Summertime

Some people are not bad at words, but they don’t want to express what’s in their hearts in words, as if the naked, naked fragility of human nature has become concrete, can be seen through by others, and magnified to a negligible extent, it’s what’s in their bodies On the other hand, those who are not glamorous, uncomfortable, even dark, sensitive, and depressed, they prefer to write them down, or just express their thoughts on the chat interface in a casual way, and then stop shallowly when it suits them. They also need someone who can listen, but they don't like to use another person as a trash can to vent their emotions, and they don't like to show their helpless, weak, and fragile side to others, even if that other person is The closest and most familiar people.

That's right, once a certain age is passed, even if the warehouse in my heart, the accumulation of new and old, the sorrows, sorrows, and sorrows of the past and the present are too crowded to find a place to put them, there will always be some people who will hold back Swallow the pain in the mouthpiece, open another storage place in the heart that is no longer spacious, continue to move and fill the warehouse with the newly added haze, light or light, even the one who never reports good news to his parents How can a person unreservedly show the hidden feelings in his heart to another person?

Su Xi, Moyou knows her, Moyou knows the beginning and present of Xizao and her, their first meeting, acquaintance, ambiguity, separation, reunion, Moyou knows the history of this relationship, but there is only a vague It's just a rough outline, Moyou knows all the ins and outs between Xizao and Su Xi, which she pieced together from Xizao bit by bit, intermittently, Moyou knows Xizao's friendship with Su Xi, This is what she knows best. Although Xizao's words are always understated and light, as if describing a matter that belongs to someone else, Moyou still feels that she is special to that person from Xizao's forbearance different.

It's different after all, it seems that Moyou has never experienced such affection from Xizao.Maybe it's because the fate between her and Xizao is too shallow, not to mention that she has no blessing to enjoy it, Moyou always comforts herself like this.

Xizao, one day there will be a better person to own her, and that person, Moyou knows, is not herself, let alone Su Xi.

Since she can't give the other party a happy ending, she can only reluctantly let go early, so that the harm to the two of them will be less. Moyou loves her life trajectory, which includes her husband, her son, her Family, she also loves Xizao, but she knows that it is impossible for her to have two kinds of love at the same time. The regret she got will last her whole life, but she has never regretted it, but she often wonders if there is in this world, if, if there is, then everything will be different.

Now that you know you won't get it in the end, let it go, all the relationships in this world, the last thing you need is restraint and drag, this is the truth she understood since she was a child, why some people don't understand it?

In the past, Xizao would only confide in herself when her emotions were so overwhelming that she couldn't resolve it by herself, she would release her emotions lightly, and outline her mood lightly. But Moyou realized more and more that in the time after Xizao and Su Xi reunited, Xizao's frustration became heavy, and her melancholy became a burden. She had already fallen into it, and Moyou didn't know whether she had become unable to extricate herself. , but Moyou knew that his advice to her at the beginning didn’t seem to have any effect. Now Xizao, Moyou is really worried, she decided to go and see Xizao. , she needs a caring person beside her to help her get out of the lost way.

However, from yesterday to now, Xi Zao didn't mention a single word about Su Xi.

At night, the Victoria Harbor is brightly lit and the sea breeze is cool. When you approach the harbor, you can hear the sound of waves beating against the embankment and rocks in the dark, which is regular and intense.

Xizao sat on the sea viewing platform on the upper floor of the seaside promenade, holding the hands of the people around him, while the sea breeze was blowing, staring blankly at the rolling sea of ​​stars and lights between the office buildings on the opposite bank, while talking slowly, most of the words It's about the current situation between her, Gu Xia, and CouCi.

"You and Su Xi, are you okay?"

The sudden questioning of the person beside him interrupted Xizao's rambling chat.

Moyou, she still asked after all.

Xizao paused for a few seconds, then lowered his head and smiled.

"do not know."

"Ok?"

"Say yes, I know she also has a place for me in her heart. It's not good because the place left for me may not be important. She once told me that she likes men and women, but I know that she likes women. She can't live without a man in her life, but she may not understand this."

Once the warehouse full of thoughts in my heart is opened and re-locked, there is no way to close it again. The emotions that have been accumulated for a long time and have nowhere to hide are like layers of collapsed shelves, and piles of goods are like mountains. Floods rushed out, some warehouses needed to be discarded, burned, and buried, and some needed to be sorted, tidied up, and put on the shelves again.

