Ximenqing loves Wusong [Water Margin]

My name is Ximenqing, I am 29 years old now.

He is 1.8 meters five and weighs 150 six kilograms.

Wearing a non-tight T-shirt, you can see the abdominal muscle line, shaved the size of the board, and the appearance can still be good.

There is a villa in the suburbs of Beijing, I bought it myself, and live in it for my parents.

There is an apartment in the third ring road, issued by the company,? I live by myself.

The annual salary is nearly 200 million,? Salary plus commission.

The position is department head, and may be promoted to director during the Chinese New Year.

It was with such conditions that I was taken to the vegetable market by my biological parents on the first day of the new year, where they were sold at the price of out-of-season Chinese cabbage.

The vegetable market was temporarily changed to a blind date scene for thousands of people.

It is said that it is to solve the single problem for older men and women, but there are not many real masters,? It is all uncles and aunts who take photos and materials of their children as agents.

I was forced to hold me on the stall by my father and queen, with a sign hanging on my head: "Eighty-five cents per unit".

I was very cost-effective and quickly attracted the attention of grandpas and aunts. After a while, a group of people gathered around, and the photos of the girls were also placed in a circle in front of them.

I asked my mother: "Is this a blind date? I only see the photos but no one,? It looks like a ghost marriage?"

My mother slapped the back of my head: "Usually you always say you are busy and don't have time for a blind date,? Today is the Chinese New Year, you have to pick a daughter-in-law for me to take back."

I said, "Mom? Does this matter have something to do with the Chinese New Year? You don't think pork is too expensive this year, so let me quickly pick a daughter-in-law for you to go back to stew?"

Another slap on the back of the head: "What nonsense are you talking about? After the new year, you will be thirty years old. If you don't pick any more, when do you want to wait?"

I said: "Mom,? Man has 31 flowers, your son is still in bud."

My mother said: "You fart!"

I said, "Mom, you're so vulgar."

Over there, my dad was already chatting with an old lady who looked like Grandpa Mao: "This is your daughter? She looks really lucky, how old is she?"

The old aunt said: "My girl is 27 this year, which is just the right age for your son. She works in a state-owned enterprise and is also a middle-level worker."

My dad handed her the photo: "Son, take a look, this girl looks good, she has a big face, and she has leadership qualities."

I glanced at the photo: "Auntie, is this a photo of your girl? If you didn't look carefully, you thought it was 100 yuan? You said that your girl is not low in political consciousness, and she is taller than the leader?"

Aunt Mao's eyebrows twitched together: "Oh, I said, how do you talk, young man?"

I said: "Auntie, your daughter looks rich and rich, but she looks too much like Grandpa Mao. If I get married, I have to sleep with 100 yuan every night. How vulgar!"

Aunt Mao rolled my eyes very politely: "Damn you, you must be sick!"

An old man squeezed over: "Young man, look, this is my daughter, isn't she beautiful?"

I squinted my eyes to look at the photo, and the more I looked at it, the more familiar it became: "Master, your daughter's name is Linda, right?"

The uncle's eyes lit up: "Hey, you guys know each other, what a coincidence! My daughter is beautiful, she was a school belle when she was a child, and now she works in the hospital, and her salary is very high. It's just that there are more night shifts. Everywhere?"

I said: "Hey, it's no use, I can see you often... Your daughter sings very well, and she can drink."

My mother said: "This one looks really good. Although there are many night shifts, don't you often stay away at night? It seems appropriate to look at it this way."

I laughed so that my shoulders shook: "Mom, you said that I still know her when I am often away at night. Where did I meet her?"

My mother was taken aback: "You don't often go to the hospital at night, do you?"

I patted the chopping board and laughed so hard that I couldn't stand up straight: "Haha, yes, it's the hospital, and there are KTV private rooms in the hospital."

The old man stared at me and grinned: "Damn, are you sick?"

A jeweled old aunt walked through the turbulent crowd: "Young man, my daughter graduated from a famous university. She is gentle and quiet, dignified and courteous. She works in an overseas bank. She has high salary, high quality, and good looks. Let's not take photos, just WeChat Let's interact, let's have a chat."

Handing the phone to her eyes, the girl on the screen was really exquisite.

She said: "Hello, my mother said you are excellent?"

I squeezed my board and said, "Didn't you watch all of this?"

The girl smiled: "Looks can be regarded as a pass, Mom, you said he is 1.8 meters [-], is his net height?"

Aunt Gaogui immediately took out the ruler: "The young man took off his shoes, let's measure them on the spot."

Without further ado, my mother squatted on the ground and took off my Nikes, and my father grabbed me and stood up straight.

The old aunt finished the measurement with her own hands and said: "It is 1.8 meters and [-] to be exact! I licked all his hair down."

The girl smiled sweetly and delicately: "Very well, your height and appearance are basically qualified, can I ask about your education and income?"

My mother slapped my education certificate, bank black card, real estate certificate and a few car keys on the table: "Girl, let's have a test! A genuine diamond king."

