Sad Jiangnan

Like a child, no matter how old you are, there is someone you can act like a spoiled child.This must be the taste of happiness.It felt like I was still that kid until not too long ago.There have been many changes in the past few years.

After returning home, my brother's clothes were still stained with a lot of blood, which could not be wiped off.I had no choice but to take off my clothes, take them to the yard and burn them with pine light.

That's a pity, this rattan-colored gown was dyed particularly beautifully, and it was new silk a few years ago, so it was burned just like that.I don't know if it's because it's so beautiful, it grows very fast, and after a while, it completely disappears into the soil.

My elder brother was very weak and had a fever as soon as he got home. After drinking a little water, he lay down and fell asleep.During this period of time, the indescribable incense that had been smoked on his clothes dissipated to the very last.There is always an unconcealable smell of blood on my brother's body.

Fujita Nayan was really worried that he would run away suddenly again, and he couldn't bear to sleep.When it was almost dawn, he was so sleepy that he fell into a drowsy sleep.In the chaotic dream, a golden puppy suddenly appeared, running not far away like a star in the night.I was wearing a pair of high-toothed clogs, and I was terrified when I chased it. It seemed that I was about to fall down at any time. The puppy was still jumping around in front of my eyes. Although I could still see its appearance, it had already run a long way away. Can't catch up.

Then I came to a river, the river was flowing very fast, white foam was flying, and I couldn't tell the depth at all.Stretching out one leg into the river, the water soon covered his knees, and the fingers tied around his ankles were wet and stuck to his body sticky, and he trembled because of it.The dream woke up suddenly, the sun shone in from outside the bamboo curtain, but I was sitting in the shadow, and my palms were cold.

What about brother?

Fujida Nayan ran out of the house, the scenery in front of him changed, and the mirror pool faintly emerged from a red maple forest with shining water.

No, no, I fell asleep in the wing room of the main hall last night.

Fujida Nayan turned back again and almost tripped over the steps when entering the house.As a result, my brother just sat quietly in the day throne.At first glance, the face looks very stern, but it's just because he put on the mask again.

When I walked over by myself, my brother remained motionless, as beautiful as a statue.Sitting down next to him, he didn't respond either.

"Is your face starting to hurt again?"

Brother does not speak.

"If you just want to wear it, there is no need for it. Many people have seen it. It feels like you are at home if you are more comfortable."

"It's just the two of us." My brother murmured.

"Don't be afraid at all, it's just medicine? There are so many kinds of medicine in the world, and the one that can cure the disease is a good medicine. My brother took the medicine, so the disease is cured. This is a happy event worth celebrating. Everyone is very happy. Happy."

My elder brother's ears were very pale. Last night, those ears were illuminated by the lamp, and they were as red as fire. I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do.He would look clumsy in front of his brother, even though he killed someone the night before, he didn't panic like this.

"Is the fever gone?"

The brother remained silent.

I stood up and wanted to call Ding Guang Dajin for questioning, but my brother suddenly said, "It doesn't matter anymore."

"really?"

"nothing."

Talking calmly like this is like a dream. The last time I was able to do this seemed to be ten years ago.

"Do you want to sleep? Eat something before going to bed. It's almost noon."

Reaching out to remove the mask, my brother turned his head away.

"I don't want to eat anything."

"What if you don't want to eat? The fever hasn't subsided yet?"

"No, I just don't want to eat."

"Is it like this a few days ago? When you just ate 'that', did you feel particularly uncomfortable?"

"Sometimes it does."

My brother held his head with his hands, and there seemed to be a very unbearable expression on his face.I had no other choice, so I told Guangdajin to listen to those very short-sighted words "so and so".

My brother was probably also very tired, and fell asleep groggyly in the afternoon.It seems that there is no plan to escape.Fujida Nayan also fell asleep because of this.

As night fell, Dingguang Dajin said to himself, "I just drank a little porridge, how can I go on like this, and I didn't eat much a few days ago. And my head was a little hot at night."

"If that's the case, can you let He Dian Yaotou take a look?"

"Of course it's good to have a look, but it's better not to come."

"What can't you do?"

