throbbing for you

On the night of December 21st, when Fu Sitian was covered in blood in the County People's Court in Ningcheng, Shi Yi called her twice, but Fu Sitian didn't hear her, and let it vibrate until he hung up automatically.

Intracranial hemorrhage, spleen rupture, right leg to be amputated, left leg is also in danger, whether I can wake up depends on fate...I signed critical illness notices and informed consent forms for surgery one by one, and borrowed money phone calls one by one Dial, Wang Meifen and Fu Jiantao's sky collapsed, and Fu Sitian's world also collapsed.The light in front of her eyes was clearly dazzling, but she only saw swaying red and patches of black.This night, it seems that it will never light up again.

She didn't know what to say to Shi Yi when she picked up the phone, what to say to Shi Yi.

What about the treatment fee?What if Xiaoyu can't wake up again?What will uncle and aunt do in the future?What will happen to her and Shi Yi in the future?

she does not know.She couldn't face the sound of Fu Siyu calling her in the pool of blood, "Sister...help me...save me...", couldn't face her uncle, aunt, Shi Yi, couldn't face that second of silence... , Conscience swallowed up by monsters.

Unable to face, unforgivable.

My aunt told her to roll with red eyes, she didn't dare stand in her sight to provoke her, so she had to retreat into the stairwell outside the corridor.She curled up, dressed thinly, leaning against the wall, staring obliquely at the closed door of the operating room, half of her face was red and swollen, and half of her face was as pale as paper, biting her lower lip, convulsing physiologically, like a bird in winter A stray cat that gradually loses temperature and dies at night.

She didn't quite understand why a person like her was born and why she was still alive.Living seems to be a sin, tiring and tiring.Whatever you do is wrong, no matter how you struggle, it is useless, no one can save her, no one can illuminate her, and neither can Shi Yi.

That is a line called fate.It binds her to move forward, no matter how hard she tries, she can't change the sinking track.

She conceded.

If fate destined her to sink, at least she could let Shi Yi go.

At 22:[-] pm on December [-], after more than ten hours of continuous operation, Fu Siyu was finally pushed out of the operating room.She was unconscious and her right leg was gone from the knee down.Fu Sitian staggered to support himself, emerged from the stairwell to follow the operating trolley far away, and arrived outside the intensive care unit.As soon as Wang Meifen glanced at her from the corner of her eye, her emotions exploded again, and she rushed towards her, only to be grabbed by Fu Jiantao forcefully from behind.Crying and biting and kicking, she passed out.

The doctor said she was exhausted and overstimulated.Fu Sitian stood outside the ward, shaky and ashamed.

Fu Jiantao was exhausted physically and mentally.

It would be a lie to say that Fu Sitian was not angry at all.But the palms and backs of his hands were full of flesh, he knew in his heart that this was just an accident, no wonder it was Fu Sitian's fault.He grabbed his hair, as if he had aged ten years overnight, and told Fu Sitian: "You go back first. These few days... don't come here now, your aunt..." He sighed, unable to speak for a while , and finally can only repeat again: "Go back, you can't help here."

"If you have something to do at school, you can go back to school first. Wait for your aunt to calm down."

Fu Sitian looked at him with tears in his eyes, and couldn't say anything except nodding his head.

She would rather he be like his aunt, scolding her and beating her, but she would feel better.But he didn't.

She was ashamed and completely swallowed by a deep sense of guilt and self-loathing.She floated back to the old man's old house like a wandering soul. After entering the door, the nanny auntie told her after caring about Fu Siyu's situation that a well-dressed woman surnamed Fang came to her in the morning. After waiting for a while, left a business card and left.

Fu Sitian's mind was blunt, and it took several seconds to react before he remembered who this woman surnamed Fang might be.

She took the business card from the nanny aunt - Fang Ruohua.

Sure enough it was her.

She didn't panic at all, only one——the feeling that this day has finally come.

