through those heavy years

Yes, there is also a taste of happiness.This taste of happiness once satisfied me.Satisfied that as long as I once had it, I don't care about the eternity.However, I know that human desires are endless.What we need is far from a kind of happiness in secret love.

"Oh!" I responded, expressing my heart to him would not say a hurtful word.On the contrary, I envy him, I envy him for having the courage to confess in front of the person he likes, making people enviable like Wang Caixia.

"Xiaodong!" said the fat man, "I know you can't accept me, but you will find it incredible. Because you are not gay!"

Maybe the incredible reaction would not be so calm, I am gay, I have sympathy and understanding, but I am also sure that I cannot accept it.So I can only keep silent, because only if I don't admit myself, I don't have to explain myself.

The fat man saw that I kept silent and sat quietly by the side, not seeing anything unusual.He couldn't understand me, but he still wanted to ask for me. He finally said, his voice was so small that he couldn't hear it, "Xiaodong, can you satisfy me? I want to see your body. Maybe I've been possessed, Maybe you will cast a shadow on me for the rest of my life, but I still can't help making this perverted request to you, can I see your body?"

"Okay!" The affirmative answer didn't take too long. I've been working hard since the fat man entered the door to reject all the disgusting feelings.Because of the circumstances, I think I can ignore everything for a few seconds and let him see.Even at the next moment, I would like to think that he is really just watching. When I am getting more and more unsure about human desires, I want to believe this for a while.

I took off my shirt and told him with my actions that I really agreed.I tried my best to make myself think that this was in the bathroom on the construction site, everyone took off their clothes, just to wash off the dirt and get a clean self.However, at the moment when I took off my pants, I still felt a kind of betrayal in my soul, and the filth that my body would be stained.This kind of nature, how can it be compared with bathing in a bathhouse!

Of course, I can't regret it, and I can't stop myself. In the end, I took off my pants.When I stood naked in front of the fat man.I also began to take a serious look at my body.I really didn't expect that I had really grown into a man.

Fatty may feel too surprised, a little ecstatic.His chest was heaving and he was breathing very rapidly.His face even became a little unbearably red because of the violent beating of his heart, until it turned black.He was a little dizzy, and his body wobbled unsteadily when he stood up.He walked over slowly, the room looked narrow and the lights were even darker.He approached me, carefully feeling the stimulation I gave him from top to bottom with demanding eyes.He swallowed, and reached out to touch my chest.My heart was also beating violently, and I was unable to correctly understand what this behavior was.

Fatty looked at me, desire and reason intertwined in his eyes.He kept stretching out his hands to touch my chest, and then slowly slid down. I have closed my eyes, and my mind is blank. I only look for it, and only in this way can I repay.

Fatty's goal is very clear, but he also has a lot of wandering in human nature.I don't know if it's because my body is numb and I can't feel any temperature, or the fat man's hand finally rests on my stomach.

"Xiaodong!" He called out to me, and put down his hands weakly.Opening his eyes, he saw tears in his eyes, one by one falling down his face, he faltered and said: "It's ok, thank you Xiaodong, I'm leaving!"

The fat man didn't touch down.I knew he wasn't who I thought he was.We all have to maintain our bottom line, but at the same time we often can't stop ourselves from going.

Putting on his clothes silently, watching him walk to the door, I don't know why he stopped.

He hesitated, then turned around slowly, and I saw that the tears in his eyes were still rolling, and the expression on his face was also very painful.After a long time, he said, "Xiaodong, are we still friends?"

After hesitating for a few seconds, I looked at him, nodded, and said sincerely: "Yes, you are the first friend in my life until now!"

The fat man laughed through his tears, turned and left.I don't know where the sadness came from. The moment the fat man closed the door, I also shed tears.

I have the first friend in my life, pure and not mixed with desire.It was also the fat man who made me understand that only restraint can last long.I couldn't restrain myself and completely lost Luo Feng.

After that, I never saw Fatty again. I didn't expect that night to be our farewell.

When I went to work the next day, the manager told me that the fat man resigned and asked me to take his place.The manager gave me a phone number, and the fat man said that if he really regarded him as a friend, he could be found at any time by calling this phone number.The fat man said that he left because he wanted to find a better world and his own happiness. He would not give up, let alone be discouraged. He firmly believed that he could find it.He said his home was still there and I was welcome anytime because he considered me his best friend anyway.

I want to say that if I swear here, if I recognize Fatty as a friend, then that is a lifelong friend.My character is like this, if I like it, I will like it for life, and if I believe it, I will never give up.I will not perfunctory anyone, let alone deceive the fat man.It's just that when I got this phone number, what I did was that I didn't call the phone number in time.I treasure it, treasure a good friend's heart.I think if I don't fight now, I will fight one day.I have missed a lot in my life, and the reason why I miss it is because I still don't quite understand the true meaning of life.

The city often seems indifferent to foreigners, but as long as I think of my grandma, my heart is as warm as ever.I wrote to my grandma, saying that I must go back to see my grandma during Chinese New Year this year.Once this decision was made in my heart, my heart became urgent and restless, and I had a sense of urgency as the workers on the construction site were waiting to go home during the Chinese New Year holiday.Grandma must have forgiven me.Even if she is stubborn, she will not refuse to accept me home.

The cold winter is coming again, and the days pass quickly. After the cold winter, spring will usher in.I was anxious but excited during the days of waiting.In addition to sending so much money back to my grandma every month, I still have a balance of tens of thousands of yuan in my hand. I suddenly feel like I have become rich, and I am thinking about how to spend this money on my grandma. .I believe no one in the village knows that I will be able to earn so much money.With an eager mind, I imagined many happy scenes after I went back.However, these scenes are about to happen, and suddenly become very far away, and then they will never be captured, becoming a permanent regret.Because it is difficult for everyone to know what kind of turning point life will have, but life always has unexpected turning points.

