REMIX

What is "love"?

It is the palpitating emotional resonance, the primitive impulse to desire the body, and the strong desire to spend the rest of life together.

These three things I think are the criteria to measure whether I can choose "love". Of course, maybe when I am older or more experienced, I can enrich and perfect them on this basis. Now.

There is a heartbeat, and a desire for the flesh, and it is a bit hard to imagine spending the rest of my life together, but even the first two targets are men, the same sex as me, different from the traditional love object.

I wasn't a particularly deviant kid.Ms. Xia Jie has the most say on this point.

— Gay?

I don't intend to bring it up, nor do I intend to deceive, but I really want to know, how can I like someone and make him "mine"?

"Oh," I touched the bridge of my nose, pretending to be embarrassed, "it's several years older than me."

Fatty He's eyes were dubious, with a look of vigilance that I was seduced by unruly people in society, "How old are you? What do you do? How much do you know?"

I hooked my toes on the shiny black beam under the high chair, and I hadn't yet brewed up the exclusive emotions of the boy I fell in love with, "Eight or nine years older, do you understand, I haven't reached the point where I know everything..."

In the next second, Fatty He yelled at the door and knocked me out of my wits, "Oh, I said Gong Shao, how old are you (why is it always you)?"

I didn't sit down and fell off the stool.

"what's the topic?"

A person came up from behind me, passed his left hand through the gap between my arm and my body, and pressed on the bar, just enough to support me who lost my balance, and took a glass of almond liqueur from He Gu's hand.

His chin rested in the hollow of my shoulder, his Adam's apple rolled over my skin as he swallowed, and he opened his mouth slowly.

"Look at scaring my brother."

In just a few seconds, dozens of serial explosions occurred in my mind, and all internal organs were burned, but I couldn't run, because in the eyes of outsiders, there was nothing wrong with this action, just like the day before yesterday when I passed by the former residence In the old street, when I met those neighbors who watched me grow up, they would give me a hug.

But what's the difference?

I can't tell.

But is it because of this "different from others" that you define it as "like"?

I replied calmly, "Talk to Teacher He about the philosophy of life."

However, what I was worried about happened.

"It's funny, the puppy love didn't catch up." He Gu turned his head and betrayed me, "I can't control it, I can't control it anymore, I'm going to give someone else's cabbage."

The giant cabbage with nine heads lay on my back, I was surprised, "Really?"

"That's right, but hey, your brother Gong has much more experience than me in this area. You can ask him if the daughter who has been with him can lie down from the North Fourth Ring Road to Xinjiekou."

Maybe this kind of topic reminded He Gu of his first love, who had long since passed away, and he resolutely turned his back on it, trying to devote himself to work so that he could forget the pain, "Xia Xi, come and help me later."

"understood."

After He Gu left, Gong Junye put the empty cup back on the bar, turned the chair I was sitting on around, and faced him.

Under the dim lights around the bar, I noticed that he had changed his hairstyle. The hair on the left and right sideburns had turned blue, and the hair on his forehead was fluffy and soft. It naturally slanted to one side, which made people want to touch it involuntarily.

But I can't touch it.

I can't even look at it now.

"Why are you twiddling with me," he said, "I don't think your character is popular in front of girls, and you blush to me."

Isn't that right?

I'm not the hypertensive old man in our hospital who can blush at anyone.

"I've been like this since I was a child." I waved my hand and said casually, "So I don't expect people to think highly of me."

"Don't say it too early." He put his arms around his chest and said earnestly, "How will you know if you don't try."

try?I don't even know if he has a girlfriend, or a boyfriend.

I also don't have the guts to try it myself, I would rather stay in this hazy and safe range, don't know too much, and don't want to know, at least I can selfishly retain the right to like him.

I'm such a wimp.

"...Maybe I should ask him out?" I gave a fake smile.

"Yes."

He blinked slowly, with a look of deep approval, and rubbed the top of my head smoothly, ending the conversation that made me extremely tormented, "I won't disturb your work, I'll go away for a while."

"it is good."

I jumped out of the chair as if I was amnesty, and ran to the backstage to find a job. Today is not the weekend, so there are no programs such as resident singing, so I just carry my plate with peace of mind, and listen to He Gu's conductor from time to time to go to the record player to change. a disc.

Gong Junye did not leave, but sat in an inconspicuous corner, as if waiting for someone.

In this situation, it is difficult for me to control myself not to be distracted by him.After a while, a man wearing a leather jacket came in from the door, walking in a hurry, he didn't seem to come to a bar in his spare time, and it is rare to see a leather jacket in the current season; he lowered his head and glanced around.

At this time, two men in black came in after him, standing on the left and right sides of him. Although neither of them made a move, it could be seen that there was a suppressed relationship between them—the two were following him.

Then their eyes locked, and I saw the three of them walking towards the direction where Gong Junye was. I couldn't see Gong Junye's expression because of the distance. Sit down on the sofa opposite.

One of the men in black turned his head to look at me as if he sensed his gaze, and I hurriedly returned the bill in my hand to the bar. Out of the corner of my eye, I could still see Gong Junye taking something from the leather jacket and putting it down. Weighing it in his own hand, the leather jacket moved closer again, and whispered something in his ear.

I gave the change to the guests and sent them to the door. When I came back, the leather jacket had already stood up and was about to leave. The two men in black were still following him, and Gong Junye was still sitting on the sofa. Back to the bar in the aisle, a person passed by me and suddenly called me, "Xiao Xia?"

I looked up at the man who was about the same age as Gong Juanye, with a good-natured appearance and a gentle manner, wearing a pair of glasses that enhanced his temperament. It was his assistant Zhou Jingyang.

"Mr. Zhou," I nodded to him, "good evening."

"Okay, I'm still working..." He patted my arm and looked very good-tempered when he smiled, "Thanks for your hard work."

After he finished speaking, he rushed to Gong Junye's side, as if he had something important to talk about, and I suddenly realized that I really didn't understand the world they lived in at all.

Why do I like that person?

——I don't know anything about his life, his work, his family, and everything he has experienced. I just fell in love with it wishfully.

So is he in the eyes of others "different" from the one in my eyes?