After wearing a sick and weak white moonlight, I collapse every day

He didn't eat much at the opening banquet. After leaving the banquet hall, Fu Younian took Yu Xi to a shop outside to eat a bowl of small wontons, and then went back to the hotel where the crew stayed.

The shooting started early the next morning, and the first scene was the rival scene.

Yu Xi got used to using a blind stick a few days in advance. It's strange to say that it's been a long time, and now he still has muscle memory. Almost when he touches it, he can recall how he relied on it in the previous six months. Walking with a cane.

In fact, he didn't use it much, because he was a little bit resistant, and he couldn't help thinking about how the people around him would look when they saw the blind stick in his hand.

But he couldn't stay in the ward forever.

When filming, he doesn't need to close his eyes completely, he can still see the road in front of him and the people next to him, but he has to act like he is blind.People staring at each other when talking, or looking around are all subconscious movements. He has to avoid this instinct. If there is a little negligence, it will be cheating if it falls into the camera.

After reading it for a few months, and writing a lot of annotations on the side, the script has become wrinkled.

Zhang Feiran stopped Yu Xi to talk to him, "At the beginning, you went to the hospital to see a doctor and met him, but you didn't recognize him. You thought his voice was familiar, which caused a stress reaction..."

The background of the film is mainly around 2010, but Song Xigu and Jiang Chao met and fell in love in the summer of 1999. At that time, homosexuality was still a taboo topic in people’s mouths. It was called glass, and the relationship was fragile. To be watched with secret curiosity.

There are even many extreme treatment methods that come with it. Some parents want to change their children's sexuality, so they take them to such a withdrawal center.

After breaking up with Jiang Chao, Song Xigu had stayed there for three months.

Someone kept bringing him a tape recorder to play the tapes Jiang Chao left for him, all of which were songs recorded by Jiang Chao himself. Whenever Song Xigu's mood fluctuated, someone would use various instruments to inflict pain on him. Until finally he couldn't listen to the tape anymore, otherwise it was just endless cramping and retching.

Yu Xi wore a very simple smoky gray sweater with a coat over it, a pair of black woolen gloves on his hands, and held the blind stick on his exposed fingertips.

"I see, Director Zhang." Yu Xi nodded to show that he understood the arrangement.

Guangwei was still adjusting his position, and in a short while, everything was ready.

The scene record was played, ""Blind Friend" takes one shot in three scenes, Action!"

Jiang Chao stepped into the camera wearing a doctor's white coat, holding a newly printed inspection report in his hand, with a cold and bewildered expression.

"Doctor Jiang came so early today?" A nurse passed by and greeted him with a smile.

"Well," Jiang Chao smiled back, "Come here and sort out yesterday's case records."

It was past six o'clock in the morning, the hospital hadn't started to see patients, and there were very few people coming and going in the corridor. Jiang Chao sat down on a bench, leaned against the backrest, and let out a sigh of relief.

He felt frequent stomach pain half a month ago, but he was still busy with several surgeries at that time, so he didn't pay much attention to it.

Who would have thought that the examination a few days ago turned out to be in the late stage of gastric cancer.

The disease happened suddenly and quickly, and before he had any preparations, he was told that there were only three months left.

The light and shadow design is very good, the light from the hospital wall on the side swept down, and just fell on half of Fu Younian's side face, making his brows look like a patch of light ink, the bridge of his nose was straight, and his lips looked a little pale after makeup , Sitting there very few figures.

It was the first time for Yu Xi to watch Fu Younian make a movie on the spot, and found it very novel, so he stayed with Zhang Feiran and watched it on the monitor with him.

The nurse started to call the number, Jiang Chao got up and went to sit down in the consultation room, and put on a mask.

The first few patients in the morning were all cataracts or glaucoma, most of them were elderly, so when Jiang Chao heard a clean and young voice, he raised his head subconsciously, and then froze in place.

"Hello, I just heard it's called number 16?"

"... Sit." Jiang Chao asked the nurse next to him to help the young man sit down on the chair.

"Name." Jiang Chao's usually calm voice had a wave that was hard to see.

"Song Xigu."

His voice is very similar to before, even after ten years, it hasn't changed much, and even his appearance has hardly changed. The angle makes the lashes thicker and longer.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" Jiang Chao asked him.

