Return to the Road of God

Ye Yufan didn't care how much his "uniqueness" affected others. He was still himself. When he was rational, he would read and study, and meditate in a daze. However, homework would be inexplicably unfinished, or strange pictures would appear on textbooks and manuscript paper. .

"Did I really draw this?" Ye Yufan would sometimes think like this, "Can I really draw?" Repeated doubts seemed to open a door in his mind, and the urge to draw gradually surged come up.

He began to reflect: Maybe it was because he was not good at art when he was young?Or perfectionism, subconsciously wanting to do things that were not well done before?

Ye Yufan picked up the pen expectantly, but... the ending is still different!

He looked depressedly at the sketch he had just drawn. He originally wanted to draw the scene of the hospital ward that day, but the windows were crooked, the floor was slanted, and the bedside table was bigger than the bed, let alone sunshine and sadness. I can't express my emotions at all, it's a mess!

Ye Yufan crumpled the paper with a dark face, feeling that his idea was really ridiculous!

Throwing away the ball of paper, Ye Yufan didn't realize that he had been habitually turning his pen after that, staring at a scene for a long time, analyzing the composition of the scene and its perspective relationship, or staring at a person to see how the other person looks like. Where it is different, how to express it on paper.

Once, he saw a boy doing pull-ups on the playground. The smooth lines of his body, strong muscles, powerful arms and sweat on his body made him unable to look away.

The dynamic beauty and vitality made his hands burn, and there seemed to be a voice in his mind urging him: to draw that moment!

And the boy Ye Yufan paid attention to got off the horizontal bar and ran to his companion in a chaotic manner. Ye Yufan clearly heard him say: "That is Ye Yufan from Class A, right? Is there something wrong with him?"

"Ah! It's him...he's very famous recently! That 'Walking God Emperor' is him!"

"He just kept staring at me, his eyes are so weird!"

"I heard that he had a serious illness some time ago, and now he has become like a vampire..."

"Yeah, that skin is too white, it's scary... Ah, he's following us, run!"

"..."

Ye Yufan was completely unaware of those subconscious actions.

Things that have been said, done, and remembered are often confused.

Ye Yufan gradually felt that he had become an outlier outside the crowd.

Sometimes, suddenly someone would ask him an inexplicable question, such as "what are you doing" or "what's wrong with you", Ye Yufan didn't know how to answer, because he was afraid that what he said would deviate from what he did...

He began to be unable to integrate into the group, and he found it unbearable for everyone to look at him, whether it was admiration, novelty, or disdain.He began to dissociate, talking and moving as little as possible, sometimes staying silent for a whole day.He started to be a loner, talked to himself occasionally, and really acted like a weirdo.

Six months ago, Ye Yufan never thought that one day he would become tired of studying.

He was tired of staying in the classroom day after day, facing complicated homework, he began to hallucinate, and the characters on the paper would change, jump or even disappear for no reason.

He couldn't concentrate in class, his mind screaming to be liberated - get out, get out!DO NOT STAY HERE!Go out into the world!

Under such self-urging over and over again, Ye Yufan really got up and walked out. Ignoring the astonished eyes of his teachers and classmates, he walked out of the classroom and left the campus.

The outside air relieved his chest tightness, and the wide space made him feel free.

He wandered aimlessly outside, looking at the city's sky, green space, roads, buildings, pedestrians... everything is so comfortable, but also very lonely.

At this time, some people are attending classes at school, some are working in the office, some are building bricks and tiles for the city on the construction site, and everyone is rushing for the future or survival.

Everyone seems to have their own goals, but he is doing nothing.

what can i doIf I don't study, what else can I do?

Ye Yufan thought, what is the meaning of my existence?

He sat on a bench in the downtown park all afternoon, feeling the transfer of sunlight, and the cold air seemed to freeze the time for a particularly long time.

"I was talking at the top, but he just stood up and walked out in silence under the eyes of everyone! Does he still want to study? Does he still think of me as a teacher?" On the other side of the school, The homeroom teacher called Father Ye right away, "His disregard for discipline has become unbearable!"

While Father Ye was apologizing, he was also worried about where Ye Yufan had gone. During this period of time, he was worried all day long, and his hair grew gray from worrying about his son!

Unexpectedly, Ye Yufan voluntarily went home as soon as it was time to eat.

Father Ye's heart was relieved, and he didn't pursue his son's truancy. Instead, he cared about where he went and whether he was in any danger.

Ye Yufan said, "Just go out and take a walk."

As soon as Mother Ye got angry, she instinctively wanted to criticize Ye Yufan, but Father Ye stared back at her.

Father Ye said earnestly: "If you don't want to go to class, remember to write a note to the teacher. You can go home or go to places with many people, but you must remember to ensure your safety and return on time like tonight. Home, otherwise we will all worry about you, you know!"

Ye Yufan let out a muffled "Yeah", then lowered his head and began to pick up the rice. He was very hungry, and he didn't necessarily consume much energy recently, but he was always hungry easily and wanted to eat everything he saw. Maybe it was because he lost weight after being ill some time ago. Too much, and now the body instinctively wants to make up for it.

After the meal, Ye Yufan gnawed a big apple, and was invited by Father Ye to play a game of chess. Halfway through the second game, he lost his mind, and after a minute, he began to draw the chess pieces on the board, and then moved Father Ye All the chess pieces on that side moved and arranged in strange shapes, with excited expressions on their faces.

Father Ye looked at his son silently without saying a word, and finally he asked tentatively, "Is it fun?"

Ye Yufan nodded slightly, and continued to play with the chessboard and chess pieces as building blocks. Mother Ye stood not far away, her eyes sore from watching.

