Free

"I just don't want you to regret it." Zuo Yan said.

"Is that Xu Minyan the actor you hired? His acting skills are even better than yours." Bending over with his trousers rolled up, Si Ji pointed to the dried rainwater and dirt on it: "I ask you...is this also fun?"

His pants were literally soaking wet, vomit-stained, and dirty. "Wait, what are you wearing when you go back? Just ask some friend to buy a pair of pants for you?"

"I'm afraid you'll get sick, and I'm afraid you'll be burdened." Zuo Yan's ability to wrap things around was still perfect, "I—"

Si Ji ran a few steps barefoot, and punched Zuo Yan in the face.Finally came across this time.He almost exhausted all his strength, and the corners of Zuo Yan's mouth soon swelled up: "Fuck it! Speak straight! Didn't you just talk happily? Do you believe I like you? Because we are just friends with benefits? Yes Don't you still want to say that I don't know you at all, and all I like is the pretended you?"

He stared at Zuo Yan's messy beard and didn't give him a chance to refute: "But you even pretended so well... I just thought, if it were the real you, what would you look like?"

Zuo Yan turned his face away.Eye sockets were red, perhaps from pain.

"Don't say I'm naive. But feelings are not such a simple thing. If possible, I also want to be with you like other people fall in love. Knowing, moving, pursuing, and being together in a logical way..." Si Ji growled repressedly, his voice It hurts like two hands are pulling to the side: "But there is no chance... What can I do, what can I do if I am already like this?"

"I don't want to be so coquettish in front of you. I would strip naked and let you fuck me when we meet. I also want to be innocent and cute and pretend to be reserved...but I'm not that kind of person. If I like it, I chase it. The more I chase it, the more I like it... There's something wrong with that ? Do you even doubt this?"

My throat is going to crack.He couldn't stop coughing, squatting on the ground and covering his chest.Nothing hits harder than having the authenticity of your feelings questioned.Just that one sentence, as long as there is a little germ of that thought, everything can be negated.Even though he knew that Zuo Yan's words were duplicity, but the more he didn't want to say, the more he really thought.Si Ji's heart throbbed with pain.Filled with the kind of helplessness that knows that the other party cares about him, but still has no way to do anything.

"Can you tell me what else you have lost?" His nose was blocked, and he was completely unaware of himself crying again, "Say it clearly, so that I can give up."

Zuo Yan touched the wound at the corner of his mouth and said, "Too many. Si Ji. In fact, everyone will experience the death of a loved one, but what is even more terrifying is the things they leave behind... The bad ones will make you become Worse, but good are just memories."

"Don't fucking reason with me, I have no brains to think about it now."

"I told you that I miss my mother very much. When I was a child, I was most afraid of not seeing her. What kind of person is she in your impression?" Zuo Yan no longer touched Si Ji, but sat on the bed farthest from him horn.

Si Ji turned her back to him and buried her head in her knees: "You said she was a preschool teacher... what else could she be? Gentle and patient, she will definitely take good care of you and the children."

"In terms of work and life, she really does a good job. She is very dedicated, never takes a day off, and never forgets to prepare breakfast for me. Every time she picks me up from school, I am very proud."

"Wouldn't that be nice?"

"But that's just a part of her. She's done so much for her family, mostly because she loves me. But I'll always grow up. My attention will be diverted from her to many other places...playing ball, Games, comics, fights. Of course, there are also my father's reasons - when I was in junior high school, I accidentally found out that she had been having an affair for many years. She even has a son who is not a few years younger than me."

"...This can't negate her devotion to you."

"Yeah. We went out of town, and all our property was quickly seized, and we had to prevent my father's political enemies from finding us. We didn't have anything they needed. If you go to the officialdom, you always hope that everything is safe. My mother seems to have given up completely. I gave up my previous life, worked to earn money, and paid for my education. She made me love her the most even when I hated her the most. From her, I know that people can’t have choices. Only when people have no choice can they be free from obstacles. to live on...Later, she got depression."

"do not talk."

Zuo Yan was silent for a long time, and then suddenly laughed: "You asked me to say it. It's been more than ten years, and you are the first to hear it... By the way, I changed my name and now I follow my mother's. My father On the way to the provincial capital to take office, I received news from Shuanggui. He drove the driver out of the car and made a final phone call to his family. I satirized him a lot, and then he drove the car directly into the river."

Si Ji sniffed the smell of Zuo Yan on his tracksuit.In a vague way, he remembered Zuo Yan's father's name.This big case was a sensation back then, and when he was in elementary school, he would hear people talking about it wherever he walked, although he half understood it.Now, very occasionally, at the mahjong table, when he was messing with the leader of a certain unit, he could still hear someone complaining about this matter.

"If I were you, I wouldn't come back."

"No. I miss home."

Zuo Yan replied lightly.He seemed to have remained calm.Si Ji thought, this time maybe he has gone further, or there may be another reason to persevere.He got up, stood still and hiccupped: "Can I express my opinion?"

"Ah."

"I think it's best for you to be stupid and naive like me. Stupid stupidity is not pure."

"You are not stupid."

Si Ji laughed so hard that he wanted to cry again: "Why tease me if you don't want to fall in love with me. It's so selfish that it's unreasonable."

Zuo Yan rubbed the corners of his eyes, and there was a smile in his tone: "I said you didn't like me very much, but I actually wanted to hear your rebuttal. I hope you can block me until I have nothing to say."

"Ha ha."

"Don't take what Shen Luoshen said at night. He probably wanted to express that he is most fortunate to have a friend like you who is 'normal' in every way. But on the other hand, looking at you , It's like looking at a hopeless beauty... I can't do it myself, I don't want to change you, and I hope you will continue to hold him on the premise of not changing.

"In short, seeing you feels alive."

Even though Zuo Yan was assuming Shen Luoshen's thoughts, Si Ji still felt that this was the best thing he had heard tonight, or in the past few months.

"I see," he said.

"what?"

"Let's keep a distance and calm down for now. There are many things I have to think about."

"……Um."

"Don't make a sad face." Si Ji walked up to Zuo Yan and hooked his chin.

Zuo Yan's eyes flickered, and he couldn't laugh or cry: "What words did you use?"

"I'm going to get better. Hope you are too."

As he spoke, Si Ji bit his swollen half of his face fiercely, and wiped his tears and snot all over his face again.Then, he picked up the clothes and pants on the ground, rolled them into his arms, and left.

-

I also complained about the update speed many times_(:3」∠)_

But my ability is limited, this article is difficult for me to write.The material is completely by chance, if a place is not handled well, I will be stuck for a long time.When you are not stuck, a chapter is two hours, and when you are stuck, it goes without saying.

Even so, there are still many unsatisfactory places, which need to be refined after completion.

Thank you girls who have been patient with my various update flags, thank you for your replies and encouragement.Thanks for the brain holes and discussions. Although I am too bad to reply to comments, I have carefully read and thought about every comment.

Finally: The most abused place is over, I can't help it if I am not abused, um.Because it's not bullshit.

It will slowly sweeten up later, and end at the sweetest place.There are about 20 more chapters left.

(￣へ￣) It’s rare to talk so much nonsense, so don’t complain!