"Before I had an accident, I couldn't see anymore." Song Xigu had said this to many doctors, so he was completely at peace from the initial confusion. "At the hospital in my hometown, the doctor said I could go to Eye|cornea|corneal surgery, but the eye conditions are not enough, the intraocular pressure is too high and there is inflammation."

The rest of Song Xigu didn't understand either, so he took out the medical records in his arms and handed them to the doctor.

Song Xigu still shivered as soon as his fingertips were touched.

There is no other reason, this voice is so similar that it is scary.

"There is nothing wrong with the medicine prescribed, and the treatment plan may be mild, so the recovery time required is relatively long." Jiang Chao read it, "Don't worry too much, go home and continue to take medicine. Remember to come to the hospital for checkups regularly."

"Okay, thank you," Song Xigu was already numb, and he heard the same words every time, but he still can't perform surgery, "When will I come next time?"

Logically, it took about a week. Jiang Chao looked at his absent-minded eyes, and suddenly became a little selfish, and said, "You can come next Friday, or this time."

Jiang Chao has written his resignation letter, and next Friday may be his last day working in the hospital.

Song Xigu nodded, ready to leave.

Jiang Chao stopped him suddenly, "Is there no family with you?"

"No," Song Xigu turned around and smiled, his complexion was always cold and pale, and he seemed a little cold, but his smile was the complete opposite, bright and vivid, even his blind eyes seemed to have suddenly revived, " I came alone."

The whole episode was filmed in one go, Zhang Feiran obviously felt that Yu Xi was much more relaxed and natural in front of the camera than before filming "Green Cliff", and he also learned to show his emotions just right, unlike before, he was always too restrained, and it was very easy to be on camera. stiff.

"Sure enough, there is a tacit understanding if we have cooperated." Zhang Feiran moved away from behind the monitor and said with a smile.

Fu Younian lazily leaned against the wall, stretched out his hand to unpack a packet of fruit candy, hooked his fingertips at Yu Xi, and led him over like a puppy, Yu Xi turned and walked away in anger.

"It's okay." Fu Younian went to look for Zhang Feiran.

Originally, Zhang Feiran wanted to let them get used to it for a few days, but now he thought it was unnecessary, so he adjusted a kiss scene to shoot in the afternoon.

"Don't borrow a seat later, shoot directly with real swords and guns," Zhang Feiran cleared up the scene a little bit, it is not a particularly excessive intimate scene, there is no need to clear all of them, "otherwise the effect will not be good later, and we have to A few more."

Yu Xi had no objection.

But when he looked back, he found that Fu Younian had pretended to take some mouthwash and a piece of gum in his mouth. He was really speechless and didn't want to talk to him.

"What's the matter?" Fu Younian walked towards him, pulled him to a place where no one was around, lowered his head and touched the end of the piece of chewing gum to his lips, "It's a kiss scene, if you don't rinse your mouth, it's so disrespectful Senior? Still don't want to take pictures with me?"

Yu Xi wanted to push him away to go outside, but Fu Younian raised his hand to block it, bit off the half of the chewing gum with humiliation, and finally went out.

Zhang Feiran coordinated well with the lighting team, and waited for the actors to be in place, but when he looked up and saw Yu Xi coming over, his face was a little red.

Then look at Fu Younian coming out after Yu Xi.

Zhang Feiran couldn't help but said to Fu Younian in a low voice: "I asked you to lead a show, I didn't ask you to provoke them."

"Who provoked it?" Fu Younian said dissatisfied.

"..." Zhang Feiran patted him on the shoulder, and said earnestly, "Sometimes you really deserve to be entangled in scandals, don't be silly, and bring my crew to the hot search again."

Fu Younian walked over resentfully and honestly.

In the afternoon, I will be filming a scene when I was young.

It has been almost two months since Song Xigu transferred to another school. He has a fairly cheerful personality and gets along well with all the boys in the class, except for the boy sitting in the seat by the wall who doesn't pay much attention to him. Song Xigu remembers that person is called Jiang Yan .

At that time, Jiang Yan's parents had not yet divorced, so he followed his father's surname, and took his mother's surname as "Yan".

Later, his parents divorced, and he went abroad with his father, so he changed his name to Jiang Chao.

