When someone with depression enters the horror game

"I said, I want to be a policeman, he said, he wants to be a lawyer, or a prosecutor or something." Shen Lian laughed as she spoke.

"Stop it!" Shen Lian couldn't listen anymore.

"What's the matter?" The person on the opposite side chuckled again, "I didn't say anything, did I... Where did you poke your lung tube?"

"Go to hell!" Shen Lian cursed.

"Excuse me," he perfunctory without sincerity, and continued, "I'm a little bamboo horse, I'm a formidable person, I just happened to be on the opposite team in the debate competition in junior high school, he turned his mouth up and down, and finally said I told you I cried."

"I scolded him for a lawsuit, and he laughed at me for being stupid. How flamboyant he was at that time..."

Shen Lian didn't speak.

"What a wonderful time." The person opposite suddenly sighed.

"As a result, my dream when I was a child was to fart. Of course I didn't become a policeman. I got sick for the first time in the third year of junior high. I didn't know that all three generations of my family had mental problems... Damn, don't have mental illness! It's the same if you give birth. Trample people!"

"I barely went to the same high school as him, we are still neighbors, we go to and from school together every day... we are getting older, and we don't fight like before... I play basketball every day, and he has learned how to put Package yourself as a gentle scum."

"Pfft."

"Yes, you know that photo of Planck? Of course, it's not the one in the physics and history textbooks. He is really good at pretending. He looks like a dog every day. The female classmates say that he has aristocratic temperament, and my family And the black history of his photo album."

"We were still playing around... I remember my middle school, a kite with a broken string was stuck on an old tree branch beside the playground, a few clouds in the sky just hid behind the teaching building, and the basketball hoop was empty at noon, The trash can in the classroom is filled with the roses that someone gave to the class flower, and the pink letter paper that he and I filled with schoolbags..."

"Except for coming out to my dad and being kicked out of the house, everything else is fine."

"I'm starting to break down."

"At first it was a horrible image made by scribbling, and then those images slowly appeared in my dreams, they tore me, and then woke me up from my sleep. I couldn't sleep, and since ten o'clock in the evening, I closed my eyes , and then sit in the dark for a few hours, watching the sun rise in the morning."

"He finally found out that something was wrong with me - we were living together."

"Then he found a lot of antidepressants and sleeping pills in the middle of my schoolbag."

"It's funny, since then, he treats me like a glass doll."

"He thought I didn't know a lot of things, but I actually made him think I didn't know—he searched the information behind my back and contacted reliable doctors for me..."

"But I'm still not doing well... I'm starting to freeze."

"At that time my mind was very clear, I was sitting on the bed, I thought, sit up, go out and take a shower, eat a big meal, drink two glasses of water, I need to drink water ... But I can't move my hands Neither my feet nor my feet seemed to be mine, so I just sat there blankly, without the ability to change my posture, and I even felt that I was experiencing a death."

"I looked at the ceiling and suddenly got anxious, thinking that the light had been shaking all the time, and it was going to hit somewhere in the next second, and then splattered into glass shards - it didn't make sense."

"The next second he came in, forcibly pulled me up, and pushed me to the dining table to eat. I said, I swallowed the meal like I was swallowing a knife."

"I lost interest in everything, including chewing."

"He dropped the bowl for the first time."

"He pulled me downstairs and forced me to run...no fun. After the run we both lay on the sun lounger and he said...you need a hug."

"I wanted to laugh, and to my horror, I didn't seem to be able to laugh."

"And he said he needed a hug."

"I leaned over and gave him a hug."

"Later I found out that during the days when I was at my worst, he took a whole week off, and then his mother found out and interrupted a broom."

"His family's request for him has always been the child of another family, and so is my family, but unfortunately he died halfway."

"For a while, I looked at everything as if I were looking at frosted glass, as if there was a glass barrier between me and those people, and the voices of other people's voices came from outside. I walked on the street and looked at the pedestrians across the street. , I can see... like a heavy hammer hitting their face, or a chainsaw ripping open their stomachs and blood spurting out—my vision turned red again."

"I started to hear hallucinations, messy people talking messy things."

"During that time, I was in a daze, and I was always in a state of not knowing what day and night, sometimes I would forget to take medicine, and sometimes I would forget what I was doing in the last second."

"The dosage is increased layer by layer, at first half a tablet, then one, one and a half, two tablets..."

"After taking medication, I got better for a while, and he pulled me into the bathroom to look in the mirror and said that this slovenly man was you."

"I still can't laugh."

