Sad Jiangnan

Until he couldn't see the group of General Zuo, Fuji Da Nayan still ran for a while in a serious manner. When he was really tired, his pace would slow down unknowingly, and the idea of ​​finding someone would disappear without a trace.As the night approached, listening to the chirping of autumn insects, he took a walk in the palace.I went around in a big circle, but my brother couldn't be found.

After passing the Houliang Hall, His Majesty was sitting on the steps, singing a very weird song.I stood in his line of sight and stopped.His Majesty acted as if he hadn't seen him, and sang while shaking his head.It seems to be "The Useless Little Pine" at the dance just now, right?But after listening to it for a while, the singing is not the same thing at all, "The concubine is like Ji Xiaosong, and the king should live a thousand years" [6] singing like this, it is probably a popular song with a change of key.

After singing back and forth twice, His Majesty suddenly pointed at himself and shouted, "The three of Onomiya! The three of Onomiya!"

Being named, I felt a little embarrassed, so I smiled and said:

"What are you doing?"

"It's feeding the birds!" When he said this, even the guards who were waiting on him laughed.Where is there any bird feeder?There is a custom in the palace to spread food after the banquet, in order to let the birds eat, but in fact, the people who pick up the food are all low-level palace people, which is really much faster than the birds.

"The three members of Onomiya are feeding the birds!" His Majesty shouted again.

"Feed the birds, eh?"

"While feeding the bird, he came to ask me what to do."

"It's not the three of Onomiya, it's the two of Onomiya who are feeding the birds." I guessed, it was my elder brother who landed on the mat sprinkled with food, and His Majesty saw it.But Emperor Suzaku waved his fingers in a daze and said, "The three of you from Onomiya are feeding the birds."

So he really made the gesture of throwing food, which made His Majesty laugh out loud.

Whether it's flattering antics or exaggerated smiles, I've done it reluctantly, and I seem to have exhausted all my strength in the running around just now.It's really strange that no one asked for it, and they did it on their own.Now even the mouth seems to grow on someone else, and he asked inexplicably, "Can I feed the fish?"

"where to?"

"Mikawa over there."

"Okay." His Majesty said without thinking.

In fact, the current self doesn't even have the strength to stand up.But he still bent down to gather up the two trousers he pointed at, and then pulled them up again.In front of everyone, he said that he was going to feed the fish, and His Majesty also ran down the steps, asking to be with him.A group of people returned to the place where the elder brother was pushed down, and there was no one left.

He took off his half boots, climbed over the railing, and prepared to go down into the water.His Majesty also exclaimed "Oh, oh!"The Tibetans around His Majesty looked at him worriedly, "Are you joking? What kind of fish is this feeding? What Your Majesty said, you can just let it go. If it's just to please you, just ignore it."

That's really a disgrace.Although it was not my original intention to make such a move, not to mention that the night wind was so cold that just touching the water with my toes was as cold as a needle prick, but things couldn't stop at this point.

I jumped into the water almost frantically, the Yuchuan water soaked my thighs, and my whole body trembled.In fact, it shouldn't be like this at all.But the desire to perform was ignited little by little, and it couldn't be stopped no matter what.Fujita Nayan never thought about really getting back his brother's mask.Not to mention where to start?Thinking of all kinds of elder brother's embarrassment in front of others, mixed with the grievances pointed out by everyone just now.My own tears are about to fall.

It was clearly not that he was humiliated, but it was worse than that.Even if he is not humiliated, as long as he stays in front of others, the thought of asking for trouble will arise spontaneously.In the past, I pretended to be wronged, or asked for trouble, in order to win the love of my family, but what is it for now?

His Majesty on the shore yelled at Fuji Da Nayan, making a gesture to follow into the water.The Tibetans who were waiting on him just held His Majesty down and smiled apologetically at Fuji Da Nayan.The search for the impossible mask, or the burlesque of the moment, brings nothing but despair.The more desperate you feel, the more crazy you behave.It's okay to just lie in the water.And think about it carefully, who else can get the permission to go down to Michuanli?I am afraid that there is only one person in the world.The feet that were driven forward suddenly bumped into a very smooth object.

Fujida Nayan's heart was pounding, and he stretched out his hand to explore the water, and his brother's mask was obediently held in his hand.If you found something you didn't expect to find at first, you might not be happy in your heart if you found it all at once.

Walking up from the water, letting the wind blow, it was colder than being in the water, and I was trembling constantly with the mask on.Even his own predecessor came here, and asked loudly, "How did you make it like this? Even Daisuke Shikibu is hard to explain."

