last hundred days

100.

I'm sick, Xie Min doesn't know.

I don't want to say it either, not because I want to hide it from him, but no one wants to say it.

The doctor is a friend of a friend, and he is very polite. He said that I can live for more than half a year, provided that I take good care of it.

Sometimes I want to treat it well, and sometimes I want to die early.

99.

Xie Min said that he would come back later at night, I waited for a while, and saw that the clock on the wall was eleven o'clock and stopped waiting.

I don't want to die today, so I can't stay up late.

98.

The sun is so good today, it shines in from the window sill, and my feet are a little warm.

I don't want to go to the company, anyway, it's the same with me or without me.

97.

Xie Min bought me a bouquet of flowers today.

I haven't gone out for half a month, and he said that spring is here, and our tenth wedding anniversary will be in two days.

I oh, I didn't know what to say, so I made him a fried rice with eggs.

He didn't seem to like it, so he slammed the door and went out without taking two bites.

96.

Xiaoxia sent me a WeChat message, saying that the newcomer and Mr. Xie had a hot fight.

I didn't know what to reply, so I smiled.

I was a little embarrassed to brush off other people's kindness.

In the afternoon, I changed into sportswear and went to the nearby university basketball court to play a game of basketball. I was a little happy and ate my favorite crab roe tofu.

95.

Xie Min lost his temper at me, he thought that I was being spoiled and arrogant, and asked why I was so lazy now, did he have any opinion on him?

I shook my head, I didn't have the energy to talk, and I also felt that I had become lazy, but it was tiring to raise my spirits. I was tired of dreaming and thinking about things every day.

It's tiring to live.

94.

I went to the company after a long absence today.

To be honest, the company's business is in full swing now, and Xie Min's position as president is also stable. In fact, I don't really need me as a vice president.

Although this is a company that he and I worked hard to support.

It's just that I don't think the company or him need me anymore.

After only sitting in the office for a while, his new secretary came in to see me several times, each time with full reasons, and I couldn't get up enough to deal with him, so I gave up.

Hurry up and run home.

93.

On the tenth anniversary, he took me to a high-end restaurant and heard my daughter's favorite song "Call Your Name" ten years ago.

I hummed a few words in my heart, my nose was sour.

It's not very comfortable.

When I went home at night and I had sex with him, he suddenly said: Lin Rui, do you miss me?

miss you.

94.

Today, my parents called to ask me to go home. I went, and when I came back, I brought a big bag of food made by my mother.

Probably, my mother doesn't hate me as much as before.

95.

Went to the doctor today.

He still said the same thing, there is still more than half a year left for a good cure.

I asked him, if I die tomorrow, what is the difference between dying in half a year?

He froze for a moment, then told me that he could say goodbye.

Can have less regret.

94.

I dug out my high school diary, and I never told Xie Min that I fell in love with him the first time I saw him on the stage as a freshman representative since the first year of high school.

There were so many people, but he was the only one who looked at me while eating a bowl of potato flour like an idiot. He put down the bowl first to applaud, and then picked up the bowl after clapping.

So cute.

Can't help but make me fall in love at first sight.

93.

I don't have many friends, most of them are clients. Today I invited a client who has a lot of business cooperation to come out for tea.

Xie Min was also drinking tea there with his little secretary.

My head hurts, I really don't like his little secretary.

I can only take out the medicine to eat, and then take the client to the box to hide.

The client smiled and said, "I seem to have seen Mr. Xie just now?"

I propped my chin, "Yeah, I'm spending the weekend with my lover."

"...Mr. Lin?" The client looked at me in surprise.

I smiled at him, "It's really hard to talk about it, it's a housework, and talking it out is really stupid."

The customer didn't say anything, just looked at me sympathetically.

I actually want to say that sympathizing with me being cheated on is worse than sympathizing with me dying.

Forget it, it's not a good topic.

Saying it is disgusting to dogs.

92.

Xie Min came back and explained to me about taking the little secretary out for tea. I didn't want to hear it, but he wanted me to, so I did.

