Be Dazai's mother

That being said, I didn't know what to do next when I came to Yokohama following Emi's words.

At this time, I was standing blankly on the streets of Yokohama, looking at the roads of people coming and going, and an indescribable sense of panic surged in my heart.

As for why I panicked so much, it was probably because the scene in front of me gave me a feeling of familiarity and strangeness.It's like I've lived here for a long time and then haven't been back for a few years, but I don't really remember being here.

I can even vaguely perceive some sense of discord, for example, the decoration of the sushi restaurant should not be so brand new, and the bubble tea shop that is selling a lot in front is also very strange, I can’t see what is specific, just I vaguely feel that this store didn't sell pearl milk tea before.

Now even if no one told me that I lost a memory, I would have to wonder if I forgot something.

Of course, if I knew what I forgot then I wouldn't be standing here.

I patted my head with some headaches, feeling like a lost old man suffering from dementia who forgot his family and could only stand on the street waiting for someone to come find him.

Who would want me?What if no one wants me, and no one comes to pick me up all the time?I couldn't help but imagine myself standing in front of the police station with a "Unclaimed Lost Elderly" sign on my body.

It always feels kind of sad to think that way.

No matter what, standing here stupidly is not an option, just walk around and have a look, maybe you can meet someone who knows me.There must be a reason why Huimei asked me to come to Yokohama. If it doesn't work, I'll find a hotel and sleep first, and then go back to Yahara to find Huimei when I get up tomorrow.

Thinking so, I walked down the streets of Yokohama.

The first thing that stopped me in my tracks was an art supply store.This place is actually just an ordinary shop, which is filled with all kinds of art supplies such as brushes, drawing papers, paints, etc., but for some reason, I can't take my eyes off it.

My eyes shifted to one of the brushes, and I thought to myself: If I can use it to draw on drawing paper, it must be able to draw beautiful lines, right?

I froze for a moment, puzzled by what I had just thought.Although I don't hate painting, I probably wouldn't think of buying a paintbrush for painting on weekdays, would I?Is it possible that my art inspiration, decades late, has finally arrived, and it will make me a great painter?

I threw out those weird thoughts in my mind and continued walking.

Many people passed by on both sides of the road. Some of them were office workers looking at their watches in a hurry, some were female high school students in school uniforms, some were housewives shopping with shopping bags, and some... Cang's Mafia?

The passing mafia not far away made me look puzzled.Can the mafia walk on the street openly these days?Although I know that the Neon Mafia is legal, is this too aboveboard?

No matter what, let's avoid it, in case the wooden warehouse catches fire, I don't have a second life to be resurrected.

Thinking of this, I avoided those mafias and walked into another street.Before I left, I vaguely caught a familiar orange color in my sight, but when I turned my head to look, I saw nothing.

Probably my illusion.

I thought so, and continued to walk forward, but within two steps, I heard the sound of an explosion.

It seemed that someone was calling "Rashomon" vaguely.

I was silent for a while, thinking that Yokohama is really a city full of disasters.

Thank you for your hard work, poor Yokohama.

I mourn for it in my heart.

At the same time, I couldn't help but wonder why I lived in such a city without amnesia.It can't be because I love Yokohama so deeply, can it?

What interrupted my cranky thoughts was a crackling sound from above.

I looked blankly along the source of the sound, and then saw something unbelievable——

"Ah, a white tiger is flying in the sky." I said blankly.

This is not a metaphor, but there is really such a big white tiger jumping from the roof to the roof on the other side in the sky.

I couldn't help but wonder if my brain was broken.Maybe I've been smashed in the head long ago, but I didn't realize it.

I thought with a heavy expression: Well, if you can’t sleep tonight, you don’t need to count the sheep, you can count the white tigers flying in the sky.

Then again, that white tiger looks very soft, it would be great if it could be touched.

I imagined the softness I felt when I touched the tiger, and then waved my hand to shake off this unrealistic fantasy.If I stood in front of that white tiger, I probably wouldn't have enough for it to eat, and I still wanted to touch it, maybe I thought my life was too long.

