soul probation

【34】

As the weather turns colder, fallen leaves swirl and fall down.

In the mail room in front of the building, a security guard in gray clothes rubbed his hands and complained to his colleague next to him, "This heater is a waste of space."

"This salary allows me to sleep outside... My child... oh, I won't mention it." The colleague was just recruited, and continued, "Your old Zhang has been here for so many years, and you have already saved enough money. .Then the non-disclosure agreement was signed rather wickedly."

"No, it's been so many years, but I don't have much money to spend." Lao Zhang sighed, and suddenly asked: "Do you have children?"

"Yeah. I'm lazy, I eat, sleep and play games at home after graduation. I'm active in spending money..." the colleague muttered.

"If you cut off the money for him, you will be honest." Old Zhang persuaded lightly.

"It's all due to his mother, I'm spoiled, how can I change it in a while..."

"It's okay, I won't mention it." Lao Zhang reassured, "It's a lot of money—it's just this employee who leaves early and returns late, so he really doesn't know what he does inside."

"Hey," a colleague reminded him, "this is coming."

"Uncle." A young guy knocked on the glass, took out an exquisite black box and handed it to the window, "Help me store it."

"Hey, the gourd is here." The security guard greeted him skillfully and cordially, looked at the things in his hand, and smiled, "Who is this for?"

"Respect my master." Calabash smiled, "Please pass it on for me."

"The relationship is really good." He said with emotion, "Is it health care products or rheumatoid bone paste this time? You said that your master didn't accept it, and you are always so persistent."

Hulu smiled, "He will accept it this time."

After he left, the two began to chew their tongues.

"His master is probably an old man in his seventies and eighties, so he doesn't accept gifts."

"A little old man with self-respect." Old Zhang laughed.

"This time the packaging is very particular. Hey, it's still gold-plated."

When the colleague took it, the things in the box rubbed against the outer wall slightly, and there was the sound of soft things colliding.

"Do you smell anything?"

"No." Old Zhang said.

"Yes!" the colleague insisted, "It smells like blood, it's in this box."

When the two opened it tremblingly, one fell to the ground unsteadily.

Three hands rolled out of the box in one go.

--

"he died."

"He committed suicide in front of Xi Mian."

--

Wang Jue no longer remembers how Li Wei picked him up and put him here.

Even though he was afraid of needles and claustrophobia, he knew that he was never the kind of person who was mentally weak.He has a strong heart, so he can put all his eggs in one basket and ruthlessly hint to himself, so that the gray whale can't do anything to him, and he can lie dormant in bed for half a year when he completely loses social contact, and he can hide from professional killers.

He believes that all PTSD is a physical fear.He can cry in Li Wei's refrigerator while thinking about escape strategies, or he can get up and support Li Wei to fight immediately after the confinement.He knows the source of every fear, and sometimes uses professional terms to analyze it with a mentality of seeing himself as a joke.

But now, he is facing a near-death situation both physically and psychologically.

Because he knew why Yanchen died—this was the last straw that crushed his nerves.

It was as if he was proclaiming his own destiny.

Li Wei didn't handcuff him again, his back was damaged, his palms were pierced, and he was in a trance—it didn't seem necessary.From the layout, it can be seen that this is his own room, another luxurious cell.

When Li Wei walked in with the meal, he didn't even look at him.

As he approached, Wang Jue turned over.Li Wei walked around to him again, and Wang Jue closed his eyes.

"You can ignore me." Li Wei said, scooped up another spoonful of porridge and handed it to his mouth, "But you have to eat."

"Don't you like sweet food? Sugar is added to it."

Wang Jue pursed his mouth tightly, and the light yellow rice soup trickled down the corner of his mouth and into the pit of his neck.

He didn't resist, and was extremely docile.

But in the same way, he never said a word to Li Wei.

He hasn't closed his eyes for a long time these days, and he would wake up suddenly after a little doze off.Li Wei would sleep with his arms around him at night, and when he suddenly panicked and twitched for no reason, he would break away his hands that were gripping the sheets, trying to let him grab her.But Wang Jue would rather defy his instinct and forcefully hang his fingers in the air, his knuckles turning white, than grab his hand.Li Wei had no choice but to hastily hugged him in his arms and patted his head over and over again.

After sinking for a few days, Wang Jue was so hungry that he couldn't even get the heat from his brain to think.At this time, Li Wei should have given him glucose infusion to hang his life, but he didn't do it for a long time, but he was systematically desensitized to the sound of the cow playing the piano again and again.

At this time, thinking about his needle phobia, I really don't know what he was thinking.

But he thought, he didn't want to be the second Yanchen.

He didn't want to be a passer-by in Li Wei's life.Even if they die, their relationship should be equal before death.Wang Jue's strong heart made him struggle to climb out of the abyss.

So he started urgent psychological self-help——

Decoration psychology is a defensive psychological mechanism when the goal cannot be achieved.For example, if a patient in Stockholm cannot change his situation, he will turn on his defense system, so that he will fall in love with the murderer's "sweet lemon psychology"; or when the patient finds that the murderer does not like him, he will rationalize this dislike. In order to make myself no longer pay attention to the "sour grapes mentality" of this relationship.