It's really not good, it's nothing more than taking care of the younger generation.

What is a junior, you are his husband or his father, you take care of him, who will take care of me?

Too lazy to say more, it is useless to say more.

After dinner, he dawdled, and I asked him if he would go to bed, and he finally mustered up the courage to ask me: "What's your relationship with Chen Anzhi?"

"What does it matter?"

"I saw you entering the box with him."

"... "

"talk."

"client."

As soon as he heard it, his face darkened, and he said in a strange way: "You haven't cared about the matter for more than a month, what customer can bother Mr. Lin?"

I, really, lazy, have to, take, reason, him.

headache.

91.

get medicine.

90.

pain.

89.

I had a dream, a long time ago, when I didn't fall in love with him.

feeling terrible.

88.

Saw a psychiatrist today.

There are many things I want to say, but I can't say them.

I called my mother at night, and she said that she hoped that I would bring Xie Min home on May [-]st this year.

I answered vaguely, neither saying yes nor bad.

After I hung up the phone, I called Xie Min again, and he answered, saying he was busy at the company, and I said I wanted to have sex.

He mocked me almost maliciously, "You also have love? Find a stick to do it, I really dare not touch you."

I didn't speak.

I couldn't bring myself to refute his words.

It's just that I taunted him before, telling him to fuck others, don't come back and fuck me, I'm afraid of getting sick.

He's angry, and I know he's angry.

I feel like my head is broken too, I don't want to have sex at all, I just kind of miss him.

87.

bought medicine.

I bought potato flour.

I went to eat hot pot alone.

The key is lost.

I cried.

Can't go home.

86.

I didn't call him, and I had someone come over at six in the morning to change the combination lock.

Go home and take a bath and take medicine.

go to bed.

85.

Had a nightmare.

84.

Thinking back to the time when we first fell in love, he, a poor man, bought me a stick of ice cream and ate it all for me, and finally licked the ice cream mark on my mouth, feeling very satisfied.

I know he loves potato flour, and I often buy potato flour and go to his dormitory to find him. Every time he sees me coming, he laughs, laughs into a ball, collapses on the bed, and sighs: "Ruirui——"

"I like you so much—"

83.

I asked him why he doesn't love me anymore.

He was probably still angry, just looked at me and smiled, and then told me, you, you are arrogant, how noble you are, when you are in love, you don’t take me seriously, you don’t know whether you love me or not, Even more so after marriage.Sometimes I can't understand why you get together with me, hot and cold, like someone owes you 800 million every day, Lin Rui, do you really love me?

I panicked, almost as painful as being struck by lightning.

I grabbed his hand and struggled to ask him, "I...don't I love you enough?"

He silently withdrew his hand.

I continued to ask him, "Why, why do you think I don't love you? I... I accompany you to start a business, and I have been with you for so long. We have been married for ten years..."

He raised his head and looked at me almost pitifully, and said in a hoarse voice: "I have to think about whatever you think, and I can't think about it if you don't want to. Sometimes I wonder, Lin Rui, what is there about you to be liked by others? You don't love me, you don't show love to me at all, I don't know what you are with me for, I can't even feel breathless when I stay with you, how can you force me to this point ?”

I was speechless and stared at him blankly.

"Do you think you love me by starting a business with me? Have you ever thought about taking me back to see your family? After ten years of marriage, I haven't even seen your parents. Have you ever thought about how I feel? You are in the company Also, have you ever given me face? You have to do it after you decide. What you say is what you say. A while ago, you couldn’t cheer up. "

"Look at other people's wives, and look at yourself. What will you do? I'll ask you what will you do? Will you lose your temper, fight coldly, or give orders?"

I shook my head and asked him in a hoarse voice, "Dating for five years and being married for ten years, you came to this conclusion?"

He sneered, "You also know that we've lived together for 15 years? You're bored, you're bored, you'd better say no, all day long it's like I'm sorry for you, you're not bored, I'm bored."

I really don't know what to say.

pain.

It hurts everywhere.

Where are my medicines?

82.

