misplaced love

"This used to be the place I resisted the most. The memories here are too painful and embarrassing. Coming here will always remind me of myself." Bai Jingchen suppressed his emotions in his heart, not wanting those negative and painful emotions to make him feel sad. Once again, he fell into unbearable memories.Bai Jingchen spent a lot of effort back then to stop being controlled by those negative emotions.I heard from my attending doctor that her body recovered at that time, but her heart was sick, and her emotions would be uncontrollably low, pessimistic and helpless. At that time, Bai Jing was tortured by herself. In the end, she chose to self-mutilate due to her own emotions. Her previous suicide caused her illness to explode completely. It was also at that time that Shen Xinyao fully knew everything about Bai Jingchen.Depression, and at that time, Bai Jingchen's condition had become serious, and later she could not do without people by her side. It was also at that time that Shen Xinyao completely became Bai Jingchen's most dependent person, and it was also at that time that Shen Xinyao entered Bai Jingchen's life. In his heart, he became the person Bai Jingchen trusted the most and also the only person he wanted to rely on.

"Chen'er, the past is over, don't think about it anymore." Shen Xinyao looked at Bai Jingchen and said, she saw Bai Jingchen's pain back then, and felt distressed in her heart.

"Yao, back then the doctor said my depression was due to my amnesia, and I couldn't accept it for a while." Bai Jingchen faced Shen Xinyao, looked directly at her and said seriously.

"But he never answered my question." Bai Jingchen said.

"What question?" Shen Xinyao asked.

"That is, if I had severe depression before amnesia, would it be the real cause of my relapse after amnesia?" Bai Jingchen looked at Shen Xinyao and said frankly.

"Do you know? In fact, at that time, which feelings were strange and familiar, I couldn't control them at all, but I could feel my body's familiarity and adaptation to those emotions, so I thought at that time, my Did he get sick a long time ago, maybe the accidental car accident you mentioned was not an accident at all, but I did it on purpose." Bai Jingchen said to Shen Xinyao without reservation of her guess.

"Chen'er, have you visited Doctor Zhong recently? Has the disease relapsed again? Stop thinking about it. Didn't you promise me not to think about the past? Didn't you say to let nature take its course? "Shen Xinyao looked at the serious and resolute Bai Jingchen in front of her. She knew that these were her heart problems, so it was not what she was worried about. The past was like a bomb to them. When will it explode, or when it will explode, it will destroy everything by hurting others and yourself.

"Yao, don't you understand? If my past is just like what you said, then no matter how crazy I think, it won't change." Bai Jingchen looked at Shen Xinyao who cared about her. At this moment, she felt very Complicated, many are mixed together.

"But what if all I have now is an illusion? What if my past is all a spun lie? You know what, to me, what you think of as crazy is really just me wanting to know my real past, no matter what No matter how painful it is, no matter how unbearable it is, those pasts are my real past." Bai Jingchen said to Shen Xinyao seriously, no matter how unbearable her past was, she chose to face it.No matter what Shen Yaoyao has concealed from her, just like what Su Jingran said, those can be regarded as white lies, but today she really wants to hear Shen Yaoyao tell her about her real past, no matter what is in the past, she is willing to be with Shen Yaoyao Let's face it together, because for Bai Jingchen, Shen Xinyao is the only person she wants to cherish at this moment.

"Chen'er, did you remember something?" Hearing Bai Jingchen's words, Shen Xinyao felt complicated emotions in her heart. She was worried and afraid. She didn't know the reason for Bai Jingchen's actions today. Lan's drunken talk and so on, all these were intertwined in her mind, and made her think about how she should face Bai Jingchen who was obsessed with pursuing the truth in front of her.

"Yao, why are you still unwilling to tell me the truth? What are you worried about me remembering? Do you remember that my mother died because of your sister, or that my car accident was completely self-destructive, or let me I understand that your feelings for me are just for redemption and compensation." Bai Jingchen looked at Shen Xinyao in pain, and said word by word, how she wished that there was no concealment between her and Shen Xinyao, how she wished that Shen Xinyao could not be afraid at this moment Anything, tell her everything.But Shen Yaoyao's attitude, her dodging, all these let Bai Jingchen know clearly that the things Shen Yaoyao wants to protect are far more important than herself, but she ignores the reason why Shen Yaoyao protects them.

