my boyfriend is too random

Da Ding turned his head aside, avoiding Yang Yiming's gaze.

"Ding, tell me, what happened to Ding Zimu when he was a child?"

"..."

"Why didn't you say it?" Yang Yiming was a little anxious. He was stuck at this bottleneck and could not break through. Every time he touched Ding Zimu, he would quickly avoid it. Mu is not as strong as Ding, enough to protect himself and even others.

"I don't know." Da Ding was finally tired of being asked, and he yelled at Yang Yiming, "I don't fucking know! Why don't you ask him about Ding Zimu? It's useless to ask me! Am I him? Ah! Tell me, am I him! Am I!"

Yang Yiming's ears rang a little from the yelling, but he was not intimidated by Da Ding's ferocious appearance. He bent down, grabbed Da Ding's hand, and said earnestly: "Da Ding, listen to me..."

Yang Yiming suddenly choked up halfway through his speech, because he noticed that the expression on Da Ding's face froze quickly, and he stared down at the two pairs of clasped hands in a daze.Yang Yiming let go of his hand embarrassingly, he smiled and wanted to relieve the embarrassment, so he patted Ding on the head and said, "Little feudalism, people can't accept kisses between men and women, why can't you accept kisses between men and men?

Da Ding slowly raised his head, his eyes were a little red, his throat seemed to be stuffed with a lot of words but he didn't know how to say them, his face gradually turned red.

"What's wrong?" Yang Yiming raised his hands and said, "You don't really mind, do you?"

"Yang Yiming," Ding almost uttered three words through gritted teeth.These three words sounded in Yang Yiming's ears, as if he wanted to peel off the skin and bones. He frowned and suddenly thought of a possibility.

"Da Ding..." As soon as Yang Yiming opened his mouth, Da Ding quickly reached out and grabbed his wrist with such force that it hurt Yang Yiming.

"Yang, Yang Yiming," Da Ding swallowed, and asked with straight eyebrows, "Can you, can you give me a hug?"

"Huh?" Yang Yiming was stunned. He never expected that Da Ding would say such a sentence. He felt that he must have heard it wrong, but the voice of those words still seemed to echo in his ears.Da Ding... what did you just say?No, it should be said, why did he say that.

"Da Ding?" Yang Yiming asked tentatively, turning his wrist slowly, trying to take it back.But before he could withdraw his hand, Da Ding let go of it suddenly.He took a hasty step back, staggering and even bumping into a chair.

"Da Ding?" Yang Yiming stood up and wanted to grab him.But Ding took two steps back in a row, the redness in his eyes expanded slightly, and Yang Yiming was so dizzy that he suddenly felt that he was facing that ferocious lone wolf.But now Yang Yiming is no longer afraid, he can see the kind heart underneath that layer of lone wolf skin.

So Yang Yiming took a step forward, although he didn't understand what Ding wanted to do, but he wanted to hold him back, because vaguely, he felt that if he let him run away this time, he might never see him again .Probably Yang Yiming's actions startled Ding, who suddenly stretched out his hand and pushed him hard.

"Fuck!" Yang Yiming was caught off guard and pushed staggeringly, and his heart ran away with ten thousand grass and mud horses, "What are you doing, I didn't intend to rape you!" He roared in his heart, and he fell backwards.

Da Ding suddenly remembered the injury on Yang Yiming's shoulder and back, so he immediately rushed forward and grabbed Yang Yiming's wrist and brought it back.Yang Yiming was pulled by a huge force and crashed into a warm embrace.

Da Ding's eye sockets were tingling, he couldn't help closing his eyes, tightened his arms, and hugged Yang Yiming tightly in that uncomfortable position.But it was very short, so short that Yang Yiming had no time to react, whether it was a hug or not, so Da Ding let go of his hand.

"I..." He murmured, but without saying anything, he turned and rushed back to the bedroom.

Yang Yiming walked over with his heels, but was knocked outside by a loud slamming sound: "Da Ding?" He knocked on the door and asked softly, "What's wrong with you? Come out, let's talk."

"Get out!" Dading roared from the crack of the door. For some reason, Yang Yiming's ears felt heart-piercing pain from that roar.

Yang Yiming put his head on the door, closed his eyes, and admitted for the first time that he was really wrong. Really, he didn't have the ability to take over such a psychological counseling case.

***

Da Ding circled around the room like a caged animal. He angrily waved his fists in the air and tore his hair. Undoubted astonishment was seen in Yang Yiming's eyes.

Maybe it wasn't shock but disgust?

Da Ding stuffed his fist into his mouth, blocked his voice and roared loudly.The voice was suppressed and tearing, like a lone wolf caught in a hunter's trap.

Will he hate me, will he leave me, will he think I'm weird, will he like Ding Zimu more? Is he... still at the door?

All the problems were rampant in Da Ding's heart, causing his heart to tear like pain. He didn't know what to do, whether to hide, but...not reconciled!