That night, on the edge of the Victoria Harbour, Xizao didn't know why he said so much, one by one, from Su Xi's strangeness and hug in front of the garden mansion, Su Xi's crazy shopping in the bar, to the rainy day Li Suxi's questioning and dominance, and then the later stories, she said all the happy, painful, depressed, and wronged things. This time, Xizao didn't keep anything, but why did she feel as if she was telling a story? Stories belonging to others are calm and quiet, without any emotion, without the slightest ripple, are they pretending to be strong and imposing settings, assuming this sad story did not happen to her, would her pain be lessened? A little bit, can it be relieved?

But back at the hotel, under the dim light, when the room became silent again, only the sound of shallow breathing, and the indistinct sound of rushing water in the bathroom, Zizao, who was lying on the bed in a daze, was still crying. I cried without saying a word.

She didn't know when such inexplicable emotions arose, but the tears came so suddenly, like rain in June, she couldn't stop, and didn't want to stop.

Moyou said, in fact, you already know the result.

But, do you really know?

Moyou said, at the beginning, this was the first time you really fell in love with the relationship. You didn’t get it at the beginning. You spent eight years deeply buried it in the ground, but one day, the relationship eight years ago was lost and recovered. , even if you know that one day you will repeat the same mistakes, you will try, because you have hidden this relationship in your heart for eight years, and you have been brooding about it for eight years. It's different, but in the end, you find that there is nothing different.Now you are just unwilling to put back the feelings you have finally dug out and fill them up again.

But, are you really not reconciled?

Moyou said, there are some things you don't see clearly because you don't want to see clearly, but one day you will see clearly, and then you will know how to choose.

But, can I really see clearly?

The person on the bed turned his back to her, leaving only a back, quietly, Moyou who just came out of the bathroom thought that Xizao had fallen asleep, smiled, tidied up, and went to bed lightly, she thought Turning around to turn off the light, she was startled by the slight voice beside her. Instead of turning off the light, she lay down quietly, hugged the slender waist beside her sideways, and gently embraced the person whose back was facing her. into the arms.

Xizao didn't sleep yet, because Moyou heard her sniffling her sour nose quietly.

Neither of them spoke, but the person in their arms didn't know when it started, and the silent tears turned into low-pitched sobs, intermittently and cautiously.

But at least she cried.

"Do you know, Xizao, I have always envied Su Xi, because you always cry because of her, because she hurts, and I can only watch, feel distressed, and stay with you, and I can't do anything else, Because you don't belong to me anymore."

After being silent for a long time, Moyou didn't know why she said such a sentence. Perhaps when she was caressing the soft hair around Xizao's ears over and over again, she herself was also unconsciously drawn by Xizao's emotions. I went in, because now Xizao is doing exactly the same thing as before, curling up in her arms and crying silently. That time, she chose to let go. She said that the time has come, and it is time for us to return to our respective lives Yes, at that time Xizao lay down in her arms and cried all night, her crying and her pain were all for herself.Now the times have changed, the old things reincarnate, her crying, her laughing, her pain, the object of all her emotional dramas is no longer herself, at this moment, except for irony, sparseness, nothingness, and pain, Moyou has nothing left.

The person huddled in his arms finally turned around, sobbing and looking at himself.

"You cry."

Xizao stretched out her hand and wiped Moyou's tears down the bridge of her nose gently along the long and narrow wet marks, and said in a low voice, she took a deep breath, trying to break her tears into a smile, but her laugh made Moyou more uncomfortable than crying.

Moyou didn't know why her heart was throbbing with the same pain as that night at the beginning. She couldn't help but want to get close to that person's heart, just like gently hugging him in the middle of the night when she decided to part. Picking up the small cheeks of the person in his arms, he closed his eyes and kissed the tears that kept falling from her eye sockets bit by bit. The taste of salty, crying, and astringent mixed taste made her weep because of the pain.

The hot air close to the face, the soft smell, the cool touch, so familiar that it makes Xizao dizzy and numb, new and old memories, those past, about her and Moyou, those now, about her and Su In the evening, it rushed towards her face like a salty tide, intersecting and overlapping, which caught her off guard.

Moyou's tears wet her face like rain, her forehead pressed against her own, her cold fingers gently rubbed against her dry lips, choked up, and asked in a hoarse voice in a low voice.

"is it okay?"

Xizao didn't answer, she closed her eyes slowly, and let the other person approach slowly, the heat intertwined, until her lips were left with a piece of damp heat, mixed with warm and cool water stains, salty and bitter.

That night, Moyou leaned on Xizao's smooth back, close to the delicate skin around her lips, she said.

"Without Dalang, everything would be different, and we would be together."

"Yes, we will be together."

A hot tear flashed across the corner of the eye, soaked the white pillow, and left a trace in a wet line. The corner of Xizao's mouth was slightly raised, and he smiled bitterly.