If the fleeting year has not come

Looking at the name of the missed call on the screen, I was a little at a loss. Why did this name that I had been thinking about appear at such a time.Maybe I should completely sever contact with Su Zi, and focus on the people around me, instead of only her in my body and mind.

But after my grandma passed away suddenly, there are still people worthy of my cherishment, my father and mother, Aunt Ye, are still Ye Xiao.In other words, a person like me who feels insulted by being called a sinner is still entitled to be cherished.Everything around me seems to have become strange, even my grandmother, who loves me the most, has left me. I am so lowly, probably not worthy of them.

Thinking of this, I was going to put the phone aside, watch the spirit with peace of mind, and send my grandma off for the last time. Although she couldn't see it, and even though I couldn't do anything to make up for my fault, I remembered the phone again, and it still came from Suzi.Even though I knew in my heart that I shouldn't answer the call, I pressed the answer button uncontrollably. I'm really a heinous person.

"Hello." I answered the phone with a hoarse voice, probably from crying for too long.

"Are you home?" Suzi's voice came from the phone, accompanied by the noise from the street.

"Well, I left again and went back to my grandmother's hometown." I don't know why, when I heard her voice, I had the urge to cry again, and I choked up when I said the word "grandma".My grandma passed away because of me, but I was talking on the phone and chatting with others here.

"What's wrong with you?" Suzi's voice hesitated, as if he heard something.

"Well, no." I could only cover it up with short sentences, and the warm liquid climbed up my cheeks again. How can a person have so many tears, but what's the point of shedding more tears, this kind of afterthought is meaningless.

"What happened, you cried."

"Grandma...dead...didn't see me this morning..." Tears broke down again, it was difficult to form a complete sentence, and I wanted to hang up the phone.

"I'll go find you now." Su Zi said this firmly.

Staring at the blacked-out screen in a daze, the senior sister said she was coming to find me, and even called Ye Xiao to ask for the specific address. She probably knew that I could no longer speak complete sentences.

What's the situation, pity me again, I don't need anyone's sympathy, and I don't deserve others' pity.If I had arrived a little earlier and didn't waste time at the exit on purpose, my grandma would definitely have survived this level when she saw me. This kind of cognition made it impossible for me not to hate myself. Poor people really have something to hate.

"Are you okay?" Ye Xiao knelt down beside me and bowed a few times with a box of tissue paper in his hand, and handed me a few tissue papers. This was probably the first time he saw me cry so hard.

I am indeed like this now, I can only use crying as a way to vent, and I can't do anything, or I am trying to wash away my sins with tears.But things are already like this, and nothing can help.

I instinctively wanted to reject the tissue that Ye Xiao handed over, but after thinking about it, I took it again. The handkerchief in my pocket was a relic of my grandma, and I was not worthy of wiping my face with it.

"Su Zi will come by car, and we will pick her up later." Seeing that I was silent, Ye Xiao added on her own, "I brought you a meal, and my mother said that you definitely don't want to go to the ancestral house to eat."

"No." I glanced at the lunch box on the table. My grandma has nothing to eat lying here, and I'm not qualified to eat it. Anyway, it won't matter if I starve for a few days. This kind of punishment may reduce my crimes a little. .

"You didn't eat anything in the morning, what's the matter?" Ye Xiao picked up the lunch box, trying to stuff it into my hand.

"No." I shook my head indifferently. After hanging up the phone and calming down for a while, I didn't want to cry anymore. I turned my head to look at Ye Xiao, "You go, the things here have nothing to do with you."

"It doesn't matter, you are my sister, of course I have to care about you."

"She is the grandmother who watched me grow up. I didn't even care about her, so you don't have to care about me." I said every word, and pointed to myself, "This person is not qualified."

"What nonsense are you talking about? When grandma was dying, she told us to take good care of you. What are you trying to do now?" Ye Xiao became anxious, and brought out grandma to suppress me.

"Yeah." I murmured weakly.Grandma still thought about me until she died, but I still thought about Su Zi at this time, so I called her here.

"Of course it is, so eat quickly, grandma doesn't want to see you like this, she will be sad." Ye Xiao tried to pull me up from my knees, but failed.I had to open the lunch box and force the chopsticks into my hands. Inside were dishes that both my grandmother and I liked to eat. I was brought up by my grandmother, and the taste was basically the same as hers.

"She is dead, how can a dead person be sad." I wanted to smile with the corners of my mouth open, but the corners of my mouth couldn't help drooping down, and once again, warm liquid flowed on my face.I hate people who cry every now and then, tears are just a sign of weakness, but now I have become such an annoying person.

