like drinking ice

After the funeral, Zheng Ao and I started dating.

It’s often in Zheng’s house, probably the impression I had when I was a child will have an impact on me when I grow up, I still like this place very much.

Zheng Ao was really busy, the piles of documents piled up, he moved them over and put them on the carpet, leaned on my lap to read, and asked me to peel oranges for him to eat.He is very smart, but after all, he is young and has no patience. He often thinks that the people below are as stupid as pigs, why such a simple question has to be sent up.Originally, the people below Zheng Yehu were a little dazed when he just left, but they all started to move after being scolded by him.

The housekeeper of the Zheng family is very similar to the housekeeper of the Li family. They are the kind of emperor who is not in a hurry to worry about the eunuch's life. He follows Zheng Yehu with a bitter face all day long. Now that Zheng Yehu is gone, he will be replaced by Zheng Ao.Moreover, Zheng Ao's temper is even worse. This is an unforgivable mistake for the housekeeper who takes the master's comfort as his own responsibility, so he often asks me to save the situation, and he has formed a fixed routine.Every time I see him coming to me with a bitter face and calling me Mr. Xu, I know there is nothing good.

But with regard to outside affairs, Zheng Ao is very quiet now, probably because he is busy and has a conflict of interest, so he doesn't communicate with his original "friends" so diligently.After all, Zheng Yehu left very suddenly, leaving such a big stall behind, how many people were waiting for a share of the pie, and when a rabbit left, hundreds of people chased after it.Among these families in Beijing, no one can say that they are completely unmoved, but there are a few of them that are exceptional, and Zheng Ao is very familiar with these families.Leaving aside the Guan family, the small actions of the He family and the Wang family are also very impressive.

I have been with Zheng Ao all the time.

He probably also likes my company very much. Often when I lie on the bed and read a book before going to bed, he runs over and rubs against me twice, complaining about what bothers me today.He hates heat, so he likes winter, sleeping with his hands and feet wrapped around me.Often I wake up in the middle of the night sweating from the heat.

The affairs of the office gradually got on the track.

Lawyer Su asked me about my future plans, and I said that I really like being a litigator.

I like to watch when the parties state the facts or are filled with righteous indignation or sadness. Sometimes I wonder how human beings have so many emotions. It’s like a perpetual motion machine. A broken heart recovers the next day and can cry again In the last scene, it seemed like the sky was about to fall when they got divorced, but when the property was divided, they could walk out of the court with a smile.

I felt like I was watching a play where the extras were constantly changing.Because I couldn't do it myself, I was even more amazed.

On the day of the Winter Solstice, the company worked overtime, and it was a little late to go back at night. The housekeeper of the Zheng family called and told me to come over. I was driving, said hello to my dad, and drove to the Zheng family.

Zheng Ao is working in the study.

He can't be restrained, but he often has meetings, so he wears a white shirt. He likes a narrower tie, which is very pretty and he wears it when he wants to meet people outside.When I entered, he was writing furiously, as if he was not holding a pen but a dagger in his hand. Seeing which document was uncomfortable, if one annotation was made, the paper would be cut in half.Annoyed by the sight, he threw a book out, like an ancient emperor throwing a memorial, but unfortunately the steward was not around, otherwise he could come up to persuade: "The Holy One calm down, take care of the dragon's body."

A document was thrown at my feet as I entered.

I picked it up, patted it clean, helped him put it back on the desk, and prepared to find a chair to sit down by the way.

He watched it for a long time, but was still angry. Fortunately, he had finished reading it. He tore off his tie and threw it aside. He walked to my feet and sat on the carpet with a pen in his hand.

I patted his head and he glared at me.

I laughed.

He looked at a document at his feet, and kicked it aside just by looking at a name, probably too impressed, and cursed loudly: "How can there be such a stupid person in this world! All the things that are sent up are trivial and trivial, wasting my time." time."

I comforted him: "You are leading them, so naturally you think it is a trivial matter, but in their hearts it is a great event."

He didn't want to say any more, and leaned his head on my lap, looking very tired.

I can actually understand why he hangs on me all the time, he is very comfortable with me, because I treat him very well, know him well, and I am so determined that I will never deceive him and betray him, although it is not a day He is the proud son, but he is also doing his best to treat him well.He is so good, and there are many people who like him, but among these people, there is only me who has both "he can see into his eyes" and "he enjoys the way he treats him well".

He used to be a sweet dream I couldn't ask for, a name that I couldn't even reveal in my dream talk, and a person who felt happy as soon as I saw him.

