Xingchuan

"I?"

The fingertips rested between the eyebrows, and Ling Yi was fixed in place.

Afraid I want it?

How could Xingchuan think so.

Ling Yi raised her head slightly and looked at him in astonishment.

From before to now, Xingchuan doesn't think much about other people's feelings when he speaks and does things, and he always doesn't mean what he says when facing Ling Yi.Just because he refused to admit that he was deeply involved and couldn't forget it, he always said something that hurt Ling Yi from time to time.

But what he said just now is actually close to an explicit statement - if Ling Yi wants it, he is willing to cooperate.

However, if this is only related to sex, it cannot be called a confession.

If it was before, just these eight words would be enough to make Ling Yi Xinjing sway, after all, it is already very rare for Xingchuan to take the initiative to this extent.But the uneasiness between Ling Yi's brows and eyes became more and more obvious at this moment.

He thought for a while, raised his hand to hold the fingers between his foreheads, and held them like that after taking them off, "Actually, I..."

He wanted to say that he was still sick, but he had no intention of that.

"You what?" Li Xingchuan looked at him fixedly, without pulling out his fingers.

Ling Yi reacted very slowly, shaking his head, "It's nothing."

"Speak straight."

Hands open gently.

Ling Yi said, "I just think that's not the case."

"It's not like that."

"I don't know either." He lowered his head, as if he had done something wrong, "I just think something is wrong."

This wasn't the first time he thought this way, but it was the first time he said it.As early as the day of this accident, when Li Xingchuan hugged and kissed him in the ward, he had already thought this way——

It's not like that, it's not like that.

This is not what he wants.

From fainting to waking up, Li Xingchuan's attitude changed 180 degrees, making Ling Yi also start to feel dizzy.He wanted Xingchuan to love him so much, but when this love really began to show signs, for some reason, it was different from what he imagined.

At first he thought that Xingchuan had figured it out, but after receiving a call from Cheng Kaiji, he felt that Xingchuan was sympathizing with him.

Feelings are not playing games, and there will never be a customs clearance.They have been in the maze of emotion for five years, and the exit is not so easy to find.Could it be that the key to unlock Xingchuan's heart is a disaster in prison?He found out that Ling Yi had been in prison, and found out that leaving back then was a last resort, so he could pretend he hadn't done it in the past five years.Is it true?

Although Xingchuan thinks so, the problem doesn't stop there.

"I'm sorry." Ling Yi's voice sounded weak in the winter night wind, "Did I spoil the atmosphere tonight?"

What was originally a tender and ambiguous day changed because of his ambiguous words just now.

"Are you still going to your house?" He asked again.

The trunk was closed at a constant speed, and Li Xingchuan's eyes shifted from his loosened hands to his face, his eyes were a little colder than before, and he just looked at him like that.It took a long time before he spoke: "What do you think I brought you home for?"

They stood in the cold wind for a while, and Li Xingchuan didn't turn back to the car until Ling Yi coughed slightly.

No one spoke again.When approaching the community, Ling Yi was still in a daze in the rearview mirror.

Back in the apartment, everything including the smell is still the same as before, but the dust is floating, and it seems that it has been a long time.

There is more than one bathroom in the house, and they each go to take a shower.Li Xingchuan brought Ling Yi the pajamas, disposable toothbrush, and clean towels that he had worn before.

Because he was concerned about the wound and had something to do in his heart, Ling Yi washed slowly.After about 10 minutes, someone knocked on the door.

He stopped the water.

There was a vague outline on the glass door.

"Is the water hot?"

"It's pretty hot."

Because the bathroom was stuffy, Ling Yi himself knew to be careful to prevent himself from fainting, so he opened the window slightly to let in air.

The outline disappears.

After another 10 minutes, the knock on the door rang again, but this time it was overshadowed by the sound of the shower.Ling Yi was thinking about something, but couldn't hear it right away, until the knock on the door turned into a violent knock, and then he suddenly came back to his senses.

The people outside had already started turning the doorknob, as if they were about to rush in in the next second.

He hastily turned off the water: "What's wrong with Xingchuan?"

There was a sudden stillness outside the door.