Emperor Suzaku squeezed his hand and asked, "Aren't you going to feed me?"

Soon after leaving the water, Fujida Nayan's feet became as red as a ghost. If you look carefully, the toes are also very strange.Most of the other people's five fingers are well-proportioned, even if they are accidentally exposed in front of outsiders, they can still be harvested as a beautiful scenery.However, he has a rather thick, even weird second toe, and a large part of the larger toe grows out.Because the only bare feet I could see at one time were my own, I used to think that everyone's toes were born like this.

Now the feet turned red, and they looked even weirder, as if the feet of a ghost were standing on the ground.The water on the clothes trickled down.This small area centered on myself seems to be raining.

Originally, I wanted to pretend that nothing happened and tell His Majesty some jokes.But tears welled up in his eyes, and he said uncontrollably, "I want to go home."

Before his disfigurement, my elder brother had the habit of writing a diary, and I, who had to get involved in everything at home, followed suit and made a roll of paper for writing a diary.In fact, I have no intention of writing at all. Most of the time, I just scribble on it, or write some outspoken complaints.At that time, there was a fashion in women's rooms to collect current flowers and put them in letters.Teng Da Nayan also imitated them, putting small stones, ant corpses, or bamboo leaves into the interlayer of paper, and one of the mother's women said loudly to herself, "This is not feasible!" He threw the treasures he had collected into the yard. At night, he saw this woman stealing paper from his diary.

Fuji Da Nayan called her Mrs. Zhonglai[7] behind his back, but when someone overheard her, he giggled and called her like that.After all, I thought it was very bad, and as time passed, I forgot what the woman did.

Returning home after a lot of hardships, but there was no sign of his brother coming back, Teng Da Nayan changed a set of clothes for himself, rolled up the bamboo curtain, and spread the mask on the rug outside.Sitting down and letting the evening wind blow, I couldn't help but think of many things.After moving to the west, my brother's original furniture remained the same, and the only thing he brought over was a Chinese-style double-layer cabinet.A lot of furniture was replaced when I was an adult, probably because I thought it would be unlucky to leave it like this.The only furniture my mother could leave behind was such a cabinet.Inside were the Shuangliu I played with when I was a child, the decorative bow woven with silk thread, the long-lived thread used on May [-]th, a box of shellfish, the old diary, and some scented balls that have no smell.

Open the door of the cabinet, there is a large roll of paper on the top layer of the small shelf, the paper is also a little damp, and some places are also yellow, and many of them have not been used at all.On the top layers of the roll of paper, a feather with black ends and a yellow middle was pasted with rice grains.On the side of the feather, there was a dried cherry blossom. The cherry blossom was originally written with very delicate small characters, but after the petals withered and yellowed, the writing could not be seen clearly.

At this age, most of the memories of my former brother can't be remembered.Some don't want to think about it, and even if they think about it, they don't feel much.Only the memory of this feather, like a rose, always blooms vividly in my heart.Along this only clue, many, many past events will also be brought to the present.

When my brother is the most beautiful, he is everyone's brother.

He said, "Good morning." Even if he didn't have a smile on his face, he probably looked bad.But the surrounding air seems to be able to smile, and the wives, maids, and even the toilet cleaners who are greeted will all smile as beautifully as possible.Then the very shy brother at this time couldn't help laughing too.

There are two, sometimes three meals a day at home.When preparing the dishes, my brother would go to the kitchen to have a look in advance. In my opinion, he didn't really care about the servants.It's just that he has a very cautious personality and feels anxious all day long, so it's about the big thing of "food", and he must confirm it himself to be at ease.

It would be unreasonable to go on patrol like that and come back again.Because my brother was embarrassed, he would say to the servants, "Is it ready?" or "Bring it out together when you are done".So over time, the elder brother's name has become another name for "considerate".

It would be a great thing to hold a singing party, drinking party or Buddhist meeting at home.At that time, my brother couldn't rest at all. He stood in the hall of the main hall and commanded from morning to night, working harder than farming cattle.My father just said, "It's good to love doing this kind of thing." Maybe he was afraid of making mistakes in front of others, so my brother at the banquet didn't want to be the master of ceremonies.Sometimes his father asked him to sing or perform, and he was very embarrassed.

But there was one thing that the whole family didn't expect, my brother drank a lot.At the beginning, my father was joking and gave my brother a little drink. After a long time, I found that it didn't matter how much my brother drank, which was really surprising.There are relatives who love to drink, pretend to be alcoholics and come to the house to make trouble, or come to beg for drinks.As long as you send your brother out, you can only leave honestly.At the banquet held by the emperor before, my elder brother used his own strength to drink all the people in the palace to the point of drunkenness, and he still looked calm, so I really envied him.But if you drink it by yourself, you will feel uncomfortable after a few sips, and you will not dare to touch this type of drink in the future.