But I'm probably an expedient measure that he made comparisons with, a piece of chicken rib that he holds firmly in the palm of his hand. It's not as wonderful as those beauties outside, and I don't have a family background or qualifications that are enough for him to value. It's tasteless to eat, and it's a pity to discard it. .Fortunately, it is not allowed to spend much effort to maintain it.

Because I was too kind to him, he didn't want to sever ties with me, so he condescended to be with me.Because no one can take care of him better than me when he is very tired or when his temper flares up. I am more considerate than a young master like Ning Yue, and more attentive than a high-end nanny, so he is reluctant to part with me.

Like right now, he's leaning on my lap and demanding loudly, "I want beef tonight."

"I'll tell the chef to do it later," I told him.

"I want to eat what you made."

I was taken aback for a moment, then laughed again.

"I don't feel like cooking recently."

"Why?" he asked.

"Probably because I'm too busy." I told him, "I probably won't do it in the future."

Zheng Ao didn't speak.

He just stood up, picked up a few documents thrown at his feet from the ground, and read them.

I know he is angry.

It's a pity that I won't embarrass myself for his little emotion.

In the evening, he was well again.

In fact, I don't know if Zheng Ao has noticed these subtle changes in life and my increasing rejection.He may find that it is no longer my unconditional indulgence to ask for whatever he wants, I also have my own life, my own job, and I will put those before his needs.

He's so smart, he probably figured it out a long time ago.But people like him never suppress their dissatisfaction.

Maybe he doesn't care.

Lawyer Su gave me two tickets for a legal lecture. The speaker was a lawyer I admire very much, and he was also the first lawyer to introduce the concept of "violent woman syndrome" into the courtroom.

I asked Luo Xi to watch it together, and he said it was very interesting and he learned something.It was already dark when I came out, and I was about to eat something when the phone rang.

We were walking out of the coffee shop at that time, it was very cold outside, there were many people on the street, and they were in a hurry, Luo Xi took the coffee cup from my hand and waited for me to talk on the phone.

It's Zheng Ao's call.

"It's so boring..." He complained loudly on the other end of the phone, "When are you coming back?"

"I'm eating out, so I might come home late." I covered my other ear with my hand, the street was too noisy: "You should eat first."

I don't know what he said over there, I didn't hear clearly.

"What did you say?"

"Where are you?" he asked me aloud.

"I'm here at our school."

"Who are you with?"

I glanced at Luo Xi.

"a friend."

Hang up the phone over there.

When I arrived at Zheng's house, the lights in the main house were on. The housekeeper looked very embarrassed and apologized to me repeatedly, saying that he was sorry for calling me so late.

"Is he asleep?" I asked the housekeeper as I took off my coat. There was a little snow on the way here, and I didn't even wear a hat.

"I haven't slept yet." The housekeeper hung up my clothes for me: "At night, the old lady said that her heart hurts, and the husband went over to meet some uncles and grandpas."

It seems to be pissed off.

I didn't ask clearly on the phone at the time, I just pretended that he was making a fuss for nothing, so I just put him off.

"Has he eaten?" The servant handed over a warm towel, I wiped my face, my ears seemed to be frozen and I lost consciousness.

"The food was sent up, and there was no movement." The housekeeper was worried.

The bedroom lights are dim.

"If you don't worry, just wait." I told them: "Let the kitchen prepare the meal, and we may call dinner later."

"Okay." The butler quickly agreed, feeling relieved.

I seldom use the servants of the Zheng family because I know my identity.But if Zheng Ao needs it, I will order it, because they are eager for this.Probably because I grew up in this environment, but I didn't have the idea that "all people are created equal, and all privileged classes should be banned". I know very well that wherever there are people, there is a classification system, and there is a classification system There are grades, grades, grades, and some people take on greater responsibilities, are more capable, and naturally enjoy more.

I don't look down on these people, but I don't live like them either.

The light in the bedroom is very dark, there is only a little landscape light in the corner, the carpet is very soft, and there is no one on the bed.

After my eyes adapted to the light in the room, I found Zheng Ao.

He was sitting on the long table by the window, where there were daffodils and a good inkstone, but now they were thrown away somewhere.The carved mahogany windows were glazed, and it was snowing outside.He was wearing a nightgown with the collar open, leaning his head against the window, as if he was asleep.

I walk over to him.

Even at this time, Zheng Ao's reaction was still extremely sharp. As soon as I was three meters away from him, he reacted and turned his head to look at me.

