the other side of the fireworks

Graduated, faster than expected, not as exciting as imagined.Without Jie Chu's help, Xu An moved like an ant, and she already got a driver's license, drove her uncle's taxi, and moved quickly in three days.Xia Fengshu's novels were stuffed into a cardboard box among a large pile of novels. Xu An sealed the box tightly. She believed that she would not open these novels to read them within three to five years.

Compared to other students who threw away their helmets and armor, Xu An left school calmly.

What puzzled her was that her aunt didn't ask her and Jiechu any questions. After so long, it was impossible for her aunt not to see the problem.Don't ask if you don't ask, even Xu An didn't bother to think about it, she didn't realize that she had changed and became very lazy.I'm too lazy to look like a different person.It's not that my aunt didn't see the problem, but she didn't find the right time to ask the question.

Wearing a pair of trousers to work for three days in a row, either stepping on time or being a few minutes late, not submitting reports without urging, and not answering the phone until it rang four or five times.This is not the work performance that a newcomer should have. The director of the office talked to her once, and Xu An accepted the criticism sincerely.The reason is simple, she has no intention of giving up life.The director said to let her prepare for the CPA exam first, and the business will give her less.Xu An was flattered that a fresh graduate could receive such preferential treatment, and felt that this firm was run by his own family.It was later learned that Jiechu's father was one of the partners.Having been in love with Jiechu for so long, Xu An really hasn't inquired about his family's situation.All I know is that Jiechu's mother and aunt are friends.Such low-efficiency relationship information is rare. It can be said that Jie Chu is low-key, or Xu An is indifferent.Xu An's life circle and life attitude don't really need such information as an arm, she doesn't like to brag, she just likes to laugh silently.Self-cultivation made her temper look good, and the most depraved thing she said was to Xia Fengshu.The strange thing is that when thinking of Xia Fengshu, Xu An would think of the things he said that hurt her deliberately, why did he do that and attack her works?The answer was lurking in Xu An's heart, ready to come out.Until one day, Xu An saw a homosexual news on the Internet, the content was not important, the important thing was the word homosexuality, so she frantically searched for everything about homosexuality.

She wants an answer.

For the CPA exam, Xu An didn't enter the exam room. She didn't do well in the exam and didn't want to take the exam.She bought a bottle of Coke and sat on the side of the street. She was very thirsty, her stomach was on fire, and the Coke was very cold. After drinking it, her stomach hurt and tears flowed out. Her vision was hazy, but her heart was clear.

The aunt was furious, the reason is not hard to guess, Xu An did not take the exam.

"What's the matter with you, love is not good, and you don't even try."

"It's not necessarily related."

"You tell me what's wrong with you? Broken love? In the past two months or so, you've been acting abnormally, ignoring everyone, doing things carelessly, and being lazy all day long. I didn't tell you, I thought you were under a lot of pressure from exams. Too old to take the exam? Xu An, you have to make it clear to me."

"I'm not ready, and I won't pass the exam." Xu An said honestly.

"What's going on with Jiechu?"

Xu An pursed his lips and did not speak.

"His parents are very satisfied with you, Xiao'an, his family is rich and powerful, his parents are reasonable, and they respect our family very much. If it weren't for his father's help, how could your cousin go to Australia so smoothly! The matter between you and Jiechu For sure, I will go abroad to settle down in the future. Do you know?"

Xu An shook his head.

"I knew that Jiechu wouldn't tell you these things. It's hard to find such a simple and honest child, and he treats you wholeheartedly. Why are you picky?"

Xu An lowered her head, she had nothing to say.

Seeing this, my aunt said, "Why don't I find a step for you, and invite Jie Chu to come over for dinner tomorrow. No matter what happens, just smile at him, and Jie Chu will definitely take the initiative to reconcile."

Xu An shook his head quickly, "No, no, let me handle my affairs."

"How do you deal with it!" Auntie's voice rose an octave.

Xu An thought for a while and said, "I'm not suitable for him."

"Why are you so annoying, kid." Aunt pushed Xu An's head, "I'll call your grandma."

"Auntie, don't call grandma, I don't want her to worry about me."

"If you don't want to call grandma, you can call Jiechu, you choose."

"Auntie, don't force me, I'm also very troubled."

"Xiao'an, the opportunity is fleeting, aunt is doing it for your own good." The aunt stared at Xu An while holding the phone.

"Give me some more time."

The aunt didn't give her time. The next day, when Xu An got off work, Jie Chu and Jie Chu's mother were sitting in the living room. Jie Chu was watching TV while his mother was whispering to her aunt.When Xu An first came here to study, he met Jiechu's mother once, but he didn't leave a deep impression on her. She has a name but no image in Xu An's heart.

To say that Jie Chu's reserved personality is a bit like his mother's. It stands to reason that the relationship is so familiar and they have been in love for so long that they would not meet today. Jie Chu's mother even deliberately avoided meeting Xu An outside Jie Chu's home. From Xu An's point of view, there was really no need.