It hurt everywhere, but the pain was numb, and she found that she could not bear it anymore.As long as you imagine that you are dead, it doesn't really matter what your body looks like, and it doesn't matter.

She took the business card and went up to the rooftop. She looked at the business card without moving for a long time, and dialed the series of numbers one by one.

The phone rang within two seconds, and the phone was connected. Fang Ruohua's gentle voice came from the speaker: "Hello, hello."

Fu Sitian unconsciously scratched the concrete wall with his nails, bit his lower lip, and replied, "It's me, auntie, Fu Sitian."

Fang Ruohua was not surprised at all: "I know."

"My family said, Auntie, you came to see me this morning?"

"Yes."

After a pause of two seconds, no one spoke, Fang Ruohua broke the silence: "I heard that something happened in your family, I'm not sure if it's appropriate to tell you this at this time?"

She tossed and turned all night after receiving a call from the bodyguard who had been stationed at Shi Yi's place to secretly protect Shi Yi last night, and rushed over early in the morning to question Xing Shi.But when she heard that her sister was in a car accident, she felt compassion again and wondered if she was being too cruel.

But unexpectedly, Fu Sitian answered her: "It's okay, Auntie, just tell me."

Her voice was so soft that it seemed like it was going to die in a second. Fang Ruohua had planned to reprimand and question her all night, but suddenly she couldn't speak.

After a while, she asked, "You should know what I'm going to say, right?"

Fu Sitian looked at the distant blue sky out of focus, and said, "I know."

"Auntie, do you want to persuade me to break up with Shi Yi?

Fang Ruohua admitted: "Yes."

Fu Sitian's nails had already been torn apart, but she didn't notice it.She closed her eyes, and what could be heard in her ears was the whistling wind and Shi Yi's proclamation word by word in her memory: "Fu Sitian, listen, I want us to go to the end. You are sorry for every minute and every second." Me, wrong my life."

She wanted to answer her "yes", but when she opened her mouth, what she heard herself say was: "Auntie, you still care about her, don't you?"

"Yes."

"You still love her, don't you?"

"Yes." Fang Ruohua said: "She is my treasure, and I love her more than anyone in this world."

"Including your husband, your little daughter?"

Fang Ruohua said without hesitation, "Yes."

Fu Sitian shed tears, but smiled, and murmured: "That's good...that's good..."

She promised: "Auntie, I promise you, I will break up with Shi Yi."

The wind on the roof was so strong that she felt like her soul had dissipated.The white in front of her eyes is not white, and the blue is not blue. She leaned on the wall and climbed up to the balcony, looking at the sun, sitting quietly in the bursts of blackened vision.

The sun was setting slowly, and the wind dried her tears.

She silently climbed down the balcony again.

She knew she couldn't die yet.

She is not qualified to die yet.

She has already caused too much trouble to others, and she still has responsibilities that she has not fulfilled.

On December 23, Fu Siyu was still in a coma, and Wang Meifen still didn't want to see her.As agreed, she returned to Shencheng to accompany Shi Yi in his postgraduate entrance examination.

The night before the postgraduate entrance examination, Shi Yi was still lying with his back to her.When she came back, what she said to Fu Sitian could be counted on ten fingers.She didn't tell Fu Sitian why she called her twice that night.Just like Fu Sitian didn't tell her what happened after she went back.

Shi Yi's reason, patience, restraint and pride are almost reaching their limits.

She even convinced herself in her heart that as long as Fu Sitian could find something wrong with her, and could hug her from behind and coax her like in the past, she would be considerate of her, and she would give up all her self-esteem and really act as if she didn't know anything. , Hugged her back hard, and told her how scared she was, how much she needed her, how much she longed for her shoulders and arms, and how disappointed she was that night.

But Fu Sitian didn't give her such a chance.

She just lay there very neatly, motionless, not even kicking the quilt.The distance of one arm, like thousands of mountains and rivers, separated them into two worlds.

