If the fleeting year has not come

Aunt Ye frowned and focused on driving, the atmosphere in the car suddenly became a little dignified, what kind of big event even Ye Xiao would be present, I said I couldn't think of it.

Accompanied by the increasingly rapid phone ringtones, Aunt Ye's car was parked in the yard downstairs of her grandmother's house. It seemed that this was not the first time she had come here, and she was completely familiar with the way.

"You go up first, I'll stop." Aunt Ye asked me to go upstairs first.

Things were really strange, I looked at the taillights of the car driving to the garage, and I was a little confused. This posture is so unusual, and she would usually joke that we should not abandon her and park with her.

With doubts, I took the elevator upstairs alone. The door of my grandmother’s house was ajar, and there were many people crowded in the living room. It's all here. It turns out that there are so many relatives in my family who I don't know.

Seeing me push the door open, I don't know who yelled, Xiao Yu finally came, and a bunch of people pushed me into grandma's room.

"What is this?" I was full of doubts.

When I entered the door, I saw my mother sitting by the bed, glanced at me reproachfully, said something softly to the person on the bed, then reached out and stroked her grandmother's eyes, and continued to sit without saying a word. beside the bed.

Grandma is sick, this is the first conclusion I draw.Some shyly walked towards the bed. Grandma's face was unhealthy waxy yellow, her mouth was half-opened as if trying to breathe vigorously, but her body didn't show any ups and downs at all, and her eyes were half-closed. Very uneasy feeling.

"Don't be afraid, Xiaoyu, that's your grandma." Ye Xiao suddenly appeared beside me, and gently tugged on my sleeve.

"What happened to her?" I asked anxiously.

"She..." Ye Xiao struggled for a long time, but still didn't say anything.

"She's dead." The mother's calm voice came, "She said she was afraid of delaying your studies, and she didn't want us to tell you. She stayed on until not long ago, and you came late."

Grandma died, died of a heart attack. When everyone thought that this time I could get through the danger as usual, her condition took a turn for the worse. She died on the way home, and I didn't wait until I saw her for the last time.

The mouth is open to breathe hard, I want to stay for a while, I want to see me for the last time, so I don’t close my eyes until I die, my mother told me so.The reason why she can't die with peace is because she has an unfulfilled wish, and her wish is to see her only granddaughter.

What was I doing at that time? I stared blankly at my grandma's uneasy sleeping face on the bed. I was calling Wen Tianyi to ask about Su Zi, and I deliberately slowed down my pace of going home.

Li Zhiyang lied to Li Zhiyang that he was in a hurry to go home because of an accident at home. Some things really shouldn’t be said nonsense. I often wondered if my grandma would have survived safely if I hadn’t said that there was an accident at home.Or if I come back earlier, will she be the same as the previous few times, smiling and saying to me that it's okay, grandma just take a rest, and she will really get better in a few days.

But these ifs are only ifs after all.

Grandma thought that I went to other places to study better, so she didn't let me come back early when she was sick. At the last moment, my father called Aunt Ye to find me and wanted grandma to listen to my voice. Answering the phone is right.As for my own mobile phone, I was so excited yesterday that I suffered from insomnia. I didn't have time to charge it after playing all night, and the power was cut off after a few calls at the station.

It's more than a simple sentence that can describe me.

"Then what are you going to do?" Mother pulled out a cruel smile from the corner of her mouth, as cold as a knife. Looking at grandma's profile, her voice gradually trembled with forbearance, "Until she dies, she will always call your name. An Yu, her beloved Xiao Yu."

"I'm sorry..." I could only say the three most unnutritious words dryly.The grandmother who loves me the most, who played games and read books with me since childhood, and read me bedside stories, is lying coldly at a distance of less than half a meter from me at this moment, but I suddenly don’t have the courage to take half a step closer.

"I'm sorry, who are you sorry for, and who are you sorry for?" The mother raised her voice, and finally turned her gaze to me, empty and seemingly not looking at me.

Looking at my mother's expressionless face, I seem to be able to see her heart crying. Since then, she has no mother.Mother is a strong person, her blame just needs a vent, and I was the one who should be blamed the most.

I approached step by step, seeing my grandma's appearance, I was a little panicked, how much pain I had to go through to survive until today, but I still didn't see me for the last time, and even the last chance to talk was deprived by my own cleverness.

Tears flowed down without warning like this, sticking wet and sticky to the face and flowing quietly, no matter how much you wiped it, you couldn't wipe it off.I thought that when people are sad, they should feel sore and bitter in their hearts, but in fact they are not. When they are extremely sad, it is probably because their minds go blank, they don’t think about anything, they don’t dare to think, and they can only cry silently.