The aunt made an introduction, Xu An greeted her politely, Jiechu's mother looked her up and down, and said in standard Mandarin: "I must be busy at work."

Xu An smiled as a response.My aunt asked her to change clothes, giving her time to adjust.Xu An didn't look at Jiechu before returning to his room.The aunt said in a low voice: "Xiao'an, I have given you enough face."

While changing clothes, Xu An thought about how to return this face.

My uncle is busy in the kitchen alone, and my aunt usually cooks too, but when guests come to the house, my uncle has to cook, and my uncle is very good at cooking.Every time I have a conflict with my aunt, I usually cook a good meal to reconcile.Xu An thinks this is a good idea. Putting apology and tolerance into delicious food is more meaningful than trying to figure out a suitable sentence.Xu An also likes to cook, and occasionally learns from her uncle. My uncle said that she is talented, and a cook must have a good temper, and the food is delicious and easy to digest.

Sitting in the living room, Xu An finally took a look at Jie Chu, who was staring at the TV, wondering what he was thinking.His mother was talking to his aunt, Xu Angan sat for a while, then got up to help his uncle.

The kitchen was hot, and the sweaty uncle had a towel on his shoulders and was busy working on his specialty dish, fish with pickled cabbage.

Just as Xu An was about to speak, her aunt pulled her out and pushed her and Jie Chu into her bedroom.

Jiechu said, "That's not what I meant."

Xu An said, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry." Xu An said leaning on the table.

"I understand." Jie Chu's big eyes were no longer gentle, they had been filled with sadness for too long, and they burst out with powerful anger. "You gave up on me not because I want to get married and live together, but because you don't love me at all."

"No, it's not that I don't love." Xu An became weak, and she found that she still couldn't say it.

"I would like to give you some more time."

"No, I can't have this time."

"Tell me, what is the problem?"

Xu An's lips moved, unable to speak.Jie Chu kissed him, so powerful that Xu An had no room to struggle.But Xu An didn't give up struggling until Jie Chu let her go, she looked at Jie Chu fixedly and said: "I'm in love with someone else." After saying this, she felt a train rumbling past in her mind .Xu An didn't know how Jiechu got out of this room. She kept recalling the words she said just now, like a drop of ink dripping on the rice paper, and it faded away. The picture hidden in her heart gradually unfolded. Black, white, pink, the shadows that had been swaying in the subconscious all stopped, from blurred to clear.She wiped her lips, missing the other man's kiss crazily.

Jiechu left without eating, but his mother ate a meal calmly.

Xu An didn't eat or taste, and the speed and posture of chopsticks were back to the best state.The puzzled aunt asked Xu An what happened after sending Jiechu's mother away.

Xu An said: "It's impossible for me and Jiechu."

The aunt reported the matter to grandma, after all, it was not her child, and her strictness had to be supported by the old lady.As long as the old lady agrees, my aunt is going to take more severe measures to facilitate this marriage.

Grandma decided to come.

Xu An quit his job and drove his uncle's taxi to pick up his grandma.Auntie was so angry that her seven orifices were filled with smoke, like the fish that had been frozen for half a month in the refrigerator suddenly came alive, but the fish in the fish tank died, it was very confusing.After four years of smooth sailing, the boat capsized suddenly when it was about to achieve a positive result.The aunt thinks that losing Jiechu means losing the future, and there is no road that will be smoother and smoother than this one. She doesn't understand and can't accept Xu An's change.

The cold war has lasted for nearly a month, and my aunt is holding back her energy just waiting for grandma to come.

Xu An's life is difficult. If she insists on breaking up, what she wants is peace.In the past few months, she has been too tired.Holding the answer that I dare not open, there are many contradictions.Such a day is really a tragedy. I dare not face others, not even myself.

'My life may not be perfect, at least to be clear. In the end, Xu An said this to himself.

Grandma came, and the 72-year-old grandma took a plane for the first time. She said that she would never take this thing again when she walked home.

Xu An felt very sorry. If it wasn't for him, grandma wouldn't have come all the way.The seriousness of the problem does not lie in this hard work, Xu An knew what she was going to face.

After eating, my aunt couldn't wait to talk. Xu An sat on the bench and watched her aunt's mouth open and close quickly. It must be that the cold war this month has increased her vital capacity to an unprecedented height. What Xu An dislikes is not what she wants to say. , but the timing of her words, can't she see that grandma is tired?Grandma was rubbing her fingers while drinking tea. She has rheumatoid and her right knuckles have been severely deformed.Xu An was like sitting on an anvil, but he couldn't stop his aunt from talking.

After the aunt finished speaking, grandma rubbed her fingers, her eyes half-closed, "It's over, let your mother sleep for a while."

"Mom, I'm so anxious, why don't you take it seriously."

"You are impatient and can teach well? What can't you say tomorrow? You don't have to be so anxious to reincarnate."

The aunt was speechless and stared at Xu An, Xu An accepted everything with a smile, after all, the incident happened because of her.She wants to listen to Hou Fa, but she won't let her be manipulated.

