When the double black penetrates the if line

"Eh? Why did Chuya suddenly say that?" Osamu Dazai had a slight smile in his eyes.

Of course, all the changes in Chuya Nakahara are seen by Osamu Dazai. Osamu Dazai likes to watch Chuya Nakahara being affected by his own words, and likes to slowly guide Chuya Nakahara, watching him gradually fall into the chaos he has woven. A web of entwined love threads.

His liking was never something tender and worth having.Osamu Dazai's love is like a sharp blade, either hurting himself or scratching others.

Osamu Dazai often feels that he is really not a good thing. There is always a bottomless pit like a black hole in his heart, which is empty and cannot be filled, devouring everything around him.

People who really hurt him, such as Ogai Mori and Osamu Dazai, would plant the fire of hatred in their hearts, slowly raise it, and wait for their own strength to be strong enough, and then let the flames of anger break out of their shells, bringing A bloodbath of vengeance.

However, for a person who treats him sincerely like Zhong Yuanzhong, he couldn't help but want to get closer, and make that dazzling light completely his own, so that no one else can see it.

Now it seems that he is really selfish and dark, he doesn't want others to do him any harm, and he doesn't want others to treat him too well.If Chuya really knew the extremely rotten inside under his appearance, he would never want to approach him again.

"...Forget it." Osamu Dazai sighed softly, "Chuya, you go, I have something to think about."

"You don't need my personal protection anymore?" Nakahara Chuya raised his brows slightly and asked.

"No need." Osamu Dazai showed the same irritating smile as usual, "After all, a little slug like Chuya doesn't know who is protecting whom."

"That's right." Zhongyuan Zhong also rolled his eyes casually, "After all, a physical weakling like you, the leader, can die easily without anyone's protection—oh yes, I almost forgot Well, even if someone protects you, you may kill yourself."

"That's right, so Chuya guesses whether I will still be alive when you see me next second?" Dazai Osamu said lightly, "Anyway, Chuya must be very happy to see that screen, so please let Zhongya go~”

"You..." Chuya Nakahara and Osamu Dazai have never been able to win over Osamu Dazai once in the quarrel. He seemed to want to refute something, but in the end he swallowed back the words that came to his mouth and pressed his hat , walked out of the office step by step.

Before he closed the door, Nakahara Nakaya turned his head and looked at Osamu Dazai for the last time, this time there was no hint of a joke in his eyes: "Osamu Dazai, don't say such things in the future."

What he used this time was not the unfamiliar title of "chief" that widened the gap between the full class, but called the two of them, representing the intimate name of the individual Dazai Osamu.

Zhong Yuanzhong also lowered his eyes, eyes full of sincerity: "After all, I have promised that I will never let you die... I will be sad if you say that."

If you say that, I will be sad.

Until Chuya Nakahara left the office for a long time, Osamu Dazai was still sitting behind the leader's large desk, maintaining his original slightly stiff posture.

Nakahara Chuya's words seemed to have a stereo echo effect, playing in his mind over and over again, it can be said that the lingering sound lingered for three days, like background music, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get these words out of his own Clear the mind out.

"It's really hopeless." Osamu Dazai rubbed his eyes, put aside the document in front of him that he had been staring at for 10 minutes but didn't see a single word in his mind, and then took a deep breath.

He felt he couldn't go on like this.

The feeling of being indifferent is the most taboo thing for a leader—no, to be precise, the feeling of being indifferent is the last thing that should appear to any person.

This kind of relationship is good for those shy young couples who are just beginning to fall in love. They have a lot of time and can put all their thoughts on their sweetheart, savoring every move of the other person over and over again, for any moment of intimacy. In an instant, he blushed for a long time.

But Osamu Dazai was different from them.

Not to mention that even though he and Nakahara Chuya are underage, they definitely have experienced more than most adults. Just because of Dazai Osamu's own character, he is unwilling to procrastinate, especially to procrastinate his relationship .

There was no response in this way, and the risk of a willing relationship was too high, and it took too much of his energy.

Sensibility is the opposite of rationality. If Osamu Dazai has always been full of sensibility and filled his brain with such dull and ridiculous emotions, sooner or later, he will make a wrong choice at a critical moment.

