door to happiness

After breakfast, I led Li Xiangyu around.Rather than saying that he wants to see it, it is better to say that I want to see it.The mountains here are no different from those in Hunan. Li Xiangyu has lived in the deep mountains since he was a child, so he is familiar with them.It’s just that I have lived in the city for a long time, and I can see the reinforced concrete with my eyes, and the neon sculptures when I open my eyes. On the contrary, I am attracted by the “little freshness” of the countryside.

Holding his hand, walking across the rice paddies, wading through the flowing water, lying under the shade of trees, watching the winter sun cast spots of light through the gaps in the trees, a sense of happiness arises spontaneously!Happiness has nothing to do with desire. Happiness comes from contentment. No wonder there is an old saying: Contentment is happiness!

"Ah Hong, when I was eating today, my second aunt seemed to be looking at me in a wrong way!" Li Xiangyu rested his head on his hands, looked at the fine winter sun, and sighed.

"It is inevitable not to be understood and respected! Otherwise, there would not be so many homosexual suicides. Did you know that 30% to 35% of homosexuals have had strong suicidal thoughts, and 9% to 13% There have been suicides."

"The proportion is so high?" Li Xiangyu was a little surprised, "It seems that this group is really a lonely and helpless group. How difficult it is to die, people who are not even afraid of death are afraid of being discriminated against by others! No wonder Ruan Lingyu only stayed behind The words 'people's words are terrible' are gone. Those who commit suicide are sad but not hateful, but those boring spectators and those who contribute to the flames are hateful!"

"I'm one of those 30%. I used to have strong suicidal thoughts!" I closed my eyes gently, no longer looking at the sky, nor at Li Xiangyu.

The sky was so blue that day. I was lying on the roof of the school, looking up at the sky, and felt that the blue was like a whirlpool, constantly spinning.I once suspected that it was a space-time hole, a time-space hole that summoned me to another time and space.I believe that in that time and space, love is gender-neutral, has no country, and has no class.The people there are friendly and respect each other as guests.

I stood by the railing, the wind blew past my ears, rustling.I just felt dazzled for a while, and opened my arms, trying to face the wind and go away in the void.However, someone hugged me!That person is not Qi Fei, but Dad!

He hugged me gently and whispered in my ear: "Child, I think life is a gift, please don't waste it. You never know what the next hand will be, learn to accept life! Feel the wind the most A good posture is not to embrace with open arms, but to sit and listen quietly!" Such beautiful words cannot come from the mouth of my father.I once suspected that the person holding me was not my father, but an angel!

The father who loves me like that will help me when I am most helpless.I once suspected that during that time, he didn't work hard, he was always paying attention to me all the time, otherwise how could he hug me at such a critical moment?I know he loves me, that's why I'm so unscrupulous.In this war, he has already lost—from the moment he hugged me, he has lost in a mess!I just pretended not to know it all the time!

"You are a threat! Use yourself to threaten others - the person who can be threatened must be the person who loves you the most! This is a kind of injury, naked and bloody injury!"

"No, it's not a threat! It's vulnerability! Those who threaten will leave room for themselves, but those who are vulnerable don't care about the consequences!"

"I hope! I hope that your threats and your fragility will not be used on me! Live well, with or without me by your side! Although I know you don't like to hear this sentence very much, but the people who will be by your side in the future Who it is, only God knows!" Li Xiangyu sighed, turned over, and buried his face in my arms.

He must have thought of his mother—he is not a weak person, he is not someone who can threaten others, so he has to let others' weak fetters!

At noon, we returned to my grandmother's house.The grandsons of the uncle and uncle have all returned from school and are playing happily with Xiaobo.They were about the same age, so they hit it off very well.

The country doesn't care much about Christmas, which is probably not a holiday.When the two children saw us coming back, they all surrounded us.I was busy looking for salutes, and dug out the gifts I had prepared for them a long time ago.They got presents, went away happily, and played with Xiaobo again.

Grandma was lying quietly on the reclining chair, closing her eyes and resting her mind.

Afraid of waking up grandma, we each moved a chair to the eaves of the corridor.Sitting under the eaves of the corridor, watching swallows flying low and whispering; watching fallen leaves flying down, is also very interesting.Several children were playing in the courtyard, and their laughter filled the courtyard.

Li Xiangyu was thirsty, so he poured a glass of water, drank half of it, and put it beside the foot of the chair.Maybe it's because of "drowsiness in spring, sleepiness in autumn, lack of sleep in summer", the breeze blows, refreshing the mind, and the whole person is actually a little drowsy.The two leaned against the wall, closed their eyes and meditated!

"Mianzizi, you want to die!" A loud shout woke me and Li Xiangyu up in shock!

I took a closer look and saw Li Xiangyu's porcelain cup rolling down at the feet of my second aunt's grandson!That stern shout obviously came from the second aunt.I think it's probably because her grandson was thirsty, so he saw a glass of water on the porch, so he took it to drink, and didn't want to be seen by his second aunt.The second aunt's stern shout made the boy fearful, the cup slipped down unconsciously, and even his clothes were drenched.