Shi Yi's heart was completely cold.

Although during the two days of the postgraduate entrance examination, Fu Sitian accompanied her to bed early and get up early, picked her up and down, gave her a specially requested amulet, prepared three fresh and delicious meals for her, and received fewer phone messages than usual. A caring lover who accompanies his girlfriend to graduate school.

But Shi Yi knew that something was getting closer.The way Fu Sitian looked at her occasionally gave her a premonition, which made her desperate and powerless.

She didn't know what else to do, what else to do.

If there is only one person left in a relationship who wants to persevere, what is the point of unilateral persistence other than being passionate and making jokes?

Her sanity and pride allowed her to accept and let her go.

She also thought that she was ready.

But when the last subject was over, they ate outside for a long time, and after walking the way home that they had walked hundreds of times in the past six months, Fu Sitian stopped her and said, "Shi Yi , I have something to tell you," her heart was still trembling.

Fear seized her heart and soul, she asked in a low voice: "Can't you go home and talk?"

Fu Sitian shook his head.She looked at her with sad eyes, showing a little pity, and said, "I'm sorry, Shi Yi, let's break up."

It was light and delicate, as if it had been rehearsed countless times in my heart, and it was not difficult to say at all.

Shi Yi once loved her gentle and soft voice very much, but at this moment, she wished she could cover her ears so that she would never hear the cruel words behind her.

But Fu Sitian couldn't hear her pleading, and was still lingering at her calmly and mercilessly: "I took all my clothes and books back to the dormitory, and I don't want the rest, and you can throw them away if you don't want them either. I haven’t moved the money in the card, it’s in the bedside drawer, you know the password. You can continue to rent the house, or you can sublet it, and the refunded money..."

Shi Yi couldn't take it anymore, she asked her: "Why..."

Fu Sitian forced himself to speak calmly, but suddenly stopped.

"Why, do you want to break up? I want a reason, isn't it too much?" Shi Yi folded his arms around his chest, stared at her, and repeated.

She regained her momentum, stood upright, with a stern expression, deep-set eyes, and her expression was still the same as that year when only a flash of surprise on the curtain took away all of Fu Sitian's mind. , but in her eyes, she could no longer find the shining light at that time.

Tiredness filled the corners of her brows and eyes.

Fu Sitian burst into tears, his throat hurt like being pricked by a needle.Holding back her tears, she opened her mouth and tried to say indifferently: "I thought we all had a consensus."

"Shi Yi, we are not suitable, if this continues, we will be very tired."

"Are you tired, or am I tired?" Shi Yi heard himself ask mockingly.

She doesn't want this.She wanted to agree gracefully, want to get together and leave, and leave the last bit of dignity for herself and Fu Sitian, but her chest, her throat, and her mouth were filled with anger and unwillingness, and she didn't listen to her command at all.

"Where is it inappropriate? Ability, personality, or...gender?" She bit the word "gender" very hard, and it was full of ridicule.

Fu Sitian looked at her blankly, as if he didn't know her.After a while, she lowered her eyes impatiently and perfunctorily: "Whatever you think is what you think. I am sorry for you."

Shi Yi looked at her and felt that he didn't know her.Is this indifferent, ruthless girl really the gentle lover she once loved?

Did she really understand her, really know what she loves?She used to think it was stupid to fall in love and spend her heart and soul for an unworthy person, but she didn't expect that in the end, she was no different.

She looked at Fu Sitian without blinking, as if she wanted to see through her soul and carve her into her bones.A few seconds later, she curled her lips and sneered coldly: "Fu Sitian."

After a pause, she said, "Maybe, I should change the name?"

"Jiang...Cun...Xi..." She looked at her and read out every word.

Fu Sitian's perfect calm mask finally showed cracks, and her familiar panic and pain appeared in her eyes.Satisfied, Shi Yi continued to stab her: "Why didn't you say it was inappropriate at the beginning?"

