through those heavy years

In the last two months before the college entrance examination, I left school suddenly and unexpectedly, completely ending the bumpy and difficult road to study.It is difficult to say why this is so, and perhaps many things have no reason in themselves.With such a fate, it is doomed not to be able to complete the last journey of the three years of high school, and will eventually leave permanent regrets in life.

It was two months before the college entrance examination, and it was the day of returning to school after the holiday.Early in the morning, the classroom was full of classmates. I came to the classroom, and as usual, I sat quietly in my seat and studied some exercises.From the moment I entered the classroom, I found that I was the focus again.Many classmates looked at me evasively with unfriendly and doubtful eyes.The squad leader's eyes were dark and deep, which made people feel uneasy.I always knew that the monitor hated me, hated me.It’s just that I didn’t know at the time that he hated me so much that he could take revenge on me, punish me, and annihilate me with a thing that was enough to suffocate me and make my soul fly away.He hates that once I seize the opportunity, I won't let it go. I must humiliate me so much that I feel ashamed that life is worse than death.Although some people are only seventeen or eighteen years old, their bad thoughts are actually very sophisticated.He has enough ability to do many things of death, and he has enough courage to destroy a person with a cold heart.

He stood on my left side, as if the principal was going to expel me and he came to inform me, standing on my left side with an arrogant expression.He spoke in a playful tone, with full confidence, and said some words that I will never forget. He said: "Don't you skip class, don't you go begging with your grandma! If you don't go, who will help your grandma get it?" Shout out of that broken bowl!"

As soon as the words were finished, the classroom roared with laughter.For a moment, I felt countless sharp knives raging in my heart like a wind blowing sand, no matter if they were non-existent or not, this has already made my face pale without a trace of blood.

"What did you say?!" The words burst out from my chest, blunt and cold.The classroom seemed to be plunged into darkness, surrounded by miserable ghosts.

"I said!" He saw my discomfort and was very happy in his heart, "You are studying with the money your grandma begged, no wonder you have to work hard."

"Who said my grandma is begging, don't spit blood, be careful I will kill you!" He stood up, the veins on his forehead popped out, and his clenched fist made a crisp sound of bones.

He took half a step back, not to be threatened by me, adjusted his breathing, and said with a sneer, "You don't know that your grandma is begging. You begged to my house yesterday. The head teacher asked your grandma to come to school before, and I have seen it several times. Come back, you won’t admit your mistake!”

Beg, beg!These two words are like a deadly killer, cramping my bones when the knife hits the ground.I still remember the scene where my uncle and aunt picked up the broken bowl and handed it to grandma. It was my eternal nightmare of suffocating pain.In the end, grandma picked up the broken bowl and chose to beg for her grandson.Oh, no wonder, no wonder she was away from home all day, several pairs of shoes were worn out, and her legs were swollen and rotten from walking for a long time; no wonder she was vague when asked about her work, and told me to leave it alone; no wonder I wanted to go to work. Looking for it, but still can't find the small light bulb factory.I also foolishly thought it was in a very hidden place.Now, I understand that all these unusual signs have only now been fully realized.Grandma has been begging since she was not at home.

The whole person was chilling, his stomach was churning and he wanted to vomit, his head was dizzy and his breathing was blocked, and tears came out of his eyes!

The squad leader was still sneering, he succeeded, and successfully retaliated against me severely.

"Nonsense, fart!" I yelled, gathering all my strength into my fist, and punched the squad leader hard in the face.He was half a head taller than me, and I punched him to the ground unsuspectingly, with blood spilling from the corner of his mouth.

Once I get angry, it's easy to lose my humanity.There is no way for others to fight back.I raised my foot and kicked him like rain, "My grandma didn't beg, my grandma didn't beg, my grandma didn't beg!" I yelled and kicked, how could my grandma beg? , I want to kick this person who slandered my grandma everywhere, he is too bad, he is the devil.

The classroom was in chaos, and some girls hugged together in fright.A few boys walked over in a whisper, trying to pull me away, but they didn't have enough strength at all.He lay on the ground and was kicked by me so painfully.Seeing that he was about to be kicked to death by me, a group of male classmates rushed up and subdued me.With tears in my eyes, I broke free and ran out.

It's sunny outside and the breeze blows cool.But the world before my eyes is dark and cruel; my body is cold and numb.Grandma, you are begging for me, are you going to make me ashamed for the rest of my life, and put me in a place where there will be no redemption for the rest of my life!Grandma, your grandson never needs you to do this, he just wants you to be well, so that he can feel less blame and heartache for you.You don't know how important you are in his heart, and the meaning of life is endless.

Grandma, grandma, you make me neither love nor hate.Today, if I lose my mind and go crazy, I will definitely find you and stop you from begging for me again.Your love is too heavy, tell me how to bear it.

She was begging at the squad leader's house yesterday, and she should continue begging in several nearby villages today.Before fishing and hunting pheasants, I traveled all over the mountain roads with a radius of hundreds of miles.Know what village is where, and where the squad leader's home is.The hateful thing is that I have traveled so many roads before, but I never met my grandma.If you meet during the period, you won't be ridiculed.

Tears were lying on his face, and it was almost dusk.I didn't eat lunch, and searched through several villages, but still couldn't find my grandma.I don't ask people, I don't give them a chance to look at me humiliatingly.

Go to the farther villages, where the mountain roads are steep and the rivers are winding.There are deep forests, rugged and remote.This is how my grandma went to such a remote place to beg despite the stubborn leg disease and endured the pain.While hating her, he began to feel sorry for her.It doesn't matter whether you read the book or not, does Fei have to risk his life to beg for the money.Thinking so, I should resist ruthlessly and drop out of school early.

