through those heavy years

Back in the cell again, sitting on the bed alone, speechless.Every cellmate looked at me closely, and everyone seemed to have fallen into a kind of silence.Jiang Haoran looked mournful and full of apology, and many bruises and wounds had been added to his face.He felt that after fifteen days of confinement, he could no longer see the former majesty in my face.He thought that I suffered a lot from the outside during the fifteen days of confinement.He asked me in a low voice, "Are you okay?" But I couldn't bring myself to answer.

The next day I went to work still carrying cement bags.I haven't worked for fifteen days, and I feel that my body muscles have degraded a bit.But no matter what, I have to carry the cement bag, even more desperately than before.

There were no fewer than 200 prisoners carrying cement bags in the labor camp.Everyone is divided into groups to complete the specified amount.When grouping, Jiang Haoran was excluded.None of the more than a dozen groups could accept him, and they were all afraid that he would hinder everyone from working overtime.Of course the prison guards couldn't help their nonsense, and planned to force Jiang Haoran into Ah Liang's group.Ah Liang was not locked up for [-] days like me. He seemed to be released on the third day. As for the reason, I don't know.A Liang cried and begged the prison guard not to put Jiang Haoran in their group, because Jiang Haoran had been in their group enough times, he said that their bodies really couldn't bear the fatigue of overtime work anymore.

I know Jiang Haoran will be bullied no matter which group he is in.For so many days, he must have been kicked around like a football by these people.I didn't like to see such a scene. I went straight to the cement bag, carried a bag of cement on each shoulder, walked to the prison guard and said coldly, "Put it in our group!" and started working.

The prison guards applauded, and no one had any objections.A Liang smiled contemptuously, and then said a dirty word, which caused everyone to laugh evilly.I don't care about him, I just want to work hard.

I let myself carry two bags of cement every trip.My whole body was soaked in sweat, and I was so tired that I felt like I was going to vomit.But this still can't stop my madness.I work almost like a dead man, and everyone thinks Wang Xiaodong is crazy, but I am suffering from being extremely sober now.It would be great if it could really be crazy.

Jiang Haoran thought that I was working so desperately for him, and he looked like he was about to cry when he walked in front of me.He said: "Don't help me like this, it's not worth it for you to help someone like me!"

I didn't intend to pay attention to him, but his crying expression made me feel that he was really sincere and apologetic.My help made him at a loss, or disturbed the persistence in his heart.Meaninglessly, I said to him coldly, "I'm not helping you!"

Jiang Haoran was a little discouraged when he heard my answer, or a little slack.After that, he didn't come over to say a word to me, nor did he look at me with sad eyes.He began to seriously carry the cement bag for himself, to fight for the man, and not let anyone despise him.He seemed to be free of all baggage and relaxed.You can't see why he behaves like this. His hard work is more hideous than my hard work.For a second I inadvertently looked at him, just right, he was looking at me, and then gave me a spiritual smile.It was this smile that proved everything I saw—he was for himself, of course.It is also this smile that makes me feel depressed and uncomfortable all day long.

Jiang Haoran did not hold back, on the contrary we completed the workload ahead of schedule.I felt that my whole body was about to collapse, but my nerves were still extremely sharp.I felt a state where my mind was extremely clear, but my body was about to collapse.I sat on the edge of the bed, and Jiang Haoran also sat on the edge of the bed.Jiang Haoran's tired legs trembled, his face was pale, but his eyes were surprisingly clear and powerful.He looked at me without a trace of emotion, just as I looked at him very calmly.He smiled at me very purely again, and I also found it interesting, so I smiled heartily at him.

At night, amidst the sound of snoring, each fell into a deep sleep.I don't know when it started, even though I was very tired physically and mentally, my sleep was very shallow.At two or three o'clock in the middle of the night, I was awakened by the sound of snoring.There were some gnashing of teeth and indistinct noises.I groped for the source of the sound and slowly stood up.There is a glass window on the door of the prison cell, and the glass window penetrates the slanting faint moonlight.The moonlight just shone on Jiang Haoran's bed, Jiang Haoran's thin body was pressed against the wall, and the moonlight shone thinly on half of his face, pale and sweating.

