door to happiness

I don't know how long I slept, but my consciousness gradually began to wake up.In the haze, I saw a dazzling light spot shining in the dark night, people called it the morning star.I may have had too much to drink, and my senses are beginning to delusional.There seemed to be a little bit of warmth left on the hard and cold floor.

When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was lying on the bed, and a energy-saving lamp was on in the room.Li Xiangyu was leaning on the bedside table reading a book, and through the door, he saw the back of Liu Lei who was playing games in the living room.

"Are you awake? Are you feeling better? I'll get you a glass of honey water!" Li Xiangyu got up to pour the water, and then I felt a splitting headache, just like Monkey King who had been cursed by Tang Seng.

Li Xiangyu came in with a glass of honey water, followed by Liu Lei.

Liu Lei's expression was not very good, his face was gloomy, as if someone owed him millions.He leaned against the door and knocked impatiently on the door frame with his fingers: "I said Comrade Zhang Hong, I don't object to or discriminate against you being gay, but don't harm our family Xiangyu! Please stay away from him! Otherwise , I will go to school to spread the news that you are gay, so that you can't hold your head up!"

"What did you say?" I was extremely surprised by Liu Lei's inexplicable words!

Li Xiangyu pursed his lips and smiled, and handed me honey water: "A certain pig drank too much wine, and kept saying that he likes me, and wants to be with me forever!"

"Hey, I said Li Xiangyu, what do you mean?" Liu Lei was annoyed by Li Xiangyu's weird smile, and walked to the bed, "You still laugh, don't you really like him? You can't do this! I I won’t be able to report to your dad when I go back! When you came to college, your dad told me to take good care of you! If you are bent, why don’t your dad rush me!?”

"My dad just said that casually, but you really mean it! Your mother told me to take good care of you! ——If I really like him, what are you going to do?"

I feel inexplicably uneasy!I'm not afraid of Liu Lei spreading the news that I'm gay at school. I've come out a long time ago, and I've gradually adapted to other people's sarcastic words and disdainful eyes, but Li Xiangyu is so innocent.Although there are tens of millions of gays in China, very few of them are out of the closet.Why?Because this is a serious topic, we have to bear too much, and we should consider too much!

"Draw a clear line!" Liu Lei threw down the cold words, returned to the lobby, and continued to play his game, but before playing for 2 minutes, he ran into the bedroom anxiously, "I said Li Xiangyu, what are you doing?" What do you mean? You don’t have a shadow because you were abandoned by Xiaoyun, and you give up on yourself? There are so many girls who like you, just grab one at random? You like watching action movies so much, so your sexual orientation should be fine. ah!"

"Go away!" Li Xiangyu grabbed the pillow and threw it at him, "Who watched action movies, you think I'm you! Go play your monster, don't mess around!"

In the following days, Liu Lei targeted me everywhere!I'm not allowed to use his cup, I'm not allowed to touch his towel, I'm not allowed to have any skin-to-skin contact with him, even eye contact can offend him, as if I'm a super powerful virus, even eyes can be contagious .This is the strongest resistance I've ever had since coming out!

When Li Xiangyu and I were walking side by side, he would always get in between me and Li Xiangyu without losing the opportunity, and then pretend to be calm, talking and laughing with Li Xiangyu.Li Xiangyu would always look at me at this time, seeing that I was unhappy, he would always try to communicate with me, but he would always be disturbed by Liu Lei.He seems to be the troublemaker sent by God to interfere with my love - no, he is a missile, blowing my love to pieces!

I still play the guitar and sing, but the song gradually changed from "Late Autumn" to "When I Love You Again". In 2002, the musical called "Loving You is a Mistake" spread like wildfire on the Internet, and the theme song "When I Love You Again" composed by "genius singer-songwriter" Xiaoming became popular all over the country.This song, as long as the melody sounds, it will be full of sadness and grief.Self-pity for the lonely shadow is a kind of desolation, but it is the truest portrayal of the heart, which can arouse the resonance of the heart!Self-pity, sympathy, and self-pity...so he sank.

Li Xiangyu picked up a piece of red maple and snuggled up to me: "A piece of red maple is full of sincerity! The red maple is all over the ground, which makes people sad for autumn and spring, but isn't this scene another kind of unique scenery? You Saying that you are a person who came out of the closet, you must have experienced a lot. Does a little Liu Lei make you care so much? Pandora's box has been opened, troubles will follow one after another, and more and more people will know about it. Even one day, my parents will know!"

Yes, one day, his parents will end up opposing us just like mine.Man is a very strange animal. When something happens to others, people tend to use morality to restrain it, but once it happens to themselves or their loved ones, they will only measure it with emotion.I've asked a lot of people, they don't discriminate against a gay, but they don't want their children or relatives to be gay.

