Years of Intoxication

He Gu felt that wherever Song Juhan was, the air began to become thinner, making it difficult to breathe.He forced himself to calm down, and said in a deep voice, "How did you get in?"

"Looking for someone to bring it in, it's like being a thief." Song Juhan's tone was not very good, and his whole body was somewhat gloomy, as if there was something hidden in his body, eager to explode.

Why is it understandable that a person like Song Juhan, who wants everything from birth, and who is loved by thousands of people, must have never experienced such a setback, so he is extraordinarily angry.

But in the whole thing, isn't he the one who has the most reason to be angry?On the contrary, facing Song Juhan, he couldn't get angry, he just felt helpless, deeply helpless, because no matter how angry Song Juhan was, he would never admit his mistake, anger was meaningless.

Seeing that he didn't speak, Song Juhan walked over and stretched out his hand naturally.

He Gu turned his face away: "What are you doing here?"

Song Juhan looked at his hands that were frozen in mid-air, and his expression flashed with displeasure: "What are you here for? Of course I came to see you! I went to another prison right after I got out of the detention center, and my dad locked me up. Today I was able to see you in exchange for an apology press conference."

He Gu looked at him: "You see it now, you go back."

"He, so. Song Juhan gritted his teeth, "I have never seen anyone with a more difficult temper than you in my life. "

Why are you silent.

Song Juhan stared into He Gu's eyes, "Why did you agree to take the blame for me? Are you stupid? Do you want to go to jail?"

He Gu's lips trembled, and his fists were secretly clenched behind his back. He wanted to give a reason that didn't sound humble, but he couldn't think of it for a while.

Why?Why do you not hesitate to commit a crime, and you are ready to sacrifice everything you have to agree to such a request?How should he answer this?In the end, he had no choice but to say, "No reason."

That's right, there is no reason, because even if he is given thousands of chances, his choice is still the same.

Because it is Song Juhan, so there is no reason.

"Fuck you 'no why'!" Song Juhan grabbed He Gu's arm with all his strength, his deep eyes seemed to hide the energy of the entire starry sky, able to penetrate people from the inside out, "He Gu, tell the truth, Why."

He Gu struggled a few times, but couldn't get rid of Song Juhan's restraint, he pushed Song Juhan hard, and shouted angrily, "Let go!"

Song Juhan squeezed his shoulders, pushed him against the wall, and said every word clearly: "Tell me, why, what, what!"

"Why?" He Gu's eyes were bloodshot, he clenched his back molars, and looked at Song Juhan without flinching.

The two of them stared at each other tensely for a few seconds, and He Gu suddenly laughed, with a heart-rending sob mixed with that laughter.

Song Juhan looked at him without saying a word.

"Why? Hahahaha, why?" He Gu's eyes were already blurred, "My name is 'Why', it seems that I am destined to have many unsolvable problems in my life, such as why I met you, why I slept with you For six years, why do you want to involve yourself in your bad things. Song Juhan, I also want to ask you these three words, why do you say? Don’t you really know?!"

Song Juhan's breathing was a little short, his eyes were bright and his gaze was like a torch: "You like me, don't you? You haven't answered my question that day. Do you like me?"

He Gu bit his lip hard, trying to numb himself with pain to avoid crying again, that would be too shameful.

He thought that as long as he didn't tell, and Song Juhan didn't tell, he could take this secret to the grave after saying goodbye to Song Juhan, but in fact, deep down in his heart, he always suspected that Song Juhan really didn't know?

Song Juhan knocked his teeth open with his thumb, stroked his soft lips, and couldn't help but kissed him, and said softly, "Why didn't you say it? It's been so many years, why didn't you say it?"

He Gu only felt that every word Song Juhan said pierced his heart like a sharp knife, and he tremblingly said: "Say? Do you remember that when I questioned you six years ago, you smiled and said that I am not good at playing?" rise."

Song Juhan frowned: "At that time... I was still young, and I didn't expect you to be real..."

"You never thought that the person who could hook up with you by singing a song after meeting two or three times would really like you, right?" He Gu realized that in this world, no one would expose his own scars better than him, He clearly remembered every word and every detail of that year. He understood his own embarrassment and Song Juhan's contempt. He understood everything, but he couldn't get out.

Yes, Song Juhan was only 19 years old at the time, an age where he couldn't even cover up his cruelty tactfully.

Song Juhan was silent for a while: "At the beginning, my purpose of approaching you was really not pure, but over the years, you have become more and more important to me, and I am really not used to it without you."

This was the first time Song Juhan spoke soft words, but somehow he didn't feel the slightest bit of joy, he only felt his cheeks were hot, as if they were swollen from beatings.After so many years of companionship, it finally played a role, that is habit.Yes, Song Juhan is used to him being on call, obedient and patient, but he is also used to this kind of life, and he can't even tell whether the most painful thing about leaving Song Juhan is losing his love or breaking his habits.

He Gu said hoarsely: "You will get used to it sooner or later, let me go now, let's go."

"Are we still as bad as before? Am I treating you badly?" Song Juhan was a little anxious, being rejected by He Gu repeatedly, he had turned from anger to flustered, he never thought that He Gu would really want to leave him.