"Did you go on a blind date?"

"Is it so impatient?"

Her acquiescence, her panic, made her more and more mean, "Is it fun to play me? From the beginning, I shouldn't have trusted you."

"Bad genes will be inherited."

After the last two sentences fell, Fu Sitian couldn't bear it any longer, his whole body trembled, and tears fell like rain.

She finally lost her composure, finally cried, and finally seemed to be in pain.Shi Yi felt that he was happier and more painful.

She heard Fu Sitian choked up, "So you already knew. So, have you always looked at me like this?" Looking at her frail and trembling figure, she suddenly didn't know what she was talking about or what she was doing.

No matter what, if you have loved once, why bother... why bother...

The hostility all over his body was washed away by Fu Sitian's tears.Shi Yi's head hurt like it exploded.She was so tired that she almost ran away, turned around, turned her back to her, and said in an extremely indifferent tone: "That's it. I promise you, we broke up. From now on, the bridge will return to the bridge, and the road will return to the road. It's like we've never met."

Fu Sitian's crying voice was still there, but he replied without hesitation: "Okay."

Shi Yi froze for two seconds, then finally lifted her footsteps, and walked forward step by step, to the cold and cramped "home" where she was alone.

Scenes of the past flashed in front of my eyes, it was her singing "About I Love You" on the runway during the rain in the first year of freshman year, and she sang and whispered; it was when they sat side by side and she hugged her She said softly and shyly, "If you need, I am willing to be your father, your mother, and your home"; in that year, she had a high fever, barefoot, clutching her hands, crying and begging She "Shi Yi, don't leave, don't like her"...

She didn't understand why loving someone was so fickle, why Fu Sitian's love, like mother's love, could be taken back.

In this world, what else will not change?

She fantasized and begged spinelessly: Come on, stop me, hug me, don't go.

But until she stepped through the iron gate and closed the gate, Fu Sitian didn't make another sound.Even, perhaps, she had already left.

All the strength in Shi Yi's body was taken away, and he could only support himself staggering up the stairs by holding on to the stairs.

She didn't want to turn back, stop, let alone cry.She told herself, forget it, it's okay, it's just a lovelorn, so it's a rich life experience.

When you are young, it is no big deal to miss someone.Isn't she the one you want to drive the most?

She could be better off alone.

But step by step, she finally squatted down halfway, like a beggar abandoned by the whole world, hugging her knees, weeping uncontrollably.

She didn't know how Fu Sitian was standing outside the building across the door, at the entrance of the alley, watching her with such nostalgic eyes, watching the little stars left in her life, disappearing into her own world, forever disappear.

She couldn't hear her cry, couldn't hear the thousands of words "I'm sorry" she said to her from the bottom of her heart, and finally only merged into that silent blessing: "Shi Yi, go forward, don't look back."

"The future is bright."

At 08:30, Fu Sitian returned to the dormitory like a walking corpse.

Jian Luhe asked her why she came back, where is Shi Yi?She replied without any ups and downs: "I broke up with Shi Yi, and I will come back to live for a few days."

Jian Luhe's face suddenly became ugly.She turned her head and asked in disbelief: "What did you say, you say it again."

Fu Sitian's eyes were as still as dead water, and he repeated once: "I broke up with Shi Yi, and I will come back to live for a few days."

The next moment, she was grabbed by the collar by Jian Luhe, and she arrived at the iron ladder, and hit her head heavily on the ladder.

"Fu Sitian, you bastard! You said the breakup, didn't you?"

She looked at Jian Lu and his reddened eyes, without denying it.

"How could you be like this, how could you be like this." Jian Luhe glared at her angrily, and was so angry that he cried first. "Do you know how much she likes you? Do you know how much she has suffered and suffered for you, and she is afraid that you will feel guilty and reluctant to let you know. But in the end, you are not worth it at all."

