through those heavy years

I know what he means. When we get to the door, it doesn't make sense to stop people from coming up to sit.So he said, "Go up and sit down!"

He responded happily, then parked the car and followed me up.

I live on the seventh floor, and the highest floor is the eighth.This seems to be a house specially built for rent. There are many single rooms, as well as one-bedroom, one-bedroom, two-bedroom and one-living suites. I have encountered a family coming out of this house several times. They seem to be mostly migrant workers. , the family rents a house to live together, and life also makes people feel quite harmonious and happy.

"Aren't you there yet?" The fat man was out of breath after climbing the fifth floor.He said, "Xiaodong, why do you live so high up? No wonder the flesh on the buttocks looks so strong!" He and I were half joking.

I said, "It's here!"

I unlock the door with the key and turn on the light.The house is simple and clean, the facilities are the same as when we first moved in, and we didn't buy anything to add decorations.

The fat man said, "This can also live in people!"

I thought to myself, people can live on the construction site, and this house is better than the house in my hometown, so why can't people live in it!

Of course, the fat man is from the city, and he has been used to living in furnished houses since he was a child, and the decoration is magnificent.Of course he didn't know that it would cost one or two hundred a month for this kind of place.This two hundred was a difficult and painful tuition fee when I was studying.

The fat man was exhausted, and he fell onto the bed. The bed was a plank bed, and he almost fell asleep with a creak.

I let him take it easy and leave him alone.He opened the window to let in some air, and there was a sticky sound, so he put on his pants and took a shower first.

When I came out of the shower, my hair was wet.Because I am usually not afraid of the cold, no matter what the weather is, I will habitually wear my upper body and wear a pair of trousers after taking a bath.

The fat man looked at me in a daze.He's gay and I know what he thinks of me.When I saw this, I quickly took a sports coat and put it on, and he was still staring at me intently.I was a little terrified by his stare.

The fat man looked away a little, but looked at me quickly, and said seriously, "Xiaodong has good features and a better figure!"

I toweled my hair and pretended not to hear.The fat man stood up and half-jokingly said: "Xiaodong, you are so tall and handsome, how big is that one?"

I was a little panicked and a little sad at the same time.Hanging the towel on the window, he said falteringly: "I don't have much fun here, it's getting late, shouldn't you go back!"

The fat man stretched his waist, smiled reluctantly and said, "I'm still tired, and I won't be able to recover for a while!"

He continued to look at me, his eyes flickering with dark emotion, and at this moment he must have been filled with a kind of fear of stealing, and when this fear reached a peak, it would turn into courage, without knowing that he had said what come.

"Xiaodong, do you have a girlfriend?" Fatty deliberately let himself speak casually.

"No!" I was also very disturbed in my heart, and I didn't know what to do.He simply sat down at the table, took out his notebook, and planned to write something.The night outside the window is lightly wrapped around people, and the dawn is not known when it will come.

"You still keep a diary!" the fat man asked.

I don't like people saying that I keep a diary.It seems that I am not worthy of writing. "No!" I closed the notebook unnaturally, even if I wanted to read a book.Just sit and spin your pen.

"Come over and have a chat!" The fat man tried to be as calm as possible, and he kept staring at me greedily.

"Sit here and chat!" I was ashamed of my coyness, I shouldn't have been afraid, but I couldn't stop my heart from trembling when I faced the fat man alone.

I tried my best and said, "Aren't you going back?"

The fat man took a good rest and said, "I have nothing to do when I go back, I just happen to be here to accompany you!"

I want to say that I have never been used to being alone, and I don't need anyone to accompany me.Fatty's eyes were already full of desire, and a red color flooded his cheeks.It seems that I finally can't escape, and repay his kindness in a dirty way.I have already felt a spiritual betrayal, and I feel pain and unwillingness for my inner activities to prepare for such a plan.

"Xiaodong!" Fatty knew that I was deliberately avoiding him, he said, "Do I make people feel disgusting!"

When the fat man said this, his eyes were lowered, and a faint sadness was revealed, which made people flustered.Once I fell in love with someone, but there was endless sadness and unexplainable pain.Fatty and I are the same kind of people, and maybe our fate is the same. We are searching hard in the world of love, but after all, it is not our own happiness and belonging.We are full of love, struggling unbearably in our hearts, and we still have nothing to do when we return to the real society.Struggle can only die in the struggle, whoever is serious in the world of love is doomed to be scarred.

I shook my head sadly and didn't answer the fat man's question directly.If he has no evil thoughts towards me, I think he is a very cute and friendly person in my eyes.Perhaps, I can share my sorrows with him, and tell the secrets that only belong to the two of us.

Fatty smiled reluctantly, under such lighting, in such a space.He seems to be a person who has nothing to hide, and all the secrets are captured clearly.