My elder brother has reached the age of school, and the time spent at home has been greatly reduced.When I finally got home from school, I just locked myself in the room and read a book by myself.If you go to look for it yourself, you will still be scolded by your parents.In the year when my elder brother was crowned, I heard a maid at home say, "A child of this age is actually able to go to the imperial court to give lectures to His Majesty the Emperor. Even if I tell my family members, I will find it unbelievable." My father was very happy during those two days, He also gave himself a small gold crane from Tang Guobo, probably for this reason.

My mother especially likes to say things like "how well your brother is doing" and "when Zhengxin learned this".Brother's perfection, if there is no concept of comparison, such happy days may not have an end.But the most evil invention of "comparison" will be closely related to oneself as one grows older.

When my elder brother was in school, it was said that he liked the teacher very much.One time, my elder brother seemed to be circling around at home, seeing what he saw, out of curiosity, he hid aside and saw his elder brother secretly hiding Tang Mo, which his father had given him, in his clothes, and took it all the way to school.Probably it was given to the teacher.

This incident also left a deep impression on me. The elder brother who seems to be sincere and sincere lives in a tactful way with the principle of being cautious.The sincerity in everyone's eyes is the hypocrisy of my brother.

One spring, I found a little bird with golden wings in a clump of bellflowers at the door of my bedroom.At that time, I, who had no concept of a baby bird, came to the little bird, and the little bird didn't fly away, but happily held it in my hand and brought it back to the room.On the one hand, I was afraid that the little bird would starve to death, and on the other hand, I was afraid that I would tell others, so I imitated "Mrs. Zhonglai" and took the bird away.When it was noon, I quietly ran to the kitchen to look for rice.When I returned to the room, I was about to feed the little bird, but my brother suddenly asked behind me, "What are you doing?" I was so scared that my heart almost jumped out.It turns out that my brother has been following me just now, which is also very annoying!

"What kind of animal are you feeding? Did you hide the chicks and ducklings at home again?" asked the elder brother.I hold the little bird in my hand, and I don't want my brother to know.As a result, the little bird struggled and called out sharply.I really hated it so much that I almost wanted to stuff it directly into my underwear, but my brother still saw it.

"This is the goldfinch, give it to me quickly, you will almost kill me."

I said a little angrily, "Only you, I don't want to give it."

My brother couldn't help laughing and asked, "Why?"

Although this smile is very inappropriate, but at this time, the elder brother is so beautiful that people don't want to look away.Somehow, the anger in my heart can subside a little.But the hand holding the bird still refused to let go.My brother conjured up a branch of cherry tree out of nowhere, "Take this instead."

This is really a very common thing, how could he have the nerve to talk to himself?My brother immediately said, "Look at it, I wrote words very carefully on the petals of this cherry blossom."

"What?" Taking a closer look, there was a dirty flower with densely written small characters.This is very surprising. If you want to get this flower immediately, you should put it in your diary.But if you give in like this, you have to look down on yourself.My father always talked about the words that the pines and cypresses withered.It's embarrassing to say that it's embarrassing to just abandon the determination in your heart just because you like something.Therefore, the hand holding the bird has not let go.

My brother had no choice but to stick the branch of cherry blossoms in his hair, and said, "I will return it to you. If you hold on to it like this again, you will really die."

The tone was very heavy, and the little bird had been biting the flesh on his finger, and it was really hard for him to put it in his brother's hand.

The elder brother got the little bird, and now it was different from what he had promised, "Let it go?"

Hearing this, I was so sad that I almost shed tears.Fujita Nayan loves small animals so much that he is unwilling to exchange them for any rare treasures.The elder brother who knew this, but deceived himself, was so angry that he licked the cherry blossoms in his hair and almost threw them on the ground.But this thing was destroyed, and I was very reluctant. I was in a dilemma and couldn't help crying.

The elder brother said hurriedly, "Oh, don't forget what I said just now. After the goldfinch is domesticated, I will tie it with a rope for you to play with."

I lied to myself just now, and now I don't want to believe it any more, I just cry myself and recruit the wet nurse.My brother put the little bird back on the tatami, hugged his shoulders, and kept saying, "I won't take it away."

I was very happy to hear my brother say that.But I still kept crying for no reason.Attracted more maids, and everyone surrounded themselves inside and out, chattering and discussing.At this time, my brother was also anxious, and kept saying comforting words to himself.

