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The opportunity between Zuo Yan and Zuo Yan who had been looking forward to seemed to be getting further and further away.

He recalled the shallow kiss in the car over and over again.With eyes closed, imagine Zuo Yan bending down and touching his fingertips in the darkness.Dry lips, short hair lit by starlight street lamps in the dark.coward.Shocked.Si Ji wanted to scold him again and again, but he still didn't dare to expose it.

The more beautiful something is, the more untouchable it is.He kept Zuo Yan's words firmly in mind.The better he behaves and the more he loves him, the farther Zuo Yan will run away as he said.But if he becomes alienated and indifferent, Zuo Yan will be sure that his thoughts are not wrong.He was too confident and cowardly, trapped in a wall, without the slightest desire to tiptoe and take a look.

Si Ji really wanted to catch him and beat him up, to quarrel with him, to argue with him.He used Wu Chen to stimulate Zuo Yan, but seeing Zuo Yan's painful expression, he felt tired and distressed.He thought, Zuo Yan had said a lot to him, but that must not be all.It's like he always simply believed that Shen Luoshen's pain came from his family and first love, but he never thought that the pain was so deep that he would commit suicide.

That's Shen Luoshen.

He had no one to turn to.Lao Si is useless, Zhou Kun is useless, and Zuo Yan is even more useless.At work, he stared nervously at Shen Luoshen's office, wanting to talk to him, but didn't know where to start.The two smoked and ate lunch together as usual, discussed work, and fought with colleagues.At first glance, it seems that there is no pressure, but in fact, it has reached the point where it is impossible to talk about their feelings at all.

Maybe Shen Luoshen didn't mind.Most of it is Si Ji's own problem.

In the afternoon, I went to the Warring States site in the North District of Qiucheng for a field inspection, and I finally felt a little bit better.After eating in a hurry, and working overtime to finish the first draft, it was already past ten o'clock at night.Si's mother ordered him a bowl of beef and rice noodles and yawned and went to bed. Si Ji ate well and felt a little sleepy, but he couldn't fall asleep.

Locking the door behind him, he walked up and down the bedroom in SpongeBob pajamas.The clothes were bought by Si's mother. She seemed to like this rhubarb hair cake very much. After seeing it in the supermarket, she bought two sets regardless of the price.The smell of lemon-flavored laundry detergent filled the whole room, enveloping Si Ji.The other set of clothes that was lifted by the corner was placed on his lap, and his fingers were scratched on the package.A few minutes later, he still called Zuo Yan.

Busy, or deliberately busy.Anyway, they haven't seen each other for three days.

Zuo Yan answered very slowly.Si Ji turned on the hands-free, put the phone in front of him, always felt that talking like this was like looking at Zuo Yan's face.He said hey, Lao Zuo, I have something I want to give you.

what.Zuo Yan said.

He was hoarse and sounded like he had no energy.Si Ji was stunned, and asked, are you sick?

Zuo Yan hummed and coughed violently.

"Does it hurt?"

"A little."

That is uncomfortable.Si Ji hung up the phone and sent him a video.The light over there was dim, and the camera was too close, Zuo Yan's face was not very clear under the dim yellow light.His face was very red, his eyes were half-opened, his lips were chapped, and before Si Ji could speak, he said two words: "Don't come."

Si Ji's heart trembled, and he smiled, "I didn't say I was coming."

"Ah."

"Do you have a fever, have you taken your medicine?"

"Eat and sleep well."

He was supposed to be lying on his side, and the phone could see the dark gray pillows under his face and the folds of the sheets.After finishing this sentence, he closed his eyes, as if he didn't want to say anything more.Si Ji's legs were a little cold, and he hugged the packing box tightly to his chest: "Old Zuo, am I still different to you?"

The muscles on Zuo Yan's face moved, he didn't know if he wanted to laugh or make some other expression: "Yeah." His voice was so low that he could hardly hear him: "Si Ji, I'm sleepy."

The heavy and suppressed breathing was amplified through the speakers throughout the room.Si Ji said good, hesitated for a while, and said: "Then don't turn off the video, I want to watch you sleep..."

And got no answer.Zuo Yan stopped talking and moved with difficulty.He should be curled up, the camera is crooked, all Si Ji can see is the hair on the top of his head, and a small half of the straight nose tip exposed.

Not daring to say anything more, Si Ji stared at the screen without moving.He wondered if the sense of security he had been forcing from Zuo Yan was also a difficult burden for Zuo Yan.

More than half an hour later, when it was almost eleven o'clock, the screen went black.

The phone must have died.

Si Ji's eyes were sore, he almost counted the number of Zuo Yan's hairs on the screen.Putting the phone in his pocket and taking the money, he gently closed the door and slipped out of the house.The sensor lights in the corridor were broken several times, and he went down too fast, several times he thought he was going to fall into the dark abyss.He took a taxi to the entrance of Zuo Yan's community, went straight to the downstairs of his house, and was blocked by the locked anti-theft door.After waiting for more than ten minutes, a resident finally came back at night. He shamelessly entered the building, and finally arrived in front of Zuo Yan's house.

The anti-theft door is the same as that of all residents, because it is left-handed, so it also has a warm meaning.Si Ji sighed, smiled wryly and squatted by the door, rubbing his head vigorously.

What is this for.

It's not the first time to fall in love.

No, it's still a thousand miles away from falling in love.

But it still hurts.Can't stop.

Squatting numb, he just sat on the ground and ravaged SpongeBob SquarePants' front teeth on his legs.I thought about sitting for a while and leaving, but before I knew it, it was past midnight.

I forgot to bring cigarettes, and I didn't want to go downstairs to buy them, fearing that if I bought them, I wouldn't have the chance to come up again.

There is not much cell phone power.Flipping through the wechat chat records with Zuo Yan, who didn't have much, he found the high school photos sent by the other party last time.Looking at it at this time, there is a sense of powerlessness that penetrates the years.It seems that the past is the past, no matter how tall you grow, no matter how strong your body becomes, you are still you.The beating heart always hides the inescapable softness and fragility imprinted in childhood.

Zooming in on the photo, Si Ji blinked and kissed Xiao Zuoyan on the forehead.

Before I wiped off the drool on the phone, a call came suddenly, and it was Qin Qiao who sent it.

Lowering his voice in surprise, for fear of waking up Zuo Yan who could never hear his voice, Si Ji said hello.

Qin Qiao's tone was urgent: "Si Ji, can you find Xiaoshen? He refused to answer my phone call."

"what happened?"

"It's too late to say, if you can contact him, let him go home quickly, don't go to the empty mountain."

Si Ji agreed, and quickly called Shen Luoshen.