At the beginning, the two of them were very affectionate, so they gave the child such a name, and when they fell apart, it sounded like a mockery.Jiang Chao doesn't care what his name is, he just thinks they are boring, they have been arguing for decades, and the appearance of tearing their faces is embarrassing.

"Song Xigu, what are you hiding in your schoolbag?" During class, a boy went over and grabbed Yu Xi's collar.

Yu Xi frowned and pushed him away, "Anyway, I won't show it to you."

"Tch, I don't want to look at you," the boy winked at him, "Is there anything to hide, everyone should look at it, and you're not the only one, take it out and exchange it for a look?"

The expressions of the group performers were a little too exaggerated, Zhang Feiran called to stop, and took another shot.

Song Xigu's heart skipped a beat, and then he came back to his senses, how could it be that they wouldn't know what he was looking at.

Song Xigu took out the books in his schoolbag after everyone went out to play during recess.

He hid a copy of "Evil Son", a copy of Jean Genet's "Our Lady of the Flowers", and "The Biography of Turing". With boundless curiosity, I also understand more and more that I may also belong to that 'Kingdom'.

And he even likes a boy in the class.

Yu Xi was in the third last row of the classroom, and Fu Younian was in the corner of the last row.

The sound of laughing and playing outside the classroom came, and Song Xigu turned his head and saw Jiang Yan sleeping on the table in a school uniform jacket, with one hand resting on the edge of the table, with slender and strong finger bones.The light and shadow of the tree shade outside the window flickered, falling on the back of Jiang Yan's hand through the crimson curtain.

Song Xigu suddenly remembered "Happy Together", which was also so viscous and the color of blood, shocking people's nerves.

Fu Younian seemed to have noticed something, he rubbed his sleepy eyes, opened them lazily, met Yu Xi's frightened gaze, raised the corners of his mouth in a malicious arc, and called him by mouth:

small glass.

My heart was pounding, and the secret was leaked out so easily.

But apart from the panic, there was also some faint joy, maybe he and I belong to the same 'kingdom'.

Yu Xi has never experienced Song Xigu's complicated mental journey. He fell in love with Fu Younian before he realized what his sexual orientation was. Will not like others.

But Zhang Feiran suddenly shouted "Ca!"

Yu Xi was a little confused, and looked up at Zhang Feiran.

"You don't like the look in his eyes enough," Zhang Feiran pointed at Yu Xi, "It looks more frightening than liking in the camera. And you can't have that feeling of admiration, like being desperate, moths to the flame, and It doesn't matter if he sinks together."

Yu Xi was still ignorant, he didn't understand Zhang Feiran's words, so he got up and went to look at the monitor.

In fact, the shooting was already above the standard. If it was really far worse, Fu Younian would not let it go.

But Zhang Feiran always wants to be more refined. With such a subject, it is rare to come across such a good crew configuration, especially in terms of actors.

"Let me take him out for a walk." Fu Younian said to Zhang Feiran.

Zhang Feiran nodded in agreement.

Yu Xi and Fu Younian walked out of the classroom.

This time, the production team took advantage of the winter vacation to borrow a high school location to shoot. The school was empty, only the staff of the production team passed by occasionally, and they all gathered near the classrooms.

"Teacher Fu?" Yu Xi called to stop Fu Younian.

Fu Younian took him to a corner where no one was around, and reached out to touch his face.

"If I'm not good to you, at least not as good as I am now, and I haven't done anything for you, do you still like me?" Fu Younian asked him.

Yu Xi's eyelashes trembled slightly, and he hesitated for a moment.

He understood what Fu Younian meant, but he couldn't answer the question for a moment.

In the movie, Song Xigu fell in love with Jiang Yan at first sight. Jiang Yan didn't do anything, at most, he just looked up at Song Xigu when he heard him introduce himself on the day he transferred from another school.

Yu Xi admits that he doesn't have that kind of unhesitating feelings.

This was also something he couldn't figure out, he hadn't done anything for Fu Younian, they were just filming together, recording a variety show together, Fu Younian would actually like him, it still makes him feel unbelievable.

It's like he has never been able to get a paycheck in exchange for a little care from his family. If he doesn't make money, he knows he can't even go home.

