juvenile journey

Yes, keep cheering.And when Ning scored a goal, he always looked towards me.Later I found out that Yan was sitting not far behind me. I didn't notice her, but she spotted me during the midfield.It turned out that Ning's powerful eyes were not for me.

I am sad.Looking up, I met Xiaoyang who had just scored a goal, looking at me with fiery eyes, and then he made a V.Seeing his innocent and straightforward smile, I happily made a V comparison.

In the end, our school won.Xiaoyang and the others cheered and hugged each other. I stood up and prepared to leave first.When I just turned around, I felt that someone picked me up and rushed out of the field.

"How about Xiao Su, I won, you invite me to dinner!" It was Xiaoyang.I was carried by him, and I couldn't look back, but I could feel that there were many gazes behind us, and one of them was burning, maybe it was Ning's.

That day, I decided to go out with Xiaoyang and go out to High together. We ate Malatang, BBQ, seafood, and I drank beer... I ate a lot, until I was in a bad mood. All got out.I've never seen Xiaoyang so happy before. When I said that I really didn't expect him to be so powerful, he was so happy that he directly fished me over, saying that I only knew how powerful he is now.

By the time we got back to the dormitory, it was past eleven o'clock.But I wasn't in the mood to sleep at all, maybe because I drank some wine, I was still a little dizzy.Then at this time, a gust of wind blew into the dormitory, and a force pulled me out.When we got out of the dormitory, the lights in the hallway were already turned off, so I couldn't see who it was until we reached the balcony at the end of the hallway and the moonlight shone down, so I could see clearly that the person opposite was Ning.

"Can you hang out with Xiaoyang all day long?"

"What?" I didn't react, Ning was silent, and I came back to my senses, "Why? Are you out of your mind, jealous of my relationship with Xiaoyang?"

Wine is really a good thing, usually I don't talk to Ning like that.

"My mind is clearer than yours now." Ning smiled wryly.My head is dizzy, but my thoughts are very clear. I think Ning is a bit abnormal tonight, and there must be something behind it that I don't know.

"Then you say that?"

Ning didn't answer, and was silent for a long time.When I found that Ning didn't intend to answer, I got a little impatient.

"He's gay." Ning said calmly, clenched his fists.

"What?" I was startled.

"He's gay, so don't hang out with him all day..."

I interrupted Ning directly, "What about you?"

"I..." Ning didn't expect me to ask him that, and then he puffed up his chest, "Of course I'm normal."

"I mean, then you still play with Xiaoyang all day, why can't I?" I didn't intend to let Ning say the answer he just said, but I heard what I didn't want to hear the last time, obliterating Everything I've thought about in the past.

"I didn't..." Ning was a little flustered, and she had that innocent expression again.

"That's fine, I don't care, why are you in a hurry for me." I turned my head, left such a sentence, and walked straight to my dormitory.

The balcony behind me fell into silence again.But I knew that Ning was looking at me, he must have something to say, but he didn't stop me.

Before the final exam, I changed my previous state of playing crazy with them.I just spent every day in the classroom and didn't go to the library.The mobile phone is also turned off so that no one can find me, I really need to clean up.Xiaoxi was very loyal enough to review with me.After the exam, we all breathed a sigh of relief, and then, it was my birthday.I also only called a few boys from our dormitory and the dormitory next door.

After the KTV frenzy, it was very late for us to return to the dormitory in a daze.Then I saw Ning standing at the door of the dormitory. The boys in our class said hello and went upstairs first.Then Ning directly pulled me away, who was dizzy, and ran wildly to the back garden of the living area. At this time, it was very cold outside, and the cold wind poured into my chest. I couldn't breathe when he pulled me to a stop angry.

"Is it your birthday today? Why didn't you tell me?" I raised my head and met Ning's hurt eyes.I think it's a bit ridiculous, why does he have such an expression, compared to the days when I felt uncomfortable because of him, I just didn't contact him these days, it's nothing compared to it.And I did it for my own sake, and by the way, for his own good too.Because the two mutual feelings between me and him are not equal.Do you have to tell me?

I haven't recovered my breath yet, so I didn't answer him.

Seeing that I didn't answer him, he directly pulled me over and hugged me in his arms. I was frightened and pushed him away instinctively.In the end, what greeted me was a burst of suffocation.

Ning is kissing me.

I came to my senses and felt that the world was quiet at that moment.The scene of him and Yan together suddenly flashed in front of my eyes, and the rejection in my heart surged up, so I pushed him away again and kicked him directly.

"You are sick!"

"Yes! I'm sick!" I kicked him hard, Ning supported the tree next to him, frowned but still smiled.

I burst into tears, probably from hiding emotions lately so that they were so full that they were now overflowing and exploding.

I don't understand why he treats me like this, always giving me a little and not giving me a little. He will definitely return to Yan's side tomorrow.Is he pity me?My mind was in such a mess that I was close to breaking down.