"It's okay, you wash yours."

This time the outline on the glass never disappeared.

Ling Yi quickened her movements, washed and dried in less than 5 minutes, changed into clothes and went out.Li Xingchuan was leaning against the wall, wearing a gray cotton T-shirt, and the tips of his hair were half wet.

Ling Yi slowly rubbed her hair: "What are you doing standing here?"

Li Xingchuan stood up straight: "It's nothing."

Probably due to washing for too long, Ling Yi's legs were a little soft when walking over.As soon as he stopped and slowed down, Li Xingchuan hugged him horizontally.

Surrounded by the faint smell of tobacco, Ling Yi hugged his neck at a loss: "I'll go by myself."

"I hug you."

When he spoke, his chest would resonate slightly, and Ling Yi's body felt numb for a moment.

The sheets and quilts in the master bedroom are all new.Li Xingchuan put him down and didn't linger for a second. When he left, he closed the door tightly.

The footsteps gradually faded away.

Ling Yi was lying on the bed, her hair was still wet, so she could only sit up again.He knew that Xingchuan would not come in again.

This bed is no stranger.That time when he had a fever, Xingchuan forced him to lie here, pinched his chin and made him take medicine.Xingchuan is by no means a bad person, but he is always passive in the face of feelings.

After sitting quietly for a while, Ling Yi still got up and went out, he was used to taking the initiative.When passing the living room, I accidentally found that the box of condoms I just bought appeared in the trash can.

He paused and looked up at the door of the guest bedroom.

There is a phone call inside, and you can hear it when you get close.

"Take him back to the hospital early tomorrow morning...he's still not fully recovered...it will be next month at the earliest..."

"Contact that foreign doctor Tan for me first, and say that the patient can go there next month...he speaks Chinese or English...forget it, I'll follow..."

"Take a look at the long-term rental apartment nearby for me... Well... Don't worry about the cost... Healing his hand is the first priority."

Ling Yi's heart was suffocated, and he couldn't explain why, but he couldn't move as if his feet had taken root.After calming down for a long time, he raised his hand and knocked on the door: "Xingchuan, can I come in?"

There was a sound inside.

Open the door and enter, and a desk lamp is on in the room.This used to be Xiaoshu's bedroom, so there are still many toys in the basket on the ground, and many plush dolls on the bed.

Probably because he was too lazy to tidy up, Li Xingchuan sat next to a few dolls, his mobile phone was turned upside down on the bed, and a thick book was placed on his lap.

Ling Yi sat in the center of the bed, not far away nor close, "Are you reading?"

"Ah."

"what book?"

"A Brief History of Mankind."

Ling Yi stretched out her hand to take the book, and the opened pages were crumpled, with two unsightly corners folded up.

He lowered his head and flattened out: "You should turn on a brighter light when reading a book. The desk lamp is not good for your eyes."

After speaking, gently close the book.

The room was very quiet, although he didn't raise his head, he could feel Li Xingchuan looking at him.

"You have something to tell me." Li Xingchuan said affirmatively.

From waking up to now, the two of them haven't rested for a moment.Ling Yi was busy seeing doctors, nurses, and mother, while Li Xingchuan was busy investigating the past, dealing with Cheng Kaiji's declaration of war, and taking Ling Yi to a nursing home.The two of them, who should sit down and have a good talk, sat down calmly after 12 hours.

Now before them, there are three things that need to be discussed: the truth about the separation back then, what each other has experienced after the separation, and the real thoughts of the two of them now.

Li Xingchuan guessed that Ling Yi probably wanted to talk about one of the three things, or all three things.He watched Ling Yi put down the book, and picked up the towel beside her to wipe her hair.

Ling Yi lowered her head meekly, and quietly folded the towel into a square the size of a palm.After folding, put it in the palm of your open hand, and stretch out your hand.

"look."

Under the dim light, this square of towels looks as if it has been measured with a ruler and pressed with an iron, but it was done by hand.

"Look at what."

He raised his head and smiled at Li Xingchuan: "I learned this in prison. My quilts and towels are folded like this every day. Points will be deducted if they are not folded well. If you deduct too many points, you will not be able to reduce your sentence." .”