"I mentioned it just now, and I lost my temper when I asked the mage to do the ritual."

"It's still so stubborn. It's really worrying. Are you sleeping again now?"

"No, I haven't slept yet."

"Go cut some fresh fish and put it in the porridge, and put a little salt. When I was young, my brother was sick and couldn't eat, so he coaxed him to eat a lot."

Dingguang Dajin also said in embarrassment, "I'll do it."

Fujita said, "You take care of him tonight."

Da Jin asked, "Do you want to go out?"

"It's a very important thing."

The two said nothing more.Fuji Da Nayan and other servants loaded the car and went out to Jiutiao Road, and told them to wait in Zuojing.I went to the hexagonal hall by myself, and there was a group of things piled up high, sending out bursts of stench, and the surrounding air was also cloudy like fog.

Once a person gives birth to a mind that is settled, courage will suddenly rush to his heart.On the contrary, Fuji Da Nayan thought of the half-rotten woman he saw on the side of the road when he was a child. Eye.Teng Da Nayan couldn't help but peeled away the miscanthus, a dry and red face was buried inside, a pair of pine cone-like eyes protruded from the cheeks, and seemed to be still trembling.

Fujita Nayan dragged the body out of the Buddhist hall at once.I inserted a branch next to the original small pit, and it was easy to find it.This time I came prepared, and the pit was dug in a while.

Now that the corpse was about to be put in, Fujida Nayan had an idea.In fact, I had thought about this before, so I took out a small knife that I had secretly brought over from my arms, and gestured at the priest's face.There was no way to start.

After hesitating for a long time, cutting from the ear is not much different from killing fish or deer.Fujida Nayan remembered the live fish that Twilight and Tetsumitsu Daishin had talked about.It's just that the stench, which seemed to come from hell, poured down on his face like a tide.My heart was pounding, I stopped several times, and I almost vomited.The face was peeled off with bumps, and the bloody head suddenly dimmed and became blurred.

There was originally a beard on this face, but when he had cut more than half of it, he thought of shaving off the beard, but in the end he accidentally cut his mouth.That being the case, I simply shaved my eyebrows, and then plucked the eyelashes on the eyelids.I had a lot of beards on my hands just now, and after pulling them out for a while, my hands were itchy too much.The pair of eyes on the priest's body seemed to be staring at him, and the other eye was accidentally broken when cutting his face, hanging crookedly on the eye socket, and collapsed in the middle.

When I was a child, I was taken care of by my wet nurse to go to school.Occasionally, there will be things such as forgetting textbooks or pens and papers. Whether it is myself or a nurse, I am not the kind of person who does everything perfectly.Sometimes this is discovered at home, but what did you think at that time?A muttering of "I didn't bring anything" can't come out of my mouth.Are you worried that your father will scold you for being forgetful, and even lead to a series of words such as those who have no talent?In fact, my father rarely said that.The wet nurse is a very nagging person, there is a crease on her clothes, even if she smoothes it out for herself, it will "buzz" around her ears for a long time like a mosquito.It's her problem. It's only natural that I have become a coward.

I don't want to face the nagging of the wet nurse, and it is very hard to go back and forth between the university and home.Even going out to school becomes a horror.Bearing the discomfort of being unable to complete the things hanging in my mind, I bumped all the way to school, then sneaked back home from school, and quietly took the things I forgot to bring to school.This section of Suzaku Street, no matter when I recall it, there is an unprecedented sadness.

Right now, the same desolation is in front of my eyes.Being smart like this often only gets you a scolding meal from your brother.There's nothing I can do if I can't think about it, people come and go in the family, how should I deal with this thing?If someone discovers it accidentally on the way back, there is almost no room for excuse. Thinking about it, I feel so frightened that I am about to tremble.If in the past, I would never have such a bold idea of ​​"cutting off my face"!Being able to make up your own mind is already a remarkable decision.

But so far, his hands were shaking constantly, and his face almost fell to the ground.In the end it was thrown back into the pit and buried with the body.

