through those heavy years

"I didn't think so!" I had to deny the last paragraph, and I said anxiously to her seriously, "No matter what the object is, there are good and bad. Some men must be disgusting, but some men are as gentle as jade. Noble. Some professions are indeed disdainful, but there are also some people who are not dirty, stick to their hearts, and are more respected than any self-righteous people on the human side."

She listened in shock, firstly because of my contrasting performance, secondly because of my solemn words and unquestionable expression.She pursed her lips and smiled, feeling that what I said was pleasing to the ear.But his expression was still disdainful, and he said calmly: "Not bad, there are a lot of high-sounding words, it seems that you are very confident in your life!"

confidence? !But I was terrified by these two words, and I dared not speak with a dejected expression.Because I know what kind of person I am, and I am also sensitive inside, and my spiritual world is even more inclined.Self-confidence can only be said to be a hazy and unbearable wording. In fact, I have no self-confidence.

"Okay!" She stood up and flicked the cigarette butt out of the window. "It's a pleasure chatting with you, even though it's all nonsense. It's late, and you're tired, go to sleep!" She got up When I walked to the door, I thought of something, looked back, and couldn't resist asking curiously, "You are empty-handed, it seems that you don't have any luggage or parcels at all?"

"En!" I nodded awkwardly.This should be called completely leaving the house.When I lived in the tea and dining bar, I slept on the sofa, covered it with a tablecloth when it was cold, and brought the toothbrush from the prison. I don’t know how to spend a month in a daze.

"Then how do you sleep?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she immediately met again. I have the feat of squatting outside for a whole night, not to mention the fact that I have a room and a bed now.Without waiting for my answer, she opened the door and walked to her rented room, but after a while there was a clear sound of keys opening the door from the next door.

I sat tiredly on the spot where she had just collapsed, and my whole body lay back as if I had lost my center of gravity, and suddenly I felt a lot lighter.

"Here!" The little fly quickly appeared in front of me again, throwing a mattress and a thin blanket.

"No one has ever used it except me. I never bring men into my room, so the little landlord doesn't know that I'm a slut. If you don't mind it, just use it. If it's hot, you can turn on the air conditioner."

"Thank you, I won't dislike you!" I gathered up the blanket, and the warmth from my hands spread all over my body.

"Hehe, don't care if you dislike it or not, men are duplicity!"

"I didn't!" Facing the little fly, he didn't know why, even if he didn't know how to explain, he was eager to explain.I really don't mean to dislike it.In prison and even after leaving prison, he was disgusted by others.But that doesn't mean you hate others.On the contrary, I can especially experience the feeling of being disgusted by others.

I simply said, "I'm such a noble person. I've been in prison, and I just got out of prison last month!"

"Have you ever been in prison?" She was standing and looking down, but after hearing this, she sat down next to me, full of surprise and astonishment.

"Well, I've been in a cell for four and a half years!" I subconsciously moved away a little, feeling her temperature would make me uncomfortable.

"No wonder, my hair hasn't grown very long, and I don't even have any clothes and bags!" She carefully looked at me from top to bottom several times, and her eyes revealed that people in prison would look very special.

"Why did you go to jail, what crime did you commit!"

"Fight and hurt!"

"Oh!"

"But I won't hit you, because hitting someone also needs a reason-whether this person should hit or not."

"Hehe, I know that a person who has been in prison is not necessarily a bad person, and a person who has not been in prison is not necessarily a good person. I can clearly distinguish between a good person and a bad person. You don't need to worry about this for me."

She can see it openly, without the slightest fear.It stands to reason that our relationship has just begun, but there is a kind of sympathetic intimacy and harmony.Does this mean that two miserable people are more likely to recognize each other and distinguish between good and evil than two happy people?

After opening their hearts, neither of them felt sleepy, and they chatted a lot with each other.The little fly is not called the little fly, but the lecherous bear always gave these people nicknames like the little fly and the little grasshopper based on his favorite little mosquito.Her surname is Zuo, a very unpopular surname, she said she has heard of Zuo Zongtang, that Zuo.The name Wanyu is graceful and pleasant, gentle and beautiful.