This towel is the epitome of his prison life.Li Xingchuan looked at him and slowly sat up straight.

"Xingchuan, I don't know how much you know about my imprisonment. Maybe... Maybe you have no idea about this kind of thing. After all, you have never been in prison. Actually, I wanted to talk to you in the nursing home, but you seem to be You don’t want to hear me say that.”

He paused, retracted his hands, and spread the towel on his knees again.

"I understand that you are doing it for my own good, and you don't want me to always think about going to prison. But if you don't want to, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Xingchuan, I just went to prison."

Li Xingchuan frowned inadvertently: "I know."

One day today is enough for him to find out what happened back then.Which detention center did Ling Yi enter, and which prison was later transferred to? He knows exactly when he got out of prison.

But Ling Yi doesn't seem to think so.His eyes moved slightly, and he looked down at the towel on his knees: "You don't know."

Why don't you know?

"You don't know what it means to have been in prison. I'm grateful that you haven't looked at me through colored glasses these days, but...but other things, have you really thought about it?"

Li Xingchuan's eyebrows slowly tightened.

"I know you are a very responsible person. You helped me back then, and now you take care of me, my mother, and Xiaoshu, largely because you feel that you have this responsibility, don't you?"

Now that you have spoken, let's just say it all at once.

Ling Yi saw Li Xingchuan very clearly.

He was a trouble around Li Xingchuan back then.Because of an accidental encounter, Li Xingchuan regarded this trouble as his responsibility, protected him, slowly accepted his love, and in the end was even willing to take him away, fulfilling his promises to him again and again.This is due to Li Xingchuan's nature.

In fact, it was the same with Xiao Jie and Xiao Shu.Li Xingchuan never loved Xiaojie for a second, but he could risk his life for Xiaoshu. If he hadn't reunited with Ling Yi, he could have been a single father for the rest of his life.He is a person who puts promises and responsibilities before his life. Just like what he said at the hospital bed after Ling Yi woke up, he has worked hard for many years on Yang Bin's matter, and he has done his best to fulfill his promises. Let go of the shackles on your body.

But is responsibility equal to love?

In Ling Yi's eyes, Li Xingchuan may have love, but it's not that pure.Li Xingchuan's fragility, guilt, and love are very short-lived, and he can digest them all the night he slept in the corridor, and he is still indifferent and strong after waking up.

Love is impulse, responsibility is sympathy, pity or tolerance and understanding, the two must not be confused.

Therefore, Ling Yi can't be blamed for being uneasy.

"Xingchuan, aren't you tired?"

Li Xingchuan looked at him.

"We are almost 30 years old. Yang Bin will never come to harass me again. You don't need to take care of me as your responsibility. If my illness can be cured this time, I will continue to look for a job. If it can't be cured I can also find my own way. I can take my mother back to my hometown, where the living standard is relatively low, and my house is still there. There is always a place for me, and there is always a way to survive. I really don’t need your sympathy. I can support myself."

The two tendons under Li Xingchuan's forehead gradually stood out.

Ling Yi never looked up.

"And my hand." He raised his right hand flat, and there was nothing wrong with the five fingers other than being thin.

"My hand has been healed a long time ago. I haven't told you that I didn't hide it on purpose, because it really doesn't need any treatment. I can't draw any more because I have a psychological problem, and it has nothing to do with this hand. You can't help me , I don’t need your help either.”

There was heavy breathing in the dim light, and it was hard to tell whose it was.

The clock on the wall is ringing, and the second hand is swinging once and for all.

Such a beautiful day is finally coming to an end.

"Xingchuan," Ling Yi raised her head, "Either you love me [-]% or live your own life, okay? I don't want to be your burden anymore."

The red eyes slowly focused.

At this moment, Li Xingchuan was suddenly in a daze.

He remembered that at the gate of Huiyuan Community, Ling Yi said that he couldn't walk anymore, and jumped on his back.That's not what Ling Yi said at the time.

At that time Ling Yi said: There is still a long way to go before the end, don't let me go in the meantime, even if I am your burden.

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