mental exhaustion.

After taking a shower, Wang Xiaoming couldn't wait to go back to the computer to see the audience's reaction, but because it was midnight, he didn't expect many people to watch it. After all, it hasn't been long since the video was uploaded. It was too late to post the barrage, Wang Xiaoming swiped twice and saw no barrage, so he closed station B and went to Penguin.

The Jidian God group was as lively as usual, and Wang Xiaoming was jumping around desperately to gain a sense of presence as usual.

Too handsome to have no friends: A lot of girls asked me to take a group photo to sign yesterday, so you don’t have to be too envious The seven wolves of the desert were awakened by their own handsomeness: ... you are handsome?you sure?

Too handsome to have friends: Otherwise?You don't have to be too jealous in the desert. Although you are not as handsome as me, you are still good enough for the seven wolves of the desert: You are obviously called Shou

Too handsome to have any friends: You are the one who suffers!I'm obviously attacking!

Master Diancang: Handsome, you... are indeed gay!

Domineering Watermelon Knife: Xiao Shuai came out in front of the whole group, gratifying to congratulate, he is so handsome that he has no friends: When did I say I was gay?

Master Diancang: Just now, 1 minute ago, there was a screenshot as proof

The Seven Wolves of the Desert: The evidence is solid, so don’t be stubborn

Wang Xiaoming almost choked himself to death with a sip of water. It is one thing to accept that he is gay, but quite another to admit that he is gay in front of so many people!

Just when Wang Xiaoming was going to die and never admit that he was gay——

Can Xue Jinghong: Handsome guy, you admit it, there is nothing shameful about being gay (~￣(OO)￣) Wang Xiaoming was almost stunned, Can Xue Jinghong? ! !Goddess, wake up!You are a glamorous and noble goddess! How can you speak in such a tone and use kaomoji to look cute! ! !

As I said before, Can Xue Jinghong, as a master writer, has a low-key personality and glamorous and noble behavior, and is called a goddess by many fans and readers. Of course, Can Xue Jinghong's gender is male.Such a glamorous and noble Can Xue Jinghong suddenly spoke in such a tone today, it almost shattered Wang Xiaoming's titanium alloy dog ​​eyes!

Help!First is Yu Fengjing!The last is Can Xue Jinghong!What is wrong with this world!

Jingfen is going to destroy the world!

Too handsome to have any friends: What the hell?Goddess, have you been hacked?

Desert seven wolves: How can the goddess speak in this tone, she must not be me Young master Diancang: This tone is a bit familiar

Domineering Watermelon Knife: Isn't that girl in our group the favorite to speak in this tone?

So handsome that I have no friends: When Watermelon said that, I also feel a bit like...

The girl mentioned by the domineering Watermelon Knife is the delicious cucumber who joined the big god group not long ago. She is a female writer on Tintin. She is a soft girl who often uses emoji to show her cuteness. Wang Xiaoming went back and forth before becoming gay For the first time, he wanted to hook up with that girl and develop her into his fan...but in the end, he failed.

Desert seven wolves: Goddess and sister fit together?

Master Diancang: How can you ask such a simple and rude question in the desert!You should ask this...Goddess, are you living with your sister?

Domineering Watermelon Knife: Diancang, you are so eloquent in asking!Papapa is too handsome to have friends: No!Goddess, how can you do this!Let go of that girl and let me come!

It's a pity for Wang Xiaoming, he had a good impression of this girl before, although he later became gay...

Although a few men in the group often joked with each other and everyone came together to stir up trouble, but Wang Xiaoming could tell that they were just joking... Even Can Xue Jinghong, who is usually glamorous and noble, hooked up with the girl quietly, And he, who clamors all day long to hook up with many soft girls, has never really taken any action. Could it be that he is too cover-up?

Wang Xiaoming is struggling in his heart. He really likes Jingyu... But in today's society, heterosexuality is king after all, and homosexuals are heretics. Even if he can ignore the eyes of people around him, Jingyu, he can ?If he could straighten himself, would Jingyu be able to go straight back?Maybe being with the girl is the best ending for the two of them.

