throbbing for you

At 08:30 on Saturday morning, Shi Yi woke up to the sound of crackling rain.Outside the window, the wind and rain were dark and heavy, and everything in the world seemed to have not fully woken up from the night.

Shi Yi only slept for three hours when he was suddenly woken up, feeling very dizzy.She rubbed the space between her brows, stood up and got out of bed, and closed the open window for ventilation.

Turning around, lifting the quilt, the rabbit sleeping peacefully in the quilt fell into his eyes, Shi Yi's movements suddenly stopped, and his drowsiness disappeared.

The sky was gloomy, and the mood couldn't brighten up.

Shi Yi sat on the bed, staring at the rabbit with deep eyes.After a while, she took the phone on the bedside table and unlocked the screen.

The interface of the screen was still stuck on the topic of "how to correctly understand homosexuality" that she searched last night.Black characters on a white background, the three words "homosexuality" pricked his eyes like needles, Shi Yi's breathing was slightly stagnant, he took a deep breath, and forced himself to look directly at these words.

Focusing on the topic, she exited the app, opened QQ, hung her fingertips on the screen for a long time, still clicked on Jian Luhe's profile picture, and typed: "Are you awake?"

Jian Luhe replied to her almost instantly: "I just woke up. I was about to stay in bed and brush my phone for a while, when your news came in. We have a tacit understanding too."

Shi Yi didn't greet her, but went straight to the point, "Is Si Tian okay?"

Jian Luhe was surprised: "You came to me early in the morning to ask this?"

"You care about her? [smirk]"

"Or... have you changed your gossip too?"

Shi Yi was not in the mood to joke with her, "Don't tell me, I'll ask Fan Lu."

Jian Luhe was anxious: "Hey, wait a minute, don't I care about you? You are too domineering, so you are allowed to ask others, can others not ask you?"

Although she was complaining, she still gave the answer: "Apart from her swollen face, she looks quite normal. It's not like I said, Yang Yue's attack was too heavy."

Shi Yi's heart ached sharply.

"She is the kind of character who really has nothing to show." Shi Yi reminded.She wanted to tell Jian Luhe to pay more attention to Fu Sitian, but she didn't know where she stood.

"I think so too." Jian Luhe asked after consideration: "Shi Yi, seriously, are you caring about her?"

Shi Yi curled up her knuckles, just when Jian Luhe thought she would not answer, she finally sent that simple but heavy "yes".

Jian Luhe said excitedly: "Do you want to make up with her?" Shi Yi and Fu Sitian were so frozen, and as their friend, it was actually quite uncomfortable for her to be in the middle.

Shi Yi remained silent and did not answer.She didn't have an answer in her heart.

But at least not now.

No longer running away, admitting that he likes Fu Sitian, admitting that he has become... the same person as Shi Yuanmian, although the feeling of losing control has eased, but the whole life track is still distorted.Standing in the mist, she still doesn't know where the road leads to or where she is going.This is a road she has never walked, and she has never thought of taking it. She is carrying shackles, is not mentally prepared, and does not know how to walk.

Contacting Fu Sitian irresponsibly will only bring her more harm.

Besides, reconciliation is not something she can decide alone.

Si Tian... Maybe she is no longer needed.

She reached out and held the little rabbit's paw in her hand, trying to fill the sense of lack in her heart, but the tighter she held it, the more obvious the feeling of emptiness became.There was bitterness between the cold brows, Shi Yi reached out and opened the drawer of the bedside table, took out his business card, and called the psychological counselor above.

After the flag was hoisted on Monday morning, the troops were divided into two groups as usual. Yin Fanlu and Fu Stian went to the cafeteria together, and Shi Yi and Jian Luhe went to eat together.Along the way, Jian Lu and He yawned endlessly, Shi Yi laughed: "Did you not sleep last night?"

Jian Lu and Sangsang sat across from Shi Yi, "Didn't sleep well."

"Insomnia?"

"No." Jian Luhe looked up at her, then looked around vigilantly, still worried, and decided to type on his mobile phone: "I woke up last night and heard Si Tian crying, and I was frightened."

Shi Yi stopped tearing the bread, and his heart sank.

Jian Luhe took back her phone and continued typing, "I came closer and heard her crying and saying sorry, the voice was very low. I guess she might be having a nightmare, and I wanted to raise the bed curtain to wake her up, but I was afraid of scaring her. After a moment of hesitation, her voice disappeared."

"After I climbed into bed, I was afraid that she would cry again, so I wanted to wait until I fell asleep. I didn't expect that I kept thinking about this, and I couldn't fall asleep after the bedtime."

"Have you heard her cry again?" Shi Yi's voice was low.

"No, she was fine this morning. I doubt she even knew it."

Shi Yi looked solemn, "Have you talked to her about Yang Yue again?"

"No. She has always behaved normally. Fanlu and I dare not mention this matter again, for fear of poking her wounds. In fact, Fanlu and I have talked secretly in private. Although Si Tian is really gentle, but In fact, Nei Li is a very tough person, he is really too afraid to trouble others, and he is too good at pretending to be okay."

"If she doesn't say anything, we don't know how to help her."

Shi Yi pursed his lips, not knowing what to eat.

After hastily finishing his breakfast, he entered the classroom. There was obviously a seat in the middle, but Shi Yi uncharacteristically wanted to sit in the last row.