Ding slumped on the bed, suffering from a splitting headache. He had never experienced that kind of pain, but he had witnessed Ding Zimu's tormented by this kind of pain many times.He vaguely knew what would happen next, but no, he clenched his fist and slammed it hard on his forehead, forcing himself to stay awake, unable to shake.He threw himself over the cabinet, took out the can of Red Bull, didn't know if it would be useful or not, and poured it into his mouth.

Awake, Ding said to himself, I must be awake, I still want to find Yang Yiming, I want to watch him, talk to him, guard him, and guard Ding Zimu.

Da Ding touched his chest, he could feel Ding Zimu sleeping in his heart, it was a very strange feeling, heavy and solid.For a long time, Ding Zimu is not another self, but his close relatives and friends, which is the meaning of his existence.But now, Ding thinks, Ding Zimu can still be his close relative and friend, he can still be the meaning of his existence, but he can still have another such person.

I want to guard Yang Yiming like Ding Zimu, do nothing, ask for nothing, just guard him.

***

Yang Yiming couldn't wait for Da Ding to come out all day, watching the sky outside the window gradually darken, Yang Yiming was a little worried.He walked over and knocked on the door: "Ding, you must at least eat when you come out?"

There was silence in the house.

"Ding, you open the door, it's been a whole day, you can't hide in it all the time, can you?" Yang Yiming said patiently, "Come out, please?"

There was still no movement in the room.

"Ding, you know this is my house, and I actually have a spare key." Yang Yiming took out the last trump card, "Either you come out, or I use the spare key to open the door."

There was a bang in the room, as if someone had kicked a chair, followed by another loud bang.Yang Yiming waited patiently at the door, as long as there was a sound, he was afraid that there would be no sound.

After a while, the door was pulled open with a "hula", and Yang Yiming was startled by Ding Zimu's appearance.His eyes were red, his face was pale, and his eyes were staring blankly.

"Da Ding?" Yang Yiming asked, "What's wrong with you? Are you feeling bad?"

Da Ding narrowed his eyes slightly, stared at Yang Yiming fiercely, panting for breath.

"No matter what you want to say, we have to eat first." Yang Yiming said softly, "I ordered takeaway, let's eat first, and we can talk after dinner, okay?"

"There's nothing to talk about," Ding said in a hoarse and dry voice, "I don't know anything."

"I know," Yang Yiming said with a smile, "I was wrong, I shouldn't have asked you."

Da Ding checked his head and showed a questioning expression.

"I'm sorry," Yang Yiming said with a slightly embarrassed smile, "it's up to me, I figured it out later. You are you, he is him, you may have seen some of his things, but certainly not all, I shouldn't have asked you, sorry for embarrassing you."

"I'm with him..."

"You are not alone with him," Yang Yiming nodded, "I understand, Da Ding, you are you."

Da Ding was touched by the phrase "you are you", he took a deep breath and felt the burning pain in his eyes.The loneliness or strength for a long time was easily and completely destroyed by this sentence.

"I am me?" Da Ding asked in disbelief, as if he had heard the most beautiful declaration in the world, but it was so beautiful that it was unbelievable.

"You are you, he is him." Yang Yiming nodded, "That's it."

"Yang Yiming..."

"Let's eat, shall we?"

Da Ding looked over Yang Yiming's shoulder and saw several takeaway boxes on the table, still steaming.He suddenly felt that he was so hungry that his stomach hurt, and his stomach was so hungry that he could eat the whole table.

The two of them ate the whole table quietly, even the soup was eaten with rice.

Yang Yiming leaned on the dining chair and said, "Fortunately, I don't need to wash the dishes, and I don't even bother to move."

"I can go wash."

"Forget it, you still wash the takeaway boxes?" Yang Yiming said with a smile, "It's time to go to work tomorrow, I don't want to go."

"Can I take another day off?"

Yang Yiming shook his head.

The two chattered about this topic, and the topic spread endlessly. Basically, Yang Yiming was talking, and Da Ding just listened, occasionally responding.He looked at Yang Yiming intently, listened carefully to every word he said, and wanted to engrave every expression and every word of him into his heart. If he really got to that point, he hoped that he could have memories.

***

Yang Yiming was talking nonsense while observing Ding quietly. Just now, he accidentally saw two empty Red Bull cans and two empty coffee bottles on the table in Ding Zimu's bedroom. What does Ding want to do!

Yang Yiming was very scared, and Da Ding clearly didn't want Ding Zimu to come back.Obviously, Ding Zimu is weak in front of Da Ding, and he is used to hiding behind Da Ding when he is in danger, and Da Ding is willing to be an unknown protector for the purpose of protection, so Ding Zimu can see that the eighth The year-old child couldn't see Da Ding.

But now, Ding's "self-awareness" has been awakened, he began to think about "I", and began to put himself in a position alongside Ding Zimu, obviously he still wanted to compete with Ding Zimu for the right to live.

