door to happiness

What is not available is the most precious, perhaps this sentence is the most reasonable saying.

Incompleteness is also a kind of beauty-it makes people feel a little pain in the heart, but it is as addictive as drugs.

I seem to be on such a drug!The name of the drug is "Li Xiangyu".

My name is Zhang Hong, I am 30 years old, I am a natural comrade, but also a natural fool - make the same mistake twice, and can perform it so perfectly, what is it not a fool?Others are "get up from where you fell", but I "get up from where you fell, then fall on the same spot, and then just lie down, and lie down for ten years"!

Straight men, for gays, it is no different from poison, but I just "bravely" drank it twice!The taste is like the bite of poisonous insects, and it hurts the heart, but the hearty pain is enough to make people unforgettable for a lifetime, so I no longer touch it, just like me.

The first straight guy I fell in love with was Qi Fei, who was just in the third year of middle school.

I fell in love with him because of his "golden hook upside down" on the football field.I was infected by his sunshine and hard work.From that day on, a little deer lived in my heart, and the uneasy and sweet feeling spread rapidly in every cell of my body.

Without warning, my first love began—it was a boy!

I am a child of a single-parent family. My parents divorced at an early age and have been raised by my father.When I was eight years old, my father remarried, and a beautiful woman became my new mother.Two years later, a younger brother was born.The family seemed complete again, but my heart was never complete again!After the injured heart is fragmented, can it be as perfect as before when it is glued again?

When a person wants to escape from family, he must look for an emotional substitute.At that time, I basically stayed with Qi Fei all day long, either playing football, basketball or video games.Before nine o'clock every night, never go home!

Of course, because of this, I have been beaten by my dad a lot.Every time I was beaten up, I would run over to my mother and cry and complain about how my new mother blew on the pillow and how my father abused me.Then, they'd start arguing -- and when they were arguing, that was my best respite.So, I logically went to find Qi Fei again.

If God asked me to choose again, I would definitely not be so greedy and want to have his love.I love him and have nothing to do with him.As long as he can smile by my side every day, then I will be content.However, people always have a lot of desire!

It was dusk, and we watched the sunset on the old boat in Taigucang.The refreshing river breeze blows over the ears, like whispering and whispering love words.The setting sun reflected on his face, which looked extraordinarily beautiful.He closed his eyes quietly, with a smile on his mouth, so intoxicated!

He seems to be integrated with the evening breeze, the river surface and the setting sun, forming a beautiful landscape together.At that moment, my mind was a little flustered, and I couldn't help turning my face to the side, and pecked lightly on his forehead.

He opened his eyes suddenly, stunned, then fell into a long silence, and then turned and left.

From then on, he gradually got farther and farther away from me, even though I tried every means to approach him for no reason.Not long after, a beautiful girl appeared beside him, whom others said was his girlfriend.

My heart fell into an abyss, extremely lost.Smoking and drinking were all learned at that time, and my grades naturally plummeted.In the high school entrance examination, I failed myself.Fortunately, my family opened several small factories and had a little money. My father entrusted me with this and got me into a key high school.

The first love started without warning and ended without warning.For me, junior high school has not gained much, except for heartbreak and a clearer understanding of myself.

In the three years of high school, the most I did was to look at handsome guys every day, but I just admired them and never wanted to be obsessed.I even think that looking at handsome guys is also an aesthetic art, so I fell in love with art crazily during the three years of high school.Occasionally when I am bored, I will start to learn another art-sketching.

The reason why I always admire handsome guys constantly, I think, this may be due to the loneliness in my heart.I always imagine that after a certain romantic encounter, I will fall in love with a gentle and pure man.But such a story never happened in the three years of high school.

In Yangcheng, there are indeed a lot of comrades that can be contacted, such as online chat rooms, Wuyi Space, Friends Don’t Cry, etc.But after meeting a few times, I never went out to meet Ji again.Because the beginning of the story always starts with "colored", but this is my least favorite form.

I'm gay, but I'm not a pussy, and I don't like sissies; I'm gay, but I'm not just focused on sex, although I also admire sex.In my eyes, same-sex love is no different from heterosexual love, so I don't want to equate it with "deviant".

After setting a frame of reference in my mind, I found that I was basically isolated.Although there are many straight men who can fall into my eyes, I no longer have the courage to pursue them.