Why is there no more around?How about that? !He couldn't imagine it.

He Gu felt a sharp pain in his heart and said tremblingly, "Song Juhan, do you know what love is?"

Song Juhan was startled, but did not speak.

"Like is... I don't know what it is, but it's definitely not that I can watch you sleep with others and still have no reaction. You make us the same as before?" Every time He Ge said a word, it hurt so much, "You Knowing that I...I like you, you still let me look at you and hug you like before?" He might be able to do it before, but now he can't, since he knew that Song Juhan played with him like that for Feng Zheng, he It really doesn't work.

He thought, he thought that Song Juhan would be a little moved by knowing his "like", but as expected, his "like" was worthless to Song Juhan, and it didn't even stir up a few waves, so he disappeared into the vast expanse. In the water.

"You want me to stop sleeping with other people?" Song Juhan looked at He Gu fixedly, "Is this liking?"

He Gu only felt the qi and blood in his chest surging, he could hardly breathe, he finally choked up uncontrollably and said: "Song Juhan, do you really have a heart?"

Song Juhan looked at He Gu who was extremely sad and wronged, his heart felt a little flustered.

He was really moved when he heard that He Gu was willing to take the blame for him at the risk of going to jail.There are too many people coming and going around him, but no one has ever said anything to him like He Gu, but is willing to do everything for him, and no one is like He Gu, just watching and hugging Wearing it, or even just keeping it by his side, can give him peace of mind.

For him, He Gu is a place where he can go back when he is tired. Even his family cannot give him such a sense of belonging.He couldn't leave him for any reason, even if it was just imagination, why would he be intimate with other people, would put his goodness on others, he wanted to kill someone.

When we first met, he really didn't take this person seriously, but he didn't know when, he felt that this person belonged to him and only him.He paused and said clearly: "I promise you, why, I promise you that you will never touch others again. Stay with me, this time it's real, not just for fun. "

He Gu looked at Song Juhan in disbelief.

Song Juhan hugged his waist tightly, put his forehead against his forehead, and said softly: "I promise you, I promise you, so don't make trouble with me, I really miss you."

He Gu's body was as stiff as iron, and his brain was too slow to think.

What did Song Juhan promise him?

Song Juhan kissed his lips lightly: "Don't you like me? Continue to like me, I will treat you well, I won't find someone else again, let's be together well."

He Gu came back to his senses, stared straight at his eyes, and pushed Song Juhan away.

Song Juhan was still tender and affectionate just a second ago, and took a few steps back unpreparedly, almost sitting on the ground. He was annoyed, and felt that his enthusiasm had been poured cold water, coupled with the countless abuse and cynicism he had suffered during this period , It just added fuel to the fire, he clenched his fists and stared at He Gu in embarrassment.

He Gu stood against the wall, the only way his legs would not be weak, he stared at Song Juhan without blinking for a long time, then tremblingly said: "Song Juhan, do you know what you are talking about?"

Song Juhan said angrily: "Of course I know. Don't you like me? Don't you want to be with me?"

There is not a day when I don't want to.

In the past 2000 days and nights, He Gu fantasized countless times that Song Juhan would fall in love with him for a long time, and he would be his only one. What he wanted to hear the most, in this day, he was too tired to go on.

He thought he would be ecstatic, he thought he would cry bitterly, but there was nothing, he just felt at a loss.He looked at Song Juhan, feeling both familiar and strange.

Song Juhan let out a heavy breath, and said patiently: "Why, I know you are good to me. I once said that as long as you ask, I will give it to you. You hope that I will not find someone else. I promise you, so you Just stop making trouble, okay?"

He Gu showed a wry smile: "Do you think I'm messing with you? I look very hypocritical?"

"Then what do you want to do?" Song Juhan breathed unsteadily, "You said you wanted to separate from me, and you promised to take the blame for me. If it wasn't for me and my dad not agreeing, you might fucking go in!"

"Then do I have to thank you?" He Gu said softly, "You brought people to my house, ruined my reputation, stripped me naked and threw it on the Internet, and then I should thank you for not agreeing to let me take the blame for you, right? ?”

Song Juhan's face changed: "I didn't ask you to thank me." He paused, "Everyone who approaches me has a purpose, only you are so kind to me, why, I really care about you, let's start again , I'm serious this time."

He why's brain can no longer think.

Song Juhan's proposal is very tempting, but he can't feel joy.What he had pursued for so many years suddenly fell before his eyes when he no longer thought about it, so perfunctory and contemptuous.

He was obviously covered in blood from being stabbed, and he didn't dare to reach out again, but he felt that he would be content not to take him.He has been begging for something for almost seven years, and it is right in front of him. If he doesn't take it, is he worthy of the time he spent by mistake?

"Care about you", "start again", "seriously", these words that he had thought about for almost a century, really came out of Song Juhan's mouth, he didn't know what to do.

Why throw out the fruit of fatal temptation when he has already decided to give up?