In the evening, Father Ye and Dr. Zhong talked on the phone. Although they had decided not to treat them anymore, Dr. Zhong persuaded them repeatedly and offered to provide them with free consultation, so the two sides maintained contact.

Father Ye also felt that professionals were somewhat helpful to them.

"Playing truant?" Dr. Zhong mused, "This may be the phenomenon of 'interpersonal rejection and social rejection' that Xiao Yu found out that he had a mental illness."

"Did you isolate yourself?" Father Ye asked.

Dr. Zhong: "There is this possibility. Did he go outside to find a place to hide? Or did he simply not want to see so many people? But there is no need to worry too much about these situations for the time being. Although he has some mental problems, he is not human. Stupid, and he is 15 years old, he still has some basic safety awareness."

……

After hanging up the phone, Mother Ye asked anxiously, "What's going on?"

Father Ye sighed: "Doctor Zhong told us not to restrict him too much. If he doesn't want to go to class, don't force him to go to class, let alone keep him at home."

Going to bed at night, Mother Ye cried unconsciously in bed, the more she cried, the more sad she became, muttering "what to do"... It is one thing to figure out "giving up the treatment", but it is not easy to bear the torture caused by it. It's another matter. She hasn't been able to accept the reality that "an excellent son has become crazy" in such a short period of time.

Father Ye held her hand and didn't comfort her. He waited until his wife was tired from crying, and then asked, "Is it better?"

Sometimes, crying is also a kind of decompression, but he is a man, he can't cry.

"Haven't you already made a decision, why are you crying?" Father Ye said softly.

"Aren't you uncomfortable?" Ye Mu said with a crying voice.

"Uncomfortable," Father Ye said slowly, "There is nothing you can do about it, just take it as a test for us in life. There is a saying in ancient times, when the heavens will send great responsibilities to people, you must first work hard on your heart and muscles... "

"Don't be polite to me!" Mother Ye interrupted her, but her mood was much relieved.

Father Ye: "Actually, I think it's pretty good for Xiao Yu to do this."

Mother Ye: "Huh?"

Father Ye: "He has been different from other children since he was a child. He is smarter, more mature than others, and better than others. He never makes us worry. In the past 15 years, he has hardly relied on us. Sometimes I feel that I The only existence is to provide him with a house, a learning environment, food and study, and no other spiritual support at all. But now he has changed, when he became... another person, he was very naive, and he would get into trouble and lose his temper , and make mistakes, just like a child.”

Mother Ye: "..."

Father Ye: "Don't always think that he is crazy. Can he be the same as the lunatic in the madhouse? If they don't know his previous symptoms, no one will think him crazy. You see, he has been in school for so long. Are you saying that he is crazy? At most, he is more independent in his behavior."

Mother Ye: "Last time he hit someone..."

Father Ye: "Just that one time! Except for that one time, there is no evidence to prove that he is more violent than others! Including before, we couldn't understand his paintings, and he cried and made a fuss. I just think it's him. I am suffering, in pain.”

Mother Ye: "...Okay."

Father Ye: "There is a saying that the world is what you look at the world with. If you always think that your son is sick, then he will become sick even if he is not sick. I think Xiao Yu is like other people's family. This kind of rebellious, unlearned child is very different, he has his own ideas, at least part of his personality is mature and normal, and the new part... or another person, we don't know Great understanding. So far, he just likes to draw strange pictures, can't play chess, has a good appetite, and eats two more bowls of rice..."

Mother Ye burst out laughing: "It's true when you say it."

"That's right!" Father Ye got excited: "In the middle of playing chess tonight, I think Xiao Yu has become a different person. He obviously doesn't regard chess as chess, but treats it as another kind of game. He still plays with relish. But do we need to say that chess must be used for playing? We limit him with an adult way of thinking, and feel that everything he does is wrong, but what if we treat him as a child?"

Mother Ye admitted: "Yes, there is no rule that says chess cannot be played with building blocks, just like children, they can use anything to play with."

Father Ye: "We just don't know him well enough now, maybe one day, we will be able to understand this... another person's thoughts, just like Dr. Zhong said, we should try to communicate with him, don't force him to follow Our rules go live."

Mother Ye: "Tell me, if he plays truant and suddenly becomes a different person and doesn't know the way home, what should he do?"

Father Ye: "Or, put a note on him?"

Mother Ye: "Write down our home address and contact number?"

"..." Are they really treating their son as mentally retarded? "Let's wait and see."

In the following week, Ye Yufan skipped classes almost every day, but he would go home on time, and Ye's father and mother finally felt relieved.

On this day, Ye Yufan simply didn't go to school early in the morning, and just wandered outside. He stopped and walked along a street, and unknowingly smelled a smell, which made him both strange and familiar. He groped, looked around Then, on a street corner dozens of miles away, I saw a painting supplies store.

There are wooden easels and drawing boards at the entrance of the store, and a row of plaster heads are placed near the window through the glass, so you can tell the nature of the store at a glance.

But what made Ye Yufan feel strange was that it led him to find the smell of a paint shop. It was the smell of paint mixed with resin and wax, mixed with the light fragrance of pine wood and charcoal ink. It was very unique, but he had never noticed it before.

Ye Yufan stood there thinking, why is he familiar with this smell?Could it be that dream I had a long time ago?At that time, he just had a mental problem. He fell ill after seeing Dr. Zhong once. During his sleep, he had a long dream. He dreamed that he was painting with his hands in a room full of paints and canvases...

But there is no smell in the dream.

He hesitated, but his feet moved uncontrollably, and he walked towards the painting shop in a mysterious way.