REMIX

I remembered that when I was seven or eight years old, I heard rumors about my mother from other people. Most of them revolved around irregular life and divergent judgments on the theme of poor conduct. Some of them were simply out of context and sounded fake Absurdity, which people say as if they've seen it with their own eyes, often makes me angry in vain and even cynical.

However, at that naive and ignorant age, I didn't understand the rules of the adult world, and I used to endure humiliation in exchange for a peaceful life. She didn't allow me to fight, and never argued or refuted all kinds of remarks. All she could do was lead me away. In short, leave those mocking sneers or silence.

Now think about it, if you don't spend time on meaningless arguments, people will live a little easier.

She always says it's useless, it's useless to argue about that, people don't want to tell you what's wrong, because it's not what happened to you, because life lacks fun and conversation, because they like to read jokes - they don't care at all How you really are.

So let them talk.

And she did suffer so much for me.

"Go home?"

After driving the car downstairs from Fei Na's house, watching Fatty He cross the road towards Bar Street, Gong Junye turned his head, met my eyes in the rearview mirror, and said, "Okay."

There are only two of us left.

I lowered the car window all the way down, saw his hair was messed up, and raised it halfway up again, and heard him say, "Suddenly coming out of the closet scares you."

There was no song playing on the stereo, and the two of us didn't talk nonsense like usual. The atmosphere was so quiet that I was a little uncomfortable, so I said dully, "...it's okay, it's a bit of psychological construction."

When this topic was suddenly mentioned, I became nervous for unknown reasons. When I noticed my tone, I thought about the reason. It must be because I was afraid of hearing something bad.

What am I afraid of?

Probably before I knew the thoughts of outsiders, I had a kind of blind conceit and optimism in my heart. I felt that no matter whether it was survival or relationship problems, I could always solve them if I persisted to the end. As long as two people accompany each other from beginning to end, there is nothing difficult of.

Sure enough, I still take it for granted.The experience of the past few years taught me to be unconvinced and to fight. I firmly believe that no matter how bad a hand is, there is a chance to come back. Subjective initiative can change the world, but sometimes just a passion is not enough to order the whole universe to make way for you.

There are always some things I can't change.

I looked at his face through the reflective glass, thinking vaguely and paranoidly in my heart, anyway, we can't separate without knowing.

Especially for that silly reason.

So am I not strong enough?If I can be truly independent from economics to personality, without racking my brains to worry about reality, and no longer relying on others in everything, will I be able to make decisions about myself with more weight than now?

This thought hit me hard.

"..."

It was only one street away from Xia Jie's shop, he parked the car under a row of poplar trees at the intersection, pulled the handbrake, but didn't let me get down or leave.

My mind was empty, and I saw the bustling shops outside the car window, and the passers-by who stopped and walked with unclear faces. His fingers gently touched my chin, making me turn my face to him.

"Your... Mom," I struggled to pronounce, "Auntie, does she mind if you're gay?"

"she--"

He blinked, as if guessing the purpose of my question, and there was no need for him to avoid this matter, so he put one hand on the back of the car seat and talked casually: "I'm in high school. When I was young, I was confessed to by a junior for the first time, out of curiosity and because I was an asshole in those years, I put him to sleep."

"After sleeping, I thought about it. I don't want to fall in love with a man, and I want to let go of it. Because I was the type who walked sideways in school and no one dared to block the way. The little boy knew that he couldn't do anything to me, so he found me. I went home, a little bit of revenge, I want to tell my parents about this, so I can get an explanation."

"I remember very clearly. I happened to be away that weekend and went to play billiards with Si Jun. My mother invited him into the house, and the child cried and told her. He told her everything."

"How should I describe it to you?"

He turned the ring on his left hand casually, and there seemed to be a smile at the end of his eyes when he recalled the past.

"My mother is the kind of woman who lives in an ivory tower. At an age when I knew that fairy tales are deceiving, she told me that Santa Claus would really give her a gift on Christmas Eve. In fact, it was bought by my father. , I packaged it for her by myself and hid it by the bedside, she is just a little girl who was spoiled by our father and son."

"She told the child, you are too young, don't do stupid things next time. Is it what you want? He didn't bully you and threaten you, right? That's fine, I must teach him a lesson and let him follow You apologize...what? Like men? Is there any problem? Don't you like men too, let's wait for him to come back together, are you hungry, auntie will cook a bowl of noodles for you? "

I laughed suddenly, and coughed reluctantly considering the atmosphere, my mood was a bit complicated.

"I probably inherited her." He closed his long and narrow eyes, tilted his head slightly in the small space, and his shoulders were resting against the soft cushion. This was a willful sitting posture, and he tilted the corners of his mouth, " I guess and can guess what Hegu said to you, you have written it all on your face. But this time, let me disagree with his opinion. "

"In the eyes of some people, this is a violation of human relations, but some people don't take it seriously. It has nothing to do with whether they love you or not." He said, "Don't rush to change other people's minds. Do what you think is right."

"I'm advocating doing nothing. At worst, I'll ask the mother-in-law, how much money can I give her so that she won't leave her son?"

Looking at his sloppy look, I knew that there was nothing to talk about with this kind of scoundrel.

"Then what do you think is the right thing to do?"

"I love you."

The previous topic just freed me, but the context didn't have any connection or transition, and I couldn't react to the head-on blow.

"I love you," he said, with his lips against my warming ear, "that's the right thing to do."

I dodged back abruptly, slamming my back against the car door, and was quickly embraced by his hands, protecting the back of my head, pulling me closer to him, and kissed my open brow.

"Don't be arrogant." I cleared my throat and said, "You haven't told me 'word by word' about your romance, Mr. Gong."

He pretended to be surprised, "Are you sure you want to listen to such an exciting story, like a car shock? It's so emotional."

"..."

If it weren't for the fact that calling the police was useless to this guy, I would have dialed the number by now.

"Let's tell a different story next time," he said affectionately, "I'll tell you how old I was when you were planning, approaching, probing, and finally luring you to confess to me."

"...Let's go home early and drink more hot water." This must be even more exciting than the last story.

He watched me get out of the car, stretched out half of his arm and grabbed the car door, and said, "If you go to Fei Na's place tomorrow, I will take your backpack there. Tomorrow is Friday, and I have nothing to do."

"Ok, I will wait for you."

——It doesn’t matter whether you criticize or gossip, since what I can do is limited, instead of worrying about things that have yet to come, it’s better to enjoy the present and accept the ending, good or bad.

Because he deserves it.