Ning didn't say anything, and limped closer, reaching out his hand to wipe my tears.

"What the hell are you bullying Xiao Su, come at me if you have the ability!" I heard a roar, and then I saw Ning being thrown to the ground.For a while, I felt like I was being carried up by someone.It's Xiaoyang.

My tears fell harder.

Xiaoyang took me a long way before letting me go. "Xiao Su, please don't cry, I feel very uncomfortable when you cry."

I immediately hugged Xiaoyang and cried aloud.Then Xiaoyang didn't say anything, just patted my back and hugged me even tighter.

After my emotions passed, Xiaoyang let me go, pulled me down and sat on a bench by the street.Fearing that I would catch cold, he took off his down jacket and put it on for me again, my sight blurred again.

"What's the matter, why are you crying again?" Xiaoyang was a little anxious, at a loss for what to do, and pulled me into his arms again.

I can't say, I can't say that I regret liking Ning, I can't say, why don't I like Xiaoyang in front of me.How nice Xiaoyang is, if I fall in love with him, I really won't have any troubles.Those things that made me aggrieved will no longer exist.In fact, it would be great if I didn't know Ning. When I had a crush on him back then, it was just a rational crush buried in my heart. There would never be so many things like today.

"Actually, Ningdu told me last night that he found out that I like you, and he told me to stay away from you. He said that you like girls."

"He's a bastard!" I roared with a trembling voice, but the voice became a little muffled in Xiaoyang's arms.

"So I thought, it's better not to disturb you in the future. But today, he found you and made you cry. I thought, I must be by your side, otherwise, when you are sad, no one will accompany you What should I do when I'm around?" Xiaoyang said softly.

Hearing this, I struggled to get out of Xiaoyang's arms, then raised my head to meet his eyes.

"I know he must have said, let me leave you, or said something to stimulate you and make you feel uncomfortable. Forgive me for beating him just now. I was really anxious at that time."

"It's okay. Xiaoyang, you are right." I straightened my thoughts, thought for a while, and said it out, "Although I like him."

"So you..." Xiaoyang opened his eyes wide, as if he knew that I liked boys, and was a little surprised, but because of the person I liked, his eyes dimmed again, "So I was a step late."

"Xiaoyang." I looked at him.

"En." Xiaoyang raised his head and smiled wryly.

"Xiaoyang."

"Well, I'm here."

"Why don't I like you?"

"Hey." Xiaoyang smiled, then paused, "Then can you give me a chance to make you like me?"

"I can't guarantee that." I responded half-jokingly.Although I really want to accept Xiaoyang, instead of accepting the intentional or unintentional torture of a person I like, it is better to accept the care of a person who likes me.But I feel that I cannot do irresponsible things.This is my bottom line.

Since it was so late, the dormitory would definitely be closed.Xiaoyang and I stayed in a standard room for one night in a nearby express hotel. When I opened the window, I found that the noodle shop opposite the hotel was the noodle restaurant that Ning took me to last time.At this moment, I still can't calm down.

When I walked out with Xiaoyang the next day, I found that Ning was in the noodle shop opposite, eating breakfast slowly, a little dazed.He saw us, and Xiaoyang saw him too.Xiaoyang held my hand very warmly, and I shook his hand back.

Ning looked more and more disappointed. He smiled at us and left without even finishing breakfast.

My heart twitched, and I felt tears coming up again.I don't know what's wrong with me.Maybe I realized how much I like Ning, and maybe I also realized that Ning and I really missed each other.

Once for one semester, I fell in love with him secretly, and for another semester, I fell in love with him thoroughly again, and for the past six months, I got close to him and stayed with him, but incidentally let him go away from me.

I went home on vacation, Xiaoyang sent me to the train.I didn't see Ning's figure in the waiting room.

Soon after I got home, it was Chinese New Year time, I hung up my phone every day, only Xiaoyang was there all the time, he always told me about his affairs, and he told me all the interesting things.I know that Ning is expecting me to give him a chance.But I found that what I have been looking forward to is the lighting of Ning's head.But never.

When it comes to Chinese New Year, I have been looking forward to it with a bit of shame, and Ning will give me a message, even a mass message.but none.

I don't know how I endured it, I sent a message to everyone, but I didn't send it to Ning.Even if he and I are in the same place, even if we have many opportunities to celebrate the New Year together.

I know I'm screwed.There is no cure.

The holiday was long and sad, but it was finally over.Then in the next semester of my junior year, I could always meet the person I wanted to see on campus, although he didn't see me.Xiaoyang stayed with me all the time, trying to make me happy, even though he looked at my sadness and loss because of another person.I know that the person I am most sorry for is Xiaoyang.

"Xiaoyang, you'd better stay away from me." I didn't dare to look at Xiaoyang's expression, because I couldn't imagine his disappointed expression, "I can't like you, I don't want to keep sorry for you. You shouldn't Hang out with me, with unrequited expectations."

