I Just Came to Borrow a Light

Yuan Wu felt that something was wrong with him these days, and he didn't know if it was because of illness or other reasons.

He has dreams every night, much more frequently than before, and each dream is chaotic and depressing, and he can't remember what it is.

The only thing I remember is sitting in the stern crying.

When he cried, his feelings were very clear and real, although he didn't know why he dreamed that he was crying, and where was the source of the pain.

But after waking up, the crying scene became very blurred again, and I couldn't even feel the real pain anymore.

It's like waking up from a frightening nightmare that often has difficulty retelling it.

Still very irritable.

Yuan Wu walked back and forth on the boat with a cigarette in his mouth. He didn't know what he wanted to do, but he was restless and irritable, like a trapped animal, or locked in a cage and placed in a corner where no one was watching, so lonely and boring.

What happened?

What went wrong?

Datou was beaten by his mother again in the morning because he used a big bucket to pour a whole bag of washing powder at home into it, trying to blow out a big bubble that could cover himself.

His mother beat him very relentlessly, and Datou also howled hard, as if cheering his mother on.

But less than half an hour after the beating, Big Tou ran to his boat again beaming.

"Brother Xiaowu!" Da Tou yelled while clawing at the crack of the door.

Yuan Wu was sitting in the cabin, thinking about whether to eat at noon and whether to eat instant noodles. He had already heard the big head coming, but he was still shocked by the shout and broke out in a cold sweat.

Little afternoon?

When did he tell Datou to call him Xiaowu?

why?

What the hell does the big head call himself?

Is it also called Xiao Wu?

"Little..." Big Tou shouted again, but was quickly interrupted by him.

"Call me uncle from now on." Yuan Wu said.

"Why." Big Head asked.

"No reason." Yuan Wu said.

"But everyone else is uncle." Datou leaned on the window sill, resting his chin on the back of his hand, "I only call you uncle, you don't know who I'm calling."

"Is it just me and not some uncle?" Yuan Wu took out a jelly and tore it open.

"Yeah." The big head's eyes lit up.

"Then you know it's me." Yuan Wu waved.

"Oh!" Datou ran into the cabin and took the jelly.

"Eat slowly, use a spoon," Yuan Wu looked at him, "or you will get stuck."

"Well, I will eat it," Datou scooped up a spoonful of jelly, "Thank you uncle."

"He decided to find his true self...

But where to look, how to look, he has no direction, he just wants to free himself from such endless questions...

He quietly looked at the water surface, that changing, unpredictable face, who is it?you or me……

Some things seem to never have an answer, just like waking up in the middle of the night without finding the reason, the only thing that proves its existence seems to be those strange shadows, those low voices, and those cold fingertips across the skin... …

He wants to tear apart the darkness, roar, question, and shake off all these fears, his endurance is almost reaching the limit..."

It's almost the limit, it's the limit, it's the limit, it's the limit... Yuan Wu pushed the notebook aside, picked up the cup and took a sip of coffee.

When Yuan Wu wrote these words and sentences that seemed to be written before the end, he would feel out of breath.

The horrific supernatural plots in the story and all kinds of weirdness of facing the unknown are not as memorable as writing about the confusion that seems to be talking to oneself.

Almost over.

He bent his legs, buried his face in his knees, and put his head in his hands.

Is it almost over?

end what?

Why are you so scared?

When I saw Lin Chengbu again, it was already a week later, Yuan Wu was sitting on the fool's boat, leaning on the cow's butt that he enjoyed every time he took the boat.

"Where are you going!" Lin Chengbu stood on his boat and shouted to this side.

Yuan Wu looked at him and said nothing, he was too lazy to shout.

The main reason is that he was afraid that the cows behind him would push him into the water.

"How long have you been back!" Lin Chengbu shouted again.

Yuan Wu waved his hand at him, telling him to go back first and don't wait.

But maybe it's because the hands are too non-standard, Lin Chengbu obviously misunderstood his spirit, nodded and began to take off his clothes, and yelled happily: "I'll go there right away!"

"Fuck! Get out!" Yuan Wu roared, and immediately wanted to fly over and hang him on the board of the boat.

The fool laughed while punting the boat.

After a few steps, Lin Cheng took off all his clothes, including his underwear.

The fool couldn't stop laughing when he saw it.