It hurts, it hurts.

I don't want to take medicine anymore, it hurts after taking it.

Bitter and painful.

81.

I'm reading my diary today.

"I think I was drugged by Xie Min. I just want to laugh when I see him. I really like it."

80.

"The stepmother doesn't like me, and neither does my father. I came out and was kicked out of the house by the stepmother. When I got home, I saw Xie Min nestling on the sofa watching TV. I couldn't help being happy."

79.

"I'm thinking, if I'm with him, I'll live forever."

78.

Had a sweet dream.

Don't want to wake up.

77.

Had a nightmare, woke up with a fright, and there was nothing around me.

He is not coming back.

I shook my hands and took a few more sleeping pills, and fell asleep.

76.

I went to get the medicine again, the doctor said I lost a lot of weight, why didn't I treat it properly?

I have no choice but to treat well and lose weight.

He said that with proper treatment, he would live longer.

I didn't answer him.

I don't want to tell him what I'm thinking.

If there is a button to press and die immediately, I must press it a hundred times. I don't want to be a human anymore in my hundred lives.

75.

I went to the park, and when I went home, I checked my e-mail while walking, and received a dismissal notice from the company.

The time was the night we quarreled last time.

74.

Planted a tree in the yard.

Name the tree Rarity.

73.

Went to see the new movie, it was boring, but it was a lot of fun, surrounded by a lot of lonely people like me.

It turned out that everyone was alone.

72.

Xie Min went home today. He hasn't been home for a long time. He didn't know I changed the lock, so he could only stand outside the door and wait for me.

When I came back from grocery shopping, he saw me smiling and called Rarity.

I made him a bowl of egg fried rice.

Like to eat or not.

In the evening, he asked me to record the fingerprint password of the gate. I recorded it for him, and I was wronged, how can you be really angry with me, the chain has been changed.

I didn't speak, I didn't know what to say.

I lost my key, I called you and you didn't answer, I couldn't go home, so I had to change the lock.

71.

I probably know what he's going to do.

So I didn't go home today.

70.

I made a friend who sometimes talked with me.

I said I had a dream, dreaming that there was a tree on the balcony.

He smiled and asked me, why are there trees on the balcony?

Yes, those who grew up there, you see.

69.

My mother came to see me today and said that I was too skinny.

I ate the meal she cooked and asked her brother with a smile how is he doing recently?Is there any place at home that needs money?

She said that her younger brother recently invested in a project that required a lot of money.

I said yes.

She praised me well.

68.

I am tired.

67.

I didn't wake up until the afternoon, went to the market to buy some vegetables, and went to the supermarket to buy some snacks. When passing by the park, I gave the snacks to a few children.

After thinking about it, I sat on a chair with my vegetables and watched the park scenery all day.

Very beautiful.

66.

I saw a book that dyed painkillers with food coloring so they could look like candy.

I silently counted the pills and dyed them like Skittles.

One piece, two pieces, three or four pieces, five pieces, six pieces, seven or eight pieces, nine pieces, ten pieces, and eleven pieces, all turned into candies.

That's it.

But it turned into a better-looking pill, but it was still bitter.

65.

I don't want to reminisce about the past, so I don't go to the company, I don't go to school, and I don't go to the places where I often go with him.

I'm afraid that thinking about him will make me think that painkillers won't help either.

Today I was in the sun, and there was a tree on the balcony, I think there is a tree.

64.

Xiao Xia sent me a message saying that the core project of the company was traded, do I know?

I know and I don't know.

I spent six or seven years working on this project, and I didn’t even fully disclose it to Xie Min. The project needs an opportunity, and I have to wait for this opportunity, and I haven’t waited for it yet.

So Xie Min stole the core information I put in the safe that night.

I know.

I don't really want to know.

Then pretend not to know.

63.

Too lazy to cook, ordered takeaway.

Swipe through Moments and see the post from Xie Min's secretary——

The food at Chunxiangju, which Mr. Xie brought me here, is really good [like][like][rose]

I canceled the takeaway, changed clothes immediately and drove to Chunxiangju.