But can sexuality be like a spring, straight when you say it, and bend when you say it?

Just when Wang Xiaoming was struggling, the conversation in the group suddenly found a 180-degree reversal.

Because Can Xue Jinghong typed "she" as "he" when addressing his sister. As a writer who makes a living by writing, Wang Xiaoming subconsciously pointed out Can Xue Jinghong's mistake, never expecting——

Can Xue Jinghong: Yes, it is him

Too handsome to have friends: ... What do you mean?

Can Xue Jinghong: Literally, it is him, not her

Wang Xiaoming's whole person is Σ(っ°Д°;)っ!

So handsome that he has no friends: What do you mean, that girl is not a girl but a man?

Desert Seven Wolves: I always feel that the amount of information is a bit large

Master Diancang: Little Cucumber is not a girl, but Little Cucumber is with the goddess now...

Domineering Watermelon Knife: Is this the legendary... coming out of the closet?

Can Xue Jinghong: Yes

Can Xue Jinghong: Just to tell you, by the way

Wang Xiaoming's whole body is Σ(°△°|||)!

Nani! ! !It turns out that he has always had a good impression of her and wants to develop into a fan girl by any means—Ju!Of course!yes!indivual!Chinese!son!

And this guy is still with Can Xue Jinghong! ! !

They're messed up! ! !They're also out! ! !

What is wrong with this world!

Gay guys are going to destroy the world!

Wang Xiaoming was in a trance after knowing that his friends in the big god group had come out for many years to stir up sex.

After he became gay, why did everyone around him seem to have become gay!First, there was Yu Fengjing who he thought he could only fall in love with secretly, and then there was Can Xue Jinghong, the great god who had always been glamorous and noble among the great gods... Help, if this continues, Han Yuedao suddenly came out and said that he was gay and was going to be with Jun Xiaojian. Not surprising!

Help!What kind of trouble is going to happen in the world where all the people are disturbing the base!

And Wang Xiaoming's homosexual heart, which was a little shaken when he thought that Can Xue Jinghong had a girlfriend, once again resolutely headed towards the homosexual direction without looking back, like a runaway grass mud horse, which he couldn't hold back. !

In Wang Xiaoming's mind, the scenes of getting along with Yu Fengjing during the day were played over and over again automatically, and then gradually... blushed...

Wang Xiaoming patted his face to wake himself up, stared at the ceiling for a while, and found Yu Fengjing's face on the ceiling, Wang Xiaoming coughed twice, and went to Station B again to divert his attention.

Seeing the number of online viewers playing the video, Wang Xiaoming was terrified. Even the number of bullet screens was rapidly increasing at a number that Wang Xiaoming had never imagined. Beyond the comments——

#99 Cried by Lao Wang stupidly +10086

2333333 Even Plants vs. Zombies can play so stupidly, I am also drunk

#98 Cried by Lao Wang stupidly +3

I'm about to be fooled by Grandma and cry!Congratulations to Lao Wang for reaching a new level of stupidity!

#97 Cried by Lao Wang stupidly +2

After playing for so many years, I realized that I have never been able to play Plants vs. Zombies

#96 Cried by Lao Wang stupidly +1

Downstairs Cure Constipation 233333 ~ Pharaoh God operation!I was so scared that my waist didn't hurt, my legs didn't hurt, and I climbed up to the fifth floor in one breath!

#95 Cried by Lao Wang stupidly +1

Grandma is in operation!Scared me to treat the old constipation that has been cured for many years!

#95 Cried by Lao Wang Stupidly

Serious nonsense or something is really 23333 Lao Wang, you are enough!But if you, Old Wang, didn't play like this on purpose but were serious about it, then I can only kneel down to you...

After reading all the comments, Wang Xiaoming replied angrily with the id of [I was made to cry stupidly by Lao Wang]——

You are really enough!That's right!I did not do it on purpose!I mean it!Are you afraid that you can only play at this level if you play seriously? !I am a man who is afraid even of myself when my hands are disabled!snort!

Humph! !! !!