I used to think that tears were a symbol of a woman's weakness, so I seldom cried. Even when my parents divorced, I just smiled and said that you were happy as if nothing had happened.At that time, it was my grandma who patted my head and hugged me, telling me not to be brave in front of her.But now, I don't want to be brave, but she can't see it anymore.

I walked to the bed and held my grandma's hand. There was no warmth in the thin palm, the skinny veins were bulging, and the pinholes on the back of the hand were visible to the naked eye.I have never noticed that my grandma is so thin and small before. In my impression, she always has a warm smile on her face, and she is like a safe haven that can be docked at any time.

"Let's go, pick up some clothes she likes." My mother sighed like self-deprecating, and stuffed a handkerchief for me, "I don't even know what she likes, so how can I have the right to say you."

Looking up at his mother, he could vaguely see how she was holding back tears.The mother sat back on the chair dejectedly, just silently brushing the long silver hair of the grandmother, not knowing what she was thinking.

The relatives outside were still chattering about something, An Yu was indeed brought up by her grandmother, and she was so filial as if she was crying like a child.This kind of filial piety sounds like a mockery to me. If you really have filial piety, you shouldn't have left here for your own selfishness at the beginning, and you shouldn't have lied to your family just to accompany your senior sister earlier.Without these, now grandma should be listening to the radio and watering the flowers on the deck chair, instead of lying here lifeless.

It is the wish of every elderly person to return the fallen leaves to their roots. After simply packing up our things, we embarked on the journey back to our hometown.Grandma is a fashionable old lady who often buys new clothes, but when it comes to favorites, there are only a handful of them. Most of them are chosen by me for her, or given by my mother.

There is a duck down jacket at the bottom of the box. It is said that I bought it the year I was born. I urinated all over after wearing it a few times. It was the first time I urinated on someone else. Grandma thought it was very commemorative, so I kept it. with.Although it has been more than ten years, it has hardly been worn again, and it has to be taken out to dry every year. There is a puddle of water stains on the white fabric that is clearly visible.

A pair of black embroidered cotton shoes, the soles have been torn apart, and uneven black and white cotton leaked from the sides, with a few colorful patches stuck on them.Seeing this pair of shoes, I burst into tears again. These patches were sewed on randomly when I was bored when I was a child. At that time, I thought it was very interesting. Grandma kept it like a collection.

There are also some messy things in the box, most of which are related to me. They are all my favorite works when I was a child, even the little red flower that won the first award.There are also various photos, group photos alone, those sitting in the cart held in the hands, and a thick pile is kept in a small iron box.

The handkerchief that my mother gave me also belonged to my grandmother, a white handkerchief embroidered with small flowers. The poor embroidery technique may be the product of my labor skills class when I was a child.

A lot of things that I can't remember where they came from, but grandma keeps them as treasures.However, the lives that my grandmother participated in became less and less as I grew older, and almost all of them were my selfies. My grandmother specially saved the photos I posted and developed them for me to learn to use WeChat.The most recent one is a photo of me and Wan Qiu under the homemade Christmas tree. The beautiful font on the back of the photo says, Christmas is at my good friend Qiu Wan’s House.

On the way back to my hometown, my father drove. Grandma’s body was placed behind the commercial vehicle. She had already changed into her favorite clothes. I sat in the back seat and looked at grandma, trying to keep this familiar yet unfamiliar face in my mind. , From then on, goodbye is forever.

After more than an hour's journey, I discovered for the first time that I was a person with well-developed tear glands. Finally, my mother couldn't hold back and began to cry silently. This was also the first time I saw my mother cry.My father was driving the car with a serious face, Ye Xiao was sitting on the side, and Auntie Ye looked at my mother and I weeping together in a helpless way, from crying silently to crying loudly.

I thought it would be okay to cry about sad things, but in the end, the tears really will dry up.When I arrived at my hometown, several cars got out of the car sparsely, and I followed behind my mother calmly, and she also recovered her expressionless face, saying hello to the old family back and forth.

The custom in my hometown is that people who died outside cannot enter the village to build a mourning hall, and my grandmother is a married daughter-in-law, so I can only set up a simple tent at the end of the village, put the coffin containing the body on a simple wooden frame, and place it on the ground. Last seven days, after the first seven days, go to the funeral.This broken custom made my eyes dim again. I didn’t go back to my hometown because I wanted to see me, and I didn’t even have the qualification to enter the house. The damage I caused to my grandmother is beyond calculation.

Sitting blankly beside the coffin, grandma's face turned bluer under the ice coffin.The tears could no longer flow, Ye Xiao gave me the mobile phone with the power bank plugged in, and said that Su Zi had called.