Yuan Wu looked at him speechlessly as he rolled up his clothes and put them on his head, then he took a colored ribbon that Datou had brought from the boat to play with, and wrapped it around the top of his head, and tied a knot under his chin.

With the clothes tied perfectly over his head, he jumped into the water.

"I...fuck." Yuan Wu leaned his head on the back of the cow and stared at the dazzling sun.

Lin Chengbu swam very fast, and Yuan Wu could hear the sound of his arms getting closer and closer.

He closed his eyes, and the sunlight persistently emitted bright white light through the eyelids, causing tears to continuously gather in his eyes, sour and astringent.

The sound of splashing on the water began to blur, like a fading background.

In a trance, he began to feel uneasy.

The feeling of being out of breath is getting stronger and stronger.

come back!

He roared inwardly.

why!

Why are you!

When Lin Chengbu put his hand on the side of the boat, Yuan Wu, who had been leaning on the cow with his head up all the time, opened his eyes and rushed over, grabbed his arm, and said in a hoarse and low voice, "Why are you?"

"You didn't tell me..." Before Lin Chengbu finished speaking, he saw the confusion in Yuan Wu's eyes, and also saw the anxiety and despair after the chaos.

"Come up!" Yuan Wu tore off the clothes tied to his head, grabbed his hair and pulled him to the boat.

"Hey!" Lin Chengbu quickly climbed onto the boat, but because his head was controlled by Yuan Wu, he couldn't adjust his posture to find a point of strength, "Wait... I haven't... Oh, it hurts!"

Yuan Wu didn't seem to hear what he said at all, but just tugged at him tightly.

The fellow punters were probably also frightened by Yuan Wu's madness, and they were stunned for a few seconds before shouting "Ahhh", and stretched out the penny in their hands from the bow of the boat.

Then Lin Chengbu grabbed the penny and climbed onto the boat out of breath.

Yuan Wu still grabbed his hair and didn't let go. He wanted to break Yuan Wu's hand away, but as soon as he raised his hand, the cow that had been lying on the boat looked back at him and mooed.

"Hey," Lin Chengbu subconsciously stretched out his hand to cover his lower body. After thinking about it, he felt that the hair was more important, so he raised his hand and pinched Yuan Wu's wrist, "Give it up! I'm already coming up! I'm coming up ! Let go! I'm going to be bald, fuck me!"

This pinch finally made Yuan Wu let go, but after letting go, he still stared at Lin Chengbu, the anxiety in his eyes was still there.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." While comforting him, Lin Chengbu wanted to get some clothes to put on, but he turned his head and found that the clothes were not on the boat.

The fellow who punted the boat smiled very happily, and gestured to him, pointing to the water surface downstream.

Lin Chengbu looked along, and found sadly that his zebra underwear had floated far along the current. As for the other clothes, they might have sunk, but they were gone anyway.

"Are you okay?" Yuan Wu suddenly asked as if he had recovered.

"Well," Lin Chengbu nodded, "It's mine..."

"Are you really alright?" Yuan Wu cupped his face with his hands, watching him intently.

"...Well." Lin Chengbu half-kneeled on the boat, with one hand supporting the cow's buttocks. He originally thought that Yuan Wu's nervous energy had passed, but Yuan Wu's eyes made him feel distressed that he hadn't.

"Don't do this again," Yuan Wu still held his face, "Don't do this again."

"Oh, I'm not like this anymore." Lin Chengbu replied.

To be honest, even if Yuan Wu is chaotic now, he still thinks it would be nice if time stops here.

But time didn't stop, and this kind of scene, as well as the audience, was really embarrassing. Lin Chengbu glanced sideways, and everyone on the boat looked at them seriously.

"Scared me to death." Yuan Wu said.

"I was scared to death too." Lin Chengbu said.

In this situation, he didn't know how to talk to Yuan Wu, just when he wanted Yuan Wu to sit back on the board, Yuan Wu suddenly hugged him.

She hugged his shoulders tightly, patted his back with her hands, and spoke in a low voice.

Lin Chengbu only felt that there were at least 24 big fireworks in his head, and he didn't hear what Yuan Wu said, he just vaguely heard that it was okay.

Finally, he heard the laughter of the fellow, and he came back to his senses, and turned his head to look to the side.

The boatman pointed to Yuan Wu and then to his own head.