His hair was wet, but there was something thorny in his eyes. I always knew that there was more than just a smile in his eyes. Obviously, Guan Ying stimulated the murderous look in his bones.

I still walked over.

"Blow dry your hair, you'll catch a cold if you sit like this." I told him.

He didn't move, just looked at me.

I think we should let Guan Ying take a look at him now. Just take a look, and she will never have the intention of being Empress Lu again. Even if she has the ability to hold Zheng Ao down, after she dies, the Guan family will definitely Was settled by Qiuhou.

But Zheng Ao will not let her see this side.

Foxes never show their claws and fangs. It is the last resort, and ordinary dangers can only be dealt with with cunning.

I am no stranger to Zheng Ao like this.

In the past, I always thought that I knew him very well. I thought that even if his private life was chaotic, even if he was cold-hearted, but the basic things in his heart were good.But he let me know how wrong I was.

He no longer has those warm things in his heart.I don't know why he became like this, I began to feel that the real him is actually a very calm hunter, hiding behind the mask, watching the world with cold eyes.He is playing chess, and people have no feelings for chess pieces.His murderous intent was due to anger, not because of his disappointment with Guan Ying's family relationship.

I dug the hair dryer out of the cabinet and handed it to him.

He looked at me.

"You help me blow."

I didn't speak.

"Why, don't you want to?"

I plugged it in, tested the wind speed, and was about to pass the hair dryer to him.

He didn't move, but the moment my hand touched him, he grabbed my wrist with his backhand and dragged me over. My stomach bumped against the edge of the long table, and with a muffled grunt, I fell into his arms.

"Give it back to me!" he said viciously.

"Have you been drinking?" I smelled the alcohol on his body and asked him calmly.

"Give me back my Xiaolang! Here! Me!" He said every word, the corners of his eyes were red, and his eyes were like knives, which made my cheek hurt.I think he meant it because he crushed my wrist.

"I'm right here, what do you want?" I asked him.

"I want the original one." Zheng Ao threw the hair dryer in my hand to the side, dragged me up, and looked at him. There was something special in his eyes, which is only seen by injured beasts. That kind of emotion that seems to bite your throat in the next second, but makes you feel very sad.

I want to retract my wrist: "You hurt me, Zheng Ao."

"I want the original one!" He repeated stubbornly, he was so fierce, but it seemed that he was about to cry in the next second: "I want the one that will comfort me!"

"I can comfort you now."

"I don't want you!" He yelled at me, and I smelled the alcohol on his body: "You are fake, Xiao Lang won't do this, Xiao Lang will cook for me! Xiao Lang won't go out to play with others, Xiao Lang will not be so calm, he will comfort me, and he will anxiously circle around me, as if he only cares about me in this world! Give me back the old Xiao Lang, I don’t want you!"

He complained loudly, as if I was the one who made the mistake, as if I was the culprit who caused the current situation, as if he was the most innocent victim, and I deceived him, let him down, and when he was caught off guard revealed the most embarrassing truth to him.

I laughed.

My wrist hurts, but I have a good laugh.

I have never understood why I still can't let him go, I still want to be with him in my heart, I thought it was because I still love him, I just found out today, it turned out that I came back to him just to be in such a time, so One night, when he needed the original Xu Lang the most, when he justly clamored for Xu Lang, he stood beside him and told him softly: "The Xu Lang you want is dead. "

His eyes turned red instantly, and I hardly had time to see whether it was anger or sadness, when he grabbed my shoulders and fell to the ground.

"Change back for me," he choked my neck, threatening me: "Otherwise I'll kill you!"

"Kill me." I smiled nonchalantly.

His hand was clasped around my neck, and his boxing-trained arm was slender and strong. With just a slight choke, all stories could end here, no matter if it was a tragedy or a joke, it would end here and leave it to future generations to comment on.

But I know he can't do it.

How can you give up?

It is such a deep dependence, as if we have been relying on each other from the very beginning, such a good moonlight, such a cold night, even if I become someone I don’t know in the end, become so selfish, so bad, I will not No way to let go, still want to lean against him, to absorb a little warmth that doesn't exist at all.

So does he.

He likes the big world outside and so many new things, but occasionally in the middle of the night, he will be very tired, and he really wants to go to that person named Xu Lang and sleep peacefully for a night.Such late nights are rare, so he feels that it is not worth sacrificing the colorful world outside for this.He even felt that as long as he was willing to come, that person named Xu Lang would always be waiting here.