His eyes are clear and bright, like a clear spring.I don't understand why he can be so calm, as if what he said has nothing to do with him.Many years ago, I came out out of the closet in a fit of anger, but my heart was not at peace.I didn't cry, I just smoked, drank, played video games to my heart's content, and that was how I vented my emotions.And he was surprisingly quiet!

He said that he had already come out to Liu Lei, told Liu Lei that he loved me very much, and told him not to torture me anymore.When he said that, there was a slight smile on the corner of his mouth, as if he was satisfied.Such a serious matter, but he understated it so lightly.

This man, I really can't figure it out!He didn't want to explain why he was robbed, but he stood up for me; he never took the initiative to say that he loved me, and even treated me a little bit indifferently, but he was willing to come out for me and bear a bad reputation.

"Then what did Liu Lei say?"

He shrugged helplessly!The answer is obvious, Liu Lei will not accept it just because of his coming out, just like my parents, he will continue to persuade until Li Xiangyu is willing to admit his fault, until they think that our fault has been "corrected", Bring us back to the right path of life.

Sure enough, Liu Lei found me that night!He handed the phone in front of me and asked me to look at the sad and kind faces - they were Li Xiangyu's family members.They are people living at the bottom of the society in the countryside, living a life facing the loess and back to the sky.Their faces are full of vicissitudes, and every trace reveals the simplicity of rural people.

"Do you know what kind of impact such news will have on them? They are just ordinary farmers with the most primitive and traditional ideas in their minds. It is impossible for them to accept you! It is impossible for you and Li Xiangyu to come together Together, you must be the one who gets hurt in the end, you should rein in the precipice! Long-term pain is worse than short-term pain, and the time you have been together is still short!" Liu Lei spoke plausibly!

Civilized intellectuals like my parents and urbanites can't accept it. As a poor person from a rural background, can they accept it?

"Country people talk about sex, let alone homosexuality! In our eyes, 'homosexuality' is synonymous with 'dirty'. As long as homosexuality is mentioned, they immediately think of AIDS! In our country, after 22, many People start to get married, if they don’t get married too late, they will be called unfilial. In such an uncivilized place, do you want Li Xiangyu to come out of the closet?” His words were a little aggressive, and I could hardly breathe!

The pores of my whole body stood up, and I shuddered.I think there is a strange light in Liu Lei's eyes, as if he is looking at a monster.Do all of them hate the same as him?I have no way of knowing, I only know that the boy in front of me is absolutely unacceptable to a comrade!

"Li Xiangyu has talked about girlfriends, even more than once! He likes girls, and now he is willing to be with you, it just feels new..."

"Shut up!" Li Xiangyu sneered, interrupting his words, "If you are not a fish, how can you know the joy of a fish; if you are not me, how can you know my feelings? Liu Lei, it's too late for you to do it for me! You go back first Let's go to a part-time job!" After that, he grabbed my hand and galloped away, breaking through the twilight.

On the bus, Li Xiangyu still leaned on my shoulder to sleep peacefully as usual, but my heart was ups and downs.Liu Lei's words touched me - yes, our future is worrying!Although the man in front of him was full of confidence, he didn't flinch in the slightest!

I teased his long eyelashes with my hands, thinking: If he can rely on me for the rest of his life, how wonderful it would be!

However, gay love is often short-lived.Cheng Hui once told me that, he looks forward to every love, and he can't help fantasizing every time at the beginning, but in the end love is always defeated by the world - that small love is either drowned by other people's saliva or ruthless. fraud resolution.It's already a miracle to be able to maintain a relationship for more than four years.In the end, many people have to deal with getting married and having children.Although in a lost evening, I will always think of that familiar face, but I can only miss it!

I suddenly understood that this is a group that lacks love, that's why I saw a glimmer of light and jumped at it desperately, like a moth to a flame.

Although heartache, I smiled.You can't stop loving because you're afraid of facing failure!Now that you are in love, what regrets there is if there is no happy ending?

I know I can't convince Liu Lei, I know Liu Lei is worried about me!However, my life, I just bear it!Even if I'm hurt, even if I'm desperate, it's just my life!If Liu Lei persuades me again, I plan to reply him like this!

Suddenly, that classic advertisement came to my mind again: don't ask for forever, only ask for once owned!

Even if Li Xiangyu is just trying something new for a while, I will admit it; even if Li Xiangyu is going to get married and have children, I will also admit it!This beautiful youth should always make some mistakes, otherwise what should I look back on in the future?