He didn't think that was right, but it was deeply ingrained in his mind to treat everything as an equivalent transaction. Fu Younian's liking for him had already exceeded his estimation and expectations, and it didn't seem like something that should really exist. , whether it was taking over his medical records in the nursing home, or the tattoo on his waist that he knew how painful he was.

"Probably not." Yu Xi said.

The expected answer, Fu Younian just smiled, pressed his forehead to kiss his cold lips, and whispered: "But I will, I may be terminally ill."

Fu Younian knew that what he asked Yu Xi was a false proposition, assuming that something that does not exist is meaningless, and even if he fell in love with Yu Xi first, since Yu Xi has already been tempted, it is not necessary to analyze his feelings one by one Things to measure on the scales.

What's more, Yu Xi Mingming likes him so much, even though Yu Xi may not know it himself.

"Then...just try chasing me," Fu Younian said to him, "Why are you chasing me? Don't say you don't want to."

Seeing that he was about to speak, Fu Younian raised his index finger to cover his lips.

"Why did Song Xigu pursue Jiang Yan? Since he wants to pursue him, how do he plan to pursue him?" Fu Younian then asked him.

The emotions in Zhang Feiran's script are actually rather obscure, except for the admiration when he was young, which is completely from the heart, and there is also the impulsiveness when he is sexual|mature|mature.Yu Xi can understand the previous feelings, but he is most likely not born gay, so he can't understand what it feels like to take the initiative to desire someone of the same sex.

He went to bed with Fu Younian simply because he wanted to get close, and felt that he couldn't find a way to get closer than this, not for the matter itself.

Back on the set, he took another shot. This time Zhang Feiran was quite satisfied, so he passed it directly.

Then came the first kiss scene.

Song Xigu didn't know how Jiang Yan found out that he was gay.

Until the evening when he packed his schoolbag and got ready for school, he was still flustered.

"Why don't you leave, it's getting dark." The deskmate patted him on the shoulder.

Song Xigu was distracted, startled by this sudden movement, and almost dropped the books in his hand to the ground.

Jiang Yan also carried his schoolbag and planned to leave the classroom.

Song Xigu heard that Jiang Yan's parents were arguing for a divorce, and they quarreled with the school several times, dragging Jiang Yan to ask him who he wanted to be with.

"I live alone." Jiang Yan said sarcastically every time.

Song Xigu once met him at the door of the office downstairs. As soon as Jiang Yan said this, his father grabbed the collar of his school uniform and slapped him. The corners of the eyes are blood red.There were many onlookers around, from all grades, laughing and talking, their dignity being trampled down to the very last, Song Xigu felt an indescribable distress.

And Jiang Yan seems to have indeed lived by himself, not with his parents.

"Brother Jiang went to that dark den again?" A few boys next to him came over and hooked Jiang Yan's neck with a smile.

"Get out." Jiang Yan didn't want to pay attention to them.

Jiang Yan was unwilling to support either party in his parents' divorce lawsuit, and even moved out of the house secretly, so he was cut off his living expenses.But he had his own way. It was an era when gangsters hadn't been completely wiped out, and places like underground boxing rings were almost all the rage.

Song Xigu followed Jiang Yan into the boxing ring.

Yu Xi knew that Fu Younian was good at fighting, and seemed to have learned Sanda professionally, but he had never seen him practice.

Wearing a washed-out school uniform, he squeezed into the throbbing crowd below, looking up to the ring.

I have to say that Zhang Feiran put a lot of effort into arranging the venue and arranging group performances. The place was smoky, yellowed and old, and the group performances were not in violation of harmony. A real boxing veteran.

Fu Younian put on one glove, and pulled up the edge of the other with his teeth in his mouth. A few strands of his forehead hair hung down to cover his eyes. When he looked down the stage, his eyes were so indifferent that they were almost arrogant. Xi's gaze, raised the corners of his mouth and smiled at him.

The smile was casual and a little ruffian.

Yu Xi's cheeks were hot, and his heart was beating violently in his chest. He thought it was because the place was too stuffy.

And Yu Xi didn't expect it to be a real fight. He saw the cameras set up all around, and the bright and dazzling lights above his head. He also heard the sound of the board hitting the board. He thought it was just a fake fight. The result is really hands-on.

Of course, both parties still have a sense of propriety, they just need performance effects.

But Yu Xi was still very shocked.