Yang Yiming is very sad. He can understand Ding's desire to live in the sun as an independent "person", with friends and emotions, happiness and sadness... But, he is only Ding, not Ding Zimu, he No right to replace Ding Zimu.

"Da Ding," Yang Yiming said, "your complexion is ugly, do you want to go to bed early?"

Da Ding stubbornly shook his head, his expression full of vigilance.

"If you're not sleepy, I'll tell you something on my mind."

Ding was like a frightened bird, he was quite afraid of Yang Yiming's words.He has personally experienced Yang Yiming "calling" him out in a few words, and he worries that today Yang Yiming will also call out Ding Zimu in a few words.

"Are you afraid of me?" Yang Yiming thought it was ridiculous. Not long ago, Da Ding asked him the same question, not a single word was bad.

"I'm not afraid." Ding shook his head forcefully, "I just don't want to listen to you."

"What a pity. I thought I had finally found someone to confide in."

The condition of listening to Yang Yiming's "heart-to-heart" was too tempting. In fact, Ding couldn't resist at all. He looked at Ding suspiciously and asked tentatively, "What do you have to say to me?"

"I have something to say to you," Yang Yiming shrugged, "I can tell you that I feel safe, but you can't tell others anyway."

"I never gossip." Da Ding said with a snort.

"Yeah," Yang Yiming heard the looseness in Ding's tone, and said slowly, "You know my mother and sister almost beat me to death when I was studying psychology."

"why?"

"I'm a boy. If I want to support my family in the future, I must give priority to employment issues when choosing a major. But the major of psychology..." Yang Yiming made an indescribable expression, and then said helplessly, "In short, it's the kind that even I don't know. An unsustainable profession."

"I feel fine."

"It's not good at all," Yang Yiming sighed. "In order to make me change my mind, my mother and sister cried, made trouble, and hanged themselves. They tried all kinds of tricks, but I just don't agree."

"Then they surrendered?"

"Well," Yang Yiming nodded, "Do you know why? Because my mother said, whoever decides his own way, and no one else can make the decision for you in the end, as long as you don't regret it."

Da Ding's face fell down immediately, and he said with an extremely ugly expression; "Are you implying me?"

"Of course not," Yang Yiming smiled, "People like you don't listen to explicit orders, and even hints are useless."

"Then what do you want to say?"

"I want to say that my current situation really makes what my mother and sister said. I guess with my income, I can barely support myself. My wife and children are absolutely gone."

"Then do you regret it?"

"I don't regret it," Yang Yiming said with a laugh, "Really, it's not that I'm stubborn, I really don't regret it. Because I like this job. To use the popular small literary accent nowadays, it means that the 'original heart' has not changed. The original dream persists. In the end, I have no regrets."

Da Ding said thoughtfully, "Do you not regret dying poor?"

Yang Yiming shook his head: "I don't regret it. Learning psychology and being a counselor is the most suitable for me, and it is also the value of my existence."

"What if there is a job that is more suitable for you?"

"No." Yang Yiming shook his head, "Because I don't have that kind of ability, my ability is only in this field."

Da Ding was silent for a while, then slowly said: "If I were you, I would try it, otherwise I would never be willing for the rest of my life."

"Really?" Yang Yiming said almost to himself, "Sometimes, the consequences of 'trying' are beyond what we can bear."

Da Ding turned pale, he was biting tightly, his mandible protruded, and his skin turned pale, but he still said, "If it were me, I would try it."

***

The next day, when Yang Yiming got up, he saw Da Ding standing in the living room. His eyes were blood red, his face was pale, and his whole body was on the verge of falling, as if a gust of wind could blow him down.

"I'm going to work." Yang Yiming said, "Can you stay at home alone?"

Ding nodded mechanically, and he had to react for a long time to understand every word Yang Yiming said.

"Go to sleep," Yang Yiming sighed, "You should understand that this is useless."

Da Ding blinked, the dry eyes made him frown, then he shook his head mechanically.

"Da Ding, you can't stay like this forever." Yang Yiming said, "With your current state of mind, if Ding Zimu wants to come back, he can do so at any time."

"Then why didn't he come back?"

Yang Yiming said helplessly: "I don't know either, I don't know what he is hiding, and you don't know either. I want to find out the reason. I'm afraid it's the root of all problems."

"If you can't find it," Da Ding said with a swallow, "will he never come back?"

Yang Yiming shook his head: "I don't know, I just know that if you don't sleep, I will give you sleeping pills, really, I'm not kidding."

Da Ding shook, a little panicked.

"Go to sleep," Yang Yiming advised him again, "Even if Ding Zimu is back, if you want, you can easily suppress him, can't you?"

Da Ding was noncommittal, Yang Yiming patted him on the shoulder, turned and went out.

Yang Yiming didn't go to school after leaving the house, he went directly to the orphanage.Teacher Feng helped him go through Ding Zimu's file again, and finally saw an alarm record on an inconspicuous file.

When the caller was called to the police, an old lady surnamed Zheng said that a burglar had broken into Ding's house.