He said, finally turned from fear and pain into courage, "I'm gay!"

There was silence in the room, sitting at the desk, the calm side face showed that I had foreseen it a long time ago.However, I didn't expect that he was really willing to tell this secret in front of me.How much courage is needed for this, if it were me, I would not be able to open my mouth no matter what, because once I say it, I will feel that I have lost my basic support, and I will collapse in an instant, and I will be unable to face it.I saw the pale face of the fat man, and after speaking out, his fear should also occupy his body again.But he had said it, so he had to go on.

"Xiaodong, you, you, you must not understand what homosexuality is, right? Men like men!"

Fatty's voice was ethereal and unreal, as if the whole world was accompanied by silence, only his voice remained.How can I not know what homosexuality is, maybe I am more hurt than the fat man, who has a deep understanding of homosexuality.

"I know!" His tone was calmer than his, and he turned his head without any expression on his face. Fatty must have been very disturbed when he saw it.I looked at him and said, "Do your parents know you're gay?"

"I don't know!" When he heard me ask him this, his expression became even more flustered, "I am the only son of my parents. If they know that their son is gay, they will definitely feel worse than death, and even kill me!"

Yes, everyone has burdens from loved ones.In the presence of loved ones, sometimes courage is not enough.

"Then don't tell your parents!" I told the fat man, because I know that the fat man is very afraid of losing.He thought about telling his parents what the consequences would be, but he certainly couldn't imagine how serious the consequences would be.I have met his parents. His parents are not the kind of rigid people, and they have already noticed this.When I went to his house for dinner, his father asked me a lot of strange questions, all of which were to inquire about my relationship with Fatty and what abnormal thoughts Fatty had.His father said that if the child has any bad thoughts, he should be coaxed out of the house. He would rather not lose this person than he would.His father said that he has always been very determined. Once the fat man was not good at studying, he broke the fat man's legs. The fat man is in his 20s, and seeing his father is like a mouse seeing a cat.

The fat man said, "Then if I keep hiding it like this, am I cheating my parents?"

I didn't answer the fat man directly, because this is a very complicated question, and I couldn't find the right words to piece it together.From a normal point of view, maybe he is your gay son, and he is like this when you gave birth to him. He can only face his parents with his true self, and the parents can only accept their birth with a calm attitude. The son who came down was gay.He really didn't need to hide anything, because it couldn't tell whose fault it was.And subjectively speaking, as a homosexual, he should not be able to escalate to the level of deception if he conceals his sexual orientation. After all, everyone has their own privacy when they grow up.

I said this to the fat man in a very general way, but the fat man remained silent.Maybe he didn't listen much, maybe he also knew that he couldn't tell his parents.He was just helpless, sighed deeply sadly, and said: "Xiaodong, what do you know, I am in great pain, and I don't even know what it's like to be in love!"

The fat man regards not being in a relationship, or being in love with difficulty, as the most regrettable thing in his life, and he wants to be satisfied with all his heart.That's right, he is at the age when male hormones are erupting, and it is not surprising for him to fall in love.I used to think that loving someone is very important, but then I thought it could be less important.I think it's because my subjective consciousness thinks that I have been in love, and I have been deeply traumatized, so what I directly reflect to myself is that being in love is not so beautiful.Fatty doesn't even know what it's like to fall in love, so I naturally have no right to object to Fatty's eagerness to fall in love.It's just me, I'm afraid it's hard to love.

Fatty is just like I fell in love with Luo Feng just now, he always loves to live in the ocean of fantasy, longing hard.He wants to have a relationship, and he will use all means to have a relationship.

"Xiaodong!" The fat man looked at me with desire, sadness and distress in his eyes, and he said, "You know, because I am fat, no one likes me. No matter who I pursue, it will only make people feel Disgusting. People like me are not worthy of liking!"

"How could it be?" I tried to comfort him, but I knew his inferiority complex was deeply rooted.

"Don't you think!" Fatty's voice revealed an extremely desolate voice, "You dare not sit next to me, because you know that I mean that to you, and you must feel that I am extremely disgusting in your heart!"

Yes, I want to say, it is indeed disgusting.But not because fat people are fat.Maybe anyone approaching me in this way would make me sick.But in this way, I couldn't refuse at the beginning.So I don't say to fat people, I'm disgusting.I think in this society, even if there is no malicious person, it is impossible to be [-]% honest.

"No, don't think about it!" A little discouraged, as powerless and embarrassed as a dim yellow light.

The fat man was silent for a moment, and after a while, he lowered his head and said, "Xiaodong, you are very attractive. I like a boy like you very much. When I am alone in bed at night, when I think of you, I feel very Happiness. Even if it is a secret love, there is a taste of happiness!"