Auntie Gao put on her reading glasses and looked at each one carefully, and nodded professionally: "It's all true, this guy's conditions are really good! He graduated from a prestigious university and has two apartments, one of which is a villa!"

The girl smiled, with at least three plus signs: "Mom, let them see my information."

Auntie Gao opened the file bag in her hand, such as graduation certificates from prestigious universities, accountant qualification certificates, lawyer certificates, psychological counselor certificates, nutritionist certificates, national beauty pageant runner-up certificates, The Voice of China competition qualification certificates, If You Are the One guest candidate qualifications Certificates... This certificate and that certificate set a chopping board.

Father, queen and queen scrambled to pass it around, with satisfied smiles on their faces.

My mother said: "Son, this girl is really good, so let her be."

I said, "Mom, you have to think clearly. It's not easy to take back the water that the son who married his wife spilled."

My mother said: "As long as you can pour it out, I don't even need the basin, don't say anything, just this girl!"

Hey, do you have such a big grudge against me?

The girl smiled: "Since you have recognized me, I still have a few requests:

First, after marriage, my name must be written on the man’s real estate certificate, and half of the man’s property must be notarized to me.

Second, the man cannot ask me to have children unless I want to.

Third, even if I have a baby, the man can't ask me to take care of the baby. I have to hire full-time nannies, more than three.

Fourth, the man must give me 3 yuan in pocket money every month, and it cannot be lower than this amount under any circumstances.

Do you agree with all these? "

I nodded: "I agree! I agree with both, but I don't know what the man called the man thinks."

The girl frowned.

I said, "Girl, your terms seem to be very good, but I still have a question for you.

What is your height?How much do you weigh?How many measurements?Have you had plastic surgery?Filled with glue?Have you ever been in love?How many times have you talked?

How far have your previous boyfriends developed with you?Have you ever held hands?Ever hugged?Have you ever kissed?How many times have you kissed?

The most important thing is: I am a virgin, and you must be a female C, so, are you eligible? "

The screen of the phone trembled violently, and the sweet girl yelled: "Are you sick!"

I said, "Hey, you can see this? Then can you cure it?"

The scalp tightened, and the short hair was grabbed by my mother, who pressed it on the chopping board and beat him up: "Ximen Qing, I can see that you are acting obediently, you don't want to get married at all, you are deliberately fooling our old couple! "

I shrank my neck and slipped out of her hand, and was grabbed by my dad again: "Ximen Qing, are you my own child? If you still have a little bit of filial piety, you will settle your life-long affairs today. Otherwise, I will sever the father-son relationship with you!"

I said: "Dad, I have to ask my mother if I am your own. I am sure it is not your own. You will have time to break up with me!"

The father and queen were furious: "We will kill you, you little bastard!"

Grabbing my dad's hand, I turned around and ran out of the vegetable market. Behind me, my mother picked up half a bag of potatoes, and my dad grabbed a few eggplants and chased me all the way.

I got two potatoes firmly on my back, and three eggplants brushed against the corner of my clothes and whizzed away.

The empress father and mother were murderous: "Ximen Qing, run away, if you have the guts, don't go home for the rest of your life!"

Not daring to look back, he ran all the way, and as soon as he came out of the vegetable market, he saw Aunt Mao blocking in front of him with three strong men who looked like 100 yuan.

Aunt Mao pointed at me and said, "Boss, second and third, this is the kid who said your sister looks like 100 yuan!"

The three hundred yuan renminbi roared at the same time, and they rushed towards me.

I turned around and ran without saying a word, and within a few steps, I saw Linda's parents, Linda's mother and Linda rushing over aggressively.

Linda's father said, "That's the kid who satirizes you as a nurse in the hospital and works the night shift!"

Linda sneered: "Isn't this Ximenqing? A department head who sells condoms, hangs out in nightclubs every night, can't hold enough alcohol and still loves to drink, and sings heroic songs when he drinks too much! Dad, Mom, cut him!"

There are wolves in the front and tigers in the back. I don't even want to plunge into the alley next to me, and a yellow-robed Meituan rider comes head-on.

He avoided me, I avoided him, at the very moment, the two of us passed each other, his head hit the electric pole, the takeaway spilled all over the floor, and I stuck my head in the trash can, with stinky cabbage leaves all over my body .

The three renminbi grabbed me and punched me in the chest: "Hey, who looks like money? Who is vulgar? You have a wicked face, you are not a good thing at first sight!"

I said: "Everyone? You can insult my personality, but you can't insult my beauty. I look so handsome, can it match up with the words "thug eyebrows and mouse eyes?"

So another kick in the ass.

Linda took off her high heels and grabbed her hands. Linda's mother took off her "Adachi Ken" and raised her hands. Linda's father found a pair of white gloves and put them on.

Just listening to the sound of "bang", Linda's PRADA heel fell on the helmet of the Meituan rider, and there was a big hole in an instant.