"I..." He said hoarsely after Li Wei wiped his mouth clean one day.

Seeing him finally speak, Li Wei's eyes lit up.

"I do not like you anymore."

His movements stopped suddenly.

"I'm just a poor Stockholm patient. I'm coming out now."

"Stockholm..." Li Wei frowned slowly, "What do you mean?"

"It means that I could only hear you talking back then, so all I could think about was you." Wang Jue looked at the ceiling, "I like you, but I was forced. I can see clearly now. I'm recovered, doctor."

Li Wei narrowed her eyes and stared at him, without speaking for a long time.

"Really." Slowly, he said word by word, "Are you sure?"

"I said I recovered." Wang Jue immediately repeated mercilessly.

"Can you say that again."

"I do not like you anymore."

"You, say it again?" Li Wei almost used a threatening tone that could not be defied.

"I, no, like, like, you, yes." Wang Jue turned to stare at him instead, saying word by word.

The beautiful peach blossom eyes were haggard with stubbornness, Li Wei couldn't see the sadness in it, but frowned fiercely.

"I'll give you three days, let's talk after you think about it."

As if it was the decoration psychology that played a role, or Li Wei's reaction made him feel that he was not so unbearable, Wang Jue began to calm down.

He wants to go back to the original point, if he can't go back cleanly, at least let Li Wei take a step forward.

——The poor self-esteem of a human being.

first day.Specifically manifested in very active eating:

"I don't want sugar, I want honey." He said to the glass of milk.

"My hand hurts, feed me." Li Wei was startled, picked up a spoon, scooped up some, and fed it to his mouth.

"It's too hot, blow it on before feeding me."

"It's delicious." Taking the last sip of milk, he bowed his head and held the spoon that Li Wei handed over to him, and looked up at him, saying vaguely, "One more glass."

Li Wei fed him another drink, seeing him contentedly licking the foam from the corner of his mouth, his heart softened.

"Have you made up your mind?"

Unexpectedly, Wang Jueyan smiled and said to him: "I don't like you."

What he said in his heart was: I don't like you.

Li Wei has always been responsive to him, which gradually gave Wang Jue a sense of revenge.But for some reason, the nightmares became more and more frequent.The more he got to this point, the more calmly he exposed his softness to him: "Can you hug me?"

But what he didn't know was that after being hugged, his body didn't relax at all, but trembled even more.

Day three.

He was eating the cupcake that Li Wei fed him, and he wanted to act like a baby again, but he opened his mouth again and again, and suddenly burst into tears.

"I really can't remember." He choked up, "You have tried hypnosis these days... I really can't remember."

"How long will you keep me locked up?" He kissed his fingertips almost flatteringly.

"Like I said, that's not hypnotic questioning." Li Wei looked down at his fingers and said in a low voice, "It's just systematic desensitization."

"Does systematic desensitization make sense?" he asked sniffling.

"It's the third day. Have you made up your mind?" Li Wei said this without answering.

She didn't look at him when she said it.

"Why are you so persistent that I like you?" Wang Jue cried with tears, "You don't know what liking is, you don't even think about it."

The tears on his face were still wet, but his tone gradually turned cold.

"I see, do you like you to contain me?"

"In order to like you, I have to keep evidence for the rest of my life, so that I can work hard for you?"

The corners of his eyes and the tip of his nose were blushing, and his eyes were blurred.As soon as he complained a few sentences, his tone gradually weakened, and his breath was like a spring.

"I don't like it anymore...you let me go..."

"Didn't you ask how long I'll lock you up?" Li Wei suddenly said, "Then I'll lock you up until you like me."

Wang Jue's teardrop eyelashes trembled.

Li Wei held his face in both hands, wiped away his tears with his fingers, and asked him in an almost gentle tone: "Are you still afraid of injections?"

"what……"

He thought he was threatening himself, and said helplessly, "I have eaten well recently..."

But he guessed wrong, what he heard next was more terrifying than what Li Wei had said to him before.

"You're right. I don't know what liking is, but the only thing I know is that I want to keep looking at you."

"Grey Whale is right, I shouldn't have a weakness, it's hurting you."

Li Wei took out a box containing a needle of light green liquid.

"Since you said you liked me because you only had me in your eyes at the beginning," he gradually approached Wang Jue's bewildered face, "Then let's go back to the beginning, will you like me again?"

"Actually, in those few years, I was the real me only when I was with you and talking to you. Do you know that I have been tightly bound to you for a long time. But when you wake up, you always Running away made me more and more possessive of you."

"Is that so? Possessive."

Li Wei smiled slightly, held his face and kept kissing the tears that fell from him.

"I want to possess you, and I want you to only see me."

"I still tell you stories like before, and I can still help you... Do you know that people in a vegetative state also have morning erections?" He paused, as if he was fantasizing, "If you hum, I'll know you're calling me a doctor .”

"Let's go back to the most comfortable, let's go back to the beginning, the most comfortable state, okay?"

"That way you can't escape."