I want to try it, how good this dish is.

62.

I ate too much at the dine-in yesterday, and the dishes were really good. It was rare that I could hear Xie Min's voice through the carved screen, praising the taste.

I watched him smile at the people next to him, with a gentle face, and hurriedly took out my skittles and swallowed one after another.

Alright so I'm lying in bed today and can't get out of bed, it hurts like hell, the pill comrade is insensitive and unprofessional to me.

Pain, death, people, too.

61.

I sent a Weibo.

A candle, lit for myself.

I only followed him on Weibo, and when I saw his news, I gasped in pain and wanted to cry.

Can't cry.

60.

They are all men, why did he change his mind so quickly.

When you love me, you die, when you don't love me, you kick me away.

Son of a bitch.

59.

Order takeout.

Eat takeaway.

Look at the balcony.

There is a tree.

My friend told me that there are no trees on the balcony.

Had a nightmare.

There must be a tree on the balcony.

58.

no friend.

57.

I went to see a psychiatrist again, but I still couldn't tell the cause and effect.

Just tell the doctor, there is a tree on the balcony, I have a friend, I want to go home, I want someone to care about me, I want to…

what do i want.

I don't know either.

56.

Take a nap.

Eat fried rice with eggs.

I played a few games of Xiao Xiao Le, but I didn’t have enough energy, so I sent a link to Xie Min to ask him to help me, but he ignored me, and I didn’t have enough energy to play, so I stopped playing.

I cried again.

No one told me not to cry, so I cried very sadly, very loudly, I was not afraid of disturbing others, and there was no one in my house except me.

55.

Xie Min ignored me.

He asked me to accompany him to the divorce.

I took a bottle full of painkillers and asked him to pick me up, but he didn't want to talk to me, so he was very silent. I wanted to talk to him, and said with a smile: "...Have you made a deal with Xiao Chen?"

He glanced at me, "What are you understanding now?"

I ate a skittle candy, "No, I just asked."

"I didn't need you to come with me, it's fine to send the materials." Xie Min pursed his lips, his side face was very cold, I glanced at it, and stuffed another skittle candy into my mouth.

"However, I just happened to be free recently, so I went to Guoquan as a tourist."

I don't know what kind of logic he's talking about. I'm very numb in my heart. Mr. Skittle Candy is quite dedicated today.

54.

Divorce!

53.

I ate a bowl of egg fried rice today.

Loosen the soil for the saplings.

I drank a bottle of soda, it was so choking.

Sit on the balcony and watch the scenery.

Bought the building blocks back.

52.

Take building blocks to build a house, a car, a tree, a flower, and a person.

Someone else.

51.

Can't sleep.

Skittles don't work, sleeping pills don't work.

50.

Cary still has 5 yuan.

Probably enough until the day I die.

49.

[Doctor: Mr. Lin, do you have any distressed emotions recently? ]

[Patient: ... I, I saw a tree growing on the balcony, like a dream. Someone talked to me, and he said that there was no tree, but there were... I saw that there were many moons on the tree, no, it was stars , I counted many times, too many to count. ]

[Doctor: Who is talking to you? ]

[Patient: Yes... yes, I don't know, I thought it was Xie Min, but Xie Min can't talk to me, he hates me, he went to find someone else! ]

[Doctor: Who is Xie Min? ]

[Patient:...he?He's my love, I liked him from the first day of high school, we've been married for ten years, and he says I don't love him...how, how is it possible? !How could I not love him! ... (choked up) I loved him for 18 years, how could he say that I don't love him, he hates me, (sobs) he said he can't feel my love...]