"He's not sick," Lin Chengbu said, "He's just... frightened."

The fellow nodded.

Yuan Wu hugged him for quite a long time, Lin Chengbu could clearly smell the faint smell of tobacco on his body and the scent of soap on his clothes.

Considering that although the fellow didn't look at them again, Niu never turned his eyes to stare at them, so he didn't have the nerve to close his eyes and enjoy.

When Lin Chengbu counted to 66 in his heart, Yuan Wu let go of him, sat back on the board of the boat, leaned on the cow's buttocks, and looked him up and down.

"You..." Lin Chengbu squatted down.

It could be seen that Yuan Wu's gaze gradually gained focus, moving from his face to his body, then continued down, and finally returned to his face.

Then he hooked the corners of his mouth and flashed an uncontrollable smile: "Did you choose the big adventure?"

"...Actually, I never choose big adventure." Lin Chengbu looked at him.

Yuan Wu didn't speak, touched his trouser pocket, took out the cigarette case: "Do you want it?"

"No." Lin Chengbu sighed.

Yuan Wu took out a cigarette, then turned around and asked, "Fool, do you want it?"

The fool nodded and took two cigarettes from the cigarette case.

Yuan Wu lit a cigarette and looked at Lin Chengbu who was sitting opposite him.

This time I can really see my figure clearly. It's pretty good, with long legs and no fat.

After breaking away from the deep fear, Yuan Wu looked at Lin Chengbu with an inexplicable sense of intimacy.

Lin Chengbu is like a person standing at the critical point of his chaos and fear. Although it disturbs his peaceful life irritably, it gives him real feelings in all kinds of emptiness.

A very strange feeling.

According to the old habit, the fool pushed the boat to the old locust tree. When Yuan Wu got off the boat, he said to the fool again: "Come over in an hour and send us back first? I won't stay too long today."

The fool smiled and nodded.

Lin Chengbu also got off the boat, then quickly jumped over and squatted under the tree.

"Where are your clothes?" Yuan Wu asked.

"Let you throw it into the water and float away," Lin Chengbu couldn't help touching his hair when he said this, "It's you, I would have done it with someone else, it was so hard!"

"Let's be naked," Yuan Wu walked to him and sat down, leaning against the tree trunk, "There's no one here anyway."

"What are you doing here?" Lin Chengbu asked.

"Stop for a while." Yuan Wu said.

"Don't you stop on the boat? At most, the big head will come to chat with you," Lin Chengbu thought for a while, "Oh, and me...are you trying to hide from me?"

"No." Yuan Wu pulled out a vine from the side, pulled out a length of the old man along it, and then lowered his head and held the vine back and forth.

"Actually, I'm here today," Lin Chengbu looked at him, "It's...then what..."

Yuan Wu turned his head.

"Today is my birthday," Lin Chengbu said, "I want to spend it with you."

"Why." Yuan Wu asked.

"No reason," Lin Chengbu buried his feet in the soft and wet mud next to him, "I just wanted to."

Yuan Wu was silent for a while, then turned his head and continued to circle the vine in his hand: "Happy birthday."

Then there was silence, neither of them spoke.

But this kind of silence is not uncomfortable, Lin Chengbu is very comfortable except that he feels uncomfortable sitting on a rock with his bare buttocks.

The surrounding scenery is beautiful, the water surface gleaming in the sun, the reeds swaying gently when the wind blows, the water birds passing by from time to time, and the insects singing from nowhere.

Quiet and cozy.

"Here." Yuan Wu tossed and tossed for a long time, weaving the rattan into a circle.

"Birthday gift?" Lin Chengbu took it and looked at it.

"Cover your bird." Yuan Wu said.

"...Damn." Lin Chengbu opened his mouth and didn't know what else to say.

"Isn't it because I'm afraid you'll feel uncomfortable?" Yuan Wu glanced down at him, "After all, I don't have any experience in Guoben."

"Okay," Lin Chengbu stood up, "How do you use this thing? Do you put it on your waist?"

"Well," Yuan Wu said, "the vine in the middle can be tightened."

Lin Chengbu hesitated for a moment, put the rattan loop around his waist, and tightened the rattan in the middle according to Yuan Wu's instructions... It was quite suitable, and the layers of leaves made him feel less awkward.

"Thank you." He sat back on the stone again, feeling that his legs could be stretched a little more.