Seeing the two of us waking up, the second aunt suddenly felt impolite, and hurriedly changed her words: "Big Mao, pay attention to hygiene, and don't just use other people's cups! Didn't your school teacher teach you?"

The grandma was awakened, and she was already outside the main room, looking at the falling cup, staring at the drinking daughter-in-law, and walked to Li Xiangyu's side after a while: "Son, your second aunt hasn't studied, so don't argue with her! Come, help grandma go to the back room and lie down for a while!"

We helped my grandma to lie down in the room, and she sighed: "My child, although grandma is old, she is not old-fashioned! Grandma understands what's going on with you! In the early years, Ah Hong's father came here and told me I have cried a lot about Ah Hong. I told him that as an elder, you have to relax, so that children can live freely! My child, I didn’t say that because you are not grandma’s grandson! At this age, what can't be seen through!"

At noon, grandma never went out of the room again, even though my mother, uncle and second uncle invited me three or four times, even though my second aunt went to the back room to make amends.How to make amends, I have no way of knowing, I only know that the second aunt went in for more than half an hour, and then came out in a daze.Xiangyu and I went in to persuade her again, but grandma only said that she had no appetite and never got up.

Maybe she blamed herself because the second daughter-in-law lost her way of hospitality, or maybe because I, the "Jingui's grandson", was hurt, she felt guilty and uneasy?I have no way of knowing!

I don't know if Li Xiangyu was hurt, but I know, I was indeed hurt!The second aunt's sentence "You want to die" completely pushed me into the abyss!Today is no longer the age of discoloration when talking about sex, but it is still the age of discoloration when "talking about AIDS".Ignorant people always equate homosexuality with AIDS, but they don't know that the first case of AIDS was caused by eating orangutan wild meat.Many ignorant people even think that as long as they share a handkerchief or drink a glass of water, they will be infected, and even if they share a piece of sky and breathe a piece of oxygen, HIV will spread!

The reason for homophobia, I think, is partly due to loyalty to tradition, and more to the fear of AIDS!But how innocent are those people?Stop eating because of choking?Insane ignorance!

In the afternoon, Li Xiangyu and I sent some fruit in, and grandma ate some.Grandma touched Li Xiangyu's face, feeling a little sad: "My child, I have wronged you! I guess you are spoiled by one or the other at home, but you have been wronged by me! Your mother knows, how distressed you are!" ah!"

In the evening, my father rushed to the countryside in a hurry, and it was probably my mother who called him.As soon as I came to my grandmother's house, my father scolded me all over my face, which made my second aunt flush with shame.

Everyone gathered in grandma's room, and grandma got up and leaned against the head of the bed: "Call everyone over, I have something to talk about! I have lived to this age, and I don't have many days to see you Now, the next time you come to see me together, I'm afraid it will be the day I die!"

Everyone was frightened and frightened, and they all hurriedly comforted them.

Grandma let it go: "At this age, it is not a pity to die! My eldest grandson, second grandson, come here!" Grandma called Li Xiangyu and me over, and put our hands together, "Before grandma died, I wanted to put you It's over! Yuqin, Ahong's father, when you live to my age, you will know that nothing is important except your relatives! There is no such thing as suffering in the world. I think back when the revolution and the devils were fighting, I I thought I wouldn’t live long, but who knows that if God doesn’t accept me, I’ll live to be 87…Yuqin, you were desperate to get divorced, did I stop you? You desperately wanted to remarry , Did I stop you? It’s not that I don’t want to stop, it’s your life, you have to decide for yourself!...Divorce, is it hard? Remarriage, is it hard? Let’s not talk about it, because of this child, how much you cried in front of me Come on, do you remember?" Grandma squeezed my hand tightly, "But, tell me now, do you regret it?"

The little mother was in tears at this time.She looked at her father and shook her head!

"That's right! Whether it is suffering or not, only you know! If these two children want to be together, just let them go. What raising children to guard against old age, passing on the family line, these are all nonsense! I have lived to this age , I understand! Ancestor is just a name on the tablet, so it doesn't matter if we don't engrave it on it! This man, once he closes his eyes, he will have no next life! You two, if you still listen to my advice, just go with it They, I guarantee that you will be happy for the rest of your life! If you don’t listen, you will suffer yourself! I can’t control it anymore if I close my eyes!”

Grandma closed her eyes: "There is probably no one who can remember the name of my grandfather's grandfather? This is the clan, just a belief, and has no deep meaning! Raising children to guard against old age? Look at my two sons, both five or six It's ten years old, and I still have to support myself! It's not that my grandson is unfilial, you think about the current situation, it's really hard for them! If you can't worry about Ah Hong, just let Xiao Bo adopt a child for him in the future! Yu Qinben It was not born by me, my sister died early, I saw her lonely and helpless, so I took her here and raised her, won’t you be filial to me now?”

The answer I've been thinking about for a long time is here!