"Xiao Su, you know, this is the most difficult thing, let me ignore you, unless, I forget you, completely forget you." Xiaoyang actually already knew my answer.

"If you like me, just leave me alone, even if it's for your own good." Now I regret giving Xiaoyang hope at that time.

"But you know, for my own good, I want to be closer to you. I can't live without you." Xiaoyang still smiled, sunny and warm.

"Then, it's for my own good." Looking at his smile, I sniffed and said cruelly, "I can't like you."

"Oh. I will." Xiaoyang seemed to show the disappointment on his face that I couldn't imagine before.Those eyes flashed the same heartbreak and sadness as mine at the beginning, but still kept the smile that had warmed me so many times.

After Xiaoyang left, I hid in the dormitory and vented my emotions for a long time. This time, it was because of Xiaoyang.

Because, Xiaoyang is actually another me.

Xiaoyang left my life more completely than Ning.He moved to live outside, and I couldn't see him on campus anymore, and he changed English classes to other classes.I know, it's not that he doesn't want to see me, he should be the one who wants to be with me the most.And he left because I said, I told him to stay away from me.I'm cruel, but I have to.

Many times, I dreamed of Xiaoyang in my dreams.Dreaming of Xiaoyang’s smile, I also miss that one very much, a friend who gave me warmth, that big boy who always has a warm light, the one who likes me.

In fact, as long as I want to see him, it is very simple.But I didn't do it because I was afraid of hurting him.So I stopped looking for him, maybe, he will find another person he likes, and that person will also like him very much.I'm sure it will be soon because I want him to forget me as a bad boy.This bad boy who hurt him deeply.

In my senior year, apart from attending classes at school, I spent the rest of my time looking for things to do.With good grades and the recommendation of the teacher, I found a good internship company and worked all day in order to forget the two people in school who made me unforgettable.One is my favorite person, and the other is my favorite person.

It is said that time can make feelings settle down, but I found that true feelings can never be settled down.It will always be suspended in time, in the air I breathe.Always.

It's been a month since I graduated.My mother called me home for dinner, gave me a big red invitation card, gave me a blank look and said, "You really didn't inherit my advantages."

I opened it and saw that it was Ning's wedding invitation.

The address and time are written on it, as well as a few simple words - please be sure to come to my wedding.

I suddenly felt relieved.Walking into the bedroom, I found out all the things I had when I had a crush on him, and secretly took photos of him: the way he played basketball, the way he studied by himself, the way he was in class, the way he walked on the road...every one They are all so handsome.Also, Ning's homework books left behind when I helped the teacher approve homework... There are many, many of Ning's things... I put them all in a big envelope and mailed them out.

I should return all the things that belonged to Ning.It's just a pity that such a beautiful memory was wet with tears again.

A few days later, I received another envelope.Take it apart and look, there are all my photos inside. I remember, those were my sophomore year, that is, the time when I had a crush on Ning, maybe earlier than that.There are many photos of me sleeping in the study room, and the back of the photos are all the mood written by Ning.He marked me on the back, saying that I am a little pig.

It turned out that at that time, he liked me, earlier than me, really earlier than me.

At the end of the photo, there is a note written by Ning: "Xiao Su. I used to be with Yan because it was arranged by my mother. Later, the night I looked for you, that is, on your birthday, I I broke up with her. I think I can't miss you. You are the person I love most in my life. But you walked with Xiaoyang. When I saw you walking out of the hotel together that day, I only felt heartache. At that time If I were more impulsive, I don't know what I would do. In the past, I liked you no less than you did to me. It's a pity I didn't tell you. In fact, when I was on the train, I wanted to be with you You said it, but you felt it was too abrupt. Later, when you wanted to say it again, you didn’t have the courage and the opportunity. It’s a pity, but it’s been so long now, let’s let it all go. My wedding, you want Come on. You are the one I am most looking forward to seeing."

Tears unconsciously wet the letter paper.The person I liked at the beginning also liked me, but we missed it.To this day, I still can't let go of my feelings for him.In fact, I was just waiting for his appearance, but I didn't expect this to happen.But fortunately, I can see him again. I believe that the most handsome man is when he is a groom.

I want to see the most handsome look of my favorite person.anyway.

On the day of Ning's wedding, I arrived at the venue as scheduled.In the huge auditorium, Ning was the only one.Then he turned around and smiled at me.

I was startled.Ning quickly ran to me, he was indeed the most handsome in the groom's gown.He is much, much handsomer than I remember him.

It wasn't until I was hugged by him that I truly felt that what I saw in front of me was the person I liked the most, the biggest rotten love in my life.

Fortunately, time did not let it completely rot.

Fortunately, none of us escaped, and we are all still waiting for it to open again.

It really opened up again.

The author has something to say: It is said to be the longest one among my short and medium stories in this series.