One day, it was very cold.On the way back to the small rental house after get off work, someone called my name from behind.The yelling was very small, and the people who yelled were not sure if they were calling me.I turned around and what I saw was the person who shocked me.

"Wang Xiaodong, it's really you!"

Still in an unbelievable trance, Wang Caixia walked towards me with a miserable smile, yes, this person is Wang Caixia, it is absolutely true, Wang Caixia!

"It's really you!" Like me, she couldn't believe that we could meet by chance in such a big city.She came closer to me.I saw that her appearance and temperament had changed, she had become old and lost her vitality, as if she had gone through ups and downs, suffered an accident in her life, and suffered indescribable blows, and she no longer had the youthful spirit of a young girl.

"Why are you here!" We couldn't hide our surprised faces.I thought she was in her hometown, enjoying a loving family life with Luo Feng.Unexpectedly, she would appear alone on the streets of the city.He also looked pitifully defeated, which made people feel distressed.

She took a deep breath, showing that there was too much pain to put into words.Deliberately showing a smile on his face, but the tears were disobedient, and immediately fell into the eye sockets, and finally dripped down.

"Where's Luo Feng!" I couldn't help asking.Wang Caixia lowered her head, finally cried out, and squatted on the ground with her head in her arms.The sound is sad and heartbreaking!

Feeling bad, this kind of bad thoughts are running back and forth throughout the whole body, especially keenly separating flesh and blood, dividing tendons, as if about to fall into hell.Something happened to Luo Feng!It is impossible for Wang Caixia to appear for no reason.I can't restrain myself from guessing randomly, guessing in fear!

This woman, she cried for a long time.I never knew she cried so much.The memories she left for me are all happy and disgusting smiling faces.Now that she's crying, I'm still disgusted.I took her to my rented cabin, where it was warmer.She hasn't stopped crying yet, but I feel like I'm going to collapse.

Her body was crumbling, her face was sallow, and her lips were turning black.I knew she might not have eaten all day, so I groped into the kitchen and ordered a bowl of noodles for her.

"Eat something!" I said, I don't know if my voice came out of my throat, it seems that in my world, once grandma and Luo Feng are involved, even if you don't know what happened, you can have a premonition that becomes reality, the sky It collapsed for no reason.

"I'm not hungry!" She finally wiped away her tears, her crying became softer and her body twitched continuously.

She said, I'm finally going to hear her talk about Luo Feng, and I don't know what she will say.

"The money you saved in Luo Feng's card, when Luo Feng went back, he forgot to give it to you. He asked me to give it to your grandma, but your grandma didn't accept it. Luo Feng said, when you come back someday, I will hand it over to you , or let me come to the city to find you and deliver it to you personally!" After she finished speaking, her body twitched.Wipe away tears with the corner of his clothes.

"However, he is seriously ill. It costs money to be hospitalized, which is not a small sum. I will use your money at my discretion. But don't worry, I will pay you back when I earn enough money!"

"What happened later?" I didn't hear any money anymore, I only knew that he was seriously ill.Then, I want to know what happened to him afterwards!

"Then, he died. Just last week, died!"

"Dead?!" The trembling voice was more chilling than standing on the ice blade with bare feet.If it's a lie, I think it's the worst lie in the world.Because at this moment, Luo Feng's voice and smile are vivid; Luo Feng's figure has been standing in my mind for a long time.If this person is dead, already dead, I feel that he will suddenly appear in front of my eyes.Oh, impossible, this is absolutely impossible.How could such a strong man like him be knocked down by a serious illness.

Tears whirled things.A bowl of noodles was still steaming hot, as if it was going to blind my eyes.It hasn't been a year yet, just last month, how could such a thing happen!

"Impossible!" I shook my head and shouted, "Luo Feng can't die!" I wanted Wang Caixia to tell me that she was telling me a big lie.He loves his parents so much, how could he be willing to leave for a distant world!

"He's already buried!" Wang Caixia cried out loudly, her cry was so desolate that it seemed to tear the night sky apart.I had to believe that Luo Feng was really dead.Such a person I loved deeply, who let him go to be happy, died.

"How did you die?" I don't know where I got the strength to ask such a cold question.It feels like many memories have collapsed, and my world has once again plunged into a kind of hopeless darkness.

Wang Caixia said that his voice was trembling uncontrollably, "Luo Feng's brain tissue was damaged due to traumatic brain injury, and he has been suffering from headache, dizziness, weakness of limbs, nausea and retching and other symptoms. He fell down and hit his head on a stone, causing intracranial hemorrhage, and he was unconscious. He was driven to the hospital for a craniotomy, but the operation failed and failed to save his life!"

"Why is this happening!" I tried my best not to believe it, because I fell down.No, I hurriedly asked, "Alright, how could a traumatic brain injury cause brain tissue damage? When did he get injured in the head?"

Wang Caixia paused, blew her nose hard, her eyes were full of hatred, she said, "Do you still remember when he was working on the construction site the year before last, and he was hit by a steel channel on his shoulder? Brain examination, so I didn’t know. He also recalled how nervous and scared you were when you saw him injured. You even shed a lot of tears. He was very moved. He said that besides his parents in this world, you are the first Three who shed tears for him."

"Really!" My tears at this time are nothing.Finally that fear came true, you stayed away from me, us!