He didn't know that that occasional night was the whole of life for that person.The man named Xu Lang lived in this city very hard, trying to save some warm and beautiful things, just to contribute all when he needed himself.The man named Xu Lang thought that he would cherish this little thing, and would not throw it on the ground to be trampled on by others, because it was a little thing held out of his heart, although it was shabby, it was all he had.

And now the man named Xu Lang is dead.

Zheng Ao has never been wronged, how can he stand such a loss.

Zheng Yehu can bully Lin Wei not because he doesn't love him, but because he is worse.But Lin Wei will not punish him.

For such a clever villain, the only way to retaliate is the same cruel betrayal and abandonment.

The room was so dark that I couldn't see his face clearly, the hand holding my neck was trembling slightly, and hot liquid fell on my face, which made my heart ache.

I thought I had already tempered a heart of stone, invulnerable to swords and guns. I thought that by this time, I should laugh out loud, laughing at him for his own fault, laughing at his good and evil will eventually be rewarded.But at this time, my own tears flowed down.

I hate how clever the Zheng family is.

They rely on their own cleverness, so they always want more selfishly, what he said in the ward is the truth, he wants my love, my look up, he wants me to revolve around him like the planets around the sun, I also want the wonderful colorful world outside.He is the proud son of heaven, and he feels that only the addition of these things can be worthy of him.

He thought I loved him so much that I was so desperate that I would fly to the flame, burn my self-esteem and the past, and continue to be the quiet and kind Xu Lang.

But I can't do it.

The fire in my heart burned too much, burned myself to ashes, and burned that warm and beautiful Xu Lang to death.Even if I want to give him some comfort now, and tell him that it's okay, I forgive you, let's start over, I can't do it.

All I have left is this sharp, sharp piece of ice, okay, all I have is this piece of ice.

Ice does not warm others.

No matter how painful or difficult he was, no matter how regretful he was, no matter how much he wanted to get back to the original Xu Lang, there was only this piece of ice left.He asked me for comfort and got nothing but spikes.

I raised my hand and touched his face.

It was still the handsome silhouette in my impression, he called me in a low voice: "Xiao Lang."

His voice was very small, not like the domineering Zheng Ao.As if all these years were an illusion, he is still the young and proud Xiao Ao, and there are countless grievances in his voice waiting for me to comfort him.

I didn't take back my hand, he turned his face sideways and leaned his face in my hand.He probably hoped that I would suddenly laugh out loud and tell him that all of this was just a prank on my part, that nothing had changed, that as long as he apologized, we could go back to the past and continue to live together in a dark night when he felt frustrated. Lean together.

but I do not have.

I said, "Xiao Ao, tell me, you are so smart, why did you let us get to where we are today?"

He didn't answer me.

He shook off my hand, climbed onto the bed, wrapped the quilt around his body, and fell asleep on the bed.

This is a gesture of rejection.

I lay quietly on the ground for a while, and suddenly felt very cold.Not happy, not happy, just cold.

The door was knocked.

I wiped away my tears and got up to open the door. It was the housekeeper. Zheng’s house is well soundproofed. He probably didn’t hear us quarreling and was waiting outside. When he saw me open the door, he quickly smiled and said, “The kitchen is ready for dinner.”

"There's no need to send it in, he'll ask for something to eat when he's hungry."

"Then I'll put a chef on the night shift." The housekeeper hurriedly arranged.

Zheng Ao will go on a hunger strike because he is in a bad mood, he has his own severity, no matter how much trouble we make, at most one night, when he wakes up tomorrow morning, he will still be the head of the Zheng family, and there are countless complicated and troublesome affairs waiting for him to deal with outside. There is no father above him, he is that Mr. Zheng.At daybreak, he will put on a full body of armor to face those who are eager to bite off a piece of flesh from him.

"Clean up the guest room." I said, "I'll sleep there tonight."

When I woke up the next morning, I found Zheng Ao lying next to me.

He slept soundly.

There is no way, 15 years, two-thirds of my life, three-quarters of his life, even if I know I can't go back, but with a little residual warmth, it is better than nothing.

I didn't wake him up, I got up and went to work by myself.

It's a sunny day outside.

I don't know where we will go, but I can only go on like this and see what fate will hand me.

I used to be very young, with warmth and light in my heart. I believed that it would get better and better in the future. I had a home of my own in this city. Even though I was experiencing a hopeless crush, I was still working hard to move forward.

Then I changed.

People are going to change.