"Chen'er, it's not what you think." Shen Xinyao was stunned, so her guess was correct, and Bai Jingchen heard what Wei Lan said that night, and it was for this reason that it happened these days.

"Did you hear what Lan Lan said that night? She was drunk and spoke nonsense." Shen Xinyao wanted to explain to Bai Jingchen.

"Why haven't you been willing to tell me the truth until now? Could it be that my past was really so unbearable?" Bai Jingchen's expression became stern, and his tone was cold, making people feel chills.

"No, Chen'er is really not what you think." Shen Xinyao knew that she had hurt Bai Jingchen, but regarding Bai Jingchen's past, how could she say she was deceiving if she didn't participate, but she chose to remain silent about many things.

"That's enough, I just want to know the truth." Bai Jingchen said coldly.

"Who the hell am I? My mother's death, my past, and the cause of that car accident." Bai Jingchen looked at Shen Xinyao sternly and asked, she didn't want to hear any excuses or evasions, all she wanted was the answer and the truth.

"Chen'er, is the past really that important?" Shen Xinyao was tangled and painful in her heart. Bai Jingchen's persistence made her feel distressed, but she really didn't know how to tell Bai Jingchen about many things, because Bai Jingchen's past, she didn't Participation is not qualified to say anything.

"Is it important?" Bai Jingchen laughed at herself, looking at Shen Xinyao.

"Why don't you understand until now? It doesn't matter to me what kind of past I have. What matters is you, what you conceal from me, and what you deceive me." Bai Jingchen looked at Shen Xinyao and said.

"I don't need to care about my past or their deception, but what I care about is your feelings for me and everything you have done to me." Bai Jingchen

"Chen'er, I'm sorry." Shen Xinyao looked at Bai Jingchen and said in pain, she didn't deliberately hide some things, but she should not tell Bai Jingchen about many things, so it would be unfair to Bai Jingchen or others of.

"In your heart, in the end you still favored other people." Bai Jingchen knew when she heard Shen Xinyao's apology, and she could no longer hear the answer she wanted to know from Shen Xinyao's mouth.

"Chen'er, it's not what you think, it's just that in your past, I didn't exist at all." Shen Xinyao said bitterly, Bai Jingchen's past was never something Shen Xinyao feared, it belonged to Bai Jingchen's past, she was just a stranger That's all, what right does she have to tell Bai Jingchen.

"Yao, do you know? Although I don't know what my past was like, but for me now, I am willing to believe everything you say, but you chose to hide it and chose to think it is more important for you. This is what I care most about." Bai Jingchen said, looking at Shen Xinyao's pain and entanglement, maybe she was wrong, she was persistently pursuing the past, but the self without the past is real alone?This is the most painful and tangled place for Bai Jingchen.

"But you know my fear? I feel that none of this is true. I am afraid that one day when I remember everything and find out that these are lies, will I be able to face myself? Then I will What will it be like, when I think of this, I feel so much pain." Bai Jingchen said to Shen Xinyao, why did she hear Wei Lan's words, why did she become so uneasy.

"Chen'er, you believe in me. No matter what happened in the past, I will stay by your side and will never leave you." Shen Xinyao knew the torment in Bai Jingchen's heart these days, knew her breakdown, and understood her anxiety.

"Really? But maybe you don't know it yourself, your feelings for me are just pity, maybe it's just a kind of compensation." Bai Jingchen said bitterly to herself, from the beginning of Bai Jingchen's dependence on Shen Xinyao, her attachment to her, to later This feeling became uneasy for Bai Jingchen, she couldn't tolerate Shen Yaoyao being nice to other people, she couldn't accept Shen Yaoyao's departure, she wanted to possess everything about Shen Yaoyao, her feelings for Shen Yaoyao became uncontrollable even for herself.