Taking advantage of He Gu's daze, Song Juhan hugged him into his arms again, buried his cheeks into his warm neck, and said in a muffled voice: "I really miss you, only you are well."

He Gu felt Song Juhan's fragility and sadness at that moment. Everything he experienced during this period must have dealt a heavy blow to Song Juhan, but he wanted to save face so much that he would not easily show it in front of others.

Therefore, Song Juhan needs him now.Only when she needed him would she condescendingly want to reconcile with him.

After figuring this out, Song Juhan had an explanation for all his anomalies, and He Gu suddenly felt relieved.Originally, it was impossible for Song Juhan to fall in love with him suddenly, but he was moved by the sacrifice he wanted to make and cherished his sacrifices. In this rare low tide in Song Juhan's life, his existence value was highlighted.

Nothing more than that.

"I will compensate you." Song Juhan continued, "I will compensate you for what you lost. You don't have much money for your job, so you don't need to do it. The news is over, and soon no one will remember you. You don't have to Scared. I'll be nice to you, I'll let you have whatever you want."

He Gu looked over Song Juhan's shoulder and stared blankly at the wall, unable to tell what it was like in his heart.He was silent for a moment, then slowly pushed Song Juhan away: "...Let me think about it, you should go back." He was almost unable to think.

Song Juhan frowned: "I finally came out, why are you driving me back?"

"My mother will come at dawn."

"So what, your mother still can't guess what's going on with us." Song Juhan kissed He Gu's hair, "He Gu, I really miss you, I want to hear you talk, hear you comfort me, I want to..."

He Gu turned his head and said in a deep voice: "My mother can guess, but she doesn't like you, so you should go."

Song Juhan was a little dissatisfied: "I won't leave."

He Gu stared at Song Juhan for a while, then said expressionlessly, "Do you want to have sex?"

Song Juhan didn't speak, but his eyes seemed to be picking He Gu's clothes.

He Gu couldn't help laughing: "You've been holding back for a while. You've been in the detention center for over a week, and you've been locked up at home for over a week. It's not safe to see anyone, and it's inconvenient to see anyone. I'm the most convenient, isn't it?" Why did he forget that Song Juhan really "needed" him.It's also hard for a big star who has been surrounded by stunning beauties all day long to be reduced to sneaking around to find someone who has long been tired of crooked.

"What nonsense are you talking about!" Song Juhan's longing was shattered in an instant, and he said sharply, "I didn't come to find you to fuck you, but I was really worried about you!"

"Really, I'm fine, you can go back at ease."

"I won't leave!" Song Juhan said angrily, "I lost such a big man just to come to see you, and you still chased me away?!"

He Gudan said: "Is it my fault that you lost such a big person, then I lost such a big person, who is to blame."

"You..." Song Juhan was at a loss for words, he gritted his teeth, "What exactly do you want to reconcile with me? Don't you like me? You fucking do!"

Listening to Song Juhan's secrets that he kept hidden for six years so easily, why did he have the illusion of being slapped in public, as if some of the most shameful secrets had been shaken off, and the other party still took it as a joke indifferently.

Filled with a sense of powerlessness, he sat down on the sofa: "I'm in a mess right now, I beg you to go."

"I won't leave unless you promise me." Song Juhan came over and squatted in front of him, looking at him with dark eyes without blinking, showing a bit of innocence, "Why, I seem to like him too You're gone, let's start over, shall we?"

He Gu looked at him deeply, and felt an indescribable pain in his heart.He can't describe his current mood, as if Song Juhan casually rewarded him with the things he treasured and pursued as the supreme treasure, just like giving him a car, a house so casually, so nonchalantly , and if he doesn't accept it, wouldn't it be hypocritical, after all, that's what he wants.

However, he originally thought that "like" was equally precious to Song Juhan, and he had to keep it for better people, so he couldn't give it to him. As a result, to Song Juhan, "like" was just an ordinary feeling, Neither rare nor grand.For the first time, he knew that not everyone valued pure "likes". It turned out that the feelings he spent his youth and suffered for many years were extremely cheap to Song Juhan.

How would he tell Song Juhan what he was hurting, what he hated, what he was rejecting.

Song Juhan will never understand, even if he turns all the words he said in this life into countless sentences of "like" and "love", and repeatedly expresses his heart to Song Juhan, Song Juhan will not understand.

It turns out that the most distant thing between them is not the external things such as family background, ability, status, but the heart.

Why did he feel a hopeless powerlessness.

Why does he take "like" so seriously?Why should he ask others to take the same fancy?Just like someone loves money, but he doesn't like it, why can't someone not care about the ridiculous "likes" at all.

There is nothing wrong with Song Juhan, he just gained too many "likes" in his life, so he never thinks it is precious.

That being the case, what is he still struggling with?He wanted to monopolize Song Juhan, and Song Juhan delivered it to his lips, why did he push it away?Why should he be hypocritical?

He racked his brains to "like", isn't that what he wants?How is the result?Song Juhan gave it to him easily.

Same way.

It's just that he went all the way through thorns and thorns, fell to his head and bled, and never gave up to ask for a "like" that Song Juhan didn't care about at all, which is really a big joke.