Sleeping next to grandma, Xu An was very disturbed. She knew she couldn't show grandma the answers. What she found out was the truth that grandma couldn't accept. The compromise was to hide half of it.

Xia Fengshu exists in the memories, and Xu An has sorted out her messed up life one by one. They broke up. Xu An admitted that subconsciously, she was looking forward to this ending, so she would say the words that led to the breakup that day.She couldn't accept Xia Fengshu's theory, making her love life a shady secret with a game-like nature.

Xu An wanted to live a peaceful life, without any debt or hiding.

She hopes to fall in love with another person in a few years, and she hopes to fall in love with a man.She doesn't want to be gay. If it's true, she accepts it. If she can change it, she will try to change it.

This is how Xu An looks at her future. Whenever she thinks like this, Xia Fengshu's appearance will become blurred, otherwise her face will disturb Xu An's sight all the time.It's hard to relax thinking about her. Whenever it reaches a peak, Xu An uses the pressure from his aunt and grandma to relieve the unbearable heartache.

Early the next morning, Xu An helped her grandma get dressed. Grandma's rheumatoid disease made it take her more than half an hour to get up every day.Grandma said: "Xiao'an, tell grandma, what is the reason?"

"I, like someone else." Xu An didn't dare to look up at grandma.

"what kind of person?"

"It's just Grandma, I won't be with her, don't ask."

"Like someone you can't like?"

Xu An nodded.

Grandma said: "If someone gets married, we can't be the third party. There are plenty of good men in the world. Don't destroy her."

"Grandma, I won't."

"That's good, Xiao'an, we can't do immoral things, you say you, you want to look good, you want to have a degree, you can't find what you are looking for!"

"I know grandma."

"It's reasonable for your aunt to be anxious. You are not allowed to play your temper with her, and you can't hold her grudges in your heart."

"I haven't, and I don't want to make my aunt angry, but I can't..."

"You really don't like Jie Chu?"

"Yeah." Xu An looked at grandma firmly.

Grandma asked her aunt: Did you find the house I asked you to find for Xiao An?

Aunt: I found a few, but I'm not in a hurry. I have a place here. Besides, if she and Jiechu reconcile, Jiechu's house will be ready long ago.

Grandma: It's two different things. Hurry up and buy Xiao'an's house.

Aunt: Mom, what do you say about Jiechu?

Grandma: Xiao An said she doesn't like her anymore, so don't force her. A woman needs to find someone she likes in this life.

Aunt: Why don’t you like it? Who does Jiechu like?

Grandma: Don't meddle in it, let her decide for herself, whether it will be good or not in the future is her own business.

Aunt: Mom, you don't know how good Jiechu's house is. It's not easy to find such a good family these days. I also think that Xiao'an is doing well. After passing this village, there will be no such shop.

Grandma: No matter how good she doesn't like it, what should I do? Don't worry about the emperor and eunuchs, the marriage is destined.I didn't agree with you when you got married, and you got married anyway, and I haven't heard you say anything bad over the years.

My aunt said I don't care about Xu An anymore, my grandma said I don't care, and I didn't let you care about it in the past four years.These words hurt my aunt's self-esteem. In the past few years, grandma has provided Xu An with two thousand a month for living expenses, and will also remit Xu An's pocket money. It can be said that I didn't eat and spend anything on my aunt, so I didn't care if this remark hurt my aunt. ears.It was the first time Xu An saw his aunt crying, so he hurriedly stepped forward to comfort him. His aunt patted Xu An on the shoulder, "Xiao An, I love you for nothing!"

Grandma sat aside silently, Xu An said: "Auntie, I know you are good to me, and I don't want to disappoint you. I'm sorry to make you sad."

"I don't care." Aunt waved her hands and went back to her room.

Xu An turned to look at grandma, she was helpless, obviously she messed up the matter, she broke aunt's heart.

Grandma said: "It's okay, you don't have to worry about the adults."

"Grandma, thank you."

Grandma has prominent cheekbones and a straight nose. She smiles like an old witch in a fairy tale. She is not really a kind old lady. However, in Xu An's eyes, grandma is so smart and kind, "Xiao An, grandma also thinks you Auntie is right. Adults must look farther than children and think things more carefully. There is only one reason why grandma supports you. I saw another Xu An on this trip, not my original granddaughter. You won’t laugh anymore, the whole time Tian has a lot of things on her mind, and grandma is worried about this, no matter how good the conditions are, what a good man, if he can't make my granddaughter laugh, he is not the best."

"Grandma..." Tears welled up in his eyes, as if a nail had been pulled out of the flesh, Xu An felt great pain in the numbness, and tears rolled from the pain.

"Don't cry, grandma is here, grandma supports you, grandma wants to see you happy."

Xu An fell on grandma's lap and cried, "Grandma, what should I do..."

"You can do whatever you want. There is no river that cannot be crossed. In any case, you can't destroy others, and you can't do anything if you are wronged. You are still young, and there will be a like-minded person. We will fall in love and get married openly. Don't worry, grandma will Let you get married in a glorious manner."

Xu An's mouth was bitter, but the tears disappeared.