I thought he was uncomfortable and looked at him quietly for a while.He opened his eyes without making any more rustling noises, and the expression on his face was very calm.He knew I was looking at him and smiled weakly at me.I sensed that he had something to say to me, so I got out of bed and sat down beside his bed.As soon as I sat down, I felt a trace of liquid heat from my buttocks to my thighs, and a strong smell of blood came from my nostrils.I reached out and touched it, it was sticky and very slippery.He cut his wrist, and he used some sharp object to puncture the artery in his wrist.I was startled and almost yelled out.I hurriedly found his wrist-cut hand, and tightly covered the wound with my hand, hoping to reduce the outflow of blood.

Jiang Haoran stretched out the index finger of the other hand, put it on his mouth and hissed, his eyes were full of pleading, almost humble.This is the first time I saw such eyes, I don't know how to describe it.I just firmly believe that a person can really convince the other party with just his eyes without talking.

He said, "You're going to kill me, aren't you!"

I want to say that I have no right to decide a person's life or death.It's just that I don't understand what kind of thought can make a person so determined to want to die.

"Thank you very much. You let me live in this society for the last day, and I still feel warm. I don't think it's a pity that I died!" He said weakly.

The snoring was loud, the moonlight was white, and the smell of blood made people anxious.

"Why?" My voice can still be calm, but my heart is full of fanaticism.

He said: "My parents didn't come to visit the prison this week. They already treated it as if they never had a son like me!"

"Maybe they are busy!" I tried to comfort, but I never comfort people.

He shook his head, crying, "I know them, they won't come. But if you know the environment I grew up in, you won't be surprised. From the moment I was born, they wanted to take me The idea of ​​cultivating a genius and their approach is almost perverted. What they tell me every day is to study, study and study again. As long as I can remember, I have been locked in the room all day doing homework and homework. There are endless interest classes, cram schools and homework on weekends. I have never had friends, and I don’t know how to communicate with others. I don’t know what kind of wonderful life there is besides studying.” His blood continued to flow, his breath was weak , talking intermittently.

He said: "I hate this kind of life. Once I pluck up the courage to resist, they will beat and scold me. There are a lot of reasons. However, there will always be times when people can't bear it. Especially the older they get, the more Longing to break. When I was in the second year of high school, I was really tired. I made the biggest resistance since I was studying, and that was skipping classes. I didn’t know where to skip classes. I skipped classes for the sake of resistance. At that time, many classmates Everyone loves surfing the Internet. I don’t know what it’s like to surf the Internet, so I just skipped class and went to the Internet. On the day I went to the Internet, I met the gangster Li Jian. A technical secondary school student who is one year older than me and who is studying in a technical school next to our middle school Li Jian is a lunatic who can do anything. But he treats me well, helps me teach those who always bully me, and always takes me out to play, making me feel that I have a sense of existence, sense of protection.

I adore him almost to a kind of god.I only know that I will be happy when I am with him, and I feel that it is life.In the second semester of the third year of high school, he said that he fell in love with the beauty of their school.The school belle is an asshole, anyone can get in, but he, Li Jian, can't get in.For this reason, his teeth itch with hatred, and he whispers in my ear every day, saying that one day he will stun the school beauty □□ her.Li Jian asked me, he said, brother Haoran, have you ever fucked a woman, do you know what it's like to fuck a woman!The taste is neither full nor warm, neither good nor satisfied, it is a refreshing feeling that is better than being full, warm, satisfied, and even upgraded!

Li Jian spoke very intoxicated, as if people live in this world, apart from sex, there is nothing to pursue with effort.I said no, not only did I not, but I didn’t even dare to talk to girls, and would just lower my head shyly when I saw girls.But I had fantasies about sex, kissing pretty girls since I was 14.If you fantasize about this for a long time, your body will feel empty and impetuous, and then you will lose your mind and want to try it urgently.After listening to what I said, Li Jian laughed uncontrollably. He accused me of being a nerd, and said to wait. One day he will be stunned by the beauty of the school and take me with him.He said it lightly, and it was generally just a joke, and normal people would not take it to heart.But he really has the guts.He looks foolish, but every word he says comes from his heart.And he thinks that anything can be done, just like a sentence he often said - there is nothing to dare!

If there are too many skipping classes, parents will naturally find out.What's more, my parents, who have been demanding and even monitoring me, naturally found out more easily.My mother pointed at my nose and scolded me a lot of bad words with a crying face.My dad simply lifted the stick and almost broke my leg.Their furious performance, on the contrary, angered me even more.I struggled, resisted and said that I was not the son of that family, and I wanted to leave that family and never go back.