through those heavy years

I used to be always hysterical, hated the way the so-called adults looked at me, and rejected all the words with ridicule.Yes, the children of poor families are in charge of the family early, and my ignorance makes you laugh and spit.My waywardness and withdrawnness make you feel disgusted and wanton.However, I am like this, standing alone in the eyes of the crowd.Let you lose your mercy, let you shatter your hope.

That day, I said to my grandma, I have made up my mind, I will stop studying and go to work outside.Grandma's world seemed to be collapsing, she cried so much, she said you made up your mind!I said yes, made up my mind.She cried and choked up, and said, Teacher Zhou said that you are good at studying, and it is no problem to be admitted to Zhongben University. If you don't study now, you will regret it for the rest of your life!I said, if you have to bow your head and go door to door to beg for me when you are admitted to university, even if you regret it, you would rather choose this way.Grandma said, but I am willing to beg. Begging is my business. I am willing to risk my life for my grandson.I said, but I don't want to.Grandma knew that I, like her, was stubborn.She wiped her tears and said, "Okay, okay, go out, you won't be my grandson if you go out."I said, well, after I earn money, I will give you some living expenses every month.

I'm gone, leaving that home.Grandma's wrinkled face was made into a walnut, and I made her heartbroken old tears, and made her wipe out all hope.I thought that my failure to look back would not fulfill my unfilial piety.I thought so, but in the end it came true.

Back in my hometown, these familiar vines and old trees with love have existed for a long time, pointing out the direction of home for the lost children.Batches of rain, in this April weather, wash my soul.Rain mixed with tears, dripping deep.Sometimes it's more tears than blood, deeply painful.

Cry, cry, I can only cry.Grieving like God, his face turned black, and he cried loudly.

——There is no tombstone in front of grandma's grave, and the surrounding area has not been repaired for a long time, and it is already covered with weeds.I hugged my grandma's grave tightly, still feeling her presence and absorbing her warmth.Grandma, I'm back.A sentence was choked and hoarse, hidden in the throat for a long time, it seemed to have been embedded in the bone, and now it was pulled out by the root.Your grandson is back, he was late and didn't get to see you for the last time.You beat him, you scold him.But wherever your grandson wants you, you can't live without him!

After the rain, the sky is sunny, and the grass in my hometown is green in my world.A beam of gentle sunshine lies between my eyebrows and eyes, and will always exist.I missed this spring for five or six years.Only then did I realize that the scars are so deep, it is because there is no spring from my hometown to heal, so it is so deep that only pain is left in my life.

The cherry blossoms in the distance are still blooming so brilliantly.Let me go in a bright direction, grandma's smiling face is always open on my path.

It was the spring of [-], and I was eating at the restaurant I owned with my two children.The corners of one eye and brow are the same as Luo Feng's, and the other is carved out of the same mold as me.They were noisy and had to scramble for everything to eat.The big ones will bully the small ones, and the small ones will bully the big ones, laughing and laughing all the time.Looking at them, I was relieved, and finally in my expected eyes, I grew up healthy and happy.

Zuo Wanyu did not have an abortion.She loves me more than the child in her womb.Her love is great.These loves always make people crawl.

Zuo Wanyu has congenital heart disease.She only knew it when she went to the hospital for the first time after the cold war with me, but I never knew it (I have a lot to hate myself, and these hatreds have become my eternal salvation).Zuo Wanyu suffered a fierce struggle in her heart. If she aborted the child, she might live a few more years.However, she longed to be a mother and longed for the birth of this child.Deep in her heart, she must be more eager to live a happy life as a family of three.So some nights together, she would laugh unconsciously in her dreams late at night.She must have dreamed of the happy scene of a family of three in her future life.

Zuo Wanyu wrote me a letter, she said: "Wang Xiaodong, I have been away from you for so long, do you think of me by chance on a lonely night? Hehe, Xiaodong, I love you, so I don't care about you at all. I hate you. On the contrary, I was too paranoid and neurotic, which made you sulk a lot, but at the same time, it also made me feel that your tolerance is great, which moved me very much. Xiaodong, I left you because I know I won't live long, and I don't want to drag you down, because I think that if you are dragged down by me, you will definitely not succeed. Xiaodong, it takes a lot of courage to leave you. I cried all night that night, very I want to go back to you.

