Can't cross by oneself

37.

Yuan Zi and the others are coming to our rental house to drink, after all, graduation season is coming again.

I seldom drink alcohol, and I haven't been drunk since I grew up.It's not that I have a lot of alcohol, but that I haven't drunk that much alcohol at all.

Mr. Xia and Yuan Zi both drank from junior high school to adulthood.A dozen beers per person is nothing to worry about.

Playing cards, punching, talking nonsense.A few big men tossed and fell into the sky.

I am also happy.Accompany trouble.

It was almost two o'clock in the morning, and everyone was tired and dizzy.

The school dormitory is closed early.I settled all five of them by myself.

Spread out mats and blankets and let them lie side by side on the ground.Mr. Xia is no exception.

A person nestled into the bed.

Hey.

38.

This is the longest time I have been separated from Mr. Xia.

After taking his diploma, he was forced by his parents to return to his city.I started wandering here alone.

Home, company, library, start life at three points and one line.

Except for the first few days, it was not very sad.I didn't miss it like every three autumns as I imagined.I was doing the same thing, no matter if he was there or not.

We are all grown up after all.

Occasionally, I feel lost, and my heart is sticky when I hear his voice.Like the mist on the windows on a rainy day.Half wet not dry, hazy.

Remember when we first met.

University dormitory.It was love at first sight.

I'm a person who loves old things and people who are first sighted.

He had already made the bed and was lying on the bed reading a book.Seeing me come in, I turned over all of a sudden.Smiling very brightly.

Tall people.It can be regarded as a handsome face.After the age of acne, there are a few bumpy acne marks on the face, but it has the unique cleanliness of youth.No need to hide.

It is different from the old fritters of today.At that time, he didn't have sunshine as the background, and he didn't need any special modification.

It's this guy that I like.

At that time, he had a girlfriend, a girl who was admitted with him.

Seeing them in pairs, holding hands unabashedly, going in and out of classrooms, libraries, and parks.Thinking about it now, he was really happy at the time.

Young Feiyang, aboveboard, unscrupulous, accepting everyone's blessings.

And my daily mood is sticky and stalemate.I seldom talk to him, and even my eyes habitually avoid him, and I have nothing to do with him except sleeping in the same room.I take my classes, he lives his life.

I long for it, and it hurts.Carefully avoiding him, but also low self-esteem to hide, not daring to let anyone know.My mind was so heavy it was almost overwhelmed.

Listening to them chatting dirty jokes at night made me tremble all over.It seems that only I am different in this world.

Until they broke up.

39.

I have asked many times, Mr. Xia, why did you want to be with me at that time.

After I kissed him secretly, he still gave me face.But I was like falling into a cold storage.

Without waiting for his response, I took the initiative to ask to change the dormitory.Does not appear in any of his places.More and more silent.Even in the dormitory at night, I put the quilt on my head early to reduce my sense of existence.

Yuan Zi is the head of the house. He didn't know what happened to me. He delayed me several times before giving up.

For a long time after the lights were turned off, I couldn't sleep, listening to the sound of breathing one after another in the dark, and distinguishing which one was his.Only then did he dare to turn over cautiously and relax his stiff body for fear of alarming them.

During that time, I didn't know Mr. Xia's attitude.I'm too busy to be an ostrich, and I don't dare to expect anything extravagantly.

One day, the dormitory celebrated and drank together for something.Bought a bunch of beer, skewers, snacks.

I specifically waited until they were almost over before going back.

One was either half-drunk or fully drunk.

I packed up the beer cans, bamboo sticks, fruit peels, etc., and climbed into bed to sleep after taking a shower.

When I was in a daze at night, a person crawled onto my bed.

It's Mr. Xia.

He put his warm hands on my body, squeezed me in, and lay beside me.

I didn't know if he was drunk or not, and I looked at him in bewilderment.

There is a secret unspeakable joy and pleasure.

The heart is about to break through the chest.

sleepless nights.

When he got up in the morning, he seemed a little embarrassed. Everyone saw us on the same bed and didn't say anything, thinking it was because we were drunk.

After that, he often did things that caught me off guard.

We are naturally together.No one said anything.

40.

It was early in the morning when Mr. Xia called, and I answered it in a daze.

baby, are you asleep?

Nonsense, you don't even look at what time it is.

I yawned.

I miss you.

I didn't speak, just listening to his shallow breathing.

baby?

Ok?

Why don't you speak?

do not know what to say.

He sighed lightly.

busy lately?

good.And you?

extremely busy.

You won't be off work until now.

Yes.

Something is choking me.

Why are you so late as an intern? Is your boss humane?

No way, I have to work for others.

I thought your parents found you a good job.

No matter how good a job is, you have to work for others.He was a little dumbfounded.

A lazy person like you has to work hard.Drink more fish soup recently to nourish your brain.

You burn it for me?

I'll burn it and drink it for you.

Then I eat you?

Mouth!

Baby, come and see me when you have time.

What's going on with you today, you're so fragile.

Where is it?

Like the tone of a complaining woman.

Yes, I was trained by the boss.

My heart suddenly seized.

husband......

What are you calling me baby?

Visiting you this week.

You shout again, I haven't heard it for a long time.

husband.Alright.

Sigh~ I didn't cherish it earlier, and I didn't realize how good it was until I left.Xiaosu, I really miss you.

I suddenly choked up.

Well, I must see you this week.

I don't usually miss him at all.

It’s just that sometimes the longing is like the water that opens the valve and gushes out all of a sudden, drenching me completely.

I clutched my twitching heart and couldn't sleep anymore.

41.

Recalling the boy I met at the class reunion last year.

He said, I envy you classmates who are still in school.It was said skillfully while smoking a cigarette.I still remember that expression.

His face was full of youthful vicissitudes.

Mr. Xia looked tired.

Although the beard is clean-shaven, the clothes are decent and neat.But it was still hard to hide the haggard.

He hugged me and stroked my hair.

It's been so long.

Ok.

Men's hair grows fast, and it is about to reach the eyes.

Don't cut it this time.

Ok.

I have been doing it for a long time, lingering and sentimental, and my ears and temples are rubbed together.Just like normal couples.

However, the gender is the same.

The next day, I sent him off.

What if I have a girlfriend?

My fingertips trembled.Unlike me, Mr. Xia has always been frank and straightforward.

No... what to do.

What if I get married?

My whole body was stiff, my blood was congealed, and I didn't even have the strength to push him away.

There was a long silence.

you want to get married

I do not know.

You are going to get married sooner or later.

He doesn't answer.

My mind was racing.I was thinking, what if he is really married.It's not the first time I've thought about this question, but I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.I thought it was a long time, we had a lot of years to think about it.

It's so fast.

Then you get married.

The heart is cut like a knife.This sentence was cruel to both of us.But I don't have a better answer.Who has it?

To be his underground lover?

Mr. Xia is not considered gay, he can like women.In other words, if it wasn't for me, he would definitely find a beautiful and virtuous girl to marry, have two children, and honor his parents like a normal man.

Ordinary but peaceful.

It was me who dragged him down, what more could I ask for.

Mr. Xia hugged me tightly.

No.

I pat him.

I've known this day has come.So, it's okay.

You fucking don't matter.

He yelled, let go of me, and dragged me to leave.

Where to go?

to meet my parents.

Are you crazy?

I struggled desperately.

open!

Anyway, I am also a man, and I finally broke free.

He burst into tears.

I froze, at a loss.

On the street, people come and go.

We both acted like a clown.