He subconsciously clenched the metal railings around him, his finger bones looked pale, and he followed Fu Younian's figure all the time, seeing that he was thrown to the ground by that person and hit the railing behind him with a bang. The blood bag was scratched, and the dark red blood trickled down from the forehead.

It took seven or eight minutes to shoot this one, before Zhang Feiran finally raised his hand to make a gesture, indicating that he could continue with the next scene.

Jiang Yan also won this match in the end. He went to get the bonus, took a simple shower, put his gloves on his shoulders, picked up his schoolbag, and walked out.

The night was deep, and the snow had just fallen, and the ground was pure white.

When he reached a deserted alley, he turned around, "Why have you been following me?"

The wound on his forehead hadn't been healed much, his brows were cold, and the street lamp beside him couldn't give his eyes a layer of warmth.

But Song Xigu looked at him from a distance, through the howling cold night wind, through the sudden falling winter snow, it crashed into his eyes, as if some kind of induction, both of them were shocked.

Song Xigu recalled the books he had read, and felt that the gazes he and Jiang Yan faced were like car lights colliding suddenly on a narrow mountain road. He was in danger of turning over the road and falling into the abyss. He clearly felt that When you see that kind of danger, you don't look back and want to hit it.

Jiang Yan walked over and stretched out his hand to grab him. That action was definitely not gentle, even reckless.

Yu Xi was staggered by Fu Younian's clenched wrist, and then bumped into the wall in the dark corner of the alley behind him. He felt Fu Younian's hand inadvertently resting on the back of his head, and did not hit him. head of.

Then a fierce kiss full of contradictions and confusion fell on his lips.

It was hardly a kiss, but more like a predatory bite of a beast. His lips were hot and his breathing was short of breath, but he didn't push back. Instead, his fingertips rested on the other's shoulder tremblingly.

Jiang Yan paused for a moment, he frowned, and staggered away from Song Xigu's face, as if regretting the momentary surge of blood.

Song Xigu went up to him again, inserted his fingertips into his hair, and pressed his lips clumsily and impetuously. As the lips and teeth rubbed together, the corners of his eyes were wet, but when he raised his head, he met Jiang Yan without much affection gaze.

Yu Xi knew that he was filming, but he was still stabbed by that gaze. He closed his eyes and only hooked Fu Younian's shoulder, wanting that hard-won kiss.

The scene was zoomed in very close, and the sound was very clear. Zhang Feiran felt that it was almost done, so he hurriedly let the scene recorder play the closing board.

Fu Younian still felt it was a pity, and he didn't mind taking another shot.

Yu Xi squatted on the ground, covered his head with a coat and kept silent.

Zhang Feiran cleared the field, leaving the two of them here to relax.

Fu Younian just went to lift the coat on Yu Xi's head, and found that his face was blushing so badly that he couldn't help but yawn, "You're shy now, what about the bed scene in a few days?"

"..." Yu Xi looked down and didn't speak.

"Or practice in advance," Fu Younian leaned into his ear, whispering with a smile in his voice, "I'm going to rent a set of equipment, find a place, and shoot it first..."

"...Who are you looking for?" Yu Xi repeatedly broke the lower limit by his thick skin.

"Why are you looking for someone?" Fu Younian stood up with his arms around him, hugged him from behind, and rested his chin on his shoulder, "I can take pictures for you by myself, and I don't need too many camera positions. If you want to get closer lens?"

Yu Xi couldn't hold it back, and kicked him on the calf, Fu Younian just laughed for a long time, and didn't continue talking.

After the filming, the sky was already dark, and it was time for the show to end.

Dinner was still eaten at the crew, and I didn't return to the hotel until around nine o'clock.

It was snowing heavily, and there weren't many people on the street, especially since the location of the studio was relatively remote, and there were no pedestrians on the way back to the hotel.

Fu Younian put the car in the parking lot and took Yu Xi out to play.

"Do you want to build a snowman?" Fu Younian pinched Yu Xi's earlobe with his fingertips when he saw many snowmen piled up during the day in the courtyard downstairs of the hotel.

Yu Xi nodded before making a snowman himself.

But he wasn't too good at it, he made a snowball, and it fell into pieces as soon as he put it on the ground.

Fu Younian raised his lips and smiled, took the gloves and put them on, and reached out to help him pile them up.

