through those heavy years

The next morning, Jiang Haoran's body was already cold and stiff.There was no trace of pain on his face, as if he had fallen asleep peacefully.Jiang Haoran's death aroused great public outrage in the cell.At first I didn't know why they were so anxious, but later I learned that suicide and self-harm are the top priority in the prison, and all the prisoners from the prison leadership squadron to the brigade must be dealt with.First of all, those squadron officers and police officers will be removed and transferred, and then the "reform activists" index of the entire brigade will be halved for that year.Every implicated prisoner who fought for a reduced sentence in that year must be nullified.Many people worked desperately for the purpose of commuting their sentences. Now that a person who didn't want to live died, the commutation of sentences had to be voided. No wonder everyone was in an uproar.

The prisoner sleeping on Jiang Haoran's upper bunk pulled the prison guard and said, "Yesterday I heard Wang Xiaodong talking to Jiang Haoran. Did Wang Xiaodong kill Jiang Haoran?"

At this time, I was getting up and making the quilt.On the surface, a dull reaction that didn't hear anything and didn't care about anything.The prison guard took a look at me. If he could judge with normal thinking, he could quickly rule out the possibility of me.They found Jiang Haoran's sharpened toothbrush from his bed, compared the wound on the artery with the toothbrush of the murder weapon, and the scars were very consistent.Grinding the tail of a toothbrush to such a sharp point is not something that can be done overnight, and I was locked up in confinement, and I haven’t brushed my teeth for half a month. It can be said that I have no access to a toothbrush, let alone a chance to sharpen it.If it is a deliberate murder, you can't do it overnight with a toothbrush if you want to puncture a person's artery, then there will inevitably be a struggle, which will alarm others.But Jiang Haoran's death was quiet, and blood flowed all over the bed.Besides, if you want to kill someone, why cut someone's artery, even if you deceive people's eyes and ears, it's not enough!Another important point is, why do I have a motive for killing people!

Of course, the prison guards have to accept all the case reports provided by others, so they must call me to the management office to lecture me.I was asked to stand upright in the office with my back against the wall and my hands hanging by my thighs.

The prison guard asked me meticulously, "Did you talk to Jiang Haoran at night?"

Without squinting, I replied with a firm tone, "No!"

He was very dissatisfied with my answer, or he hated my frozen tone and my neither humble nor humble expression.Maybe every prisoner should have a little fear on the surface when he called him into the office, instead of being so arrogant and self-righteous.Going to jail is a despicable thing in itself, and a despicable person can't talk about being arrogant.

He wanted to frustrate me, so he said to me: "Really? Do you know that people who have never read a book have no manners, no quality, no cultivation, and no integrity. They only beat people and break the law, and they will be sentenced. Only when you go to jail will you be as lowly as a beast and be laughed at by others!"

He crossed his legs and smiled crookedly at me.His smile was really a brute one, and he was very good at it, so he was going to insult me ​​as much as he wanted.He is entitled to insult me ​​at will.

Although I am still alive, the question of life and death has lingered for a long time, whether I should live or die.During the fifteen days that I shed tears, I failed to allow myself to choose whether to live or die.Could it be that I am not noble, can I bear the burden of being in prison and still live with confidence.Why don't I hope that my life will be clean and not let anyone laugh at me!But right now, I seem to have figured it out, my situation is different from that of Jiang Haoran.At least outside, I have a grandma who loves me with her life.Since God sentenced me to live, I cannot die.I don't know how much my life is worth, but I really want to see my grandma when I get out of prison.

I didn't say a word, and let the prison guards humiliate me in every possible way.In the process of humiliation, I suddenly found that when I was humiliated by an insignificant person, I no longer bristled like I used to.I even think it's a funny joke, which can make people have fun.And my violence has also begun to be lazy. I don’t want to take the effort to beat a person who thinks he is very smart, so it is also a good way to let him continue to be smart.

I was punished to stand by the prison guards. I don't know when I will be punished.During the punishment period, I decided that I would live a good life and strive for a commutation of my sentence so that I could regain my freedom as soon as possible.I began to develop a passion that gave me purpose in prison life.The goal is the navigation of a person's life, and life can only be full of vitality if it moves forward.

Once something is decided in my heart, I can do my best spontaneously.I will not have any conflicts with Ah Liang, or how to confront other prisoners.I will try my best to stick to my duty and try my best to follow the rules of the prison.Although no matter where you are as a human being, even if you do well, you may not always be able to obtain peace of mind, but you can handle one thing without destroying the original appearance.Man has always been an animal that is very good at dealing with surface phenomena.