I kept walking, avoiding mafia, inexplicable explosions, and white tigers jumping in the sky, determined not to stop whatever happened next.

...then I saw a man in a beige trench coat with bandages all over his body.

It was a good-looking man. He was standing outside the alley, talking to the people next to him, laughing from time to time.Apart from his good looks, the most striking thing about him is the bandages he is wearing.He didn't look like he was seriously injured. Why did he wear so many bandages? Could it be the latest aesthetic?

This taste is too bad, I couldn't help trembling while complaining in my heart.

Even though that figure became taller and much stranger than the one I was familiar with, I still recognized him at a glance.After all, I am the mother of this child, the mother who has been with him for nearly ten years.

Yes, the moment I saw him, my child "Osamu Dazai", all my memories came back, just like the lost half of my soul returned to my body.

The bits and pieces of those ten years flooded into my mind together.

When we met for the first time, when we grabbed that hand, when we celebrated his birthday, when we measured his height...

Also, when we parted at the end.

Emi really didn't lie to me, I did think of everything the moment I saw Aji, after all, he was my most important child.But at the same time, a kind of apprehension and uneasiness overflowed my heart.

I left him and died first, and it was only a blink of an eye for me to meet Aji again.But what about Aji?

I left him alone for a few years, how did he get here in the past few years?I really can't imagine it.

For me, if Azhi died in an accident, I would not say things like "I can't live anymore after he dies", but those sorrows and pains will definitely come like a tide , making me struggle as if I was about to be drowned.

Also, I have already "died" in front of Azhi once before, and now I come to him with a different body, will he not recognize me?

What's more, Azhi also said at the time that if I broke my promise and left without authorization, he would hate me.Although I know that this is not what he really wants to say, but I am really not ready to face Azhi yet.

These confusions and anxieties made me just huddled in the corner and thought silently: He seems to be living a good life, so I can feel relieved, isn't it better not to disturb his current life?

I thought so, but my feet didn't move half a step, because - I want to meet that child, I want to talk to him, I want to hug him, I want him to call me my name again, I want to. .

— because I miss him so much.

At the moment when I was stunned, Azhi, who was talking to the person next to him, seemed to notice something and turned his head to meet my gaze.

How should I describe my mood at that moment?Just like the exchange of positions back then, I actually had a feeling of wanting to escape, but Aji took a step forward, looked at me incredulously, and shouted: "Are you... Sachiko?"

Even if "I" died in front of him, even if I changed my body, even if I hadn't seen each other for several years, Azhi still recognized me at a glance.

That being the case, I couldn't continue to be timid. I was silent for a while and said, "It's me."

Seeing my uneasy appearance, Azhi walked towards me, at first he walked slowly, and then he suddenly started to run, like any child who runs to his mother's arms after playing outside .

But he didn't run into my arms, he just stood in front of me.Azhi opened his eyes wide, subconsciously wanted to reach out to me and then retracted his hand, he said in disbelief: "You..."

Obviously, he was just as excited and uneasy as I was, and Azhi looked terrified that I was just a dream that would break at the touch of a button.

Time seems to have stopped at this moment, we are like two people standing on the top of a cliff, and it is not surprising that we fall down in the next second.

I don't know how long it took, it seemed like a long time passed and it seemed like only a few seconds passed, Azhi took a deep breath, and shouted at me as if mustering all the courage in his body.

"Sachiko!"

I blinked and looked at him subconsciously.

"if--"

Aji looked at me and slowly showed a smile that seemed to be about to cry.

He said: "If I called you 'mother', would you take me away?"

I opened my mouth, couldn't help but stared at him with a gentle expression and said, "Even if you don't shout, I can't leave you alone."

"Well, yes." Azhi smiled with some satisfaction, and said, "Because you are my mother."

I stepped forward to hug him and said, "I'm back."

"Well, welcome back." Aji hugged me back tightly, and said with the syllables that most people learn first after birth, and with the lightest but heaviest voice in the world.

--""Mother"."