"How do you plan to spend it?" Yuan Wu asked, "Your birthday."

"I don't know," Lin Chengbu replied truthfully, "I just want to stay with you, and I can do whatever I want."

"Are you..." Yuan Wu looked at him, narrowing his eyes, "Are you..."

As soon as Lin Chengbu heard his words, he immediately turned his head and waited expectantly, yes, yes, I like you, so I want to be with you on my birthday!That's right!

"Are you lacking fatherly love?" Yuan Wu said.

Lin Chengbu had the urge to turn his head and dive into the water and swim back to the pier: "...No, my dad loves me very much."

"Oh," Yuan Wu responded, and after a short silence he spoke again, "Then you are..."

Lin Chengbu immediately ignited hope, and looked at him expectantly again.

"Want my autograph book?" Yuan Wu asked seriously.

"Goodbye," Lin Cheng stood up abruptly, turned around and walked towards the water's edge, stopped after walking two steps, "I said I'm not your reader!"

"Oh." Yuan Wu looked at him, and suddenly laughed after a pause.

Lin Chengbu froze in place.

How long?

I can't remember clearly, how long has it been since I saw Yuan Wu smile like this, with a bit of arrogance and slyness... Although he didn't remember that Yuan Wu smiled many times, this kind of smile really belonged to Yuan Wu. noon.

His own smile.

Before he fully recovered from the shock, Yuan Wu withdrew his smile and asked, "Do you like me?"

Lin Chengbu was quickly pulled back into the state of shock.

I forgot to say the answer I thought of before.

Yuan Wu didn't seem to be ready to listen to his answer after asking, so he leaned against the tree and closed his eyes.

"Yes," Lin Chengbu looked at his profile, "Yes."

"You like men," Yuan Wu closed his eyes, his voice was very low, and his speech was slow, "No wonder you always come to me to take off your clothes when you have nothing to do."

"I didn't come specifically to take off my clothes." Lin Chengbu said.

"Really?" Yuan Wu turned his head and opened his eyes to look at him.

"Of course it's true, I came here to take off my clothes..." Lin Chengbu felt speechless.

"You really like me?" Yuan Wu interrupted him.

Lin Chengbu paused: "Really, and I've said it many times."

"How many times?" Yuan Wu asked.

"No," Lin Chengbu said, "I'll just say it when I have nothing to do."

"Why?" Yuan Wu continued to ask with great interest.

"I like it so much." Lin Chengbu smiled, and when he looked down, he saw the grass circle on his waist, and suddenly felt that he was quite happy to express his love with such a look.

"Why do you like men?" Yuan Wu sighed, stopped looking at him, grabbed a piece of grass and put it in his mouth and bit it lightly.

Why do you like men yourself?

Lin Chengbu really wanted to ask, but when he thought of that day at the farmhouse, he shut up again, but he felt nervous for a while.

What should he do if Yuan Wu only sees girls from now on?

"Go and buy a cake," Yuan Wu said, "You can't buy it in the village, so go to Xiaojiang Town to have a look. It's too late to order a cake, and see if there is any ready-made."

"Now?" Lin Chengbu asked, the worry in his heart was washed away in an instant.

"Wait for the fool to come and pick us up," Yuan Wu said, "You can swim back, didn't you just say goodbye to me?"

"Hi," Lin Chengbu immediately waved to him, "Meet you again."

Yuan Wu ignored him.

Lin Chengbu sat back on the rock and looked at Yuan Wu with his eyes closed to rest his mind. Obviously when he was in the water before, he panicked like that, but now when it comes to letting him swim back, Yuan Wu doesn't care at all.

What kind of performance is this?

Lin Chengbu was a little dazed, he brought two mixing glasses over today, thinking that if Yuan Wu didn't respond, he would take them out.

But now that Yuan Wu suddenly said that he was going to buy a cake, he began to hesitate again, fearing that these two cups would make Yuan Wu, who was in a good mood, fall into pain again.

Lin Chengbu felt that he was just like a person who couldn't dance but had to dance. He stepped on the other side and wanted to give him a back fall, but he was worried that he would step on the next step, and at the same time he wanted to grab The opponent's arms wrapped around each other's waist without daring to stop.

To put it bluntly, I feel that I am fighting for the sake of playing a long-term big hooligan. What a great spirit it is.