At that time, there were always endless things to do in the prison, such as the assembly line, the labor camp, and manual work in my cell.The manual work in the cell is actually the hardest for me.In a small cell for twelve people, each person takes a stool and puts it in front of the bed, leaving only an aisle in the middle that can only be walked sideways.The finished and unfinished things can only be placed on the bed, and the small space makes people feel suffocated.What's more, in the summer, there is no fan in the cell, and the sweat flows down the body and wets the ground.Many prisoners complained about this, and incidents such as quarrels and fights often occurred.I try my best to hold back the injustice and framing I have suffered, and not to have any direct conflicts with these people.Fortunately, they have seen the fight scene between me and A Liang, just like when I was a child, even if I lost, I would still be afraid.

Prisoners are not paid for their work.The prisoner's personal output will be exchanged for labor points.At the end of the year, if the prisoner has scored 120 points, he can report to the court for a reduction in sentence.Scores are as important as life, and he worked hard to complete the work quota, even exceeding it, in exchange for a reduced sentence.At the end of the year, many inmates who worked hard saw that they had scored a full 120 points, and they couldn't be more excited.Everyone really felt that no matter what the prison life is, it is worthwhile to get full points in the end, regardless of the grievances, pain, and fatigue.

Time in jail can pass quickly, too.Because of the busy life, no matter what kind of environment it is in, it is easy to ignore the speed.Another year of winter, there was a lot of snow outside, the snow made me inexplicably quiet, quiet is my best enjoyment.

The Chinese New Year is almost here, and the people in the cell miss their loved ones very much.The closer the New Year's visit to the prison, the more tears of sadness and longing.The 10-minute meeting time seems to be the expectation of many people for a month or a year.

I know no one is going to visit me, and I don't want anyone to.Because whoever came to visit would leave me in disarray and lose my resolve to build up.Besides, I'm used to the comfort of not being visited.

Once, Lao Li, who was in his 70s and lived in a quiet neighborhood, suddenly asked me if I had no relatives at home.I looked at him, not knowing how to answer.He sighed, and said to himself, I have been in prison for more than 40 years, and I don't know when I will be released.But there should be no one at home, so it doesn't matter if you can't go out.

Lao Li was an economic criminal and was sentenced to life imprisonment. More than 40 years of prison life is dizzying like a bottomless pit.He said that he was used to it, it was institutionalized, and it didn't matter whether he got out or not, the prison was his whole life.Once you leave prison, your life is over.

What does a person's life mean? After Jiang Haoran died, 18 years of his life was his life; lifetime.And me, what label will be my whole life?

I want to say, I have relatives.My loved ones remind me all the time.My relatives are my sky, my land, my piece of the world.Are my loved ones my whole life? !

In the third year, I was sentenced by the court to reduce my sentence for half a year.The commutation of the sentence made me, who was silent all day long, laugh.I seem to have been a long time, do not know what is joy.

Inevitably, being able to commute the sentence is not so smooth for a weird person like me.Even if you deliberately restrain yourself from being impulsive, it is inevitable that some things that break the rules will happen in other things.Let’s take the matter of being gay. In the environment where the prison is full of men for many years, it cannot prevent ambiguous things between the same sex from happening.Homosexuality is prohibited in prisons.

There are many prisoners in the prison, and there are no less than three to four hundred new inmates every year.Some of these inmates, like me, were real gay men, and some were purely sexual.True homosexuals, they usually give their true feelings and find a same-sex partner who can be comforted spiritually and physically.Their love can be pure or filthy, but it feels real, without any sense of disobedience.Prisoners out of sexual needs can be said to be hypocritical, shameless, and a distorted personality.They can take homosexuality as a funny content to talk about abuse, they think that they are superior to others without showing affection, but in a place like a prison, it is also unavoidable to use the same sex to vent their desires.So I don't know where the so-called sense of superiority comes from. On the contrary, it makes me feel that what I see in front of me is a group of shameless and criminals worthy of the name.And the irony is that these villains seem to have a choice of tastes.They have no real love, and you can't figure out what their reasons and ideas are for their choice of taste.In short, they have more feminine boys, and occasionally they will hit on some straight men, or people like me who are pseudo-straight men.Several times they bluntly raised sexual demands on me, trying to test whether I was worthy or not.The way they made sexual demands to me was like highway robbery. "Hey, let me fuck you." Brutally and directly