She should have known. Two days ago, when Shi Yi was followed by a drunk and almost had an accident, when Auntie Fang couldn't contact Fu Sitian and instead contacted her to accompany Shi Yi, she should have known.Fu Sitian has changed!She has changed!

She had never seen such a fragile Shi Yi, and she had never been so angry with Fu Sitian.

But Shi Yi was still speaking for her, she said: "She must have something to do at home, so it's inconvenient to talk."

How inconvenient can it be? !She didn't understand it then, but now she suddenly understands everything.

Careful, everything is convenient.If you don't have a heart, it will be inconvenient anyway.

She couldn't wait for Fu Sitian's response, and Fu Sitian didn't seem to give her a response.Jian Luhe punched the cotton with a fist, feeling angry and weak.She let go of Fu Sitian, grabbed the photo frame with Fu Sitian and her, Shi Yi, and Yin Fanlu's photos on the desk with her backhand, smashed it, and said disgustedly: "Fu Sitian, I misread you."

Slam the door and leave.

Fu Sitian slid down the iron ladder, knelt on the ground, swept away the broken glass bit by bit, touched their bright smiles in the photo, blood gushed from his fingertips.

Until late at night, Jian Luhe didn't come back either.Fu Sitian knew that Jian Luhe was disgusted with her and didn't want to see her.She is fortunate that tomorrow is dawn, and she will be going back to Ningcheng. There will be no classes in the next semester, and she will not come back unless she defends and takes exams, and it will not affect Jian Luhe's normal life too much.

She didn't lock the door, and she was in a daze, in a daze, and couldn't sleep until midnight.

I don't know what time it is, there is a sound on the door of the dormitory.She thought it was Jian Lu and or the new roommate who moved in came back.

But the footsteps were heavy, step by step, as if they were coming towards her bed.

Fu Sitian's heart beat violently, and it also ached violently.

She dared not open her eyes.In the darkness, she heard footsteps finally stopped beside her bed, motionless.

"Liar." She heard Shi Yi's heartbreaking accusation, humble and hoarse. "You obviously promised me that you won't dislike me, and you will always love me."

She reached out to touch her cheeks, eyebrows, tenderly and carefully, as if she was touching a fragile dream.

Fu Sitian's heart throbbed, as if his soul was being burned by the body temperature from her fingertips.But she remained motionless, as if completely asleep.

Shi Yi withdrew his hand, looked at Fu Sitian by the moonlight, and stood quietly.

Fu Sitian kept pretending to be asleep and didn't respond.

Shi Yi finally gave up completely.

She laughed lowly, her lips were chapped and bleeding, and she said in a clear and cold voice, "Jiang Cunxi, don't be afraid."

"I came to you to make a Christmas wish."

"In the future, I will never like you again."

"Goodbye."

Fu Sitian still didn't move.She nailed herself to the bed board with all her strength, clutching the bed board tightly with her hands hidden in the quilt, crying until the cracks between her fingernails were full of cracked blood.

Life does not meet, moving like participating in business.

She knew what she had lost.For the rest of her life, her dark night will never light up again.

In 2016, after a "goodbye", they really never saw each other again.

Shi Yi applied for postponement of all the exams at the end of that semester.

Fu Sitian never saw Shi Yi again.

until graduation.

Until many years after graduation.

Shi Yi disappeared into Fu Sitian's world.

Fu Sitian disappeared into everyone's world.

The mountains are long and the rivers are far away. The short encounter in those few years is like a fleeting dream in our long life.

After waking up from the dream, everyone moved on.Even Chen Xizhu gradually gave up looking for Fu Sitian after going abroad.

Only occasional gatherings, open-air picnics, full of wine and food, and reminiscing about the past, they will remember that there were a few midsummers full of stars, and there was a girl who talked and laughed with them.

But none of them said it.

Everyone seems to have forgotten her.

I forgot that Shi Yi once loved a girl very much, that girl, when she smiled, she had a very gentle dimple.