"I stood in front of the mirror and slowly raised the corners of my mouth. It was ugly."

"I said, no, how can it be popular among thousands of girls if it continues like this, so I looked in the mirror and laughed over and over again."

"He also stood by and practiced with me. I smiled and he smiled, like two psychopaths."

"Until one day, he said, look, we are laughing more and more alike."

"I said, did you hear, someone in the mirror is calling me."

"He just laughed."

"There were times when I wanted to kill him. He was so noisy, everything around him was noisy. I wanted to kill myself more."

"I had a lot of truncation and I had a lot of tremors, sometimes in my left leg, sometimes in my right hand. He would hold my hand."

"I know his dream. He has been saying since he was a child, either to be a lawyer or to be a prosecutor."

"After the college entrance examination, he told me that he will definitely fill in the law department."

"So I filled out the application for the law department, and only then did I know that he had received an admission letter for psychiatry." The person on the other end of the phone laughed again.

Shen Lian covered her face.

"I forced him to change his major, and he went to study a double degree."

"I began to fall into endless self-blame. At that time, I was thinking, how could I drag him? How could I drag him? This kind of self-blame became a lingering hidden worry. Hidden in the bones."

"Then, the self-blame and the anxiety get mixed up and start to internalize."

"I planned the first suicide in my life."

"Burning charcoal." He smiled.

"In the end, I didn't die. He watched me too closely." The person on the other end of the phone said these words.

"You are not worthy of him." Shen Lian suddenly spoke and interjected.

Hearing the words, the person on the other end of the phone was stunned for a moment, and said with a smile, "I did think so when I was sick. But emotions are mutual. He doesn't just give, and I don't just take. We've always been mutual... Besides, what about us, what does it have to do with you, a monster?"

Shen Lian: ...

as long as you are happy.

"Did you know that self-harm is addictive."

"I know."

"No matter how depressed, how anxious, how irritable, no matter how many beautiful things you forget, no matter how stupid things you have done since you were young, you play them in your mind every day, no matter how serious your compulsive tendencies are... Emotions are all vented on the tip of the knife .”

"I know."

"I like that feeling, the wound is a catharsis, the wound can calm me down."

"He looked at the scars on my wrist, counted them one by one, and then stroked his hand one by one. I have seventeen scars on my wrist, and he once had one on his wrist."

"I have a scar constitution, he is not."

"I never self-harmed again. Though I miss it occasionally."

"He is the kind of gifted child of someone else's family. He holds the script of the hero of the novel, but he still...studies desperately. For this he sacrificed most of his entertainment time, even his life time, and...making a girlfriend time."

"Are you saying it's funny or not? I just graduated, and he has already parachuted into the department and became my attending physician."

"He had four girlfriends, each one was a good girl, and each one was divided."

"A girl once joked that he smiled so fake that he was not a safe thing to look at. She was really joking... until she saw me."

"Sometimes he can only become shrewd in front of me—he still doesn't know why those girls broke up with him, I know."

"I didn't actually do anything. But I was indeed his motivator in choosing a mate, and he was also my moratorium in choosing a mate. In the past twenty years, there can't be a third person between us."

"We've been entangled like this for the rest of our lives."

"One day, when I was cooking in the kitchen, I accidentally cut my hand with a kitchen knife, and he rushed over in a hurry."

"I looked at him, and suddenly I felt blessed. I asked, do you like me? Before that, I never thought about it that way."

"His expression at that time, hahaha, was like being struck by lightning."

"He was stunned for a long time, his face was green and white, and he said he was a straight man."

"I asked why he was so nice to me."

"He didn't think about it, he deserved it, he said because we're brothers, because we're friends."

"I bent over laughing."

"I'll make the meal."

"When we were young, we had a relationship for several years... He has been a sweet party since he was a child, and I and the sweet party are at odds."

"I stuffed a handful of candy in his mouth."

"After dinner, he went to the kitchen to wash the dishes, and I lay on the sofa."

"From childhood to adulthood, we have almost the same hobbies and the same mind."

"At that time...at that time...he was listening to Peony Pavilion with headphones plugged in in the kitchen, and I was lying on the sofa flipping through the opera books I found."

"I was flipping through it, and suddenly threw the script."

"Because I suddenly thought of the Peony Pavilion, and I was shocked to realize that the lovesickness was not revealed, and it turned out that it was only because of deep feelings."

"I did realize suddenly. It's actually just me who is deeply in love."

Surprised that the lovesickness is not revealed, it turns out that it is only because of deep feelings.

Shen Lian wiped her face.

He wiped the tears all over his face.