After she asked me about all kinds of things in prison, she still talked about her own story.Her mother conceived with a man out of wedlock.After her mother gave birth to her in a dark room with no one to help her, the man disappeared without a trace under the pretext of buying milk powder and never came back.Her mother is an orphan with no relatives or reason.He has no money on him, has no survival skills and is lazy.When she was heartbroken, her mother thought of selling her body to avoid hunger.From then on, the corrupt life accompanied Zuo Wanyu's childhood, even after she grew up, she would not let it go.She was sold by her mother to a middle-aged man for 800 yuan.Her mother said that her hard-working daughter should be sold for repayment.That night, she was just 16 years old. She was eaten, locked in a small and cold room, and was in a trance.After that man took away her maiden night, she didn't even know what that man looked like.She became sluggish several times and lost the ability to take care of herself. No matter how long the time passed, she couldn't get rid of the shadow in her heart, so she fell down.

Zuo Wanyu sighed, and when she was telling her own story, she inadvertently showed a self-deprecating smile, which made people feel melancholy.Unlucky people will always be assimilated by unlucky experiences in their future life, so they go round and round and never see hope.It's like falling into the abyss once, and falling into the abyss forever.

She said that last month, her mother died, and she finally became an orphan.Her mother's body was placed in that dark alley, covered with a rag, and no one cared about it for several days.Later, it stinks, and flies fly around. Those sisters couldn't bear it, and scolded her, saying that she was their own mother after all, so they couldn't just leave it outside like this to scare people, and they had to find a place to bury it anyway.She said she didn't have any mother, but some debts.These debts are also paid off while the creditor is alive, and what lies outside is just a person with a debt relationship just higher than he knows.

I listened silently to her talking plainly as if she had nothing to do with her.She said, in fact, say something with a conscience.What she hated from the beginning to the end was not her mother, but the man who abandoned their mother and child.My mother really loved that man, so when she was pregnant with her, she racked her brains to give her a dignified and delicate name - Zuo Wanyu.What her mother did to her can be described as heinous and unconscionable, but in the final analysis she did not abandon her after giving birth to her.She was cremated a few days after her mother's dead body was left outside.She said that even the interest owed was paid back now, and that heartless man would be punished.

"Did you know?" she said, "there is an animal called a beast in the world. At first I didn't know what a beast was, but later I found out that this animal is just like ordinary people who live in this world and abandon their wives. son of a man."

After listening to her, I was silent for a while.I can't understand the situation and mood of being sold my daughter's virginity to others by my mother, and I can't understand the shadow of growing up in such an environment, and it is even more impossible to know how to treat my biological mother or the father who abandoned them. What should we think about the behavior in the situation of dehumanization.She naturally hated him deeply and hated men to the bone.She has her own judgments, cries and hatred for human nature.When she made me deeply sympathize, I found that she was stronger than I imagined.

That night, Little Fly said that for some unknown reason, he suddenly felt good, physically relaxed, and the night air was pleasant, making people uncontrollably fond of it.I looked at her and said with a smile, I also felt very relaxed, and my body became less and less tired, as if I had a full rest.

The little fly said: "Then let's do that. Anyway, I'm a gangster. Doing that thing is as casual as eating. You won't refuse a free service, right?"

"Of course, why refuse!" I replied affirmatively, and each laughed aloud because I found it interesting.

With smiles on our faces all the time, our clothes were stripped off our bodies one by one.The two big bodies make love, everything is carried out step by step, and it is as casual as eating.In my 25 years of life, I had a real sex with a woman.

Maybe many readers will sneer at me when they see this.After all, he is a homosexual, but he betrayed his nature by doing this kind of behavior - having sex with a woman.But I don't think there is anything controversial about sex, it can actually be pure.There are physical needs between each other, and it is natural to seek a kind of satisfaction in each other.So no matter whether they are gay or not, or whether there is love between them, as long as both parties are willing, they can have physical contact.Sometimes, people's desires are difficult to control, and they will choose sex. □□ Isn't it a kind of self-made □□!Is it possible to find out some kind of unnatural factor in sex?So even now, I still uphold this idea, and having sex with women is not an unreasonable word, and I, as a person, have no principles.

The window was gradually brighter, and a trace of coolness permeated the air.Zuo Wanyu was sleeping beside her pillow, I had already dressed and went to work at the tea and dinner bar.

When going out, carefully remember the easy-to-remember signs on the road, and beware of not knowing the direction when you come back.

The rental house is not too far from the tea and dining bar. You can walk to the side of the road and wait for the bus, and you can arrive there after five stops.I like to sit in the last row on the bus and look at the city scenery passing by the road.Rows of big trees, cars and motorcycles scrambling on the road, people rushing to work on the sidewalk, vendors pushing breakfast carts, and police officers standing at intersections directing traffic.

The author has something to say:

Isn't it particularly dark! ! !