Jian Luhe was puzzled, so he had no choice but to go with her.

Fu Sitian habitually entered the classroom through the back door, and was obviously taken aback when he saw Jian Lu and Shi Yi in the last row.But soon, she looked back calmly and sat in her usual seat.

Shi Yi hasn't looked at Fu Sitian so presumptuously for a long time.She is good at drawing and sensitive to lines.She was sure that Fu Sitian must have lost weight since the last physical examination.

She stared at that thin back, and knew for the first time that one person can love another person so much.

During the big break, she went to the counselor's office for a meeting. After the meeting, she deliberately waited in the office until the counselor assistant came out.

The two had been dating for more than a year, and their friendship was not bad. Shi Yi successfully obtained Aunt Yang Yue's contact information from her.

On Thursday, Jian Luhe had a bad stomach and vomited and had diarrhea in the middle of the night. Fu Sitian accompanied her to the hospital for emergency treatment at five o'clock in the morning.The next day, she asked for leave to rest in the dormitory. Shi Yi only found out after she went to class. She greeted her on QQ, and Jian Lu told her what happened.

"Last night when I felt uncomfortable, it was already past two o'clock in the morning. I was afraid of disturbing Fanlu when I got up and down the bed, so I moved very lightly. I went up and down twice. Fanlu on the same side didn't feel a little bit, but Si Tian suddenly Stick your head out and ask me what's wrong, if I'm not feeling well."

"I asked her if I had disturbed her, and she said no, it was because she hadn't slept yet. She said she had medicine, so she came down to find it for me. It turned out that the medicine had expired. It turned out that I was really not well, She said to go to the hospital. I saw it was too dark outside, so I didn't dare to go, so I endured it. After five o'clock, there was a little traffic outside. I couldn't help it, and said to go to the hospital, so she went with me. "

"Fanlu sleeps really badly, and didn't realize we were all gone until dawn." Jian Luhe was annoyed and funny.

Shi Yi's mind was completely lost.

How could you wake up just after two o'clock?Did you not sleep all the time?A deep worry welled up in her heart.

At two o'clock in the morning that night, Shi Yi suffered from insomnia again, staring at the night light he bought for Fu Sitian in a daze, and suddenly remembered Fu Sitian's trumpet.

The night before Fu Sitian left in July, she stayed up all night.

He couldn't understand why he wanted to kiss Fu Sitian, and why Fu Sitian closed his eyes.How could she close her eyes.

Shi Yi convinced himself that everything was caused by alcohol, but his rationality refused to give in.

In the same way, she turned up Fu Sitian's trumpet.The trumpet homepage and followers were clean, but in the likes records that most people would forget to check, she saw a lot of Lily-related Weibo.At that moment, she felt that her whole head could not think, and the blood in her whole body froze.

Not an accident.Fu Sitian... Very likely, it was planned for a long time.

From the private letter before applying for the college entrance examination to the close and familiar one now.She was horrified by this possibility. Looking back on the past year of their relationship, she suddenly didn't know how to look at Fu Sitian, and how to face her.

It was obvious that she took the initiative more from the beginning to the end, but in order to hide the terrible fact that her heart was moving, she vented her anger, struggled, and escaped.

After that, she didn't dare to open this Weibo again.

Today, the Weibo homepage is still the same as before, clean and tidy, with only a few forwarded Weibo posts from before.However, the number of entries displayed on the home page has increased significantly.Shi Yi guessed that Fu Sitian should have posted a Weibo that only he could see.

She moved her eyes down and landed on a line of words - she just liked this Weibo.

Just now...that is to say, at this moment, Fu Sitian was not asleep just like her.Shi Yi frowned.According to the understanding of living together for more than half a month, Fu Sitian's sleep time is very healthy, and he has no habit of staying up late and playing with his mobile phone.Is it by chance?

But she observed for several nights in a row, and found that Fu Sitian was like this almost every night.

Shi Yi suspects that she has insomnia.

Thinking of her getting thinner and thinner, Shi Yi was completely worried.Several times, she clicked on Fu Sitian's profile picture to say something to her, but in the end she restrained herself.

She wasn't sure if she really thought it through.

She couldn't be so irresponsible to Fu Sitian, to her mother, and to herself.

But if she didn't say anything, didn't do anything, and watched Fu Sitian suffer, she couldn't do it.

In oral English class on Thursday, it was Shi Yi's turn to make a presentation, and she chose a topic discussion on "how to make choices".

Her typhoon is calm, her British pronunciation is pleasant, and the slightly boring expositions from her mouth become unexpectedly attractive.

The central argument of the whole manuscript is that "it is difficult to have a perfect choice for everyone in life. The evaluation of the choice is different from the perspective of the stand. Therefore, there is no need to demand a perfect choice, let alone criticize yourself for being imperfect."

She was talking to Fu Sitian.She hoped that Fu Sitian could understand.

She couldn't help lowering her head, looking for Fu Sitian's eyes among more than 30 pairs of eyes looking up, but among the more than 30 pairs of eyes, Fu Sitian's pair was not the only one.

Fu Sitian lowered his head, not looking at her.

Shi Yi's throat was astringent, and his calm and measured tone lacked the rising tone and gradually dropped.