No matter how many years passed, I was still just a child.Weak as a child and expecting nothing to change.As far as "change" is concerned, just like the words reminding the nursing mother "what I didn't bring", the rolling anxiety is tightly pressed on the good result.

The ox cart going back was bumpier than the road back to the university dormitory in memory. Is it because of the change of mood?My clothes were also stained with a smell like dead fish, even if I opened the windows of the car, it couldn't get rid of it.Once the eyes are closed, the struggling bird in the nurse's hand, the wrinkled neck of the father, and the burning face of the brother are like a string of bubbles emerging from the bottom of the water.One by one clear, and soon dissipated.During the long night, my heart was beating like thunder.

Not only the face, but my brother and his hands burned so much that the skin melted at that time. After the entire palm of the left hand was completely deformed, the big thenar and the small thenar were glued together, and it was difficult to even open the hand. .Fuji Dai Nayan grew up in a wealthy family. There is a person in the family who cannot open his palms, which is more pitiful than hearing that there are children who starve to death on the street.

It was late at night when I got home, my brother had already woken up and was leaning on the bed, watching the scenery outside the window.

Fujida Nayan also sat down, under the moonlight, the hands that used to be weirder than his own feet hung on the table like wisteria flowers, and they were beautiful everywhere.Lifting up the sleeves and looking along the arms, it looks like glazed porcelain, with a somewhat translucent feeling.

Even though I saw it with my own eyes, I still feel incredible.Is there really such a panacea in the world that can undoubtedly bring the dead back to life?

"Can I have a look at myself?"

The elder brother was silent, and Teng Da Nayan unbuttoned his straight clothes. The shirts and unlined clothes fell down one by one like snow, until the innermost skin was exposed, which was also white in color, without any traces.But I clearly remember that this place also has scars.

"I killed that wizard." Fujita Nayan sighed deeply as his brother's skin was as cold as ice.My brother moved his hand.

"Is this my fault?" Fujida Nayan said, seeing his brother's hands clenched into fists.When the wind blows at night, the ears behind the mask seem to turn red again.Fujita Nayan hurriedly put on clothes for his brother, and asked, "Can't you sleep?"

There are still many excuses piled up in my heart, and I can't say a word.

"Why did you lie to me?"

"Cheat you?"

"These are very boring words. If you want to say something, just say something else."

"Is brother interested in more interesting things?" Fujida Nayan stretched out his hands while talking, and the hands were covered with mottled dirt.As if the smell of dead fish was particularly obvious amidst the strong fragrance, my brother bent his knees and moved back a little, "I want to keep it a secret, and I will be discovered by you in a short time. Why don't you just tell you like this .”

The two sat facing each other for a long time, the charcoal in the long stove was sizzling, but my brother still didn't say anything.So I didn't feel like apologizing anymore, "I'm tired, I'm going to bed." Just like that, I left my brother's room.

It has been raining recently, and the first floor is very humid, and the floor is also cool.As long as I stay at home, I am tired of everything, and I just want to sleep in a room with a brazier.

Dingguang Dajin suddenly stopped his drowsy self, "Da Nayan!"

I was also taken aback. I usually let people shout like this without any ups and downs in my heart. Today I always feel as if something is going to happen.

"what happened?"

Dingguang Dajin slipped in like a little snake, "My lord has eaten a lot today."

"Really?" Even though he said so, he couldn't fight at all.

"I didn't dare to ask about what happened between you and the lord. I was at home a few days ago and was always crying. Later, my emotions were somewhat controlled. When there was no one, I lifted the mask once and quietly wiped my tears. "

During this period of time, my brother would occasionally take off his mask and reveal his face.Even so, my brother's beautiful eyes are red and swollen, and anyone who sees them will still feel a sense of pity.When I woke up in the middle of the night, the lantern in the main hall was always on, and under the light, my brother sat alone in front of the mirror pool, as if he had returned to his original sentimental look.All the past events in these years are like clouds in the sky, leaving without leaving a trace.I would never have thought that this period of time would be a flashback before the death of happiness.

But not long ago, I quarreled with my brother because of a letter with daffodils.The narcissus is housed in a crystal bottle, and the white petals seem to be still covered with morning dew, and there is no sign of drying up at all.The letter was written by a lady from Heyuanyuan, and the contents of the letter were nothing more than clichéd love songs.