"I..." Shen Xinyao looked at Bai Jingchen who was humble to her, and pursed her lips tightly.She wanted Bai Jingchen to understand her heart, but suddenly found that all her words were so pale.

"I clearly know that my feelings are a burden to you, but I still can't help myself to rely on you and like you. When the doctor said that I was sick and my feelings for you were just a projection, I began to change I feel even more uneasy, because I know that I am seriously ill, and I only want to bind you by my side, I am afraid of losing you, I am afraid of losing the only person I can trust in this world." Bai Jingchen told Shen Xinyao Looking at all the embarrassment of her, if they separated like this, then Bai Jingchen still hoped that the last thing left between them would not be deceit or sympathy.

"When I found out my feelings for you, I was afraid of being known, afraid of looking at other people's eyes, afraid that they would treat me as a patient and tell me that I was sick, so these are all wrong."

"But they don't know, no matter how much I avoid my feelings. I hide from you, force myself not to think about it, not to touch it. But in the end, these efforts are useless. I still like you hopelessly, This feeling makes me selfish to keep you by my side."

"Yao, do you know? When you told me that you accepted my feelings for you and that you would never leave me, how terrified and happy I was? At that moment, I felt that everything was just right. It's real, because I have you, so start to accept it, and learn not to be afraid."

"Many times in the past, I felt that my current life is so happy. I have people I love and people who love me. In many eyes, I should be envied and jealous, but in fact, I know that all this is because I am the young lady of the Bai family, and I am the daughter of Bai Youyi, if I do not have this identity, then all of this will disappear, and all of what I thought I had will be taken back." Bai Jingchen said slowly with a sad self-deprecating, today she She said a lot of things, this time in her memory, the days when she said the most words, she knew that when the truth was exposed, it would be painful, but these things were entangled and buried in her heart, which was more important to her. painfully.

Shen Xinyao looked at Bai Jingchen's painful expression, she knew that her silence and avoidance had hurt Bai Jingchen, but all this was something she had never thought about before.If she hadn't taken care of Bai Jingchen for Shen Xinyu back then, if she hadn't felt sorry for Bai Jingchen who was amnesiac and helpless, if she had been aware of Bai Jingchen's feelings for her early in the morning, and she could have left cruelly, then all this would not have happened, So much pain and no answer.

"Chen'er, but have you ever thought about it? If what you said is actually gone, if, you are Bai Jingchen, the only child of the Bai family. This cannot change the fact. I admit that my feelings for you were mixed in at the beginning. Sympathy and responsibility, but later on, when I realized that I couldn't control my feelings for you, I knew that I could never let you go." Shen Xinyao took a deep breath, and sincerely looked at Bai Jingchen Said.

"Let's break up." Bai Jingchen looked straight at Shen Yaoyao, she wanted to reflect the person in front of her into her heart, it hurt but it was so real.

"This will be the best choice for us." Bai Jingchen looked at Shen Xinyao pretending to be indifferent and said, if the ending is destined to be painful, then just end the hurt to the other party like this, don't wait until the hurt turns into hatred .

"Chen'er." When Shen Xinyao heard Bai Jingchen's words of breaking up, she was so distressed that she couldn't breathe at that moment. She felt that at that moment, she seemed to lose this person in front of her from now on.

"Are we really going to do this?" Shen Xinyao stretched out her hand and grabbed Bai Jingchen tremblingly. The coolness of her fingers made Bai Jingchen startled slightly, and her eyes met. Expect the tenderness of this moment.

Bai Jingchen raised her right hand to cover Shen Xinyao's cheek, looked at the person in front of her tenderly, wrapped her left hand around Shen Xinyao, let herself hug her tightly, and the tip of her nose was filled with the aura that belonged to Shen Xinyao, all these things made Bai Jingchen feel calmly. safe.

"I love you, you must be happy." Bai Jingchen said softly in Shen Yaoyao's ear, she could clearly feel the pain in her heart at this moment, but she also knew herself, she didn't want to torture herself, let alone Tortured Shen Xinyao.When she doesn't fully understand the past for a day, she won't let go of it all, because no one will let their past become an indefinite time bomb, waiting for one day to make everyone bruised.