Yu Xi squatted beside him and watched.

Under the light in the corner of the courtyard, the outlines of Fu Younian's eyebrows and eyes were very clear. He lowered his head and pinched the ball of snow in his palm. Even though he was wearing slightly thick woolen gloves, he could still see the distinct joints of his fingers. Yu Xi had been staring at him at first. The vaguely formed snowman under his hands unknowingly followed the back of his hand, his eyes fell on his side face, and he began to be dazed.

Fu Younian always takes him seriously to do some childish things.

Yu Xi poked the snowball in Fu Younian's hand with his fingertip.

"Do you hate it?" Fu Younian had snow in his palm, so he gently pushed him with the back of his hand.

Yu Xi sat next to him on the cushion of the steps, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Clingy." Fu Younian kissed his eyes.

"But I didn't cling to others, I just like staying with you," Yu Xi still held Fu Younian's arm with one hand, and rubbed his fingertips on his cheek with the other fingertips, feeling dull. A little unconvinced, "Why do you say that I don't like you enough in your eyes?"

"If you break up with me now, I will definitely chase you again." Yu Xi looked into his eyes stubbornly.

Before Fu Younian could speak, Yu Xi went on to say: "You didn't like me that much at first, I heard it all, you said it was fun raising me."

They were still recording a variety show at the time, and Yu Xi overheard Fu Younian saying that to someone. His tone was not considered contemptuous, but it definitely couldn't be called serious about him.

However, a few minutes ago Fu Younian also said that he loves him, like an affectionate lover.

Fu Younian was dumbfounded for a moment.

He did have a lot of rhetoric before, mixed with a bit of sincerity, half-truth and half-false casually, it can be regarded as some tricks to deceive people.

Like the bouquet of white camellias he gave Yu Xi for the first time, half of them sincerely wanted to wish him a happy ending; but the other half, he had to admit that he knew very well in his heart that Yu Xi was still so young, and maybe he would love it for his bouquet of white camellias. Hua was tempted, but he still did it, blurring the boundary of ambiguity, it was both a pursuit and a temptation.

I want to hook Yu Xi to take the initiative to chase him, especially when he mistakenly thought that Yu Xi liked him in the first place.

It's just that he didn't expect Yu Xi to hear it and remember it for so long.

Just very guilty.

The half-person tall little snowman was piled up. Fu Younian took a branch, pointed at the snowman's belly and asked Yu Xi, "Do you want to write a name for you? Can you write Xiaoyu?"

The snowmen next to me seem to have their names painted on them.

"You piled it up, write your name." Yu Xi said.

Fu Younian didn't write it. He drew a small fish on the snowman's belly, almost at the waist.

"How to draw this?" Yu Xi asked him while holding his knees.

Fu Younian almost blurted out, wanting to say because I belong to you, but stopped in time.

He suddenly found melancholy that what Zhang Feiran said was right, although he had never been so flirtatious with others before, but if there is an affair with Yu Xi in the future, it will definitely be his mouth.

"It's... quite cute." Fu Younian sat like Yu Xi, and reached out to touch the snowman's head.

But he really thinks it's cute, just like the small briquette pendant that Yu Xi gave him before, he still wears it all the time, and he doesn't want to hang it on his keys or mobile phone, so he puts it away alone and takes it out occasionally have a look.

Yu Xi took his hand, patted off the wet snow, pressed his cheek against his palm to warm him up, and said, "But you really like me now, don't you? "

The author has something to say: Note: "In our kingdom, there is only night and no day." ——Bai Xianyong, "Evil Son"

"The young man met Sun Likun's eyes today. It was like two pairs of headlights colliding on a winding and narrow mountain road. They both felt the danger of turning off the road and falling into the abyss, but they refused to give in to each other and did not turn off the lights. If you fall into the abyss, you will fall into the abyss." - Yan Geling from "White Snake"

("youth" is a girl in men's clothing)

Jean Genet, the author of "Our Lady of the Flowers", is a French gay dramatist and novelist.

感谢在2020-11-1523:56:13~2020-11-1623:05:09期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who threw the grenade: Ha ha ha ha ha hiccup 1;

Thanks to the little angel who irrigated the nutrient solution: 100 bottles of Qi Yan; 15 bottles of hahahahaha;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!