I like those words very much, but my mouth is completely disobedient, "Take it away! Then take it away! Anyway, it doesn't matter if you don't want it! I'll find another one if I take it away. If I take the new one too, I'll take it again. Look for it until you find my brother and don’t want it anymore.”

This is too much to say, and I didn't expect to say that.My brother is just a child who is four years older than himself, and his eyes are also red at this time.The elder brother hugged himself and kept apologizing, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's all my brother's fault. My brother will never say such things again."

The little bird was left to herself, but it became weaker and weaker day by day, and refused to eat anything, and couldn't feed it, and she couldn't do anything to beg the nurse.I'm afraid it's just what my brother said, and I'm pinching myself to death, no matter how meticulously I take care of it, it's useless.

In the end, I had to return it to my brother. I don't know what method my brother used to teach the little bird to eat something.But the sparrow always had its eyes closed during the day, its wings drooped from time to time, and it never retracted.My brother also said to himself in a very embarrassing way, "If you die, don't be too sad."

I thought I would be killed by others, so I was always on guard.In the end, I was the chief culprit who killed the little bird. That kind of meticulous love turned into a sin, what a ridiculous thing.So I said to my brother, "Then put it outside."

Seeing this little bird die, I really can't bear it.Brother agreed.

A few days later, when I went to Xizhidui to inquire about the bird, I found that the bird became very active, because the feathers were still like tubes, and my brother said it was still growing. There is no way to fly, so I just jump around the room.Although it can't be said to be lively, it is still beyond my expectations.I couldn't help but said to my brother, "You were lying to me! Why didn't you let it go?"

"Its feet were broken by you, so it's not feasible to let it out like this."

When the little bird jumped up, it was really staggering, looking very funny.But how could I listen to my brother's explanation, the resentment in my heart gushed out like a waterfall.Crying and yelling to my brother, I still felt that it was not enough, I grabbed the bird on the ground and ran back to my room.

On one side of this little bird's wing, a very beautiful feather has grown. The two ends are shiny black, and the middle section seems to be shining, which is like a golden color, matching the gray and slightly golden feathers on the body. The feathers are all different.This feather seemed to be plucked from other animals and stuck to it.I really liked watching it, and I also had a thought of pulling it out and pasting it in my diary.

But the bird is always moving around, and his hands are also very clumsy. Every time he goes back to pull it out, he can make it slip away.He found a nurse, held the bird himself, and finally pulled it out. The little bird sang suddenly!Then there was "pata", "pata", two large drops of blood appeared on the floor.The bird opened its mouth and panted, and the blood on its wings kept flowing.Both myself and the nurse were frightened, so I immediately asked my brother to come over.Instead, the elder brother sternly said, "How could you do such a thing?" Then he held the little bird in his palm with distress, his eyes glistened with water.

I don't know anything about the fact that plucking feathers will bleed.It turned out that the goldfinch was at his own disposal.My brother yelled at himself because of his own little bird.After my brother left with it, I didn't talk to my brother for three days.

Another night, I came to my brother's room, followed my memory to find the little pen where the bird was placed, and brought it back to my room.At dawn the next day, the little bird did not eat or drink as before.One morning within a few days, the bird closed his eyes and fell into the cage, stretched out his hand to pinch it, and his body became cold and hard.

My brother knew that the bird was dead, although he didn't say anything, but when he went back to see him afterwards, he hid behind the screen and kept wiping away his tears.

Teng Da Nayan closed the door of the cupboard, and suddenly heard a "cracking" sound, thinking it was raining outside, he hurried to the mat and put away his brother's mask.But found a lot of dark, still very sunny.The dull noise just now continued, as if it was coming from the southeast direction.Standing with a mask in hand, my heart beats non-stop.This feeling was there before.Then I thought, it must be my brother who is back.I didn't have time to put on my shoes, so I ran directly to the bottom of the corridor.Sure enough, in the corridor outside the east, a man in ordinary clothes was walking cautiously.

The orange lantern illuminated one side of his face, which was the handsome face that did not change much in his memory.The elder brother looked at himself, but in the blink of an eye, he turned around and ran away.Fuji Da Nayan hurriedly followed behind him, shouting, "Brother, mask!" But the figure of his brother got farther and farther away, and after a while, the figure came out of the wall.

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[6] Popular songs in the mid-to-late Heian period of Japan (Jianzhang), the translated version comes from Shanghai Translation Publishing House "The Story of Heike", translated by Wang Xinxi

[7] The mean stepmother of the Luowa girl in "The Story of Luowa".