"So I should have shown my heart to you earlier... Chuya." Dazai Osamu murmured, one hand gently stroking the bandage wrapped around his right eye, "Or... I should put you down completely. "

"Impossible. I have never given up on what I want. Even if it is the god itself, if I want to get it, it must belong to me." Osamu Dazai's eyes showed a little firmness, "Who is it?" You came to provoke me first?...Chuya."

"Even if you turn into ashes, even if you become a god and lose the personality of Zhongya Zhongye, it must belong to me. All your past, every minute and every second of your present, even The tens of thousands of futures derived from your countless possibilities should all belong to me."

Osamu Dazai's tone revealed a bit of morbid stubbornness, but he himself didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

What you want, you have to hold tightly in your hands, this is the truth that even children know.

"But Chuya, you are so dull. I still don't know whether you have a sense of responsibility for me because you are moved, or you have a little affection for me, or you are just bound by my leader. That’s why you made the promises you would make to any leader.”

Osamu Dazai sighed lightly, speaking like a sigh.

"I still can't really figure out what you think of me..."

It's really weird.

It is obvious that Dazai Osamu can see through all the thoughts and thoughts of Chuya Nakahara at ordinary times, but when it comes to matters related to himself, Chuya Nakahara's mind suddenly becomes a thing for him. The mess of wool makes people confused, and it is impossible to see what Zhongya Nakahara is thinking in his heart.

Obviously at the beginning, the whole person of Chuya Nakahara was held in the palm of his hand by himself, and he could understand and even control every thought of Chuya Nakahara, but now, Osamu Dazai felt that his control over Chuya Nakahara was real. Out of control.

Although Chuya Nakahara doesn't seem to have no feelings for him at all now-maybe the promise that Chuya made before is the best proof-but Osamu Dazai can't really be sure whether Chuya Nakahara said it because he likes him That sentence was just temporarily moved by what he said, and he said it temporarily.

Isn't such an impulsive move that doesn't represent anything at all, what Chuya Chuya would do?

Will he like himself?Or once Dazai Osamu expresses his feelings, Nakahara Chu will immediately feel disgusted.

It's just getting more and more confusing...

Osamu Dazai's fingers couldn't help covering the bandages on his eyes again, touching them almost habitually—there was actually nothing wrong with his eyes, and the bandages were wrapped around them because he had been injured before. bandage.

Even though the wound has long since healed, he still wraps his eyes with bandages habitually, almost becoming a habit, to cover up his bloody scars.

In fact, many things are like his eyes. Although the wounds have disappeared, the pain and injuries that have been suffered are still recorded inside the brain. Every time when encountering familiar things, the pain will habitually resurface like a tide. It surged back, sweeping through his body.

Therefore, he subconsciously always wants to cover this place, as if as long as he hides the hurt he has suffered in the dark, no one will find it again, and the pain he has suffered will not come back again.

Now Osamu Dazai feels that Nakahara is also his wound.

I want to shield him, I want to suppress my feelings in my heart for a moment, but once I see the figure of Nakahara Chuya again, the throbbing in my heart will be like the pain of a wound that has healed, there is no reason, no words Reasonably came up again.

I can't forget it, I can't hide it, I want to confess but I'm afraid that everything is just a dream, once the curtains are drawn, all the actors will leave, leaving only a faint smoke in the air for a long time Disperse.

"...What should I do with you, Chuya?" Osamu Dazai smiled wryly, he never thought that he would have such a moment of entanglement and inability to make a choice, he was simply fascinated by something unknown, "I'm in a dilemma, I'm afraid I'm talking about myself now."

"I want to get out but I can't back away, I want to go further but I'm afraid... This name is called Chuya's cage in the Central Plains, but it really doesn't leave me any room."

Osamu Dazai sighed softly, and decided to push the figure of Nakahara Chuya back to the deepest part of his brain first.

He habitually picked up the communication channel dedicated to the leader at hand, and just about to call Chuya Zhongya's name to call him into the office, but suddenly realized that he had sworn in his mind just a second ago that he would call Chuya Zhongya first. set aside.

Osamu Dazai clicked his lips, for a while he wanted to connect to the communication channel, but for a while he was not sure whether he should do it or not.

Just when he was in a dilemma, holding the communicator in one hand and froze in place, hesitating and unable to make a choice.

Memories flooded his brain like a flood.

...the memories of Osamu Dazai from thousands of other parallel worlds that do not belong to him.