[Doctor: Have you ever told him about 'trees' and 'friends'? ]

[Patient: (shakes head) He doesn't talk to me, he ignores me. ]

[Doctor: Apart from these, are there any other worries? ]

[Patient: I have nightmares, many nightmares, I am very scared... Mom only wants my money, he loves my younger brother, I have many nightmares, I am very scared, I cry every day, but no one comforts me, I am in pain, Xie Min Don't want me...friends are fake, I have building blocks, I want someone to be with me, but there is no... (cry softly)]

[Doctor: Is there any more? ]

[Patient: ... I'm terminally ill and won't live long. ]

[Doctor: ... (Laughs)]

[Doctor: Mr. Lin, what kind of nightmare is it? ]

[Patient: Road, so many roads, so long...there is also a bridge, so high, I can't see the end, I keep walking, so tired, so tired, I can't stop, there are still things chasing me, I don't want to run away , want to be eaten. ]

[Doctor: Your lover, did you say anything to you recently? ]

[Patient: He said that he hates me the most. ]

[silent]

48.

I went to a concert.

On the way back, it rained and got wet. I bought a large pack of anti-cold medicine at the pharmacy and went home.

47.

Xiao Xia said he would come to see me, and he found out about my illness through the doctor.

I bought a lot of dishes and happily made a large table of dishes.

Xiao Xia is the secretary in my company. He is a very cute little boy. When he came, he brought me a large bouquet of flowers, which smelled very fragrant.

I patted him on the shoulder happily, he took a deep breath and looked at me with teary eyes,

"Brother Rui, why are you hiding it from me? Woohoo..."

"It's not a big deal. It's nothing to hide. Wouldn't it be better to tell you after it's cured." I comforted him.

He felt wronged, "Really?"

It seemed that the doctor really didn't tell him what disease I had, so I breathed a sigh of relief, patted his head, and said softly, "Really."

"Then have you talked to Mr. Xie?"

I smiled, "No, I'm afraid he's worried, he likes to make troubles, so don't tell him, wait till you get better, the doctor said I'll get better soon."

He nodded and laughed.

I also laughed.

46.

When I went to the hospital to hang water, I met a kid who gave me a Skittles.

Touching this real rainbow candy, I couldn't help laughing, this real candy tastes really good, sweet and sour.

Bought a big bag when I got home to mix with my fake Skittles.

I plan to touch the real and fake Skittles with my luck.

45.

slept all day.

44.

Fever, took medicine.

I can't hold my phone.

43.

I laid my phone flat and swiped through Moments.

Xie Min was drying his lunch box for overtime work. I touched my stomach that hadn't even got a drop of water, and suddenly felt hungry.

If you don't have the strength to go to the ground, you will starve to death.

42.

Really hungry.

I sleep sleep sleep sleep.

starving.

41.

Unable to bear it, I invited an aunt from a housekeeping company to cook for me.

I asked my aunt to help me up and fed me a bowl of rice, which made me feel better.

Sleep with your eyes closed.

40.

I was able to go to the ground today, and I made myself a bowl of fried rice with eggs.

In fact, I want to eat curry rice, and I don’t have the strength to go out. Let’s talk about it tomorrow.

39.

Seeing someone say that counting money can pass the time, I stared at the 9000 yuan in the balance.

Forget it, I don’t have the strength to go outside and exchange for coins.

I had to sit on the sofa and pile up blocks, a red panda and a kitten.

The little panda is called Xiao Xie.

The kitten is called Xiaolin.

Xiao Xie loved Xiao Lin, so he ran after Xiao Lin, Xiao Lin ran and ran, and suddenly found that Xiao Xie hadn't caught up, it was startled, and ran back to look for it, it turned out that Xiao Xie hid.

It saw Xiao Lin looking for it nervously with its tail raised, and it jumped out with a thud, scaring Xiao Lin.

Who knew that Xiaolin would kiss it while holding it.

It turned out that Xiao Lin fell in love with Xiao Xie a long time ago.

38.

Xiao Xie doesn't love Xiao Lin.

37.

I sat on the balcony and looked at the small trees in the yard.

The sapling sprouted.

My eyes hurt.

Did Kobayashi secretly cry again last night?

It made my vision blurry today.

36.

Can't get up, sleep all day.

35.

Can't get up, sleep all day.

34.

The pain was unbearable.

33.

I can't speak through my throat, my body doesn't hurt so much anymore, and I'm so hungry.