"Xiaodong, thank you for giving me a kind of true love that only normal women can experience. The power given by this kind of love allows me to enjoy happiness in life no matter how many hardships I face. So Thank you so much, I leave without regret.

"Xiaodong, look, our son is almost three years old, does he look like you? Hehe, he is so cute, he is your own flesh and blood, and also a little life I bought with my life. So No matter what, even if you give everything you have, you must let him live a normal life, let him not lack love, feel enough care, grow up lively, cheerful, and happy—if it is really like what you said If you haven't lied to me, you'll be nice to him.

"By the way, Xiaodong, I have a request. Please don't tell our son that his mother is a **** in the days to come. As you said, I don't want my son to worry about having a **** mother for the rest of his life. I dreamed of becoming a dancer since I was a child, but even if it didn’t happen, his mother would not have the ability to be a dancer. So please tell our son, his mother is A middle school dance teacher. She danced gracefully, like a fairy descending to earth.

"As for our son's name, I have never dared to choose it. First, I feel that I am not worthy of naming him. Second, I am afraid that, like my mother, choosing a beautiful name, but putting it all my life away, what's the point? So, I can't give him a name, his name is up to you. But I hope he can have a three-letter name, and I can take one letter in his name. I hope he can be happy forever, Don't be like his mother, soaked in bitter water all his life. So I think there is a word "le" in his name. You can tell your son that this word "le" was chosen by his mother, so that others can call him by his name , he can think of his mother. No matter where he is, his mother will always watch him grow up."

The police found my rental place and sent my son to me.The police said that a seriously ill woman dragged them to deliver the child to me.The seriously ill woman knew that I hadn't changed places. On the day she was about to die, she begged the police to bring me here.There were still tears in the corners of her eyes.

When the son was sent over, he was tired from crying and fell asleep deeply.The painful look was brought into the dream, and there were still wet tears on his face.

I hugged her tightly in my arms and didn't want to close my eyes for a moment until dawn.He is really cute, with a heroic look in his eyebrows and eyes.Looking at his facial features individually, they all look very much like Zuo Wanyu.But looking at it together, they are very similar to me, even the expression of sleeping is exactly the same.

Hold him and laugh a few times.It seems that the smile that has been lost for a long time has been found again, and the vacant heart seems to be filled suddenly, and I can't express how happy I am.

It was dawn and he opened his eyes.Looking at the strange environment, and the strange me, I suddenly fell into panic.His eyes were wide open, his expression was very solemn, he turned his head to look left and right, then he pursed his mouth, tears gurgled out of his eyes, and the cry was very loud.

I hurried to coax him and told him that I was his father and would not hurt him.Let him not be afraid.

Children who are almost three years old do not dare to underestimate their intelligence.He can tell who is good from who is bad, and he can understand his situation.He can give in to himself in an unfamiliar environment, and even pretend to be pitiful, so that the strange uncle can sympathize and not hurt him.Therefore, I dare not treat him lightly, and I dare not lie to him. I want to get along with him with sincerity.

I coaxed him gently, trying to calm him down.He stopped crying soon because he knew it was no use crying all the time.He wiped away his tears with his sleeve, then looked at it innocently and fearfully, choked up and asked, "Where is this place?"

I said, "My home will be your home in the future!"

"My home is not here, my home is with my mother."

"I am your father, and this is your home."

"Then I can't do without my mother, where is my mother?"

"Mom passed away."

"Where did you go when you passed away?"

"I just went to heaven. My mother died and went to heaven."

"Then can you take me there?"

"No, that's where the dead go, and the living can't go."

"...Then I will also find my mother, will you let me go?"

"Yes, I will go with you."

He walked out of the door, saw the stairs, and walked straight down step by step.I followed behind, my heart full of love and sorrow.There is endless guilt for their mother and son.

Every time he went down a flight of stairs, he would look back at me.He didn't know where to find his mother.In this world, I was the only person he knew just now, and he gradually became dependent on me.

He kept walking, very slowly.It was just dawn, and the outside air felt a little bit cold on people.He wore a total of three pieces of clothing, inside was a pure cotton bear underwear, in the middle was a sweater vest knitted by Zuo Wanyu himself, and outside was a yellow coat, which looked innocent and cute on the body.