In the three years of high school, apart from being muddled and muddled, the only thing that can be recorded in the history of my life is-coming out of the closet.In fact, there was no lover at that time, and there was no pressure in life. It seemed that there was no reason to come out of the closet.Maybe it's just to annoy my dad, or maybe it's just to make my life more turbulent, or maybe it's because I'm young and reckless.Anyway, I just did this——I was only freshman in high school that year!

My parents reacted very aggressively. They who had been at odds with each other were able to take the initiative to truce and unanimously aimed their guns at me.Is this the so-called "to fight against the outside world, we must first settle down at home"?

Thinking about it now, doing so at that time may just want to transfer the pain.Although time has passed so long, Qi Fei still seems to have not walked out of my life.During those days, I was like a dead wood, and my heart was like ashes.After coming out of the closet, I felt that life suddenly became more interesting—the "meaning" came from admiring the embarrassment, anger, and helplessness of my parents.

Not long after, the parental alliance disintegrated, and they began to fight endlessly—probably because my new mother called me "pervert" and my own mother heard it.So a war broke out between the two women, and my father was forced to choose sides.So, the alliance defected, and in an instant, I was free again!

Rather than saying it is freedom, it is better to say that it has become a "three no matter" personnel.However, I'm happy to be free--as long as they don't keep my pocket money.

The consequence of this kind of indulgence is that I only got into a local ordinary three-year university in the college entrance examination.This is a little-known third-rate school in the south, the kind of three main lines.In China, where there are many colleges and universities, they can only be regarded as "bottom-level" colleges.Political celebrities, sports stars, star models, etc. have never appeared since the establishment of the school, and they are really unknown.

However, I am thankful for this indulgence, and I am glad that indulgence allowed me to enter this little-known school.Otherwise, how could I meet Xiangyu?

I met him in September of 2006, when I was in my junior year.

In September of that year, the school ushered in a new class of juniors and juniors.We are looking forward to this year's juniors just as the seniors were looking forward to us.The first thing many people do when they return to school is to inquire about the new juniors, to see which class has beautiful women and which class has a few handsome men.

I'm sure I can't be compared with these ordinary people - how can I do such a dirty and tasteless thing?I am a well-cultivated person, at most I love art, just like I did in my third year of high school.

The school dormitory is located on the east side of the campus, with Guilin in front of the school building.Now it is the golden autumn and September, and the fragrance of osmanthus is refreshing.This kind of elegant place is naturally the favorite place for us "scholars".No, there are always three or four groups of people who are arty here.

I actually like this place quite a bit. Playing the guitar, or sketching from nature is actually pretty good.However, I like this because when I look up, I can see sunny boys walking in the corridor in twos and threes, or leaning on the balcony railing to bask in the sun.Not to mention whether the boy is handsome or not, just the overflowing youth is enough to fascinate Cong.

Suddenly I remembered the poem by Bian Zhilin: You stand on the bridge to see the scenery, and the people watching the scenery look at you upstairs.The bright moon adorns your windows, and you adorn other people's dreams.

Many times I have thought this way: I look at the classmates upstairs, are they also looking at me?They are a beautiful landscape in my eyes, am I a poem in their eyes?They have adorned my life, so have I adorned their dreams?

For example, the boy in a white shirt, holding his chin and looking towards Guilin.Is he looking at Guilin or me?Is he feeling the poetry of autumn, or the fragrance of sweet-scented osmanthus?

The distance between front and back is only a few feet, and the difference between up and down is only a few feet, so we can't see each other's faces clearly.But I can vaguely figure out his handsomeness from his figure.

The setting sun sprinkled on his face, and he closed his eyes slightly, as if he was in harmony with the environment.This situation reminds me of Qi Feilai again.

My heart was shaken, and my feet couldn't help taking steps, and I ran straight towards the dormitory building.

Above the fourth floor, before the railing, I saw him.His face is like a full moon but not bloated; his eyebrows are like ink paintings, neat and elegant, as if they have been trimmed;In an instant, I couldn't help but think of the amorous Jia Baoyu in "A Dream of Red Mansions".

Rather than saying that he is handsome, it is better to say that he is handsome, and he should be so beautiful that even women would sigh to themselves.However, he did not reveal the slightest bit of femininity, his charm was exhausted, only his heroism remained.

What a handsome man!No, what a little boy!It seems that there are many seniors who are going to fall in love with it!

The people who came didn't come together, so I left the dormitory building in embarrassment.