32.

Finally got up and went to the living room to watch TV.

I thought Xie Min was watching it with me, and I watched it until three o'clock in the morning.

31.

Staying up late really hurts the body, and today I can't get out of bed because of the pain.

30.

With a little strength, I took out my mobile phone to play match 1249. Xie Min played with me at the beginning.

I slipped to level 642 and played it many times.

29.

It was rare to get out of the house, bought a new set of clothes and a pair of shoes, and went to the restaurant that Xie Min liked very much to have lunch, and when he went to bed at night, he fell asleep before dawn.

28.

Xie Min's circle of friends today is Chen Yi's photo, I commented on it, Xiao Chen is so pretty.

After waiting for a while, I saw Xie Min delete the post.

27.

Today I found out that Xie Minla hacked my WeChat.

During the meal, I vomited blood and made the floor dirty. After mopping the floor, I was so tired that I was dizzy and couldn't help crying with my eyes covered.

Really, I was so tired that I had no energy to breathe, how could I still have the energy to cry.

Cry what to cry, cry what to cry.

People don't love you anymore.

People don't love you anymore.

26.

Added his WeChat, waited all morning and he still didn't agree, couldn't help but sent the application again, wrote a plea, but he still didn't agree.

I lost my appetite to eat and vomited a lot of blood.

25.

Apply to add him again.

Did not agree.

I hate eating and vomiting blood all the time.

24.

Keep begging him.

Text him and say you just want to see his life, nothing else.

The phone number was also blocked.

I ran out of strength, so I went back to lie down under the quilt.

23.

There was blood all over the sheets, I couldn't drink water, and I had no strength.

22.

I scratched my thigh, it hurts so much.

21.

want to dream.

20.

I feel better today. I got up to take a shower and wash the sheets. I made myself a bowl of noodles. I started coughing up blood after two mouthfuls.

I turned on the TV, the variety show was very noisy, but very lively, I wiped the table clean, put a box on it, and planned to put the suicide note in it, but it took several drafts to finish the draft.

19.

I called the doctor and asked him to send some painkillers, but he refused to listen, saying that I was taking too much medicine.

I pretended to be pitiful, saying that I was in so much pain that I couldn't get out of bed, and I kept vomiting blood, and I was about to die.

It took him a while to agree to send it to me.

I quietly compared myself.

18.

I googled Xie Min, and found that he recently cut the ribbon in K city next door, and he looked a little thinner. I looked at it for a while, but I didn't dare to.

17.

I suddenly remembered Weibo, went to see him, and found that he had emptied other content, except for the sentence "When you love you, you are delicate, and when you don't love you, you pretend to be pitiful. Rarity, have you always Don't you think you are wrong?"

wrong.

It is wrong.

I couldn't hold the phone, it fell to the ground and broke into several pieces.

I'm wrong.

Big mistakes.

16.

Vomiting blood, pain, unable to sleep.

15.

The TV was so noisy, I couldn't turn it on or turn it off.

14.

Kobayashi has swollen my eyes from crying, useless guy.

13.

He vomited blood, hurt, and fell asleep.

12.

Can't remember what happened.

11.

Take a look at yourself in the mirror today.

Like a bone spirit!

It's so ugly!

10.

Miss my mom who loves me.

9.

I went out, bought curry and hurried home.

I am afraid that others will look at me, I am so ugly now.

8.

After eating two mouthfuls of porridge, I vomited and felt uncomfortable.

I went to bed and lay down all afternoon, unable to fall asleep at night, counting the stars on the tree.

There are many stars, just like the stars in the sky.

7.

The draft of the suicide note is complete!

6.

Thinking about my whole life, there are no good days.

5.

Suddenly want to go to the supermarket to buy a bag of potato chips, cucumber flavor.

4.

The tree has grown a lot taller, reaching to my shoulders.

3.

I piled up a bouquet of flowers with building blocks today, hahaha, the technique is very good.

2.

Send Xie Min a private message on Weibo.

—Take care of yourself, good night.

1.