Fujida Nayan brought Narcissus to his brother, and told him the truth about his affairs with Heyuanyuan.As usual, my brother didn't say a word about it, and I was really disappointed.So let's talk about Nadeshiko.

The elder brother and father originally hoped to marry her to the next emperor, but at this time the elder brother said, "It's too pitiful to send her to the palace."

Fujita Nayan was dumbfounded. Is this what my brother said?Ask him deliberately loudly, "What, what are you talking about?"

The elder brother replied in a difficult way, "My sister, at least I hope she can be happy, at least a little bit. It's too pitiful to be sent to the palace."

I may have caught a sporadic sense of happiness when I was a child, but my nature always pushes myself thousands of miles away from happiness.I am a person who is not allowed to be happy, and I never want to see the happiness of others.

"You just want to atone for your sin after doing a little bad thing. People like you can't do anything well at all."

Unexpectedly, after saying this, my brother cried sadly.Although there was no sound of crying, he quickly twitched his shoulders and said with a sob, "I'm sorry...I'm sorry."

When my brother said this, I also felt wronged, "Who am I sorry for? I am not the one I am sorry for." Then he ran away without looking back.The two broke up like this.

"He has his own concerns." Fujita Nayan said with a smile.

"Fortunately, I can eat now. I hope I won't be overly sad and ruin my body! There is one thing that I am very worried about." Dingguang Dajin said, leading Fuji Da Nayan to a pile of sundries next to the west gate in the small room.Remove the contents in bundles.Such stacks of written papers were placed in front of him, at first glance he thought they were unorganized story novels.But Da Jin said, "This, that, and all that are in front of you are letters written by the lord for the fourth princess."

I felt dizzy for a while.After turning a few pages from the first one, they are all love songs without exception.Interspersed with a few words in my heart, after a paragraph and then scrolling down, it is still a song.Countless songs, as if they don't need any effort, are sent to the hands of the four princesses at six o'clock every day.Returned by original without exception.

Dingguang Dajin went on to say, "Many letters are written as soon as they come to mind. There are more than a dozen letters in the backlog, and there is no chance to ask someone to send them out. As long as I return home, I will write without leaving the pen. I have been writing like this all the time. , People seem to be sick. Tang Guo also almost caused the country to perish because of a woman. But it happened in front of my eyes, and I didn’t want to believe it. Does the fourth princess really have such a great magic power?” Speaking of this, Dingguang Dajin almost shed tears.

Among the many love letters, on a piece of paper, several paragraphs were written in the format of a diary.Fujita Nayan picked it up and read:

I really had no choice but to beg that person.

Knowing that my mouth is full of rhetoric, but I can't do anything about it. Both my parents have passed away, and I have no children. When I think of this, I have the determination to die.But until now, her appearance still appears in the dream.That alone keeps me alive no matter what.I'm a pretty useless person and have always been...

A section of the following text is blacked out.

... When the world was divided and Japan was not yet unified, there was a beautiful country.The waterfalls rushing down from the mountains form rivers, and the rivers flow with silver, and the pavilions are made of gold.In this land of abundance, the bridges are built by rainbows, and the roads are paved by the light of the sun, moon and stars.People in the land of beauty drink in spring and autumn, and eat in summer and winter.In the morning, morning dew is collected to decorate the mountains and forests, and in the evening, sunset glow is harvested for fabric.Healthy and happy, immortal.

In order to deceive me, that person wove such rhetoric.But I'd love to believe it.There was something magical about what he said that could be believed.

He said to me, You are qualified to be a citizen of this kingdom.but……

Another piece of paper reads:

I miss you so much.Of course you don't know.Because I have always kept this longing in my heart.Like a dry stone, placed on the ground for no reason.The wind blows and the rain hits, sinking into the ground, getting deeper and deeper.In the end, no one knows how deep it is, and it may fall endlessly, into the kingdom of the underworld.

I heard a story about a land of beauty.It was very interesting, but that had to be said in person.

I really want to tell you quickly.