"Do you know what I'm talking about?" Ye Xiao looked at me in disbelief, and hurriedly took out a tissue and wiped my face indiscriminately. The face that was soaked in tears was a little painful from the tissue, and it was dry and tense. feeling bad.

"How can bad people say good things." I stopped looking at Ye Xiao, and suddenly felt that his mother-in-law's words were very annoying. This was the only time my grandmother and I were alone. Why this outsider came to make trouble, he didn't understand anything at all.

"Please be normal, okay?" Ye Xiao's tone was helpless, with frustration written all over his face.

"I'm normal." After taking the lunch box, the dishes inside reminded me that these are also my grandmother's favorite food.I stood up and put the things on the tribute table, and wiped off the photos of my grandma. The village entrance was facing the road, and there was a lot of wind and dust, so I said softly, "Grandma, you are hungry too, it's time to eat."

"You really are biological children. One sits here and refuses to eat, and Aunt Yu sits in the main room and refuses to eat." Ye Xiao sighed, and could only walk away in embarrassment.

He doesn't know anything at all. I indirectly killed my grandma. Kneeling and starving are not enough for the mistakes I made.Looking at the back of Ye Xiao leaving, I was in a daze. Grandma's mourning hall cannot enter the village, and she can't even go home, all because of me.

The sky is getting dark gradually, my hometown is a small village in the countryside, and every house is not very bright even if the lights are turned on.After receiving the light from the ancestral house, I turned it on all the way to the mourning hall at the end of the village. The smell of food was wafting everywhere. I was very hungry but had no appetite at all. I just stared blankly at the relatives who were watching the night and set up another table. A table of mahjong and a table of poker.They're here for the party, and I get a flash of disgust. Don't they know that Granny hates gambling.

"Do you want to participate too?" I looked coldly at my mother approaching from a distance.

"Bring food." Mother said concisely.Put the porcelain bowl on the incense table, knelt beside me, and began to cry silently as if I remembered something.

"Where did they come from?"

"Who knows, your grandma has been alone all her life, so it's good to be lively and lively when she leaves." The mother looked at the front with empty eyes, and said nonchalantly, "I just arrived last night, and she was already out of her mind at that time." Clear, see everyone calling your name, do you think it's funny?"

"Well, funny." I couldn't laugh at all.

"We kept calling Xiaoye in the morning. I know she doesn't answer the phone when she's driving." The mother paused, as if she was talking about other people's business. guess what?"

"I don't know, I can't guess." This is the first time that my mother and I have talked so much face to face calmly, but it is really ironic that we are both kneeling like this.

"She laughed, and then cried again." The mother took a deep breath, as if she wanted to hold back her tears, "She has been smart all her life, how could she be fooled by me, she knows she can't wait."

"Well, and then." My voice trembled a little, how could I not know what happened next, grandma walked through the last journey of her life with great regret.

"Go and eat. You're not to blame for this. The doctor said long ago that she might not be able to survive this time. It was she who insisted not to ask you to come back early." The mother suddenly changed the subject, her gentle eyes could be tired, and she was nostalgic. Looking at grandma's face in the ice coffin, she traced the outline of her face through the glass with her fingers, "Xiaoye went to the station to pick up Su Zi, and she should be at the ancestral house now, and she hasn't had dinner yet."

I could only look at my mother speechlessly. On her face, I could see the shadow of grandma when she was young. Even though grandma was lying in the ice coffin with a blue face, she was still beautiful, but not peaceful.No matter how many reasons there are for not blaming me, I still can’t convince me not to blame myself. The pain of dying is all written on my grandma’s face at this moment, and this pain is all caused by me who she loves the most.

"Leave some space for me and her. She is your grandmother and my mother." My mother looked up at me, and the pain in her tone made my eyes sore.

"Okay." I nodded, stood up, and silently said to my grandma, see you later, my legs that had been kneeling all day were so numb that I could only walk mechanically.

I walked a few steps for the purpose of strolling, leaving some time and space for the mother and daughter, and I squatted down by the corner. I didn't want to see Su Zi, because I didn't want her to see myself so useless, and I couldn't see her, because Her coming was tantamount to a deeper sin for me.

After squatting for a while, I still didn't regain feeling in my feet, so I simply sat down against the wall on the spot.The evening wind was mixed with the smell of green grass, and the morning star had appeared for a long time. I looked at the sky and became dazed. After death, people will really become stars in the sky to protect us. Which one is grandma?

"Why are you sitting here?" A voice sounded from behind.