Step by step into this remote and dilapidated village, the village is full of cow dung and pig dung pits.Some people live in mud houses, and some people still live in houses whose walls have been knocked down halfway, not sheltering them from wind and rain.How much money can be begged for such a village that seems to need help from others!I didn't fall into an alley or door, and finally found my grandma at the door of a family at the end of the village who didn't look poor.She was just as I had imagined, holding a broken bowl, begging in a low voice and humbly.The image of her begging is easy to be pitied, she is as thin as a mouse, her waist is bent, her head is about to touch her knees; her eyes are cloudy but full of tears all the time, just looking at someone can win you a lot sympathy.But even so, in this indifferent age, she still has to suffer countless rolls of eyes and saliva.At this time, grandma stretched out the bowl, looked at the male owner of the house with compassionate eyes, and tried to beg for some rice.The male host was very unhappy, and immediately looked disgusted.Grandma bent down for a long time before he straightened his clothes. Impatiently, as if he was sending a beggar, he grabbed some rice and put it in grandma's broken bowl. Don't come here. People beg for it every day, so my rice just fell from the sky!"

Seeing this, I hit the dirt wall with my fist, and the back of my fist was painfully bleeding.My grandma nods to say thank you after being ridiculed.She was ridiculed and raped like this every day, for an unknown how long.My heart couldn't take it anymore, as if I was being scratched and scratched.My anger is like a monstrous sea, about to burst from my chest.The madness like a wild beast, roaring and tearing, the whole person has already ran over.With all my strength, I grabbed the dirty and tattered bowl, including the bowl and rice, and threw it at the self-righteous man.

"Who's the fucking bastard who cares about your rice!" His face was purple, his breath was like a storm, tears were streaming down his face, and his lips were bitten and bleeding.

Grandma was caught off guard, and when she saw it was me, she was stunned.I snatched a bag of rice from my grandma and threw it at the man.

"Here, it's all rice. Kill you bastards!"

The man hid in the house, pointed at me and called me crazy, telling me to get out.

I picked up a brick and rushed up, "Who are you yelling at? You bastard has the ability to swear again!" The man saw that I was serious, so he quickly closed the door.He closed the door and yelled at the mad dogs and wild dogs.I didn't let him go, kicked his door wildly, and smashed it with a brick.

Grandma panicked and pulled me hard, crying and calling my name.There are already some adults and children around.

Grandma cried loudly, shaking her legs angrily, "Xiaodong, what are you doing, stop making trouble!" She blocked her whole body in front of me, crying until the sky was dark.His thin and stooped body swayed.

I was afraid of hurting her and told her to go away.She pushed me, trying to keep me from the gate.With an almost pleading tone, he said: "Xiaodong, are you still my good grandson? Don't you listen to grandma's words?"

Good grandson!Ever since I was a child, am I your good grandson?No, I'd rather not be your good grandson.In this way, you don't have to go to other places and bow your head to beg for me every day.

I said, throwing the brick on the ground, "I'm not your grandson!"

The sun faded and was swallowed by the night, and the fallen leaves drifted away with the wind.A crooked road with no end in sight, a mottled tree that has lost its brilliance, just like a scarred and bloody heart.What is it that surrounds me completely.Don't let me sleep, don't let me breathe, like ants in a frying pan, struggling and suffering.It's fate, it's ruthless fate, you want to knead me into a ball and play with it between your palms to your heart's content!

After running all the way back to the village, I didn't want to go home, so I sat in the woods for three days and three nights, not letting my grandma find it, not letting anyone find it.Sitting quietly, thinking quietly, tears slipped down the face from time to time, seeping into the rotting leaves, rendering a sad atmosphere.The college entrance examination has finally become ridiculous, and life is full of shadows. What to do in the future is a question that is forced to think about.

When I got home, my grandma was already worried.When he saw me, he burst into tears and came forward to talk to me.I knew she would shed tears, but how few tears did she shed?Ignoring it, he walked straight to the room, closed the door tightly, and lay down on the bed with his head covered.

Teacher Zhou came to my house, knocked on the door for a long time, and talked a lot.She said that grandma chose to take this step for my own good.I hope that I can appreciate my grandma's hard work and cheer up to meet the college entrance examination.

I don't like to hear such words, I don't want the college entrance examination.I yelled to ask Teacher Zhou to leave, why couldn't I drop out of school early like others, why did I have to face the college entrance examination.Well, let me tell you, I will hate the gaokao for the rest of my life.

Time slipped away without a sound, and Teacher Zhou didn't know when to leave.I sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the dark walls covered with cobwebs in a daze, several pieces of yellow paper on the windows had fallen off, and the pale moonlight shone in, making the surroundings indifferent.Everything is so boring, so okay, I choose to give up, in the deepest love, the most ruthless way to give up.

The next day, the spring breeze brought coolness, thousands of miles of white clouds.I packed my luggage, walked out of the room, ate the breakfast my grandma prepared for me, and said, "I'm leaving!"

Grandma was very happy for me to walk out of the room. Seeing me gobble up the meal, she felt even more comforted.Until I said, I'm leaving.With a vigilant look, she asked me tentatively, "Are you going to school?"

Looking at grandma, her face was haggard, and her eyes were full of yellow and bloodshot eyes.

"No, I'm going to work outside!"

"You are going to work!" Her tears flowed down, and all hopes were wiped out.All of a sudden, she felt that her soul seemed to be taken away, and she was about to die.This is the last time I see her crying tears.

My departure is like a broken kite, resolutely.

Volume [-]: Love is as deep as the sea, always unsatisfactory